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Online dating.

Posted: Sep 17, 2012

Okay, so I had a moment of whats out there so I filled out a profile on a dating site (the only way you can see anything on tha site is the fill out a profile), I didn't put a picture up but I did list likes/dislikes. I did talk to a few men but no dates, meet ups or whatever. Well, this morning the site e-mailed me that someone was looking at my profile. To my shock it was my soon to be ex husband. We live in a small town and it is obvious who it is. I was going to deny deny deny but who am I kidding. My first thought is he is stalking me...I never told a soul that I did that so how would he know. Then my next thought was no he is lonely and wanting to see what is out there just like me...so I sent him the Pina Colada song.

I want to crawl under a rock.

I deleted my profile. I shouldn't be thinking about dating because I am still legally married, but hard because I am just so used to someone being there. I am not looking to get married again anytime soon by any means but would like to have a male companion to talk to and go on dates with. I don't know what has come over me. I think I have lost my mind. Gosh, I hope he doesn't blab.

;

Dating website - Sick of men

[ In Reply To ..]
Well if he is out looking then why shouldn't you. Let me tell you about those dating websites. I have had several what I thought were nice men and then right before it came time to meet face to face they started to mention S-E-X. If that is what your looking for fine, but 99% of men on those dating website are not looking for a "nice girl" to spend the rest of their life with, trust me. Join a group in your town or take up a hobby and meet men that way, its safer.

I think that is all he is looking for. - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
HE is too commited to his mama to comit to anyone else. It was the problem during our whole relationship. He blamed his issues on his first ex wife. I am sure if he dates again, he will blame me.

I learned now not to trust victims. If they blame others for their bad behavior it is only a matter of time before they blame you.

Men suck - Shultz

[ In Reply To ..]
Men will always blame the wife for the problems. My ex WAS to blame. He is an alcoholic and verbally abused me in front of my kids, but he tells everyone I spend too much time with my sister. Very delusional. I did not want my kids seeing that every day and that is why I kicked him out and divorced him. He is very angry about that. He just doesn't get it. Well good luck to you and be careful out there in the dating scene. I think I will wait as I don't think I am ready to get involved with another "needy" man. Men will sweet talk you into believing that you need them, when in reality they just want a women for one thing and then they want them to "play mommy" and wash their clothes and cook them food. Not!!! I'm going to go an enjoy myself for the first time in 27 years with no man to have to answer to.

Well, seeing my STB X on there turned me off - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
completely. I am sure most the men on there were someones X. It is best I don't go looking..sometimes people get desprate and settle or try to be something they are not to win their prize and after it is said and done then they want you to turn into their "mother."

I just don't know what has come over me. It seems on a lonely Saturday night especially it is all I think about.

Good Lord, ladies - There are as many loser women

[ In Reply To ..]
out there as there are men. I quit coming to this board for a long time because it seemed like it was just a place for bitter women to bash men and I come back and look what is right at the top of the list. Perhaps the problem here is not the men; after all, you end up with whom you pick.

I agree with joining group or take up a hobby - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Agree - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
A very nice young woman I met some years ago recently decided to put her profile on one of the dating websites. She is in her early 20s and is still living with her parents. She began talking with one guy who seemed very nice, and they eventually met. Turns out the jerk took all of her family's presciption meds from their home, lied about his "government job" and was actually living with his fiance in Maryland. She found all this out from the guy's brother, who felt bad for her. Since then my friend informed his girlfriend where he has been spending his time.

I have been using those sites off and on for the last - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
7 years and it is strange to say the least. I have gone on 2 dates through the sites. I was talking to one, he seemed nice, then claimed to be John Gresham, the author. I compared pics and told him they were nowhere close. He then said he was joking. Uhh huhhh. Too many scammers out there!

Not all bad - me

[ In Reply To ..]
I understand how that experience and others would cause you to feel that way about the dating sites. I was very skeptical when I went on one, but was willing to try because I figured it would help me find those who meet my preferences to weed out those who didn't. To my surprise, I met someone who is absolutely wonderful and it has been amazing. It hasn't been a real long time since we met, but we are both so thankful to that site for putting us together. At first I was doing the "free" part and decided to give it one month of paying to be able to communicate with these potentials and it definitely paid off :-) I hope you do find what you are looking for, once you are truly ready for it.

I know people who have had success with it. - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
It reminds me of when I was single before and went to a bar. Most of the guys there just wanted sex. At least, this way I don't have to worry about them following me home. I just get lonely on Saturday nights especially. Kids are with friends and I am all alone.

This is embarrassing, but since my husband left I have been thinking about sex a lot and that is totally not like me. Its like something different has come over me. If it came down to it I doubt I would go through with it. Some of those guys were flirting hard and it was scaring the crap out of me and I was wanting to shut it down then. I should have.

Must be in the air - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
I had a moment yesterday of "what's out there" and looked at ads on Craig's List. I just looked. Hmm. Same as it was before (several previous lifetimes ago) - this time, I thought, you know, when they say "no games" "don't want any game players" - it's like, a personal ad in and of itself is a GAME, is it not? I don't mean personal ads are all bad, but still, c'mon...COME ON....it's just words, and unlike "red blood cell count" or "hemangioma" or "oncologic," words like "sensitive" "good listener" or "not into playing games" might mean thousand different things in a personal ad.

Don't feel *dumb* - I don't know what else to say. It's hard. Hang in there, feel good about yourself and positive changes you are making. I'm trying to do the same. I think I'd rather go to an event with a friend, low key casual, and meet men that way, than answer a personal ad, high pressure situation, and then you end up sitting at some little square table at some cafe or bar, trying to come up with "little square table talk."

Maybe "fun first date" is an oxymoron.

Finding someone online - Mgc

[ In Reply To ..]
I met my guy on a government and politics board, and we've been together 5 years. My best friend found a great guy on Match.com, and they're now married. There are some good ones out there, or maybe we just got lucky.

Not saying there aren't good ones out there - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
just, it can be kind of complicated. Maybe if you're not having good experiences dating...you should stop dating for a while? I saw this PBS show on last night, a woman who had her elderly parents living with her - and she was doing online dating - wasn't having much success.......'cause her parents were living with her, PART of the reason. The show was saying how taking care of elderly still falls to females overwhelmingly, especially if they're single...so there's THAT aspect of it...first you've got kids, so that puts a cramp on things, and then you've got parents to take care of, and THAT puts a cramp on things...and then your job as an, oh, let's say, an MT, is dissolving around you...dating can get to be pretty complicated. Just feeling like you have a life with "you" in it at all...as opposed to "them" or "all that out there" - who knows, everyone's situation is different.

But thanks for sharing your story, I'll file it away under "inspiration." :)

You have that right. It makes me mad that - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
that he has all his evenings free and every other weekend to do what he wants. When I was on that site and thinking if I do find someone to go with when the heck am I going to do it. Oh well, his loss. I hope he meets his darn match on there. May she be as wonderful to him as he was to me. Blah.

Met my hubby online - Shari

[ In Reply To ..]
I met my husband online 8 years ago at the age of 43. I made sure on my profile I put I was not looking for a one-night-stand, not looking to play games, but wanted someone to spend the rest of my life with and that we both needed to be 100% honest with each other. I got a response back from my now husband and what a surprise to found out he lived in England! After a week of emails we started talking on the phone daily and after a week we were talking 3 times a day knowing there was something special between us. We bought web cams and did that on the weekend (6 hour time difference) and after 7 months he was able to fly over to see me for 10 days and meet my kids and my mom. Less than 2 months later I flew over there and met his kids and his mum. We then filed immigration paperwork to get him to come to the U.S. and about 13 months from the time we met online, we were married and he is the BEST.

So, if you want to go online and look, be totally honest and upfront with what you want. It can work. I think with us being so far apart and talking every day, we go to know each other a lot deeper than people who meet each other sooner.

just as long as you don't hang out on balconies - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm thinking of the Kate pics brouhaha now going on - they were on their honeymoon, weren't they? Not sure.

Anyway, another inspiring story to file away. Congratulations. (Although I think I'd rather live in England - was in London once and I loved it)

Loved England - Shari

[ In Reply To ..]
Yes, I loved it when I visited. My hubby lived in NW England, beautiful country with the Lake District nearby. If I didn't have kids (and now grankids), I would have considered moving there. :)

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