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Totally disgusted with husband

Posted: Dec 15, 2014

Last night I was at the computer. My husband was in the kitchen (right next to the computer room). I heard a funny sound and stood up to see what it was, and there was my husband peeing in the sink (bar sink on the island which he maybe thought was out of my line of sight, not the main kitchen sink ). I was stunned. I said, "You're peeing in the sink??" and he said "No, I didn't," and then ran the water and pretended to get a drink. I said, "I'm standing right here! I saw you!" He looked embarrassed and then mumbled that it had been an "emergency." Needless to say, I am disgusted and furious. And no, he does not have dementia or prostate problems. He is 45 years old and a manager at his job. He did a similar thing once before (that I know of) and used a cup which he forgot about and left on the kitchen counter. and we had a fight over that and he promised never to do it again--same reason, he really had to go. I am totally revolted and also really angry. He lied to my face (called it a "fib" to minimize it). We've been married for 22 years and he was lied about stuff like did you take out the garbage or did you mail the cable bill, but this is the first time he has lied to my face and gotten caught. He is like some stupid teenager! I am actually madder about the lie than the other thing. He promised that he would never do either again (the sink or lie) but of course he has no credibility with me. I don't know what to do. Should I try to put this out of my mind or is there some way to have a rational conversation about this? Or get a nanny-cam and see if he does it again? He is on Lipitor but has no other medical problems.

;

Wow! I hope you have a dishwasher to do the - dishes in and not the sink

[ In Reply To ..]
That is totally gross, and unacceptable because who wants to use a sink where someone had relieved themself? I would be so blown away. He would have to scrub with Clorox and anything else to get the stench out or try to. There is no excuse for nastiness, and you have to live there, maybe other family members. Was he drinking, any drugs or just nasty?

Disgusted and furious - fibs

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I definitely would have a rational conversation about this. Would he do that at work? Would he pee in the waste basket at work because he had to go? As a woman who has had children, there are times I race to the bathroom, I just don't stand there and pee where I am standing or use any cups, etc. Maybe you should suggest he wear Depends for men.

How many times has he done that in the past? What about disinfecting the sink?

That totally grosses me out and I would wonder every day and probably get a nanny cam for peace of mind and then go from there. Good luck!!

Tell him you are investing in a - Foley

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Just when you think you've heard it all, you haven't.

How tall is he? - or how low is your bar sink?

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That just seems like it would be awkward. I know my DH would have to get on a step-stool to urinate in our sink. Gross.

There's only one thing to do. - anon

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What is the grossest thing you can do to him? Like for instance, poop in his sink when you know he has to shave. Leave a panty liner used by his toothbrush. I mean disgusting. If it doesn't break him of it forever, it will make for an interesting contest. lol

Thanks for your replies - from the OP

[ In Reply To ..]
I am just so disgusted and upset, I can't tell you, so I did feel better knowing it is not just me and is a big deal. Now my kitchen smells like a Clorox factory because I have used bleach everywhere I could and Lysol kitchen spray everywhere else. His actions are completely disrespectful in every way. To the poster who asked about height, he is 6'2" and it did require some acrobatics on his part which makes it even worse. I feel like having an "emergency" on the front seat of his car and maybe would if it weren't winter and cold.

He probably does it all the time. - It is a fetish.

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The only emergency he is having is the one that makes this fun to do. I don't know how far the behavior goes, but doing that "in public" on the sneak provides his jollies. He does it *all the time,* hon, but you just don't catch him at it.

He probably does it away from home, too, which is even more worrisome. In the breakroom sink, behind shrubs, on walls, in dressing rooms.

LOL!!!! @ Its a fettish - ROL, LMBO!!

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Oh, there are definitely things you can do to at least make him understand - clyde

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A used tampon in just the right place would teach him that there are some things that happen only in the bathroom.

Or a "Christmas story" at your in-laws' house this Christmas. "(Insert name) is such a little boy at heart still. You know, just the other day I caught him peeing in the kitchen sink. Boys will be boys! He's not getting coal in his stocking...but I believe Clorox is on the list! hahahahaha!" They'll take it as humorous, but it will definitely be embarassing, and he'll wonder who else you told.

If I ever found out one of my boys did that, even as adults, you better believe they'd know how upset I am, and I'd definitely "get even."

Are your sure he is not - peeing on anything else

[ In Reply To ..]
Maybe you should be concerned that he is peeing in the coffee, milk, tea or anything else. That is not normal behavior. I hope you do not have kids that can see this. Maybe he is peeing in the sink at work as retaliation or anger issues and bringing it home. Honestly, since this has happened before (going in a cup and leaving it), I would show him the door and tell him to just keep walking.

Husband - telluride

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Tell him if he does it again, you will have a permanent catheter forcibly installed. :)

I now have a new reason for staying single. - Thank you!

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So completely disgusting, and if there's one thing I can't stand it's a liar. I was married to a liar once upon a time and I wouldn't put it past him to pee in a sink or in a cup and put it on the counter for me to clean.

If you've caught him once, I'm guessing he's done it many, many more times. And he thinks if he just turns on the water that cleans the sink? I'd be concerned for your bathroom sinks, the plants, really anything that can hold water. I don't know if I'd ever get over it. In fact, I'm not so sure I'll ever get over this post and knowing that some people do stuff like that. I now also understand why people are germ-o-phobes and have obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I thought the same thing! - Single and right now loving it

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I was giving serious thought to looking online for someone to date, but not so sure now. I was married briefly before to a verbally abuse one day, and nice the next day man. I have been single for many years. I have enough to deal with now, living above a dirt bag guy who brought roaches to the house twice. I honestly could not deal with the OP's situation. I agree that this is not the first time this has happened; no way.

Guy thing - Nothing is beyond them

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He probably thinks because it's *his* pee that it's okay to do. I read once that if you ask a woman what body flaws she has, she has no problem identifying what she doesn't like about her body. If you ask a man, he will say that he's fine or if pressed maybe that he could go to the gym more often. As a married woman with boys I think that's about right. I had to nag both my boys to take showers, wear clean clothes, put dirty clothes in the hamper. They just don't think they themselves or their clothes stink. Even sometimes with my husband I have to get on his case about things.

I completely disagree - clyde

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I'm a mom of 3 sons, married twice. My sons are grown. They have always showered d daily, washed their own clothes, worn clean clothes, cleaned their own bedrooms and bathrooms, all with little to no prodding. My oldest drives my DIL crazy because he prefers the house cleaner than she does. My middle son has always kept his home and himself very clean. He's always hated being dirty. It's not a gender thing.

No it is NOT normal at all for men. nm - IMO

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no msg

I know the guy living below me is 100% - Single and right now loving it

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lazy. When we have a lot of snow (5 years ago we had 44 inches in two days), he didn't even bother to come out and help me clean the front porch or the sidewalk. He never, ever does the back walk that he must use to get to the garage. When we had to have an exterminator because of HIM (x2) I found dead roaches in the hallway at the front door. He didn't even bother to pick them up. After 3 days I got so tired of looking at them, I did it. He is retired and lays in bed and sleeps all day, snoring to beat the band. He smells, and now the hallway has that body oil smell. I had a long talk with my landlord about him, and he promises to "keep on it." However, my nephrew's two daughters graduated college recently, and their female roommates wewe total slobs. They left their dirty dishes piled in the silk for days; just overall dirty. I don't think it's just men, but perhaps to a larger percent.

Has he been to a doc to confirm he doesn't have very early sm - IMO

[ In Reply To ..]
dementia? Or are you just saying that because he seems normal otherwise.

I ask because that behavior is very common with dementia, and the lying to your face right after is also.

His age isn't a factor. Yes, he could have dementia at age 45.

He needs evaluation by a neurologist. If dementia is definitely ruled out, then he needs a urologist.

I think he needs a psychologist instead - IMHO

[ In Reply To ..]
of a urologist. Even if he is suffering with frequency/urgency, this happened in the HOUSE. How long would it take to get to a bathroom? It seems it would be more hassle to go in the sink than to make a dash to the bathroom. There is something really abnormal about what he did, and I would have a really hard time forgetting ir, or even trusting him again. I think at the very least it would be horribly arrogant to do what he did if there is no psychological problem for it, and that would tick me off, big time.

Put things in perspective - And count your blessings

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My ex-husband abandonded me and my 2 kids over 10 years ago. Catching your husband peeing in the sink is NOT a big deal--let's face it: it's a guy thing because it's just too easy to go when the need arises! I'd kill to have a 22-year marriage--which would have been this year, as a matter of fact. If I were in your shoes, I would have said something like, "REALLY, honey, you can't walk a few feet to the bathroom?!!!" and then I would have handed him the appropriate cleaning products and stood by while he cleaned the sink and left it at that. Yes, it was gross and unsanitary and he was super-lazy, but your overanalytical, dramatic reaction worries me more than his spur-of-the-moment bad decision. Just my 2 cents...I have a feeling you won't like what I'm telling you though!

Why do people think this is normal for men? It's NOT. It's very sm - IMO

[ In Reply To ..]
abnormal. This is not some little quirk he has, he is urinating in a sink. Abnormal and something is wrong with him or he is passively aggressively getting back at his wife. I'd be worried he's pissing in my food.

You guys have too much time on your hands! (nm) - Lighten up! It'll be okay.

[ In Reply To ..]
x

Agreed about the statement and giving him cleaners - but it is a big, disgusting deal. SM

[ In Reply To ..]
It is a huge, disgusting issue to have someone pee in the sink. That's only an extreme emergency situation where there is no other option. People wash dishes and rinse foods in that sink - decent people do NOT urinate there.

You think this is something worth counting blessings over? Please. He did it, got caught in the act, denied it (I believe she said he's lied before about things) - that is a huge problem needing to be addressed whether the cause is mental and/or physical. She had every right to react the way she did.

I'd be issuing an ultimatum - either he gets checked by the specialists, or he better be finding his own sink elsewhere.

Huge problem? Please. You don't get it. Oh well. (nm) - Drama queens live

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x

. - .

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This board is nuts!

This is why - some

[ In Reply To ..]
people pee in sinks. Because they are raised that it really is okay.

Both your bathrooms were full, it's really cold outside, and it's an emergency. Totally different from wanting the satisfaction on peeing in the kitchen sink when the nearest bathroom is probably just a dozen steps or so away...and don't get me started on peeing in a cup and leaving it on the counter for you to find days later.

I'm glad I don't know you, although now I'll probably be bringing my own cups, dishes and silverware to people's homes because apparently some people think peeing in the sink is sterile and no big deal. And here I buy disinfectant cleaners which I use in the bathrooms, kitchen, and on doorknobs and light switches...crazy me!!

My husband, unless he lost his ever loving mind - would never, ever urinate in a sink

[ In Reply To ..]
He above me is a clean freak. When he pumps gas he always gets the hand towels and uses those and then discards. He makes sure our garbage disposal always working. If you use a can, wash it out before discarding in the garbage. He freezes any bones, etc. that cannot be put in the disposal until nite before garbage pickup. He then puts into bag, sprays bug spray on top and by the time it is picked up in the morning no smell, not entirely thawed and critters not around trying to get in the can. He quite frequently uses Clorox in the kitchen sink to cleanse thoroughly. He has his own remote when traveling, covers with plastic wrap, cuts down on germs from other remotes in the rooms. I know I have a little germaphobic but thank the heavens above no way would this man of mine ever do something that ridiculous and anyone who says it is not abnormal needs a check also.

Finally! - That makes two of us

[ In Reply To ..]
A man after my own heart! I put anything like a food wrapper (which I wash first),chicken bones, etc. in the freezer, too. I have had people laugh at that, but I don't want it in the kitchen. I put anything that would attract bugs, etc. in the freezer in bags. Trash day it gets pulled out of the freezer and put out for trash. Anything that is put in my reclycling bin is washed out with soap and water first. Good for him! I find that very attractive about a man. Lucky you!

My aunt asked me how I could get use to Mr. Clean - because of all his quirky things she said

[ In Reply To ..]
Before we married I had my garbage can on the back porch and he saw (ugh) maggots, cleaned that out with Lysol, let dry in the sun and now married regularly keeps the garbage can cleaned same way. Had a housekeeper once who insisted on doing dishes that might not yet be in the dishwasher. Nope, she could not wash them in the hottest water that he wants to sterilize them. He has his reason for the dishwasher, sterilizing things. He runs things like the scratch pads, etc. thru the dishwasher also. He takes alcohol with him when traveling to cleanse down the telephone in the room (his company calls his room often), the bathroom sink, when opening outside bathroom doors he always uses paper towels, then discards then after opening the doors. Yep, he is a germophobic but have learned how to live with it and if I were that person whose husband urinated in the sink, I probably would never want him in the kitchen again.

I think I found my long lost twin! - That makes two of us

[ In Reply To ..]
Some friends of mine used to laugh at me when they saw me cleaning my handbag with antibacterial wipes. I showed them how black the wipes were. They said it just didn't occur to them to clean a handbag. I could get used to an excessively clean guy much faster than one who just doesn't care.

She was disgusted by what he did - So he shouldn't do it

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Forget the fact that they live where there is access to a bathroom and not some third world country. The fact that it's about pee in a sink in a kitchen is really not even the major point. It's that she was disgusted by what he did, and therefore he shouldn't do it, whatever it is. If you love someone, you don't act in a way that really bothers them, whether it's peeing in a sink or gambling away the mortgage money or double-dipping a nacho chip. If she is really upset by his behavior, he should knock it off and at the very least apologize profusely.

That's what is wrong with this board - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
"aneurysm" and "hissy fit?" You could have conveyed your thoughts without the digs. Never fails.

I am shocked someone would even share this disgusting dirty laundry. - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
s

You sheltered delicate flower, you! ;-) - nm

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nm

I know what to do - Rusty

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Hand him his toothbrush and Comet and make him scrub every inch twice, since he lied twice. Act like a child, be treated like a child.

LAZY A*HOLES - MT

[ In Reply To ..]
i swear to god. how about flushing paper towel down the toilet because god forbid i lift my butt up to go get toilet paper in other room. or ask someone to toss me a roll. nope, take the easiest thing in line of sight, paper towel and flush it. Have men never seen the sign "do not flush...". Oh and there is a nice lined garbage can next to toilet. FRUSTRATING IS RIGHT. LAZY IMO

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