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Husband with Roxi addiction (oxycodone)

Posted: Apr 6, 2011

I need advice. When you read through this you may think I am completely nuts for staying in my relationship. I want you to know that it is hard when you love someone and want to help them. The truth is I am almost out the door even though I have no money and no where to go.

My husband is addicted to Roxicet/oxycodone 30 mg. He snorts them now in our bathroom about 2 at a time. I knew he dabbeled here and there but never this much. His dad and stepmother are dealers of this. They make lots of money dealing Roxicet and it makes me sick what they do. I never knew how bad this was until I was way into the relationship and now 7 months pregnant. He pays $25 a pill and take 2 at a time. I found out he used $1400 of tax return money in one month on the pills. I didn't know this because our bank accounts are still seperate. He has lied to me 4 times he has tried to stop. I can tell when he is high. He will fly around the house and when he comes down he is the most horrible person to deal with. He becomes unreasonable and angry the next day. The concept of just snorting the pills makes me sad actually. THE MONEY is the most part. This last time I caught him he was off for 2 weeks and was happy. His Stepmother was giving him an old phone because his was broken and offered to SPLIT a pill with him and he went right back to it.

He has had a crappy life. His mother is in jail for 35 years for selling meth. She has sold it since he was little. His dad now is selling pills and weed with his stepmother. He was molested as a child. He has been tossed around and ignored by people who are suppose to love him the most. Heck, his dad went to jail last week the night before his birthday and then when he got out never told him happy birthday. I understand he needs help and I told him I would help him.

He used many excuses but his favorite is when the baby gets here he will stop. Maybe that is true. A baby changes people. I don't believe him. I should be enough. The baby in my belly should be enough now. I can't take it. Him doing this is always on my mind, wondering if he is high. With his parents around constantly he will never get better! We live in the same city with 5 months left on the lease. So I think I should leave. I really don't have anywhere to go. My sister is already crashing at my mother's house and I don't want to disrrupt my childrens' schooling because I already made them change schools twice this year.

I guess I just need to hear from anyone that went through this. Rehab is not an option to him. I know it. He isn't even willing to stop yet. I think I should stay at least till school is out and maybe save money. That would be smart I suppose. The thing is how do I deal until I make that happen? What do I do?

;

Your paragraph about how he has had a crappy life - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
is true. and leaving now is the best way to prevent your baby or your children from having the exact same thing to say in 20 years.

You can't help him if he won't help himself. You are worth this, your children are worth it, your baby is worth it.

get out.... - just out...

[ In Reply To ..]
Just get out. And then don\\\'t hook up with anybody else. Take care of your baby and don\\\'t look back....

It's real easy for people to say get out, isn't it? - Sounds like you SM

[ In Reply To ..]
have no where to "get out" to. Unless and until your husband really wants to get help for his addiction, he won't. Not to excuse any of this, but addiction is a disease. He will need help to stop. I have been in your shoes. It is a very painful, scary place to be, especially now that you are pregnant. I would want to know more about your family and their situation. Would they help you? If you can, I would suggest saving some money (as much as you can). I don't know where in the country you live or how much housing costs in your area. If it is possible to live on your own, save money so you will have enough for a downpayment and first month's rent for a place. How mobile are you? Have your own vehicle? Any churches near you where they might have Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings? You might get lucky and found some really supportive people who could help you in the future, or at least get some help in coping with this. The more support you have, the easier it will be when and if you leave. I know you are torn because you love your husband, but you have to think of yourself and your baby now. Right now, I would concentrate on how to get as much money as you can so you can get away when you are ready. :)

about just getting out... - butgetoutnow

[ In Reply To ..]
If you stop to think about all the complications, you will never get out.

yes, i\'m going through another\'s addiction now - 12-stepper

[ In Reply To ..]
The best place to go to learn how to help your husband is Naranon or Alanon. There are tons of Alanon meetings. Or try soberrecovery.com in the Friends/Family section. I strongly suggest both the face-to-face meetings and Soberrecovery. If you cannot do this for yourself then do it for your child. No one will tell you to flat-out leave him. But you will learn techniques that will help you think clearly and make decisions in the best interest of your entire family.

I know exactly what you are going through -

[ In Reply To ..]
Our stories sound almost the same. I stuck it out, but not until after I told him that this is what I wanted with my life and this is what I don't want in my life and I let him make his own decisions.

I am not going to lie, there are still days where if he is late coming home or if he is really tired or overly grumpy I question if he is using again, but he has done a complete 180 and things are getting better.

I dont know what you should do, adn your situation is a bit different than mine since I didnt have a baby to worry about, but just know that sometimes these people just need someone to love them while they find their way out of their addictions. You can send me an email if you need to talk.

Think about your baby - is this the kind of life - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
you want he or she to grow up in. A baby doesn't always change people. People have to be willing to change themselves. If he were to start changing now because the baby is going to be coming soon that would be one thing, but to say I'll change when the baby comes, then it sounds like "I'll change when the baby starts walking" then "I'll change when the baby starts kindergarten", etc, etc. and they will always keep finding an excuse as to when they will change in the future.

All I can say is I agree with the person who suggested you Alanon or Naranan. I think you really need to talk to some professional people and explain your situation. They have the most knowledge and would be your best support system.

I wish you all the best sweetie. Take care of yourself and the baby. Do what is best for you and your little one. You both deserve a safe and stable/secure environment. When talking with my DH about our future he always tells me "we may have to do something that might be uncomfortable in the beginning, but it will open up doors for a better life" and I feel that could be with your situation too.

Wish you the best, please let us know how you are.

P.S. - About the part where you said when he comes down he becomes unreasonable and angry the next day, if I were you I would not be around for those times. If you have family or friends you can stay with and explain to him that you can't deal with those days anymore and will come back when he is better (at least that is what I would do).

I am the poster above with the meth-addict daughter - in law

[ In Reply To ..]
My son dabbled in cocaine for a few months and quit. Long ago my husband did some cocaine and quit. The daughter-in-law, however, just can't (or won't) stop. You have to decide what you and your child can live with, but for me and my child, I would get a plan together (back to school, get a better job -- whatever you need to do) and get OUT. When he gets in a program and gets clean, then he can prove himself to you if he wants to be part of his child's life. With his background and close relatives selling the drugs, I find it highly unlikely he will quit. My DIL even got clean in jail for 15 months; when she got out, went right back to it.

The woman across the street - sweetgirlsmom

[ In Reply To ..]
The woman across the street murdered her 7-year-old daughter and almost killed her 6-month-old son when she was high. She ran down the street stark naked and was covered in her children's blood.

These things do happen. Getting out will be the hardest thing you will ever do, unless you bury your children.

My little brother died of cancer. My parents did not cause it, but it still destroyed them and our family.

You have the ability to save your children and yourself. Get help and get out.

No Excuses - Disease/Schmidease

[ In Reply To ..]
No disease. That's a term they came up with so insurance companies would pay for treatment. The added benefit? The user now has an excuse. A "disease" doesn't make you get in a car and buy drugs. (Diabetes is a disease, hello?)

You did know this long ago and you now chose to have a baby. The best you can do now is to not subject the baby to a druggie dad and repeat his own past.

People, stop having babies with druggies, bums! The child suffers.

addiction - anom

[ In Reply To ..]
look online for Reformer\'s Unanimous Program in your area. It is wonderful for you, your child as it grows, and your husband. it is not a rehab, but a faith-based program that helps the addicted as well as the addicted family. It has helped me deal with the struggles even when husband relapses and the support they can give you and your husband is something only God can do and sometimes that is what it takes for addicts to want to quit. My husband like yours has had a terrible childhood, but the love he receives from this program despite his faults is the \"hole\" he has been trying to fill. Hope this works.

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