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Husband Issues-Part 2

Posted: Nov 5, 2014

I posted a short while back and got some great input and was asking for a bit more. Short recap: I'm the one that the hubby has a lady at work who has a crush on him, made it known to a friend of mine, I confronted lady and hubby stopped talking to her, but didn't really have a confrontation with her. I was upset at hubby, because I felt he should have confronted her, not just me. Anyway, I decided to take the high road and just leave it alone and stop bothering hubby with it. I felt like I couldn't force him to take on the same reaction I would and as long as he wasn't talking to her I wouldn't worry about it.

So now, this lady (she is in her late 40s mind you, not high school) well she called my phone the other day while my hubby was at work. I don't have her number saved in my phone, but I know her number because she, along with other people my husband work with have to call him often, because he is on call. Well, I answered, because I didn't know if she was at work or not (she wasn't) and I wanted to make sure there was no emergency with my husband. When I answered it was completely silent, she said nothing, but then laid the phone down and proceeded to have a conversation with another lady about a "married man who had a "bit**" for a wife and blah blah blah" on and on and on!!!! I mean she sat the phone down and talked about me the entire time!

I showed hubby on my phone that she called and told him that I felt that if he had taken care of this the FIRST time that maybe this wouldn't be going on and he said he agreed. So, he called the lady up and asked her why in the world she would call my phone and do that. She said she didn't call my phone, I was lying. He told her that wasn't true, he was looking right at my phone and she said "Tell your wife, I have no desire to talk to her. I can't control who picks my phone up or who they call, but I ____ sure don't want to talk to her ___." She then hung up on my husband and he said nothing else to her.

I don't even know what to do at this point, but I mean I certainly know it was no accident she called me and she can definitely do something about it, she doesn't need my number even in her phone, but hubby didn't even say that to her!! I am so mad at this point that I am furious at him as well, because I feel that if this were going on at my workplace, it would be taken care of. I don't even know what should be done now, but I do know that I watch a lot of Oxygen "Snapped" episodes and you never know what could happen, as crazy as that sounds.

What would you do if this were you and any suggestions of anything that should be done next?

;

She sounds psychotic. - SM

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First of all, be careful. Is there any way your husband can report this incident to her boss? She sounds unstable.

Honestly, after I cooled down a bit - or however long it took

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for me to not be mad, I would think of what to do. You cannot make any good decisions mad or frustrated. After cooling down, I think I would not do anything. Sometimes silence is the best answer. This lady sure has gotten a rise out of you and that's probably her goal; to get in between you and your husband. It sounds like she is succeeding. I would block her number from your phone. As far as your husband, he got on the phone and talked to her. He can't control how this woman responds, and he's not you. He responded how he did because he is who he is. You, however, would have probably done it differently. At least he tried. You have to remember, who does your husband come home to every night? Who is he married to? You, not this other woman. I would not give her the time of day any longer. Please don't add anymore to this situation. I would not say another word about it. That is what I would do. I really think that would be the mature way to handle it. She sounds very childish and dealing with someone like this just brings you down to that level. Hold your head high and just brush it off your shoulders like water on a duck's back. It's not worth it!

it sounds like she dialed your number accidentally - sm

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That said, I wouldn't be making reference to a murderous series on a public forum.

Marriage counseling might be in order. - sm

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It sounds like you and your husband could benefit from some counseling. Obviously, something's not right in this marriage. He is either intimidated by the woman and doesn't want to make waves, or he doesn't care what the situation is doing to YOU.

Dear Husband Issues - Down this road more than once

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The only thing that I agree with in all of this is you can't make your husband respond to this in the way he should. If he indeed had handled all of this the way he should have, you would not have received the call. The only reason he said anything to her in the first place was because he feels obligated to do so. As a husband, he should handle things properly because that is the right and proper thing to do, because he has respect for you, not only to placate you. Your husband clearly seems to have issues with divided loyalties, and that is what I would have questions about, because he should NEVER have more loyalty to a female coworker than he does to his own wife. When I have had this experience (more than once) it has been my observation that men are deeply flattered by this kind of special attention. I don't know if in some warped way it is validation that they've "still got it," or what, but it obviously has deteriorated into unarguably inappropriate behavior on their part. A man who is devoted to his wife would not want to participate in anything that would cause his wife so much emotional pain.

A question you might want to ask him would be how he would handle this if it was you at work getting this kind of attention from a single male coworker. Does he think he would just shrug it off and keep giving you a pass on it? Would he think it inappropriate if the hypothetical male coworker called his phone and put the phone down and talked about him in that way? Men seldom give passes on this type of behavior and care little about taking the high road.

I'm not sure if when you say she called your phone, was it a land line or was it your cell phone?

As far as what she said about you, it's none of that coworker's business what kind of woman your husband is married to, since you're the one who is married to him.

From my own experience and how I handled things in the past and gave so many passes on this kind of thing, for myself, I would never overlook any of this ever again. To me, it is equivalent to giving it my blessing that no matter what I will trust him to do the "right" thing. That didn't work out very well for me, and after 34 years, I'm separated and planning a divorce.

I think your husband has already proven that he lacks the necessary judgment to handle this situation properly and do the "right" thing. I think neither you nor I would allow one of our male coworkers to do this to our husbands, so why should we take it? If you tell him that she called, why is it you and not her that must prove the truthfulness of what you are saying?

I'll say it again, your husband seems to have divided loyalties. I don't know enough about your situation to say what I would do if I were in it, but I would not be inclined to give him a pass on it or feel that he had handled it properly.

I trusted my husband about coworkers and I should not have, more than once. I even had him call one and ask when he could move in. She didn't want him to move in, and I always refer to this as winning by default. In the end, I won nothing and ended up wasting my life.

Keep your chin up. I believe you will find your way in all of this. Insist that you be shown the respect in this marriage that you deserve.

Something else - Down this road more than once

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If she is calling you when she is not at work on your line, I would think that she had garnered the information from your husband's company file, probably from the in case of emergency contact. That is clearly misuse of personal information and a breach of confidentiality that your husband's employer is liable for. How did she get that information, has anyone bothered to ask, or even care? This may be okay with your husband, but I doubt his employer would think so.

Not easy, but don't over-react - TrampledUnderfoot

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I read your first post and didn't respond, but after this latest one, it appears that your husband had this woman pegged as a nut-job and thought it was best to just steer clear of her. This latest call proves that to be true. She's nuts and you shouldn't have aggravated yourself by even listening to that conversation. Of course it was put on for your "benefit" and of course she was going to deny it. Take the high road and ignore any future interaction with her and find a way to laugh this off.

Continued whining about how your husband SHOULD have handled this to begin with is counterproductive. Let it go.

You are feeding into this. - Just stop focusing on it.

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We cannot control what nut cases do, but we CAN control our own responses to them.

You apparently think your behavior is justified and appropriate. You think you need to make her stop. You think you need to make your husband stop.

What you aren't getting is that your incessant focus on this is unhealthy and is CAUSING the problem to continue. You are encouraging this nut to keep on yanking your chain.

The reason this sort of thinkis on TV is because it is trashy behavior. Your response to itis not appropriate ... it is trashy behavior.

All you had to do when she called was hang up the phone.

If you stop rewarding her by getting all outraged, she will stop. If you had done that to begin with, you would not have this problem now. YOU caused this more than she did.

My suggestion is to stop thinking TV presents an accurate view of reality, because it does not.

workplace harrassment - msdaisy

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sounds like harassment in reverse towards your husband from this lady. guys just don't see it and will not directly confront with HR or this piranha. husband needs to say to this woman-we are co-workers and nothing more should be read into our interactions-its a work relationship not personal as you perceive. but some women still don't get it--remember movie Fatal Attraction.

It seems that it would not matter--sm - anon

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No matter what your husband said, this lady's reaction would have likely been the same. She has issues that the right words and tone of voice would not have solved. If she calls, do not answer.

The options available are to have the superiors talk to her. There are a lot of outcomes possible from that and they may make your life more difficult. Your husband could look for another job. Is it worth the hassle?

You need to say to your husband, "Sweetie... - SM

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Because you don't seem to be getting through to this woman, I'm going to pop into your work and have a little chat with this woman face to face." And then sit back and gauge his reaction. Suggest that the three of you sit down and talk about the situation and again see how he reacts. You will learn a lot from watching him closely about where his head or heart is in this situation.

I'm going to say something that no one else here seems to want to say, but I know they are thinking. Where there is smoke there is fire. If your husband truly conveyed to this woman that he was not interested in her advances, then why is she so persistent? Is your husband really that desirable, that a woman just cannot resist his charm and won't take no for an answer?

The poster above who suggested that you stop thinking that television is an accurate representation of relationships has a point. I would go further and say that women like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction are few and far between. This woman being a "nutcase" as an explanation for her behavior is a stretch. I think a more plausible explanation is that your husband is encouraging her in some way. He's flattered or he flirts back or ....... he's already sleeping with her.

Let me tell you my story. My ex-husband worked with a woman who flirted with him. To me they seemed too friendly. He said I was paranoid. That he worked with her and they were coworkers, end of story. She started calling his phone and texting him. When I busted him, he said the woman was "obsessed" with him, but that I shouldn't worry. He said he loved me, that was a great wife, and he would never cheat on me. Except he was already cheating on me. I knew he was full of crap, just couldn't prove it. I caught him in the backyard talking to her and he quickly hung up when came out. He said I was crazy. Finally, a man left an ominous voicemail for my husband on our house phone when we had been out of town for the weekend saying "You're being watched. I know all about you." It freaked me out, but my husband told me it was just a prank call, one of his friends being stupid. I didn't believe him. The man who left the voicemail called again and this time I answered. It was the woman's husband and he told me how our spouses were screwing around. The man told me that he and his wife were trying to work it out, but that he was angry and didn't think my husband should get off so easy. He suggested that he and his wife meet me so that his wife could tell me the truth. He said that was the only way he was going to take her back was if she confessed to me. So I told my husband that I was going to meet them and he came unglued. I knew he was caught. He tried to say it was never six, just hanging out and making out. He then followed me to the meeting and made a scene in the parking lot. He was desperate to keep me from talking to her. At that point, I didn't need to talk to her at all, I knew I had caught him. That's all that mattered to me anyway was that I caught him and he knew he was caught. All that "you're crazy" and "you're paranoid" nonsense had really angered me and I wanted him to know he was caught and I was neither of those things. I talked to her anyway. Told her she had wrecked my family (we had a son who was 7 at the time). I told her that she could have him to which she replied, "I'm working things out with my husband." She was scared to death I was going to hit her. She was visibly, literally shaking in her boots. I didn't hit her. I didn't yell or scream like the crazy person my husband had made me out to be. I simply thanked her for telling me the truth and I walked away.

That's my story and I'm telling you that something isn't right in your situation either. Don't let your husband deter you from the truth. You have every right to be angry at this woman and you have every right to confront her and HIM. Do it. Don't let these women here tell you to "be a lady." You can be a lady and still meet this head on. Being a lady is not ignoring the situation. It's handling the situation and your husband they way it needs to be handled. Put everyone in their place and do it now. You just might be able to save your marriage, if that's what you want or it may allow you to walk away with dignity.

Good Luck!

I had a man that wanted to come in between - me and my husband

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and I was not making any advances to him. He really wanted my husband's life, the kids, house, me, etc. He was sort of "obsessed". I was minding my own business and living my own life and he kept on pursuing me. It's not always a two way road. Maybe her husband isn't making advances; it's just this woman causing trouble. There are a lot of snakes out there female and male. Maybe her husband is just not confrontational and this is difficult for him to do. We would all like our husbands to be the knight in shining armor and protect us and whisk us away from any danger or bad people, but I think that is a fairytale and most men are not that way, disappointing yes. That's just my take on this.

If I could like this a thousand times - Down this road more than once

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Seems like the OP is getting mostly advice about how to ignore a mess that her husband has created at work and is now spilling over to home. I certainly would not just not answer the phone or just hang up and ignore it all.

I have been through issues with men in my life - and I thank the good Lord now

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for the man I am married to and have been for 14+ years. I have known him much longer but never have I even thought must less caught him in any hanky-panky and a woman usually knows, has some inkling of when something is going on, no one usually has to tell you. There are good men out there, extremely good men and you certainly do not have to take the leftovers when you can have the filet mignon. Life is much too short to bother with someone who does not stand up for you and would "let" someone bother you in the first place. That man needs to man up. The story is ridiculous. I probably would have already intervened by contacting the higher boss if the husband failed me which he is doing here.

direct chat approach - msdaisy

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I agree with the first paragraph is best way to go. suggest a threesome (chat) and see his/her reaction....you mentioned this woman told your friend who in turn told you-perhaps your friend has more of a role in it and not truly a friend? maybe you friend who has your number actually called after chatting with this woman-again-then put her on speaker phone.....she went through your friend to get this going...

I think your husband needs to change jobs! This is sm - outraged

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all too suspicious. Do you think the woman might really be involved with your husband and trying to get him caught? I think you need to lay the law down at home, your husband has to find a new job. This is outrageous!

I hate to say it, but my sister actually did this to someone. - Not proud of her

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My sister, I found out years after the fact, actually did this to a guy. She stalked him and came between him and his wife and actually caused or helped to cause a divorce. (All the while married to someone else mind ya.) SHE'S the scumbag. I don't know but it's entirely possible your husband is not at fault at all. Perhaps he's just uncomfortable with your idea of how to handle it. I really hope it doesn't ruin your relationship. Good luck.

How the employer can, and most likely will, - "take care of this."

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I am not sure what you think your husband's employer can do about this, but firing your husband is the most likely scenario.

They are not going to tell this woman to bug off, as you seem to think. That is because they will see YOU as the cause of the problem. It is, after all, YOU who are seeing and complaining about affairs, not her. She will just be complaining that YOU are harassing and stalking HER.

When you demand that your husband speak to her about this, you are asking him to do something that will violate his employer's expectations for conduct. It will be seen as harassment and bullying on HIS part.

If you keep this up, you will have an unemployed husband. Is that your goal?

That woman is far more interested in YOU than she ever was in your husband. You annoyed her before, so she ... and her friends ... are now playing a fun game of "now I've got you." They are orchestrating a series of moves to lead you to the point where this whole nasty scenario -- half of which YOU caused -- turns right around and gets your husband fired.

You are so wrapped up in this that you cannot see it. And that is exactly why employers will fire your husband, not her. Because no matter what she did, your husband dealt with it inappropriately and allowed his wife to intrude into his workplace.

He is also very likely to have started this himself by getting involved with her. If he hadn't, he would not be able to ask her to stop now. That is something the employer will see right away.

I agree, husband will lose job and lady will continue on....sm - my 2 pennies

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so OP I hope you know what you're doing here. This situation is very tenuous and if you decide to continue to involve yourself and give demands to your husband, you'll be the sole support of your family.

Your husband will lose all the way around.

Sounds like the above two posters - are telling you to

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shut up and take your medicine. Doesn't sound much like they've been in your situation before, but they are telling you that you're lucky to have a husband, and you lucky gal, don't do anything to threaten the delicate balance of his work situation, even if he has no respect for you. I guess they think you're lucky he allows you to eat and sleep at home. It's your fault your husband is encouraging this woman and can't remember who he's married to. LOL

I agree! The above to posters and some of the other posters - Not June Cleaver!

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should be ashamed of themselves. I am utterly disgusted with some of the responses the OP has received here. Telling her to be a "lady" and basically telling her SHE'S the problem for pushing the issue with her husband. WHAT!?!?!?

So the OP is supposed to have no self-respect whatsoever and just idly sit back and let this woman harrass her and ruin her marriage? The OP is supposed to allow her husband to be a weasel or a cheat, while she plays the dutiful and supportive wife?

Give me a freaking break! I posted some advice on your previous posts about this and got blasted by some of these weak women who advise you to do nothing cuz you're so damned lucky to have a husband at all apparently. Geezus! These women are an embarrassment!

OP, I know this situation is upsetting. You feel betrayed on some level by your husband, but you just don't know how deep the betrayal goes. You know he's not shutting this woman down like he should. You know that on some level he is even encouraging it. You are hurt and angry and frustrated because you don't know how to handle the situation. When husband's behave this way, it's a blow to the wife's pride. You should NOT sit back and do nothing. You should NOT behave like a lady to the point where you look like a wimp. You have every right to be angry, to confront your husband, this woman, and even take to your husband's employer. So what if your husband loses his job? Whose fault is that anyway? Yours - NO! It is his fault for not handling this situation and it's the b****'s fault for messing with your marriage.

Now, I'm going to give you my bluntly honest opinion about your situation. It doesn't make me happy to say this and I am truly sorry for you. Your husband is screwing around on you as sure as you are drawing breath. You know it, I know it, everyone here knows it. You've known for longer than you want to admit to and that's okay. ALL women who have been cheated on, deny it to themselves for a while. But we always know even before we catch them or before we have proof. Women are very intuitive.

So here's the best advice you'll ever get: Get yourself a shark of a divorce lawyer and file for divorce. Go to the county courthouse and get an ex parte on this woman. Calling you is harrassment. Even if the judge eventually throws it out, the woman will still be served notice of the ex parte and court date by law enforcement. Have her served AT WORK! Nothing may ever come of it, but you will have effectively humiliated her like she is trying to humiliate you.

She just declared war on her your marriage. She fired the first shot and kept firing when she decided to play her little phone games. It's time you fire back!

I feel for you and I know this is hard, but you have to be strong. I know some of these ladies here will call me cold, hard, unladylike - whatever. I am strong! This has happened to me. I have a daughter and the last thing I wanted is for my daughter to think that it was okay to be treated this way. I didn't want my daughter to see me as a weak woman willing to put up with a cheating husband. My daughter is strong-minded and well adjusted. Her father repaired his relationship with her which I totally supported.

I have now been married for a while to a man who has treated me and our marriage with the respect it deserves.

I don't know if you have kids, but think about the example you want to set for them and the example your husband is setting for them with his behavior.

Did the OP say her husband was cheating? - Or is that based on YOUR opinion?

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Just because you are the kind of woman someone would cheat on does not mean the OP is that kind of woman as well. It seems that the core issue here is that the OP does not think her husband shut this woman down the way OP would have liked him to. Maybe she suspects he is having an affair or likes the attention or doesn't respect OP and the marriage. This work woman is baiting the OP hoping that she will look like a shrew or worse so that no matter what happens the work woman can shrug her shoulders and say OP is a paranoid nutjob. Is the OP's husband cheating? Maybe. Is the work woman trying to get the OP's husband? Maybe. People here who are advising some *self control* on the part of the OP see it as a way to give her more options rather than stomping off to a divorce attorney. Keeping your options open is not weak. It is smart. Why should the OP give up control of her own self and her behavior to her husband and some random woman?? If the OP were asking advice on how to get yourself out of her marriage, you're her girl.

You're the only one who has mentioned - cheating and divorce

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There are also many of us who have had these experiences, and therefore, we have the ability to speak from experience. Speaking from experience, it is unwise to just ignore the situation. It is obvious from what has been told that this female coworker would like to have more than a work relationship with the OP's husband. No one else other than you has mentioned cheating and divorce. You obviously are not speaking from experience.

It seems that you have turned this into something personal on your part and have become rather nasty when you say "just because you are the kind of woman someone would cheat on." That alone speaks volumes to the worth of what you may have to contribute.

Wow! So if a husband cheats, it's the wife's fault for being - Not June Cleaver!

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the kind of woman a man would cheat on?!?!?! And before you say that wasn't what you said, this is exactly what you posted:

"Just because you are the kind of woman someone would cheat on does not mean the OP is that kind of woman as well."

You are either, A) a simple-minded, blinded woman whose husband has cheated on her and your are living in denial or B) You're a man who typically blames all his bad behavior on his wife/girlfriend.

Either way, you're in for a rude awakening.

And yes for the record I am of the opinion that there has been a betrayal on some level by the OP's husband. Whether it involves sex or not is immaterial.

I do realize that you were trying to insult me, but - Not June Cleaver!

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I think your statement has given us disturbing insight into your mentality of blaming the victim. You are a truly awful person.

OP, you should not ignore this situation. It will NOT go away. And you should also not shoulder any of the blame in this situation. You have done nothing wrong, NOTHING.

NotJune - Nothing Intended

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I have never had to deal with issues of disloyalty in my marriage, so I defer to your experience regarding the OP, her husband, and the work woman. My point was that how a person reacts to a situation, which really is all anyone can truly control since we can't control how another person acts, has a serious effect on how a situation is resolved. There is a continuum of behavior ranging from provoking to responding aggressively to standing up for oneself to burying one's head in the sand and ignoring reality. My point is how the OP is responding to the situation. She has already confronted the work woman, and her response seems to have escalated the situation. Being "proactive" did not help things. I am by no means advocating being a doormat, but am trying to point out that a more moderate reaction does not limit her options (if things go bad) the way a more aggressive approach does. The most important thing is how the OP feels about herself and how she conducts herself in a difficult situation. Point two is that if it's a tough time in their marriage and the OP's husband is enjoying the "tug of war" between the OP and the woman at his job, make him own up to it. People look for reasons to rationalize their own bad behavior. Don't give him any. Point three is that what worked for you may not work for someone else.

I don't know if you are the same poster... - Not June Cleaver

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who posted above "just because you're the type of woman who gets cheated on..." If you are, you can't back pedal now. Even if the post was directed at only at mean, the underlying insinuation is that there are women who deserve to be cheated on. No woman deserves to be cheated on period. If a man is so unhappy in his relationship, that he feels the need to stray than he should be man enough to admit that and end his current relationship.

If you are not the poster from above, my response is not meant for you. However, I agree with you that each situation is unique. Once I step back from my initial outrage, I would advise the OP that should handle her situation in whatever way she feels comfortable. I believe there is no wrong way to handle this situation. All the emotions she is having or will have are completely normal and completely justified. You may not be one of the posters advocating women being doormats, but some of the posters here have been doing just that -- even going so far as saying the husband is being victimized by this crazy woman at work. The only victim in this situation is the OP. We as women should be supporting the OP, not telling her that she is over reacting or that she should just ignore the situation or that she should worry about her poor husband who might lose his job and definitely not sending the message that maybe she deserved to be cheated on!

NotJune - What era did you grow up in??

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The reason I ask is that I came of age when feminism (formerly known as Women's Lib) was in its heyday, and I would love to think you are younger than I am and still enlightened. Your statement will probably be lost because it's so far down in this thread, but it's the most important one: "We as women should be supporting the OP." I am appalled that after all this time women are still their own worst enemy. Feminism was not about women being more like men or burning bras or lesbians. It was about women being empowered and supporting each other and realizing that women's work is equally valuable as men's work. How can things ever change when women are still throwing each other under the bus over some man?!

I love that you use the F-word in your post - Not June Cleaver

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FEMINISM. I've been called a feminist as if it were an insult. It doesn't help that you have Rush Limbaugh coining the term "feminazi."

I was a kid in the 70s and understood that feminism was protesting women being paid less than men for the same jobs simply because they were women. As I grew up, I realized that feminism is about so much more. Like you said it was about self-empowerment and it should be about empowering each other. Instead, feminists are stereotyped as lesbians or man hating ball-busters.

Worst of all, women turn on each other, are cruel to one another. When I think about the pain the OP must being going through trying to sift through all this crap, trying to figure out where her husband's loyalties lie, she comes here for advice and probably looking for support, and some women actually kick her when she's down! It's just disgusting and disheartening!

NotJune - You should be cloned!

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Truer words were never spoken, NotJune. Again, I am sorry your observations will be lost amid the chaos in this thread. Sisterhood *is* powerful, and if we all acted that way nobody would be labeled a homewrecker, crazy, nutjob, etc. because husband's female co-worker would not sell another woman down the river for a man. All my life I have tried to explain that feminism does not mean a man doesn't open the doors for you. It means he doesn't close them on you--whether it's a job promotion, salary, respect in a monogamous relationship, equal responsibility in raising children both financially AND emotionally, etc. I wish I could buy you some cyber-coffee! And I hate Rush Limbaugh.

Get Real - SM

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Let's all get together and blame the victim. God forbid we recognize and confront the conduct of low-life people.

It also could be - just a possibility

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He has made her some promises for the future that he is not holding to. That angers people, and they think if they make you aware of what is going on, it will cause you to divorce him. Just a thought. I hope you can work this out. I wish you the best of luck.

Been here before also. I wish the OP would consider sm - justme

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that her husband IS possibly inappropriately involved, either emotionally or physically, with this woman. Random women from work generally don't accidentally call the co-worker's wife. These men are wiley, watch out and investigate.

It could also be that the OP is - channeling my mother.

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It could also be that the OP is not being victimized at all. She could just have a husband who is on call, which may require the woman from work to call him, and he may be trying to defuse his wife's suspicions as best he can. He is probably mystified as to how she comes up with it to begin with.

The whole story is almost an exact duplicate of the paranoid delusions and obsessive, controlling destructive behavior my mentally ill mother engaged in all her life. Complete with the veiled threat about "snapping" when it just gets to be too much.

Here is an example ... Husband has had ear surgeries and requires special hearing aids, which require batteries, requiring going to hearing aid store. Store is out of his batteries, which are special order or something, but woman at store calls when they come in. This raises suspicions. Mom tells him to find another store, giving him a list she researched of stores that have male clerks. Yes, she telephoned all over the place to find them. Most are in another city. She thinks he needs to prove his loyalty by driving 50 miles. She begins tracking purchases. She records phone calls and trips to store. She parks nearby and times husband in store. She tracks other customers' presence and times in store. She feels it takes him too long to buy batteries. She feels he is buying batteries too often. He has unnecessary trouble with his hearing aids, she feels. She accuses him of doing something to make the batteries wear out too soon. He is astonished by this. Has no idea where it is coming from. She asks phone company to trace the calls because she is sure HA store lady -- she now calls her "hussy" -- is calling from home. She goes through his dresser and finds his extra batteries, "proving" that he is buying too many. She calls owner of store insisting that hussy be fired, providing her list of dates and times when she observed that no one was in the store but them and she was sure they had you-know-what because he was there 5 minutes. Owner is astonished and does nothing. Mom goes to police. Police are astonished. Mom goes to state agencies, all of which are astonished. Finally, one day, husband comes into kitchen without hearing aids because batteries are dead. Mom has hidden the batteries, so he thinks he needs to go get some. Mom starts screaming that he is lying about being deaf. He has made this up ... surgeries and all ... so he can have an affair with that hussy. He can't hear her. That "proves" to her that he is lying ... he is doing this to hurt her. So, she snatches up a cast iron frying pan and slams him.

If you think that is extreme, see if this one fits. Husband works for utility company, where he is on call. When he gets called in, it may take several hours. Calls are always nights and weekends outside of regular shifts. Several people, mostly men, might call. Mom attends company Christmas party and meets company secretary. Gets angry about new hussy talking to husband at party, demands to leave. Days later, secretary calls husband in, raising suspicions. Mom tells him not to talk to her, but he has to. Mom begins tracking on-call calls. Follows husband to see where he goes when called in. Looks in parking lot for secretary's car. Notes that husband parked next to it ... proving that something is up. The fact that 15 other cars are in the lot makes no difference--they are all in on the alleged coverup. Has elaborate explanation for how the cars are being used for you-know-what. This makes perfect sense to her. She knows people do this ... secretaries are known for it. Confronts husband, who has no idea where this is coming from. Confronts secretary, who has no idea where this is coming from. More tracking ensues. Calls secretary's boss, who is astonished. Secretary is furious. Secretary then gets tired of game and calls police when mom is found peering through gates of utility company. It is a restricted area due to concerns about sabotage. Enraged at this, seeing ABSOLUTE PROOF in it, mom goes to the city with reams of tracking info, to file a complaint against the secretary. Husband is nearly fired, and that is just fine with mom, who still thinks he should have quit to prove his loyalty to her.

Sorry folks, but the OP's story just sounds too, too familiar.

OMG, Your mother is nut job! sm - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
Which I'm sure you know (that your mom is a nut job). She has some serious trust issues and very low self-esteem. Very interesting, though, as another take on the OP's story.

What she had was borderline personality disorder - to the extreme.

[ In Reply To ..]
She made life hell for everyone.

What I would do - Revenge lady

[ In Reply To ..]
Of course this is the wrong answer, but I'm the kind that likes revenge. This is what I would do.

Go to a pay phone, call her number. When she answers don't say anything, but hold the phone within speaking distance and pretend you are having a conversation with a friend. Tell your imaginary friend about a psycho "b" who is after married men at your husbands work. I'd also make up some stuff too. I'd say things like, the whole office knows she is a tramp and from what my husband tells me the whole office is staying clear from her for fear of getting crabs. Then I'd hang up. They wouldn't be able to trace the call and if your husband asks just say "really? Nope, you can look at my phone record, I didn't make any calls to her". and leave it at that.

Ahhhh...revenge :-)

Where do you find a - cheryl

[ In Reply To ..]
pay phone?

Downtown - or anywhere the - poor and homeless squat

[ In Reply To ..]
That's where they are in my city.

And the random 7-11.

Smoke = Fire - Go kick her hoo-ha, then...

[ In Reply To ..]
Come home and kick his..... out.

I've heard that there is technology - suzistkr

[ In Reply To ..]
that some people use to make a call look like it came from someone else on the caller ID. Is it possible it could have been someone else?

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