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How do you encourage someone you love about the dating scene?

Posted: Jan 18, 2010

My older sister who turned 30 last year has been single for about 4 years. She has been out with guys, one who she dated about 6 months and fell hard for (she doesn't just fall in love with everyone she dates)... he ended up breaking her heart (twice as she gave him a second chance)... then after that has gone out with a couple losers, who are complete LIARS and say they want to hang out again, then never call... such lame-o's that cannot even be honest.

anyways, she sees me, who has absolutely no problem meeting guys and i think she is resentful. our other sister (several years younger) is married with a baby and a wonderful husband. I personally have a man that has been around for 8 years and loves me unconditionally. (the last 2 have been off and on, thus me being able to go out with other guys, im just the one never interested in a relationship)... so today she says that the guy she fell hardest for almost a year ago texted her and told her he was falling in love with her, that's why he backed away. well come on, we all know that's a line, but i do not know why he is dragging her around still. she knows this too, she's not dumb... but then she says to me "I'm done with this. When am I going to meet someone"?

and my heart breaks... she has tried the online dating thing (where most of these jerks come from...)... and i am just at a loss as to what to say, and i feel so bad. is there any way to keep her hope alive, even after saying the normal stuff like, oh it wasn't meant to be, just give it time, blah blah blah??

thanks...

;

Oh, man, sounds like MY sister! - Except my sister is 56....

[ In Reply To ..]
She says she doesn't want to grow old alone. I maintain that it's better to be alone than to wish you were.

She has met guys via online dating, and there's something seriously wrong with ALL of them. Fortunately, she can usually spot what's wrong with them. Unfortunately, she usually doesn't spot it soon enough, before she gets all head-over-heels over them.

Now she's trying to extricate herself from a guy who claims Homeland Security is watching his every move. Either he's lying (because he somehow thinks that's a resume-enhancer) or he's telling the truth. We're not sure which is scarier.

I am sorry I have no advice to offer your sister, other than the usual thing, to go to places where she might meet decent, like-minded people (social activities, volunteering, groups, interest clubs, etc.). On an encouraging note in that vein, a few years ago I had a young female friend who wanted to meet quality men. I made those suggestions to her. Among other things, she joined Toastmasters. The rest is history.

The best of luck to your sister--and to YOU. It's hard being the one who has to watch. Believe me, I know.

well, first, he may really love her (sm) - EllaMT

[ In Reply To ..]
That may really be why he backed off. But the other thing is, you don't really care about the relationship and she does...so that is probably why you have one and she doesn't. I am reading a book called, "why men marry b*tches" and it says that as soon as you show them that you are seeking their approval they lose respect for you. You aren't supposed to be mean to them, but don't act like they you can't live without them either. Tell her to read that book!! It is in Barnes and Noble now!

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