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Just a Vent

Posted: May 11, 2011

This doesn't really require advice, but just a vent. I had written about two weeks ago regarding problems my daughter was having with her boyfriend of 7 months. Well, he just broke up with her two days ago after he invited her to his prom this Saturday and after she invited him to hers (they had talked and decided to still be a couple about a week or so ago). She is devastated. She won't eat, she's crying all the time. To make a long story short, he just told her that he's taking another girl to the Prom on Saturday. I just feel so upset because I feel that if he didn't feel that he wanted to go out with my daughter he never should have invited her to the Prom (she already got a dress) and then turn around in less than 2 days and have another date. I told her to go to her Prom (They go to different schools), but she says she has no one to ask (She has a lot of friends that are guys so I feel there are some boys she could ask). To top it off, he still wants to be "friends" with her. They have mutual friends and go to a church function every Friday. She still wants to go this Friday and then go to the this other function that the chuch is having on Saturday into Sunday morning with one of her girlfriends. I think this is an awful idea. I just don't know what to do for her.

I guess it's just the mother in me. I used to really love this boy, but I think he just went about everything the wrong way. Sorry for the long vent. My daughter just told me about this and I just needed to get this off my chest.

;

My daughter was never asked. She and a bunch of other girls - would all go together

[ In Reply To ..]
that weren't asked would go as a group. They even did the pre-prom dinner. :)

my daughter\'s school had females way way outnumbering males - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
and then there were the \'steady couples\' taking away from that as well.

so it indeed was a problem. They started early...would ask a guy that was a just a friend on the basis it was all off if one or the other became a couple with another. this was for both jr and senior proms.

However, there were still tons of girls left over. My daughter attended Jr prom with another \'noncouple\' couple. Sr prom a bunch of her girlfriends plus a couple of real couples rented a limo and all went together.

I see now, it all boiled down to the ride for those without a date.

For whatever it's worth - - nymt

[ In Reply To ..]
There's a kind of an idiom that goes you get one good prom and one sucky prom. My daughter's Junior prom was something out of Cinderella, her senior prom simply stunk. Maybe your daughter is getting the sucky one out of the way this year, and next year's will be memorable? Just a thought. I empathize. Nothing hurts worse than seeing our children hurt. She will survive, though, and so will you. Chin up.

re: LinK - Deb

[ In Reply To ..]
It was a crudy thing to do to her, but at this age it's all about on to the next gal or guy. That's why they call them "crushes"... they crush the hearts.

Tell your girl to go ahead and be sad, but that she owes it to herself to get some friends together and go with just the gals. She needs to learn that our girl friends will be there for us through thick and thin, and the guys will come and go. If you don't have your girlfriends, you have got no one.

Until we are married, these girlfriends are our backbones, our heart and souls.

Yeah, the little creep wronged your girl, but it could be thought of as a life lesson.

As far as the he still wants to be "friends"... I'll promise you that he's planning on "hooking up" with her again after prom. Tell her not to play the fool. She's not a yo yo. She is a flesh and blood human being that her boyfriends will learn to respect, as soon as she learns to demand it of them.

~mom of 4 gals, been there done that... x4!

Thanks everyone - LinK

[ In Reply To ..]
I guess it seems like the end of the world to her and I just feel so bad that there's nothing I can do for her. I'd love for her to go to the Prom any way, but all her friends have boyfriends so I don't think there are a lot of people that she knows that don't have dates. The relationship got too serious too fast. That's part of the problem.

The Prom Experience is overrated - So Are Boys

[ In Reply To ..]
Why is the church function such an "awful idea?"

That's not nice to Jesus.

Awful idea for her to go - LinK

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm very happy that she's so involved in the church. The awful idea is that it's his church and he's going to be there. I think she should give it a few weeks before she goes back (she has other friends there). I just think it will be hard to go and see him there when he just broke up with her and the Prom is the next night (and he's going with another girl).

re: so are boys - keekee

[ In Reply To ..]
Any of those "rite of passage" thingies are not over-rated. They are experiences for our kids to be enjoyed and remembered forever and ever.

My son and daughter are now 30 and 29, graduated the same year and were into the "goth" thing in HS. They blew off even any ideas of social conformity or anything that the rest of the "flock of sheep" would do. They were silly.

Throughout their senior year they began to change a little bit in attitude (and attire!) and i worked on them through the whole year to please please please go to prom. Come prom time they got a group together, dressed to the 9, I rented a limo and made dinner reservations for them at a nice resturant and off they went to prom!

They ate a good meal, had a good time in the limo, and at prom they danced and believe it or not, my daugher was even given a "best dancer" ribbon and got her pic in their senior yearbook!

They got home and were gushing on and on about "it wasn't so bad. they had a blast. who knew dancing was that much fun..."

To this day they talk about it!! AND, they both dance too, which my son's wife really appreciates and my daughter just loves to do.

It doesn't have to be a drag or a drudgery. I would encourage any HS kid to attend at least one of their school dances, sports meets, performances. Those memories are priceless and the experiences too.

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