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My husband's evil twin

Posted: Nov 26, 2014

anyone else have a husband with an evil twin? 99% of the time he's so much fun to be around, but then...

And I don't know how to deal with the evil twin. Today he asked me if all the bills were paid for the month and I said yes, but December looked scary. Out came the evil twin. Apparently I question everything he does. I apologized. I apologized again. It's no use apologizing to the evil twin. He does not accept apologies.

You know how some women bitch at their husbands all the time and it only makes the husbands love them more? Not here. I never bitch. Learned long ago that that does not work for me, in this relationship or any previous one. Must be nice to be able to say what you want and then not have to deal with the evil twin for three days.

;

Would Like to Hear The Other Side - see msg

[ In Reply To ..]
There's more to being a great spouse than not bit*ching, if you know what I mean.

So, you chose a bad guy?

She said he is fun to be with 99% of the time. - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
I didn't hear her saying she chose a bad guy . . .

My Point Was - see msg

[ In Reply To ..]
...he's not a bad guy. I have to say, I have a 1% in me that's not always nice.

Since when do we all have to be nice 100% of the time? I try, but it doesn't always work.

I'd say if she has 99%, she's doing good.

So, all you people who are calling this verbally abusive, look out, etc., you are sweet 100% of the time to your spouse/loved ones?

Does the Evil Twin drink alcohol? - Just wondering..........

[ In Reply To ..]

Congratulations! You are married to a verbally - abusive male.

[ In Reply To ..]
That does not sound like healthy behavior. More like verbal abuse. (Yes, really.) Doesn't sound like it was much of a surprise to you, either.

You will really benefit from reading "The Verbally Abusive Relationship..." by Patricia Evans.

"It's All Your Fault" by Bill Eddy can save your sanity, too. It is available on Amazon for 8.49. The author has free articles on his website. See the link below.

Verbally abusive male - anonie

[ In Reply To ..]
I need to read that book.

My ex used to always say everything was my fault and of course if you disagreed with him about anything, you're crazy.

I ended up being called the b word a lot and that was the worst of the verbal and emotional abuse. He also had rage and could become physically abusive.

Anyway, I found myself in situations in work places and other areas that I was amazed I ended up in. I always hated that I seemed to get into those situations not knowing till after I had been there a while they were not healthy situations to be in. One was at a hospital where I worked as an MT and boy did people have trouble with the Medical Records director. She was the nastiest person I ever knew.

If you had problems, she made them much worse, almost like she was punishing you for having problems. These were not small problems many under her had either. However, did they get rid of her? No. She was even on the grievance comittee. No one had a chance to say anything at all to higher ups because she was there.

I was so glad to get to come home to work. I got so tired of office politics and backbiting. You try to help younger MTs and they would stab you in the back. I was trying to pay it forward for those who had helped me.

Not a nice world we live in is it? So many selfish, controlling people with problems they never go to counselors or psychiatrists about. We their victims end up doing that.

Yes, do read those books! - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Definitely read those books! They will help you understand what those people are doing and how to deal with it. You might not be able to control them, but you will understand that it is their disorder, not you. Sometimes we can't help having to deal with them, so it helps to have tools for it.

Your ex is a classic case, by the way. Glad you are rid of him.

Verbally abusive male and - evil twin.

[ In Reply To ..]
I hope you rethink your situation and look into those self help books or speak to someone. I was married for 20 years and took the verbal abuse which turned into physical abuse. At the 20 year mark, I swore I would take no more, I filed for divorce, and it got worse. He died of a brain aneurysm a few years later and it was only then that I felt safe and could breathe a sigh of relief for me and my children. My kids asked me afterwards why I waited so long. After we married, I couldn't dress right, I couldn't have friends, talk on the phone, he didn't like my wrinkles on my face, didn't like the fact that I had gained weight, couldn't keep the house clean enough, and the list went on. It took years of therapy to feel good about myself again and feel like a human being. I am by myself and I like it that way, I dress the way I want, cook when I want, have friends, no one to tell me what to do and how to do it - I now have peace of mind and self worth.

You disempower yourself by saying "evil twin" - wheres_my_job

[ In Reply To ..]
It's not an "evil twin" - it's just him. That's how he handles being stressed about the bills - he unloads on you.

He needs to work on his coping skills AND his communication skills.

Why are the bills your responsibility anyway? Let him worry about December. Why apologize? You didn't do anything wrong.

You need to work on your assertiveness skills. If you fear he is going to escalate things...what does that tell you about your relationship? Perhaps there is a bigger problem than you are admitting to yourself.

Trust me, I've been there. Separate out your truth-telling from HIS poor communication skills and poor coping skills.

He has poor coping skills. That's not on you.

Good luck.

Agree about the twin, but think there is more to it - than stress...

[ In Reply To ..]
Right, it isn't his evil twin ... it is him and he's fundamentally weak, mean, and probably has a personality disorder.

I don't think it is just poor communication skills, though. He is stressed, but it is far more likely that she touched on a sore point when she mentioned the December expenses. She made him feel threatened, and his way of dealing with threats is to lash out and blame HER.

Normal, adult people discuss expenses rationally. It is likely that he feels inadequate for not bringing in enough money. When she just mentions the December bills, he feels attacked, so he attacks back. In his mind, she wasn't just mentioning expenses--she was attacking and accusing him. Yes, the response was overblown, but that is how they respond. "I need to hurt you before you hurt me."

It could also be that he is afraid she will uncover something, like gambling, drinking, entertainment, tobacco, drug, or other unwise expenses on his part. Attacking her first keeps her from going down that road.

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