Teens and dating.

Ever get dragged into a marital explosion?  I did yesterday. The situation is that I have a 14 y/o son who is really in love with a 14 y/o girl. They met at church 6 months ago. At first, we only allowed youth activities and then slowly allowed her to come over to our house and be included in family activities. They are never allowed alone at any times although I do allow them to sit together on the couch, and I know they have kissed because my youngest son is a spy! I consider my husband and I to be very good parents and keep a close eye on things, but we feel we also have to allow our kids (we have 3 boys) the chance to have girlfriends, etc. No dating is allowed - always, always there is a parent present.

This girl's mother actually interviewed us before she agreed to anything also. She is a wonderful lady, an English teacher at the high school, an older parent like us. We were all on the same plate, I thought, but the girl's father never really had much to do with us or drove the kids anywhere. I figured he was just not all that concerned.

Well, two weeks ago, my son and his girlfriend asked if they could go to his bedroom and play Playstation. She called her mother, she agreed, and my office is next door to the bedroom so I sat up there with all doors open and everything going fine. Plus little brother going in and out of the bedroom bugging them.

So yesterday, the father called me and basically cursed me out. He found out that his little girl had been "dating" my son and been in his bedroom. OK, then the girl's mother and father came over as the dad was determined to call me a "bad" mother and basically had a huge fight in front of me with each other. The mother has not told the father anything because he apparently is a dictatorial jerk (her words). He responds constantly that he is the only parent around here. He wants his daughter to have no boyfriends, only occasional group outings, and focus only on school. How could we allow them to have the opportunity to have sex? At which point, my son breaks down, cries and yells, nothing happened, nothing happened, and I have to ask them all to leave. The girl goes home and bags her suitcase and runs to grandmas house. The mother calls me, crying, and apologizing, and saying they've had marital problems for a long time.

My son is calm now and determined though to keep seeing this girl. Sadly, she is a WONDERFUL girl, level headed, ambitious, and deeply devoted to my son. They talk, they laugh, they motivate each other in school, and have committed to the pastor to remain true to biblical principals. Holy crap! Who wouldn't want kids like this?

The father is saying I am the cause of all of this. Here, I just tend my own flock, work at home, and mind my own business, and get dragged into an unholy mess. My husband is also out to state this summer working, so I have to deal with this. After DH and I talking about it, we are going to only allow this girl to come to house if her father agrees to it. They will have to see each other at church (father doesn't attend) and call/text. They do not attend the same school. They go to after school activities at the library though once a week. My son is devastated but I am not going to go against this girl's father.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I hate dealing with this kind of stuff.