A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

Is it ever ok to tap a child in the mouth?

Posted: Jul 19, 2015

My 5 year old daughter was being an all around menace: goofing off at the table, mouthing off, etc. She was not listening and laughing at my husband as he was trying to talk to her. He then tapped her on the mouth. Is this okay? I am a bit confused on the matter as I was never struck as a child. Please, I am asking for advice and not opening up the chance for negativity or people who want to bash me as a parent. Thank you

;

Tapped? - with a finger to her lips?

[ In Reply To ..]
or harder than that? As a child of the 50s, I was spanked, switched, swatted, but never in the face. As an adult, I think there could have been a better way to get her attention.

After taking a minute - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
my husband thought the same too. There could have been a better way to get her attention. I just have very strong feelings about this as I was sensitive growing up. Also, my husband came from an abusive home and while he is trying to not be abusive I wonder if the behavior is dormant... Thank you for your reply.

Maybe not perfect, but I think it's okay - TrampledUnderfoot

[ In Reply To ..]
Her mouth is what was getting her into trouble. Your husband's reaction was not unwarranted, especially as she was laughing while he was trying to correct her.

I agree I think it was fine. gets her attention - and doesnt hurt

[ In Reply To ..]
sometimes it takes something like that.

No, it is not. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
No, it really is not o.k. I will be delighted to tell you why, and would like for you to share this with your husband.

As a child, I was victimized so badly by my mother that years later a neighbor looked me up before she died to apologize for not doing more to save me.

There is a huge difference between a spanking with a hand on a clothed bottom and whippings, beatings, strappings, beltings, striking with wet dish towels, metal spoons, rolling pins, broom handles, long pieces of wire, shoes, handbags, arm-pulling, pinching, twisting, hair-pulling, slamming body parts in drawers and doors, ear-twisting, slamming them into walls, and ... slapping, popping, and striking them in the face.

Being "tapped" on the mouth ... which is what my mother would have called it, too ... is demeaning, humiliating, and extremely dangerous. It is little more than an expression of impatience, bad temper and anger, because adults should be as to control themselves better.

It also hurts horribly. The tissue on the face is thin, full of nerves, and overlies bone and teeth. Striking it produces bruises against the bone and ruptures in the lining of the mouth. It is very easy to miss and hit the nose and eyes. You can easily dislocate the jaw and nose, break the nose, bloody the nose, fracture the bones of the face and orbital sockets, and cause the child to bite their tongue.

I am very sure about that because my mother's "tapping" did all of that to me. The blood was obvious at the time, but the fractured bones and nose were not discovered until I was an adult.

If you "tapped" a spouse or a neighbor on the mouth, or anywhere else, it would be a crime. It is unthinkable to me that supposedly loving adults could somehow rationalize that it is not a crime when done in anger to a 5-year-old child.

Seriously, you can kill your child that way. You could easily snap her neck.

This behavior is not "dormant" in your husband, as you put it. He simply thinks it is what you do to control children because that is what he experienced. It took me years to discover that it was not normal.

oh please. there is no large scale abuse going on here. - you are taking it too far

[ In Reply To ..]
x

You asked my advice and I gave it. - nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

OMG - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
If you can snap someone's neck by tapping them, they had significant problems before you came on the scene. My goodness. A low of drama in your post.

Sorry, but people who hit children in the mouth are not - "tapping."

[ In Reply To ..]
That was his term for it. Abusers always, always downplay the magnitude of what they did. "Aw, man, I hardly touched her!"

I think you are seeing children as exempt from the expectations we have for others, even for animals.

If you pop elderly grandma in the mouth because she won't stop talking, it IS abuse. Healthcare workers are required to report it. If you did it in public, you could be charged with assault. It is elder abuse.

If you pop your child in the mouth while you are in a doctor's office, they are required to report it. You WILL be investigated for child abuse.

It is just as abusive at home. We do not lash out and strike others, regardless of their age and regardless of who might witness it.

Sorry, but he has an anger-management problem.

From this little bit of info from the OP, her husband is not an abuser sm - 1234

[ In Reply To ..]
nor does he have anger management problems. He has a patience issue with children that are not paying attention.

Seriously, with an engineering background, I would - like to measure the tap by PSI

[ In Reply To ..]
before I would decide if it were abuse or not. Popping is not tapping. Tapping is not slapping. You really have no idea what he did to the child, so how can you determine anything.

I am determining things the same way you are sm - 1234

[ In Reply To ..]
It works both ways. YOU cannot determine what it was either, but you insist it is abuse because that is YOUR experience. Stop projecting what happened to you onto something that isn't even in the same category.

I feel like you may be prone to a hypersensitive reaction - MNM

[ In Reply To ..]
to situations like the OP's because of your childhood. I myself had a similar childhood with an abusive mother and have found myself to be at times a little irrational when it comes to spanking.

Having said that, I agree with the poster below who said the word tap may be an attempt to minimize what actually happened. Bottom line, the OP was uncomfortable with what happened. So in my honest opinion, I feel the "tap" was probably more of a slap.

At the end of the day, OP you are just not comfortable with it. I would take this opportunity to discuss it with your husband and come to understanding about discipline in the future.

Finally, the OP and her husband are not bad parents, not abusers. WE ALL lose our tempers with our kids at times. And anyone who tries to say "not me" is full of BS. Just learn from it, that's all you can do at this point.

I swore I'd never spank or slap my children... - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
and my husband agreed. We were both spanked as children and hated it so we vowed to handle discipline differently. Unfortunately, we failed. There were several times when we were under stress trying to deal with our children's disruptive behavior and we spanked or slapped them. We really tried timeouts, but just couldn't get anywhere with that. We read books to try to help us, but I think our childhood conditioning won out in these situations. My kids are teenagers now and I have apologized to them because I think any type of hitting is wrong. I think people have to be very conscious about how they are dealing with their children to prevent reverting back to how they were raised. I hope your husband is able to do that in the future.

Tapped on the mouth, spanked, switched - Husband and I both

[ In Reply To ..]
when growing up (early 50s) would probably fall into the category of a good ole a... beating. My mother would pick up most anything close by, a leather belt, a yard stick (wooden), once a stiletto heel (did that hurt) and his father probably lit into him. Having said all that, neither one of us are the worse for wear and we both grew up respectful, neither one of us either jailed for anything, good law abiding citizens, just 2 good people and we really have our parents to thank for not letting us off, not being so permissive with us as to not reign us in and knowing what doing wrong got us. Neither one of us has ever felt like we were harmed, never.

I think it's okay, but probably no one will agree. - I've spanked mine too.

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

I've spanked mine too and both grew to be - - Mom2

[ In Reply To ..]
Respectful and responsible young men.

I think I would compare it to - washing mouth out with soap

[ In Reply To ..]
in the sense that it seems to be directed at the source of the offensive behavior (the mouth). My daughter and son-in-law (who I think are wonderful parents) have done this occasionally (very rarely) with their young boys (partly because they choose not to spank), and it does seem to have been pretty effective when the timeouts and explanations have been exhausted. They don't literally "wash their mouths out," just a dot of liquid soap on the tongue to get the point across (that the words they have chosen are unacceptable/disrespectful). I do feel it's better than spanking.

You say your husband - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
"tapped" her on the mouth, but then say you are confused because you were never "struck" as a child. Tapping and striking are, in my mind, two distinctly different things. You really aren't that clear.

Would it be okay for an adult to do this to another adult? - Consider this...

[ In Reply To ..]
It would not and would be considered assault. So why is it okay to hit a child? They are especially vulnerable and defenseless. I do not believe hitting a child is EVER justified.

Do you have any - children.

[ In Reply To ..]
just curious about holier than thou attitudes.

Indeed I am a mother. - We don't hit. Period.

[ In Reply To ..]
There is no attitude. It's just a fact of life here. We do not hit anyone or any thing. Not another human, not an animal, nothing except the punching bag at the gym.

Our parents hit us and our siblings hit their kids. We simply don't agree with that. If hitting works so well, why do people find they have to do it again, and again, and again? It just doesn't make sense to me or my spouse as to why anyone would cause physical harm to another.

"When someone tells you raising respectful kids without spanking, yelling, and punishment can't be done, it's more of a reflection of their limitations and not yours."

There are ALWAYS other options than to hit and if belittling me and my decision brings you makes you feel better about your decisions, go for it. I will always advocate for the defenseless.

Seems I read - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
Spare the rod, spoil the child somewhere.

tap CRAP - poze

[ In Reply To ..]
The choice of the word TAP is a minimizing word does he also TAP you in the mouth? Do you think you can TAP the teacher? Co-worker? How 'bout the rude cashier - boy I would love to TAP one of them .... but I dont because this is obviously rediculous behavior Dont teach your daughter that you are not sure! Of course you are sure, that's why you are here ! Learn to listen to yourself, and teach your daughter THAT

If someone taps you on the shoulder to get your attention - do you call the cops? wow.

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Well we need to figure out what you mean by tapped. If it really was - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
just a simple tap, I doubt you would be asking. I vote no too

Similar Messages:

May 26, 2010
x ...

Feb 16, 2012
my brother has a reaaalllly bad taste in his mouth for over 3 yrs now, had a kidney removed from cancer, all his teeth removed, a cyst removed from his tongue and Nothing has worked. he has even been to the Mayo clinic - I'm wondering if anyone in the medical field has ever heard of this. ...

Nov 25, 2015
One of the Russian pilots says he never got the warning. Air traffic control apparently shows the jet in Turkish airspace only for seconds. All the facts are not known at this time and yet BO tries to flex his weak, tiny, little boy muscle and blames Russia. ...

Apr 09, 2010
"I could give a flying crap about the political process." "We're an entertainment company." ...

Sep 10, 2013
LOL ...

May 23, 2011
So, I've got a friend who is always calling me up when she is in crisis only. I hardly ever hear from her unless there is some disaster in her life and this past winter she and her 16 year old daughter even moved in with me for 3 months while she and her boyfriend were separating after 13 years living together. I am a very active gal, always going to movies, to dinner with friends and to any art exhibit, wine tasting, interesting event I can find. While they were here the ...

Sep 06, 2012
I think the chairman has apologized today, but not sure. Below are 3 that I have heard and seen this week. I'm sure there are plenty more. Then the dems wonder why some people hate their party so much! Duh. On Wednesday, South Carolina Democratic chairman Dick Harpootlian compared Gov.Nikki Haley - a Republican - to Eva Braun, Adolf Hitler's long-time mistress, The State reported. "The comparisons of Nazis and Hitler to the Republicans seems to be an e ...

May 25, 2016
I guess she's the new attack dog for Hillary, who is very busy trying to clean up Bill's messes. Anyway, Fauxcohontas is trouncing Trump for capitalizing on real estate deals when the market was flat. Well, guess who else did that? The fake Indian herself. Boy, she really is as obtuse as they say. ...

Oct 09, 2016
http://ijr.com/wildfire/2016/10/710446-11-extremely-vulgar-comments-that-came-out-of-the-mouth-of-hillary-clinton/ ...

May 02, 2016
Cruz family sinks to new pandering lows but actually plays into Trump's hand. This is an incredibly desperate family with almost every "trick" up their sleeve played. First the plot with Kasich that did not work. Then after losing 5 states big time, Cruz goes out and gets a vice president to pander to woman. Now his wife claims Ted is a Hispanic immigrant pandering for the Mexican vote. Seriously Cruz and now his wife are too creepy and devious to hold any off ...

Nov 19, 2013
This Martin Bashir Rant Should Make Sarah Palin Shut Her Mouth For Good While right-wingers whine and throw temper tantrums over remarks made by Martin Bashir on Friday, the rest of America is breathing a sigh of relief and having a laugh that someone may have finally shut Sarah Palin’s mouth for good.Martin Bashir took a dump on Sarah Palin’s stupidity over slavery.During his program on MSNBC, Martin Bashir blasted Sarah Palin for comparing the national debt to slaver ...

Mar 22, 2011
a death in the family? My mom has gone to my sister's home on hospice and it is just a matter of time that she will pass. My mom has been the grandmother symbol for my child. Because of loss of family contact from being placed with me to live, this child has experienced a lot of losses. She is about to turn 8. I would encourage her to be at the funeral and grave site ceremony, but do you think she is too young to be at the wake as well? It could be an opportuni ...

Nov 08, 2009
I went to the movies today, a new one that just came out about an overweight teenager from Harlem who was sexually abused by her father and mentally and physically abused by her mother. This movie was rated an R. Several years back it would have not had that lax of a rating. No prude here but the movie was completely filled with the most vile language I have heard in a movie but on top of that simulated rape scenes of the young teen with the father being the perpetrator. I saw many, many familie ...

Nov 09, 2009
My 12-year-old son argues with me about EVERYTHING. He is now saying that he wants to not go to college and live in a van. I told him fine, that is his decision when he is 18. He kept on with it because he wanted me to argue with him. I told him at this point when he is 12 there is no reason for me to argue about something like that...he kept on and on and on. It really bothers Melissa and she cries because Jake and I end up in debates/arguments almost every day and they are lasting ...

Dec 15, 2009
This is really cute, but this guy got himself in quit a predicament. Read the info at the top right about the poster of the video, this was him and his baby. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLErNXIYjMg ...

Dec 10, 2010
I have a 10-year-old son and I probably shelter him a little too much, but the world is crazy these days. So, he knows this boy from school and we see the kid EVERYWHERE at events that we go to, but I rarely ever see him with an adult or his parents. He is always wandering around alone. We even saw him at the fair (a place where I don't even allow my children to step 10 feet from me without me holding on to them) and he was alone. So, we were at an event a couple of weeks ...

Apr 29, 2011
Anyone out there have a child with a disability and recieved child support from their ex after the age of 18? Both of my boys have Asperger's syndrome, high functioning autism. My older son is turning 21 in May and his dad had stopped the child support after he graduated from high school (about two weeks after he turned 18). Now my younger son is turning 18 in May and his dad told me today that he is cutting off that child support at the end of May. Neither boy is ab ...

Mar 30, 2010
So we finally were able to catch our 11 YOS sleepwalking this weekend. We had suspected he did this for a while but were not able to catch him...Saturday night I woke up to find him at the top of the stairs bending over the railing looking down into the foyer! What a creepy sight...I was freaked out! Anyone have any experience with this? Just needing some options to either keep him in the bed or keep him from going outside, which is our main fear. We have put bells on the bedroom door in hopes ...

May 21, 2010
I am not sure what to do about my child and would like opinions on who to see or what. When my son was around 5 years old, we lived in a house and he would say he "saw people" in the house. I would see him standing there and he would jump as if something startled him, but of course nothing was there. It got to the point that I couldn't even step out on the front porch without him being right under me, afraid to be inside by himself. Well, later on, my 16-year-ol ...

Apr 26, 2012
VR caught "The mother did the child in today for examining of" Dr dictated: "The mother brought the child in today for examination of ..." ...

Oct 16, 2012
Dtr owed over 8,000 in child support now and the sperm donor apparently has no intention of working. Child support enforcement will try to do "address verification" when we give them a new address but that's as far as that goes. Has anyone ever tried one of those companies that are supposed to help get your back owed money for a percentage? Do you know what the percentage is? ...

Feb 28, 2017
I was diagnosed with breast cancer yesterday, spread to the lymph nodes, and that is without a tissue diagnosis yet. It is that clear on the ultrasound. I adopted my granddaughter 7 years ago and that anniversary was this weekend. Four years ago this past weekend, my mother died and in her will left me her house and land. Unfortunately my sister had POA and had sold the house prior to my mom's death, then claimed there was nothing left of the estate - she kept the ...

Jan 12, 2011
but they will picket the other ones. But, Fox is reporting a group called Angel Wings is going to be there at the funerals in groups of about 30 holding up fabric "Angel Wings" between the protestors and the funeral attendees. Good for them!! Wish I was close enough to join them. ...

Jul 15, 2012
I hope someone here has some knowledge into these things and can give some advice. I'm sorry this is so long.... I am concerned and sad for my nephew, who is being denied visitation unless supervised. My nephew is 19 years old. He met the mother of his child, and she became pregnant right off the bat it seemed. Before the baby was born, they married. When the baby, which was a little girl, was 3 months old, they called it quits and she left. A couple wee ...

Apr 02, 2013
I can't stand our justice system, I swear it makes me crazy! The news article, an Ohio man kills a 3-year-old child by having sex with her and suffocating her, which he ADMITS, but he actually gets a trial, because he is fighting the death penalty, because he didn't mean to kill her, he only meant to rape her! I mean, WHAT! He apparently was drunk and mad at his girlfriend (The child's mother) because she wouldn't have sex with him, so he decided to have sex ...

Dec 23, 2013
My friend has a child that had fevers (nothing else at all)around Thanksgiving, was taken to doctor. Fevers resolved and now back again, just fever. Has anyone had something similar with your child? Thanks. ...

Feb 06, 2014
I spent hours while growing up doing things I enjoyed. I spent hours at my house in the attic looking through big storage trunks that contained so many interesting things to me. I also loved going to a small stream close to my house to watch and collect things like minnows that I tried to grow into a frog, salamanders. Now as an adult I have not really one close friend, no one that I talk with on a regular basis. Am married and that is a close relationship, not lonely because I keep busy with my ...

Oct 20, 2014
Was just talking with my friend tonight. I have known as she has also for years that her 1st grader was not 100% "right," something was off with him. Tonight she tells me someone is finally maybe listening to her about him. He is in his own little world. I do not think autism because of the fact he will halfway interact "sometimes," does not reject a hug or kiss and maybe I am wrong but I thought autistic children were like that. I could be wrong. His teacher is every day trying to tell the moth ...

Dec 23, 2014
these kids should be having a wonderful time this season, getting ready for Santa Claus and baking cookies with their mom and dad, decorating the tree and being read stories before bed. But they are being beaten and taken out of their homes to live with strangers. Just breaks my heart. Honestly, sitting here crying and praying for these little babies. What the heck is wrong with people? ...

Apr 10, 2011
under a new piece of legislation introduced in the state's House of Representatives, employers would be able to pay anyone under the age of 20 as little as $5.25 an hour for their first 180 days on the job. The bill, LD 1346, also eliminates the maximum number of hours a minor 16 years of age or older can work on a school day and allows a minor under the age of 16 to work up to four hours on a school day during hours when school is not in session. With Maine's unemployment above ...