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Asking husband for money.

Posted: May 11, 2011

I don't know about you all, but I HATE having to ask my husband for money, for anything!

I make enough money to cover my personal expenses and the household bills and he pays the mortgage, loan on the cars and his personal expenses. We take turns buying the monthly groceries. It comes out pretty even, the only differences is, he has left over money from his check and I do not.

I stopped asking years ago because he'd give me the "where did all your money go" with attitude and I began to resent that.

Here's the issue: I have wanted to visit my children, who live far out of town, yet can never seem to save a significant amount of cash enough to go. My daughter and son have offered to pay round trip and car rental, but I'd hate for them to do that, because they have their own families and bills and it would be quite an expense.

Yesterday, DH's sister came over in the middle of the day and handed me a bundle of cash, 750 dollars. She said DH had given her a loan to make her house payment...

I was fuming mad!!! That would be enough for me to go on my trip!!!! He readily gave his sister cash, yet for me to ask would be like pulling teeth!!!! Also, he came home the other day with a new lap top and a new AC unit for his garage! That came out to more than $1000! I am so angry at him and he says he doesn't know why... I think he's getting selfish and concieted and loving this situation that I am in and WANTS me to ask him for the money. I feel like if I do I'll be under his thumb so to speak. Even my son called him and asked what the heck he is doing carrying on like this!

How I wish it was the days of old transcription, 'cause I know I'd be making TONS more money than him...

How should I address this without blowing up completely (because I'm about to.)?

;

re: Angry Nomie - me

[ In Reply To ..]
I'd just flat out tell him I wanted money for the trip and if he wanted to lord it over your head, wait and get the money, THEN tell him to jump off a cliff! I know exactly what you mean though, when my job started to tank my husband also got attitude. Roles were reversed after years of me being the main bread winner and he ate it up!

Men, can't live with em, can't bury them in the back yard!

I say ask the dork for the money and then SPEND EVERY LITTLE DIME OF IT!

re: nomie and me - Iyma Jean

[ In Reply To ..]
How odd that you both mention this. My husband got the \"attitude\" when this job started to take a nose dive too. Were we all making more money than our husbands in the \"good old days\"?

I\'d TELL him you want the money and if he fusses, let him. He\'s acting like a baby! I\'d bet if the shoe were on the other foot you would be the bigger person and probably SEND him without him having to \"ask\".

The role reversal has obviously gone to his head. What a mean man...

Nah. Some guys are just dense. LOL (no msg) - Backwards Typist

[ In Reply To ..]
.

re: backwards - belle

[ In Reply To ..]
So true! He's been on a long ego trip and needs to be pushed off the train! The sooner the better.

you should tell him that the money should all go in one pot, yours, his, etc., and you should NEVER - Not for me that's for sure!

[ In Reply To ..]
Sounds like he is a control freak.

That's a situation I was in for quite a few years - Backwards Typist

[ In Reply To ..]
The only difference was that I refused to ask for him for money. If I couldn't afford it, we'd do without.

Every year, he'd splurge and buy a side of beef to tide us over for quite a few months but this past year he said he couldn't afford it )he didn't work much last year - not his fault), but he had SS money. So, we did without since I couldn't afford it. I would buy a few pounds of hamburger and make anything I could with it. I bought a couple cans of corned beef hash and we had that for meals; i.e., no steak, no beef roasts, no pork chops. It drove him nuts as he is meat-and-potatoes. We now have a freezer half full of beef. LOL

He's working this week and hoping the work holds up most of the summer so he can buy the beef and a half pork this year. Guess he didn't like my menus. LOL

Subtle hints might work, like "Gee, I'd love to visit the kids, but I can't afford it. Wish MT'g didn't go down the drain so much. I don't know if I'll ever get to visit again" or something on that order. That might work. Or maybe if your birthday is coming up, if he asks what you want tell him you want to visit the kids.

Happily married 33 years - Everyone gets an allowance

[ In Reply To ..]
When we first got married, hubby spent all of our extra money on eating lunch out, boats, hunting stuff, etc. He did not like it that I would buy books and makeup. We would not even realize the money was gone. We had a few *discussions* and came up with an allowance system. All of our money goes into one pot for bill paying and then once a month was pay ourselves our allowance. When we were first married and we were broke, it might have been $50 for the month, later it was a couple of hundred (depending on larger spending goals). We can choose whether we buy our lunch with allowance, or bring lunch from home that is paid for by "the house". When we want a bigger purchase, we will have "the house" match our personal contribution, or we can borrow from "the house" and pay it back. Over the years, I have made more money and sometimes he has made more money, but we never fight anymore. Sometimes I will "go in" and match his contribution for more expensive birthday presents, etc., and vice-versa. We have been able to save, have fun, and respect each other's purchases.

I would hate that situation, as well. - Don't ask. Discuss.

[ In Reply To ..]
I've been married for 26 years and we have never had his and hers money. It's always been ours. And my husband has always made the lion's share of the income. It all goes into one pot, and the pot is used to pay all of our expenses. If we want to do something individually, we discuss it. If we can afford it, we do it. No one keeps a score card on who gets what more often or less than the other. I thought that was how marriage worked.

re: discuss - angry nomie

[ In Reply To ..]
Exactly! That is how it is suppose to be and it was, until the role reversal. Like I said, i think he's just gloating and being petty. I actually think were way past overdue for a big talk about this. I have a lot I want to say. AND, after posting this and reading all the replies, I am TAKING my trip to see my kids and told him that is that.

I know that some guys just get it, but this guy, my guy is being a child about money in the past recent years. I guess he has no clue how easily he can lose his job too, nor that this could just as easily have been him in my place.

I know that he has always kind of had a jealous streak. I had a great job, had a college degree and options (in the day...) but the rug got pulled out. For a while he was very supportive and had no beef picking up the slack. As I got more in the groove of working at home and making steady (albiet bad) pay, is when he began to turn into a jerk, AND after the kids grew up... hmm.. Time to set my man's head back on straight!

Thanks gals! Count down to trip 14 days!

re: Nomie - yeah!

[ In Reply To ..]
You have fun on your trip! Send all your money on yourself and the kids!!!! Take back that control gal! woo hoo!!!!

This exactly how our marriage has worked for - MTforever

[ In Reply To ..]
almost 32 years. We share everything in one pot and when one or the other of us wants to buy something we never do it without discussing it with each other first.

I'm with you - The Analog Kid

[ In Reply To ..]
My husband and I work our finances the same way. My BIL and SIL however, had separate finances and it was WAY annoying when we would all go out to dinner because they would decide (literally, down to the penny)what each of them owed. If one's dinner was more and didn't have exact change, the other would would pick up the slack and then say "you owe me a quarter, you owe me a nickel," etc. Seriously, are you kidding me? When SIL lost her job that all went to pieces, and now there is one pot of money, and BIL controls it.

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