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Dating etiquette opinions wanted (sm)

Posted: Apr 6, 2010

I met a guy a year ago right after I separated from my husband & dated him a few times - he really liked me, but I decided I wasn't ready to get serious with anyone. Fast forward to a year later. We have reconnected and have been talking on the phone and texting. He is very nice and intelligent and attractive to me in many ways. EXCEPT over the course of this year he has gotten a pretty good sized cavity on one of his top canine teeth. He has a good job... I don't understand why he would let it go like that. I would like to date him but honestly the big cavity sitting there makes me not even want to kiss him. He has so many other good things going for him I hate to rule him out because of that but it really makes me queasy. He is very, very interested in dating me. Is there any way I could mention this to him without chasing him away?? Is it wrong to say something?

;

Etiquette and I don't get along very well, but - even I do not know

[ In Reply To ..]
know how I would say something like that! If you can muster up the courage to say it, go for it, because it sounds like it's a deal-breaker, and I don't blame you. There are a LOT of people who can't get past bad teeth, and with good reason, if you like kissing (at ALL)!

Maybe..... - hmm

[ In Reply To ..]
ask who his dentist is or something like that? I'd definitely bring it into a conversation as it obviously bothers you, but I guess you don't know him well enough to just ask outright. I'd maybe start with something like that and gradually work it in if he doesn't pick up on it right away. Just my humble opinion, though.

I was interested in a guy who had some dental problems as well so I (sm) - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
made sure that when we would talk that I would mention something about my teeth, going to the dentist and just stressing in general talk how important dental care was to me. Sure enough before I knew it he went to the dentist and had his own issues taken care of, even stating to me that the reason that he went was because he realized how important dental care was to me. I think I kinda hammered the point home, :). Could you possibly do something like this?

Good luck!!

I would definitely point it out to him, and this rather bluntly - bad tooth

[ In Reply To ..]
How can a person neglect dental care in such an obvious way? Especially if he has the means to fix it. This is disrespectful and a turn off to any person.

IMO, kissing has nowadays become a rather controversial issue, considering the danger regarding getting infected.

bad teeth - anon2

[ In Reply To ..]
Don't know what his problem might be if he can afford it other than he is petrified of dentists or has a thing about his mouth being worked on or fingers in his mouth. I feel bad for him as when I was younger I had dental problems and no money and I know it was a cause for a breakup. Too hard to get into, but he's probably a wonderful person. In a nice way, I would bring up fear of dentristy and how far it has come. It would be a shame to lose a nice guy over this. These days there is not much excuse; in my day it was different and it haunts me I didn't have the money to do it. Be nice about it. He may have just gotten comfortable with the situation and doesn't realize what a turnoff it is for you.

Doesn't he realize that the cavity gets worse and worse by the day??...sm - smart?

[ In Reply To ..]
It must be really bad if the cavity is visible to the naked eye!

There is no excuse for neglecting this.

Healthy teeth are VERY important to the general health AND the looks.

I would give him an ultimatum. Howe can he expect that you tolerate this?

thanks God for the health care reform! Maybe then he will visit a dentist! - HCR

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Does the Health Care Reform cover dentists too? - Medical plus Dental?

[ In Reply To ..]
From everything that I've heard, I thought it was just medical insurance.

No dentists are not covered - and HCR has nothing to do with this - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
Health care reform and dentist are two separate issues.

Thanks, that's what I thought - HCR is medical but not dental

[ In Reply To ..]
But that other poster sounded so positive that I started to wonder if maybe they had slipped dental in at the last minute on the HCR bill and I just hadn't heard about it.

Who knows, I guess they could have slipped vision in there too, since both vision and dental are just as important for a person's health as medical is. I guess they just want us to all be healthy but toothless and sightless.

Isn't it ironic - and HCR has nothing to do with this

[ In Reply To ..]
They they won't include eye doctors, dentists, and a lot of other stuff that deals with health, but they did happen to slip in education in the bill.

Hmmm...health care, education, health care, education....oh yeah, same thing. LOL

so sad, so bad, since most people have problems - HCR

[ In Reply To ..]
with their teeth and eyes!

That is true - would be nice if it was included - and HCR has nothing to do with this

[ In Reply To ..]
But then again, nobody knows yet even what the health care bill will do or cover or not cover. But to post "thank God for the health care reform" when you know it doesn't cover dentists is a bit misleading.

I just say we'll have to wait and see.

I think that God has absolutely nothing to do with it! - ANON

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Don't know what to tell you except to tell him - sm -

[ In Reply To ..]
Years ago when I was 21 I decided to date a co-worker (mechanic) at a PT job I had at Pep Boys (I was in college). I was not attacted to him mainly because of his teeth, they were gross. But I was trying to better myself and not date only on physical attraction and looks which has always been my M.O. He was a nice enough guy (about 12+ years older than me) but the thought of him kissing me goodnight totally grossed me out. I don't remember the kiss goodnight, it was either a quick peck on the cheek or the mouth, but that was it. I was too young, etc. to have the nerve to tell him why I would not date him again (1 the teeth, 2 absolutely no chemistry, though probably because of the teeth). He was totally pissed about me not going out with him again, luckily I graduated about 6 weeks later and moved back home so end of that problem. I hope he got his teeth fixed and I wished I had told him about how much of a turn-off his mouth was but too chicken, I may have saved him years of being single. I would speak up, tell him you have a hang up or something on dental hygiene (make it your problem, not his so to speak) and his cavity is driving you nuts and that for your piece of mind and his health please get it taken care of ASAP. Use the health spin and blood poisoning, etc. , as that will be less of a personal attack in his eyes. Good luck.

I agree. It is incomprehensible to me - hygiene

[ In Reply To ..]
that people do not get it that an unclean and diseased pair of teeth is a BIG turnoff.

Don't they care at all if it is the other way around?

These people do not get it and have to be told "bluntly." Not through flowery language, but head on, because they are either not aware of it, or not sensitive to the other person's feelings.

BTW, shouldn't kissing only be done AFTER one brushes one's teeth and sex only AFTER taking a shower?

Eeeeewww!

Depends. Do you like to be spontaneous? - yep

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't run and brush my teeth every single time I want to give my boyfriend a kiss.

We also are not freshly showered every time we have sex. If the mood hits, it hits.

Lol! It depends on what I am looking at if the - hygiene

[ In Reply To ..]
mood hits at all and what causes the mood to hit. The mood can soon dwindle.....

O.k., I give in a little on the teeth brushing, but not always:

Unless one wants to taste a sample of one's partner's lunch or dinner.

Just kidding.

lol - yep

[ In Reply To ..]
z

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