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Well, after 3 years, my son's divorce is finally official- very long vent.
Posted: Jun 14, 2010
Thank heavens, no children in their 11 years, but his ex won't leave him alone. She's constantly calling him wanting money or furniture, or just to hassle him. She had taken everything out of the home they once lived in and he only wound up with a kitchen table and chairs. That's it. Now she wants that back. He's going to do it hoping she will get off his back.
BTW, she used to hit him when they would fight. He came over one day with red marks all over his chest and face. He didn't have her arrested for that and she apologized so he went back. Then she was caught on camera by a news station when she went to visit HER ex-husband in jail and even spent a couple days with him after he got out of jail "so her daughter could get to know her father". Then she left him and moved in with his friend 2 doors away when the house went up for sale. By taking everything out of the house (including ripping the microwave off the wall and cutting wires, breaking the tile floor with a hammer, etc.), the house sold for a fraction of what it was worth. He didn't see a penny of that money.
When his father died, my son bought his truck (when they were still married and getting along). The only way they could get a loan was both sign for it, which meant the title was in both names. Now she wants half the money for the truck. She's threatened to break the windows out, flatten the tires, etc. if he doesn't give her the money. He finally had to hide the truck where she couldn't find it so she wouldn't destroy it. He hasn't been able to drive it for 3 years because of this. He doesn't have the money to give her because he's on unemployment right now.
Now, my son has met someone else and the ex is getting worse. She's forever going to his place to see what he's doing. She also bumped into my son's half sister and told her that she will never leave him alone and said she will never sign the title over to him. I call it harrassment and think he should get a PFA on her.
It's a shame his truck is not here because I'm just eager to have her arrested for trespassing. :-) I almost did it when she came after him after the hitting incident.
I'm almost sure she's on drugs and truly hope she gets caught buying or selling. DH had warned him about her before they got married but she seemed like a decent person. How little judge of character I (and my son) have.
Sorry, but I'm so venting here. I need suggestions on how he can get her out of his life once and for all and get her name off the truck title so he can have a life again. DH says there's nothing he can do about it. Anyone?
;
divorce - questions
[ In Reply To ..]I would start documenting every incident in police reports to show a pattern of her behavior. Record phone calls made by her. Take pictures of the damage, etc. Get a TPO asap. Do not under any circumstances try to make contact with the stalker. That one fact alone can ruin a criminal investigation as far as the police are concerned.
I'm wondering why the title of the truck was not discussed in the divorce settlement? He should not just be giving her things to make her go away, because of course, she is not just going to go away on her own.
Your son may also need to get his own attorney (separate from the divorce attorney).
Hope this helps...just trying to give you a few hints I've learned over the years of being married to a cop.
He did change his phone number after she kept - Backwards Typist
[ In Reply To ..]calling and before that, he stopped answering when caller ID showed it was her. That just infuriated her more. Now she's calling the new girlfriend.
As for the truck not being in the settlement agreement, there really was none. She was the one who filed for divorce. It was a no-fault divorce.
I still have the tape where the local news showed her with her ex and offered it to him if he needs it.
When I first learned of this, I told him to document everything, no matter how small an incident. Hopefully he did.
I think she's jealous of the new girlfriend. She did this before after she filed divorce papers. He had met someone far away and they got along good until the ex found out and started the same crap. As soon as the new girl got a taste of the maniac, she said uh,oh. Don't want any part of that...and broke it off.
property settlement - tootsie
[ In Reply To ..]all divorces have property settlements, no fault or not...it is an agreed upon between the two parties separation of the household properties. This should have been addressed in regards to the truck, as well as the table and chair set that she left him with and now wants back. No one party gets to walk off with everything....unless he just agreed to everything she wanted. I do not want to say this, but he really needs to grow a back bone and stand up to her. She is taking advantage of him in all areas of his life, and he is letting her! Start with the restraining order and then use it, calling the police every time she contacts him in any way. All divorces also state in the paperwork that each party is not to interfere with the life and property of the other, and she is violating this full force. Take it to the judge that granted the divorce and have her held in contempt! She is doing this because she is allowed to. He really needs to stand up for himself and put a stop to all this harassment. If he wants to move out of state, I have an extra room he can use until he gets on his feet. I hate to see this happen to anyone! When a serpent attacks, you step on the neck!
Thanks for the advice. - Backwards Typist
[ In Reply To ..]He is an ole softie and thought if he let her have what she wanted, she would leave him alone. I'll have to have him READ his divorce papers to see what it involved.
As for the house, that was sold before she filed for divorce.
When they were married, my son used to throw birthday parties for his son at their house. One year, in front of everyone, she grabbed the money given to my grandson and stated, "what's yours is mine." When a little girl asked why she took the money, she told her "women are the boss and you never let men have any money"....so true. She would take his paycheck and give my son $10 a week.
That's the last time DH decided he would never go to another party at their house. He was afraid he'd "punch her out." (wish he would have).
He can do a couple of things starting now if he choses - BTDT
[ In Reply To ..]I bought a recording device and digital recorder to plug into my cell phone. The first call after this from my ex (stalker), I told him to stop calling me. I did not elaborate or go into details. I just said stop and then hung up. I recorded telling him to stop. After that, I kept a note pad in the house and another in the car to log the time, date and phone number that he was calling from. (I no longer answered the calls). When I had several (didn't take long), I took the recorder and the logs to the police station. I reported that that I had told him to stop and he had not. They took a report and asked if I wanted to press charges. The first time I went, I did not press charges. They keep that complaint active for 1 year, so any further violatations can activate the first complaint. Then I told anyone who also knew him that I had filed a complaint with the police and that he should be expecting a visit from them. He stopped calling me and stopped calling my friends that I cared to continue to be friends with. I never had to go back to the police station and he did not contact me again.
I don't know if your son is assertive enough to follow through on this suggestion, but I know first hand it does work. My situation was complicated because a couple of those calls were received by me while I was driving from one state to another to visit family (yep, to get away from the ex). Unless I stopped in the town where I recieved the call to report it, it could not be reported in my destination town. IOW, I would have had reports in 3 different states spanning 1000 miles, and sometimes I was not IN a town, just wooded areas.
If I were your son, I would offer to give her the truck for her half of its value. If she wants the cash and not the truck, I would give her half the Blue Book value in exchange for her signature on a bill of sale and on the title giving full ownership to him. It would be worth it to end things completely with her. If she were to take the truck without giving him half for it, take her to small claims court and sue her for it.
People who pray on other people like this ex of your son's does will usually stop it when it is no longer fun for them.
I'm working on him to get the restraining order. - Backwards Typist
[ In Reply To ..]Mentioned it again yesterday when we talked.
As for recording conversations, it's illegal in this state, except if it's on voice mail. He already told her he will take it to the police if she didn't stop calling.
As for the truck, it's the only thing he has from his father and he doesn't want to give it up. She knows this. That's why she's hammering him for half the money, which he doesn't have because he's unemployed right now. She knows this too.
I also warned him not to say anything to his brother because his brother is married to a girl the ex helped get a job with the county (loyalty because of it? Probably.). Whether she would say anything to the ex, I wouldn't know, but evidently that's how the ex found out he had a new girlfriend.
correct me if I'm wrong but don't - you all live in Georgia?
[ In Reply To ..]if so, a one-party consent call is perfectly legal as long all parties on the call are in Georgia. Your son is the one party who knows it is being taped, so it's legal.
Videotaping without consent is another story!
Nope. Live in PA. Always wanted to live in GA however. LOL - Backwards Typist
[ In Reply To ..]Here, we have to ask permission to tape them unless they leave a message on the answering machine.
yep, you are one of 3 states that require permission - BTDT nm
[ In Reply To ..]
Why not just relocate for a while? - disappear
[ In Reply To ..]Since he's unemployed why can't he go stay with relatives or friends that live far away, and start his life over without all this drama? If he's no longer around for her to hassle, she'll find something else to do and forget about him. Nobody has to tell her where he is.
Don't have any relatives far away. - Backwards Typist
[ In Reply To ..]If he did, I'm sure he'd do it. In fact, most of his local friends don't want to get involved; they stay away from him because they don't want to deal with her. A few of them were harrassed for a while so they avoid him like the plague.
Sounds like he needs to get a restraining order against - her. NM
[ In Reply To ..]x
definitely get a restraining order - shadow
[ In Reply To ..]have him get a restraining order. Abuse is abuse no matter who does it. Sounds to me like she is one who wants her cake and eat it too type. She really needs to get a life without your son and the only way she is going to leave is to stand up to her, including you, your son and his ____ friends. True friends don't stand back and not help their friends because of a crazy ex. Have him live with you and then you can file one on her as well since she would be trespassing on your property to see him. Then you can help take some pressure off him as well. I so wish you good luck in dealing with this. My own sister has been on drugs for so long, around 30 years, that I had to draw the line and not have contact with her. Truthfully it sounds like this nut case ex is too since my sister has done alot of the same things. I pray for you and your son. Good luck.
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