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Husband just got fired from second job

Posted: Oct 29, 2014

due to stress of not really wanting to work there, being tired from working 16 hours a day, etc. In a way we are glad, he needed the break but things are going to be extremely tight. Does anyone have any experience with food banks? We make too much for food stamps in our state. Max income is 31K for a family of 4. Can't believe the cap is so low. Anyway. I'm kind of embarrassed about it but it is anonymous here so I thought I would try asking. ;

food - me

[ In Reply To ..]
We had to use a food shelf once. Things were so bad that we literally didn't have anything in the pantry. We got a couple of boxes of food which was great; however, almost half had to be tossed out due to being years out of date & poor condition of cans. We were grateful for the food that was fit to eat, but the next time we ran out, it was "too soon" to qualify for help. My husband had an emergency that kept him off work for months. If you live in an area that does a fresh food give-away, I'd look into that. Another idea is to barter for food. Trade babysitting kids or pets with a neighbor for food, or if you sew, offer to make something they need. If you can fix things, trade repairs for food. In my neighborhood, I once traded pet care for a friend's cats for the use of her car while she was out of town (mine was in shop).

I am sure the idea from the other poster of - bartering, etc, for food....

[ In Reply To ..]
isn't that appealing as you said you were embarrassed (don't blame ya)...and doing that would definitely NOT be anonymous). The offer to babysit, etc; however, seems like a decent idea, assuming you know someone with kids. But about your husband....can't he get unemployment? I know you can even if you are fired in most states. You could at least check it out. Do you have credit cards that you could use? Desperate times call for desperate measures. I know it would suck to put food on credit, but at least you could pay it back later after your husband gets back to work. Good luck to you--I've been in the same boat...it's NOT fun.

Try - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
We have a Ruby's Pantry in our town. They have this once a month and no questions are asked as to your need. You have to check the schedule because it is just once a month for a limited number of hours.

Also there should be a food pantry. I believe our area has good food and I think they try to make it suitable for your family. I think I have heard that they may have dog food, cat litter, baby diapers, etc., as well as food. You may need to sign up at a community action agency. Also check with your county/city social services. You may be able to get assistance with your electric bill or fuel assistance for winter heating. They may be able to assist you or your husband in finding a better job.

Good luck to you.

not sure about unemployement. Can you file if it is a second job?? - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
x

barter - me

[ In Reply To ..]
True, bartering isn't anonymous, but she might be surprised by how many others need something that they're also afraid to seek out. I just recently did a day of dog care for a pork roast. I have money for food but no time to cook. She likes to cook & prepares food for another neighbor regularly. She was going to be away all day & couldn't take the dog. If OP can let folks know what she needs & finds out what they need, assuming she's in a caring neighborhood, somebody will trade with her. We've traded child care, pet care, car repairs, housework, driving, shopping, some first aid for things we needed. We're not beggars, but we are willing to trade for things needed. No one feels put out or used. Everyone gets something. There's no shame in having a situation that puts you in trouble. We all get there sooner or later. It's how you handle it that matters. Maybe trading knowledge could work. If she can't sew but wants to learn & a neighbor needs something made, knows how to sew but can't anymore, then teaching & providing would be a good trade. If she talks to her neighbors/friends, surely something can be arranged. Most folks have stuff in their pantry that they buy but don't actually eat very often. I'd have no problem getting rid of food here that won't be eaten by us but for some reason we wanted at the time it was bought. If she lived around here, she could "shop" at my house. As a side note, I'm not sure putting stuff on a credit card would be a good idea. What if more income isn't coming any time soon? That bill would just continue to go up with no means to pay it down.

credit cards are not an option - filing chapter 7 with income tax money

[ In Reply To ..]
I had an accident in 2011 plus my son has been to the ER and our insurance is terrible. I have been served papers by multiple hospitals/doctors offices. Maxed out the cards trying to make ends meet already because everyone wanted a commitment of $100/month. I gave up on keeping my credit a long time ago. So no that's not an option but thanks.

Call the local Salvation Army or Community Action Agency - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
They may be able to provide you with a list of food pantry locations. The Salvation Army typically has weekly food pantries and so do a lot of local churches. I know many churches where I live have them every single week. A lot of them give you meat, bread along with can goods, boxed side dishes like mac & cheese, toiletries etc. My church as a really decent pantry, I've gone a few times and have gotten T-bone steaks, ribs, hamburger, lamb chops all sorts of stuff, laundry soap, shampoo, soap, garbage bags, dish liquid etc. At my church we are allowed to go once a week as members, but I seldom go because of my work hours. Sometimes I go if I'm really low on cash and need to save money or pay a bill instead of buying food.

I live in small county - with very small towns

[ In Reply To ..]
(the largest being 1800 ppl)and we have multiple churches who have food pantries as well as two organizations with dedicated food & clothing give-aways. I'd call some local churches. Even if they don't have one, they should be able to direct you somewhere. Another thing, maybe check craigslist? There may be some food pantries advertised there. Good luck to your family!

A really great place to start looking - for help

[ In Reply To ..]
to find all the food pantries in your area is through a site called need help paying bills with links to help in your area. As some of the others have said, many of the food pantries allow you to pick up a box of food once a month. Some will require you to prove your low income status. Some are better than others. When you find those that work best for you, those will be the ones that you go to. If each one allows you to pick up once a month, then go pick up from all you are eligible for. I went through this myself because I was not eligible for food stamps. Do a Google search for that site. It has a lot of links to more than just help with food.

Other things that have helped me have been transferring prescriptions around to the different store pharmacies when they were offering gift cards for Rx transfers. I have saved a lot of money by doing that over the years. It's a pain to keep track of where your prescriptions are, but if somebody is going to give me $25-100 in gift cards for transferring my prescriptions around and I can use that money to buy groceries, I'm doing it.

Get coupons from the Sunday paper and also check the online coupons piped through the grocery store websites. A lot of the grocery stores also have digital coupons that you can download to your phone if you have a smart phone.

I realize you don't have money to buy much food now, but some of these things may help to maximize the little you have. If you know people who just throw their coupons away, you may want to consider asking them to save theirs for you to pick up from them once a week.

A last word... please stop being embarrassed because it will not help you. You need help, and like the rest of us, have had our tax dollars for countless years funneled into all the things that have gone to help other people. I have also generously made donations to many organizations over the years. You need help now, so go sign up for whatever help you can get.

Hold your head high and do it - Barter is a great system

[ In Reply To ..]
Like you, I was embarrassed to go to FP, thought I would get nothing but expired crappy boxed and canned food like they had at the city FP when I went with a friend a few years ago - that was not a good one, definitely no-name boxed & canned food.

I love my food pantry through a church, twice a month. I did not have to prove income, just have ID and sign in. So I come skulking up to the line, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Lo and behold there were at least 4 people I knew in that line, one who shouted my name real loud to say hi! YIKES. I just held my head high and went through the motions.

I was sold on it the very first time when I scored a whole chicken, fresh produce and a whole fresh pineapple (mmm)!! Been going about 4 months now with no plans to quit. They have a wide variety, a LOT of the organic stuff that does not sell because its too expensive in the grocery store – if it is a no-name brand, look for the organic/USDA seal. They have meat from local meat markets, lots of canned goods but you can pick through and find what you like. I never take anything I will not eat and do pass on a lot of it. They have great juices and I even scored some Brie cheese (at least $7 at the store). I am well stocked on beans, nuts, berries, flours, etc, for the winter now.

You make new friends in line too. I love it when its the first time for the person behind you. They always say “Its not for me, I’m here for a friend,” and I say, “Yeah, we all are.”

Barter – I run errands for gas money and anything else the neighbors or friends need, yard work, etc. It’s not humiliating at all, works quite well for all of us. In fact, it makes us all feel good that we are helping each other.

Remember, we are not here to see through each other, we are here to see each other through. :)

I' d have your husband worry about how to feed sm - Just me

[ In Reply To ..]
the family since he was so stressed he got fired. Frankly, he needs to get another second job pronto. Why does it become your job to forage for food?

Because that's how we women, especially mom's, just DO. - ETOHPRN

[ In Reply To ..]
There is no denying it, we are the main providers. We are the ones who worry about it, lose sleep about it, stress about it, and it's not something we are going to HOPE someone else will take care of. The buck stops with the lady of the house, for better or worse, because we have the biggest balls of all.

We are NEVER too proud to ask for help when it comes to our kids. Dudes take the pride thing way too far sometimes, no matter what kind of collateral damage that BS ideology may incur.
:)

well he asked me why he was the one who has to work 14 hours a day when I dont - see inside

[ In Reply To ..]
but I was in an accident in 2011 where I broke both of my feet and can't stand for any period of time and I have a joint condition where it is hard for me to sit for a long time. I do MT with a split shift 40 hours a week 6 days a week. If I had a second job no one would be here with the kids. I am also going to a university full time. I have a high GPA right now and am hoping to qualify for scholarships so that will bring in some money also. His dream was to be a famous musician and that hasn't exactly worked out so there's a lot of anger there too; he's now working as a janitor. He was able to sell an amp yesterday for $350 so that's something.

Thanks for all of your suggestions! I'm calling all the pantries today.

Oh my goodness - Mary

[ In Reply To ..]
Your story sheds a lot more light on your situation. Don't you give up, woman. Your quest to get your degree is admirable, and I know that is a big mountain to climb. I too have health problems that cause chronic pain, and years ago, I went back to school to get a bachelors degree, worked full time, and our three daughters were all teens at the time. I was lucky to have a supportive, hard-working husband, but I don't mean to disparage your husband at all. He must feel a great deal of disappoint and grief over not being able to realize his dream of becoming a famous musician. I do hope he gets time to still play his music, as that is probably a good outlet for his feelings. Hang in there and be strong. Things will get better soon. We're thinking of you.

Thank you Mary - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
that means a lot, much appreciated.

Famous musician? If this was his dream when you SM - ???

[ In Reply To ..]
married him, I would have made sure he had a plan B, because wanting to be a famous musician is like wanting to be an astronaut---not many people get to do it.

Obviously there was no plan B, his anger should only be at himself.

yes this was always his plan. - not sure why I should be the one to make

[ In Reply To ..]
sure he had a plan B. He is his own person. I never take advice from him regarding my career. He supports me, but doesn't tell me how to type. I don't tell him how to compose songs.

you are right, and his anger is at himself. Unfortunately like most people he does a lot of projecting. Not sure how much longer our marriage is going to last, to be honest with you.

? You married him so you become part of the madness sm - ?

[ In Reply To ..]
There is no way in God's green earth I would ever have married a person with this as his only goal. It's just setting yourself up for years of financial problems when you choose (note I say "choose") a person like this to marry. And here you are today needing help to feed yourselves.

well it certainly sounds like you have the perfect marriage and - life all figured out.

[ In Reply To ..]
Kudos to you. Not all of us do everything right. That's what keeps life interesting. I didn't come here for marriage advice. I came here for advice on local food pantries. Thanks anyway.

Choosing a man who has a viable career and not choosing - ?

[ In Reply To ..]
the one with a pipe dream is your responsibility.

Don't talk to me about love and stars in your eyes. The decision to marry also involves choosing someone who is a true partner in the marriage and not someone who contributes to problems. So today, you have an overgrown teenager who can't hold a job. Ditch him, why hold on to this anchor.

he can still do jam night at the local bar - and dream he's a famous musician

[ In Reply To ..]
xxoo

He does do this, he played last night at the beach - x

[ In Reply To ..]
thanks

Do you live in an area with an active farmer's market? - ETOHPRN

[ In Reply To ..]
I have some friends who own small family farms and they put together those CSA things for people, usually the more wealthy people, and they always have plenty of produce that they give away to people in need. It's just a matter of contacting them to let them know you are in need and getting to their property or a meeting place to pick it up.

It's truly a wonderful resource. I honestly don't know any meat farmers to tell you if they do something similar, but it certainly can't hurt to ask!

I wish you and your family well and hope things turn around for you soon. It sucks. I've been there and there's no other word for it...it sucks.

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