A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry
I've been married to B for almost 29 years, and it's been going south for about ten of them. He quit work to start his own business ten years ago and since I am one of the lucky MTs that still has a well-paying job, we agreed that I would carry the family while his business was getting off the ground, three to five years, he guessed.
Well, it's been ten years now, and his yearly profit is only about $10,000, which is his contribution. Meantime, I'm typing with arthritic fingers at least 1500 lines a day. I finally got up the courage to tell him I want out in June, with all kinds of cheers and accolades from family (even my step-daughter, who sees her father for what he is - lazy). We decided to sell the house, split the proceeds, of which there will be plenty even if it's not up to snuff, and move on. He only asked me to let him handle the money until that happens. Oh, did I not mention? He has been "taking care of" the family finances ever since we married, and has run us into huge debt, ruined both his credit rating and mine. He has our finances in such a shambles the thought of sorting it out is daunting.
He refuses to leave the house, and I can't force him out because he's not physically abusive. At first we agreed that we would fix the house up in order to get more profit from the house. It's not horrible, but it needs carpeting and painting. Trouble is, all the money I make goes to just sustaining our weekly budget and he won't even entertain the idea of getting a part-time job. He contends that his contribution is as big as mine. If we wait until we come up with the money to fix it up, we'll be here another two years.
Yes, I know what I have to do. I have to grow a backbone. But over the 30 years we've been together my spine has turned to jelly. I know I HAVE to call the realtor and tell her we're going to sell "as is." I already opened a checking account of my own in another bank, and it would seem so easy to just put my paycheck into that account instead of the family account, but I just can't seem to do it. Is that lame, or what?
It seems like it should be so easy just to DO IT! I don't know what I'm afraid of. He's never been physically violent. So what's the worst that could happen? The silent treatment? Sulking? He'll move out? That's exactly what I'm wanting anyway. So WHY AM I SO SCARED?
I think about this all the time. It's behind and underneath everything I think and do. It's interfering with my work and my sleep. I tell myself that it would be an immense relief just to Do It and have it over with. My most recent paycheck is sitting in my purse and I could just take it and go over to my bank and deposit it. The power company is calling three times a day, the mortage company is threatening foreclosure.
I know I'm going to get slammed by some of you for being such a weenie. Like I said, I don't know if I'm asking for advice or just wanting to vent. I don't think I'll get any magical key that will make it all better. I just wanted to hear what you have to say. But please be at least a little kind!
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