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ODD - anyone with a child with this? Does this sound like it?
Posted: Nov 9, 2009
My 12-year-old son argues with me about EVERYTHING. He is now saying that he wants to not go to college and live in a van. I told him fine, that is his decision when he is 18. He kept on with it because he wanted me to argue with him. I told him at this point when he is 12 there is no reason for me to argue about something like that...he kept on and on and on. It really bothers Melissa and she cries because Jake and I end up in debates/arguments almost every day and they are lasting for hours sometimes.
When he was about 1 or 2 years old, he would have a complete meltdown if I moved a picture or rearranged any furniture in the house. Every time we needed to go somewhere he would have a complete tantrum because he did not want to change what he was doing. I had to force him to go to the store, or anywhere I needed to go, with him kicking and screaming. He had a complete breakdown when he was 2 and I got my hair cut.
He told me last night that I never take them on any family trips. I said I had taken them to the beach several times in the last 6 months or so. He said, "well it wasn't fun. You never take us on any fun family trips." He has a friend who lives about a mile and a half from us. He wants to walk there but it is a busy road and then down a wooded road so i told him he ahs to let me take him. He argued and argued and cried because I wouldn't let him walk there. He got me to buy him pants at the beginning of the year from PacSun and now he refuses to wear them. he cries every single time he gets his hair just trimmed. He always, always says something is wrong with whatever I cook. One day he likes a certain food, the next day he hates it and I should know that he hates it.
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12 year olds - Tired MT
[ In Reply To ..]I think it's a 12 year old thing. Some go through it and some don't. One of my 2 sisters went through a phase where she thought nobody loved her and would say it out of the blue and start crying.
My youngest daugther (now 13) went through a similair phase as your son. In fact, she is still going through it. We are vegetarians so she's very selective about what she eats and is healthy in that respect but she fights me on a lot of other things. I just refuse to argue with her if I say no, that's final. A good example, last week she wanted me to stop working to bring a headband to school. When I refused, she kept sending me blank text messages with just her name in it, which was her way of bugging me about it, so I turned my phone off and kept working. She was fine by the end of the day when I picked her up. She's always in that "It has to be my way" mode. Good luck.
Try talking to a counselor - Old part-timer
[ In Reply To ..]Some of this does sound odd. Especially the idea that he has been so upset by any change in routine since the time he was a toddler. I raised 3 boys and they certainly had their argumentative stages, but some of this sounds over-the-top. Perhaps you could talk to a counselor (maybe at school) and see if they have any suggestions on how to handle this.
Regardless, stick to your guns when it comes to things where his safety is involved - like walking to a friend's along a busy road.
Have you spoken with his teachers/counselors at school?...psm - Cyndiee
[ In Reply To ..]It could very well be that it is a puberty thing, as I went through similar with my first two, and now just recently my youngest. They seem to change overnight and how I long for the "old days" when we had such fun.
If there is a definite problem other than puberty hitting, I think the teachers would also be seeing oppositional/defiant behavior, impulse control, trouble with authority, arguing, meltdowns, etc., and this should all be treated by counselors, family, and everyone at his school, even a family priest or minister is of great help.
If it is something more psychological, like ODD, OCD, or even early bipolar, a good adolescent psychiatric evaluation that is thorough, questions the boy, his parents, his teachers, etc., is worth its weight in gold. I had a similar instance with my middle child at that age. He went from being great fun, sweet, lovable, funny, but very high energy, to morose, dark, defiant with parents, defiant with his siblings, horrible moods. He had been diagnosed with school "authorities" with alternately ADHD, Anxiety Disorder with MIxed Features, Anxiety/Panic Disorder with Depression, and finally bipolar, which was the correct diagnosis, but it took some 7 years to figure it all out, get an appropriate, thorough, insightful psychiatric evaluation, counseling, meds, and my son just graduated from high school with honors, a partial scholarship, and he got straight A's on his first semester marks. He is happy, dedicated, and I thank God every day for His help.
At this age, it is such a hard judgement call, especially with all the junk that kids in this generation have to tolerate, the awful stressful news that we are constantly bombarded with, stressful situations with peers, etc. If you can at all afford it or have insurance covering it, it is sooooo worth the time and effort of checking around, getting very good references, and then following through with a formal evaluation. Hopefully, it is just good old teenage "angst" and he will come around; if not, then you have to think not only of your child, first and foremost, but also of your own emotional well-being, your marriage, the emotional well-being of other children in the house, etc.
Just my opinion; either way, please let me know what happens, I mean it when I say I will be praying for you and your son, and God's blessings on your whole family!
walking my boy - across the bridge to be a man
[ In Reply To ..]First thing is HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Cover all the junk food basics. Start him on a multi-vitamin. Healthy food, good sleep and exercise will go a long way to straighten 50% of this out.
Second, middle school is prime bully years at school, so be compassionate.
Third - We institute compassion week whenever this cropped up.
How to do compassion week: Your son must spend one day of the week walking in each family member's shoes and then cooking dinner for the entire family every night for 10 days. It is a lot of work, but I never heard another complaint about my food again. And my daughters loved their big brother in their class for the whole day. And truthfully, he appreciated a couple of days out of school...middle school is not fun.
Good luck (and skip the psych diagnoses and meds).
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