A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry
Open mouth insert foot
Posted: May 23, 2011
So, I've got a friend who is always calling me up when she is in crisis only. I hardly ever hear from her unless there is some disaster in her life and this past winter she and her 16 year old daughter even moved in with me for 3 months while she and her boyfriend were separating after 13 years living together.
I am a very active gal, always going to movies, to dinner with friends and to any art exhibit, wine tasting, interesting event I can find. While they were here they went with me to a lot of my outings. It seemed to cheer my friend up a lot. She is normally a couch potato stay at home mom, not a great housekeeper, the kind of person who thinks that getting dressed to go somewhere is "too much like work". (i know she's depressed...)
They moved out and I hardly hear from them except when she's an emotional wreck. Anyway, I try to include her in as many things as I can, and she always brings her daughter! I had passes to a museum exhibit and she talked me into letting her go. The day of the show she called me 15 minutes before they were suppose to be here and cancelled! My sister had wanted to go and I could have planned on that. We were going to meet at the movies and I went, bought my ticket and was waiting in the lobby, she stood me up and sent her daughter! Never even called me!
We went to a concert and she knew that I only had 2 tickets, yet brought her daughter anyway! I had to stand in line with them to get her a ticket (defeated the whole buy in advance concept...) then the kid complained the whole show. The last straw was when I joined a new gym. I go regularly and she asked me to get a trial pass for her, I did and I didn't count on her meeting me there and went for my training session like I had scheduled. HER DAUGHTER SHOWED UP with the pass I got for my friend!!! That was it.
I was going to a book reading where wine and goodies were going to be served and invited her. I told her that her daughter would not be able to come because wine was going to be served, she brought her anyway...
I have tried and tried and tried to be a good friend, to include her in a lot of things I do but I am always getting stood up or having to entertain the daughter as a substitute friend! I don't want to hang out with a whiny teenager! I also think she should know when and where a teen can go. I told my friend that I didn't appreciate how she treated me and that I really didn't think it was cool that she bring her daughter along to EVERYTHING that adults do, and she is mad at ME! Her daughter has called me 4 times today to cuss at me. I have no patience for bad mouthed kids so I warned her that if she called one more time I'd call the police and make a report and that I was recording her calls.
Does anyone out there hang out with their kids like a friend? See I just don't see that it's a healthy relationship. Her daughter doesn't seem to have friends, but there are just simply times that a child in the equation is not appropriate (like wine tastings, bars or clubs... she has tried to bring her daughter everywhere!)
Anyway... I'm also a bit hurt that my so-called friend would be this way. I don't want her to feel like I've turned my back on her because she's in an emotionally fragile state, but I want her to understand that I don't think she is treating me right. Any ideas on how to drive my point home?
;
"A very attractive gal" - GetOverYourselfAlready
[ In Reply To ..]Call the police on your friend? Really?
FYI as a parent I will tell you that teenagers are going to be exposed to alcohol anyway. As far as her going with you, I guess it was rude because you asked her not to bring her, BUT taking your teenager out with you is not a crime. If the bar or establishment allows it then who are you to be a judge. Are you aware they serve alcohol at Chuckie Cheese? Just curious. It seems that you do not have a lot of experience with appropriate behavior. There is nothing wrong with having a drink around your children.
Geez....
re: getoveryourself - a mom too
[ In Reply To ..]Oh PLEASE!!! Of course teens are exposed to stuff, but that's not the OP's problem! It is NOT normal to drag your kid with you everywhere you go or send them as a substiture in your place! What if the OP wants the adult company? Should she be subjected to the company of the child also? I don't think so! I have kids too, teens, and I don't drag them around when I hang out with my friends, EPSECALLY on ladies night.
Appropriate behavior??? That girl does need a lesson or two on that obvously! I would NEVER allow my child to chew out a friend of mine if she and I had a beef!
But if you hang out with your kids like they were your friends and drink around them, whatever... I totally understand where OP was coming from. I would not tolerate a child speaking to me that way either, and I'd warn the parent, then also do the same thing she did.
Geez! Some parents...
Actually, she said "a very ACTIVE gal"... - anon
[ In Reply To ..]Nothing like waiting for an opportunity to bash only to realize later that you've MISread, eh?
re: Getoveryourself - HAHAHA!
[ In Reply To ..]In your rush to flame you totally messed up!!! She says she's "very active", not attractive! ROFL!
PS... When alcohol is involved, I tell my friends who have kids. Their decisions do not reflect on me. I do not serve kids alcohol in MY home. You can do whatever you like in your home, in my house, you play by my rules. My teens are NOT allowed to drink. There will be plenty of time for them in the outside world. I set examples for my kids and we DON'T "party" in front of them at all. It would be irresponsible for me as a mother to set that example. I think OP is right, there are times that kids simply should stay at home.
GetOverYourselfAlready - 1mt
[ In Reply To ..]You may want to re-read the OP's post. She said she is a very "active" gal, not attractive. Just FYI.
I think the OP has every reason to be upset with her so-called friend's behavior. Taking a teenage daughter or child of any age to everything you do with your friends is inappropriate and then sending the daughter in place of herself without discussing it is quite strange. I don't think the majority of women or men for that matter would do such a thing. If you can't make it to your planned outing, then you need to let your friend know. This other chickadee seems to be using her friend when it is convenient for her... and maybe using the friend as a babysitter for the daughter when she can't attend her planned outings. The daughter, however, is old enough to be home alone, so you never know what is going on with this woman.
re: bad friend - omg
[ In Reply To ..]She is depressed, but she is also a bad friend! If I were you I'd separate myself from her. She and her daughter seem to have an unhealthy friend/friend relationship instead of a parent/child relationship. They are probably very dependent on each other. Best to not count on her ever being a good friend and try to let it go. You can't fix her, so you might as well learn now.
For what its worth, I think you handled the child well. How dare she treat you that way after you let they stay with you! I probably would have smacked her... lol! j/k... (not)
re: Open mouth - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with OMG, you can't fix people. She's a bad friend. Obviously not a good parent, but you recognize that she's depressed and that is probably a big factor in the way she behaves. She probably uses her daughter as a crutch. Sorry, I don't think you did anything wrong tho.
Having Slice Of Humble Pie - OMG
[ In Reply To ..]Okay.....I misread. WOW....guess I need to get in the "Open Mouth Insert Foot" line. Sorry, the first line being misread changed my entire tone of my response.
re: Open mouth - DinoswarusRex
[ In Reply To ..]Your friend has issues and you recognize that. it is not healthy to have a relationship like this with a child. They sound very co-dependent. You are great for trying to be a good friend, but until she snaps out of it, stop inviting her and if she asks to tag along, tell her to make her own arrangements to meet you there and get her own tickets. If her kid shows up, it's not on you. Sorry your feelings are hurt, but someone already said it "you can't fix people"...
At least you're active, so I'm sure you've got plenty of other friends and family (you mention a sister) to hang out with. You've tried, so don't lose any sleep over this.
re: friend and her daughter - sis
[ In Reply To ..]My sister is like that with her daughter. Her daughter is 28, no job, no car, no friends, no social skills. Droped out of high school and never went back. I stopped asking my sis to hang out years ago and I miss her terribly. After she got divorced years and years ago she threw herself into being a "good mommy", but along the way blurred the lines. They have a very dysfunctional relationship. My sister still "feels guilty" about the affect the divorce had on her... Whatever. If you ask me it's plain old weird and like they said "unhealthy".
They do EVERYTHING together and neither have friends. My sister and daughter are pretty much shut ins.
I used to feel the same was as OP. If I asked my sister to do anything, it was to be "understood" that her daughter was coming. There was no regard or respect for what it might be, a bar, a party, a movie, the daughter came everywhere. She also listened in to every single word being said, like she was a grown up too, (back then...). It put a lot of friction on my relationship with my sis and eventually we just stopped talking. Your friend needs to pull her head out before it's too late for her. She's going to lose all social stills and contact with the outside world!
so I probably would have given my movie tickets to a teenage boy - AARPMom
[ In Reply To ..]to meet the daughter, then leave them because something came up...
The issue is not that the daughter is showing up. The issue is your friend's detachment from being committed to carrying her side of the relationship. You have a right to expect some privacy btwn the two of you without the daughter being present. IF you decide to do any inviting in the future, you should tell your friend the event is for the two of you. If the daughter shows up, as politely as possible disinvite her by telling her the event is for ages 21 and up. Hold on to your ticket(s), enjoy the event, and kiss your friendship goodbye.
You can't force someone to carry their side of the relationship.
I feel your pain - so called "friends" sm
[ In Reply To ..]I have a friend like this. She has a teenage son, whom she drags with us when we go out. He also has ADD and the conversation is always about him. I want adult company, but am polite as she is my friend for 20 years. She also cancels at the last minute, I mean right as I am walking out the door. Does not call, just says "sry, can't go." No respect for me as a friend. I have downgraded our friendship because of this treatment, you need to do the same. This friend of mine also calls whenever she has a crisis...period. Any other time I do not exist to her. Selfish and self centered.
I think some couples are very co-dependent - tnt
[ In Reply To ..]so can't get comfortable without their counterpart. There is another friend post today, at teh top of the board about "bad friends". I agree with the others. Your friend is being a "bad friend". It is sad, but I seriously doubt that she's not aware of how she is behaving. She obviously wants her daughter to accompany her everywhere so just be very selective of the venues you invite her to in the future. Maybe when you call her less and invite her out less the light will click on. Sorry your friendship is suffering for this. I'm hope you have more than this person as a friend and that you keep going out. It sounds like you go to pretty cool places! Have fun, even by yourself if need be.
Similar Messages:
Foot And Mouth Disease-a Repeat Of 2008?Sep 06, 2012
I think the chairman has apologized today, but not sure. Below are 3 that I have heard and seen this week. I'm sure there are plenty more. Then the dems wonder why some people hate their party so much! Duh. On Wednesday, South Carolina Democratic chairman Dick Harpootlian compared Gov.Nikki Haley - a Republican - to Eva Braun, Adolf Hitler's long-time mistress, The State reported. "The comparisons of Nazis and Hitler to the Republicans seems to be an e ...
The Fake Indian Just Shot Another Bow Through Her Foot (or Mouth).May 25, 2016
I guess she's the new attack dog for Hillary, who is very busy trying to clean up Bill's messes. Anyway, Fauxcohontas is trouncing Trump for capitalizing on real estate deals when the market was flat. Well, guess who else did that? The fake Indian herself. Boy, she really is as obtuse as they say. ...
Heidi Cruz Panders And Sticks Foot In MouthMay 02, 2016
Cruz family sinks to new pandering lows but actually plays into Trump's hand. This is an incredibly desperate family with almost every "trick" up their sleeve played. First the plot with Kasich that did not work. Then after losing 5 states big time, Cruz goes out and gets a vice president to pander to woman. Now his wife claims Ted is a Hispanic immigrant pandering for the Mexican vote. Seriously Cruz and now his wife are too creepy and devious to hold any off ...
Swollen Foot From Foot PedalMay 29, 2010
Recnetly I have noticed that towards the end of my shift, my footpedal foot gets swollen. It does not hurt, but if I continue working for a few hours after it starts to swelll, it does get pretty uncomfortable. The swelling takes a few hours to go back down after I quit working and put my feet up. I was wondering if anyone else had this problem and what they did about it. ...
VR: Mouth Exam Shows Uterus To Be Normal. That's A Heck Of A Mouth Exam!May 26, 2010
x ...
Hillary Using Green Screen To Insert Fake AudienceSep 03, 2016
http://endingthefed.com/caught-hillary-campaign-using-green-screen-to-insert-fake-audiences-at-fake-campaign-rallies.html ...
Foot...Jan 13, 2012
x ...
Shooting Themselves In The Foot.Mar 25, 2011
The last line pretty much sums it up: \"Wells Fargo officials said the mortgage unit is downsizing because of a drop-off in loan applications.\" Do you think all the people who wanted mortgages might have had their jobs outsourced to India? Wells Fargo shifts O.C. work to India March 25th, 2011, 7:03 am · Wells Fargo Wholesale Lending Operations, which announced earlier this week that it was cutting 59 jobs in Orange County, is shifting some of the work to India, a Wells ...
Foot PainJan 25, 2010
I'm having bilateral pain in the bottom of my feet, worse on the right. I find that using the foot pedal excerbates it. Has anyone had this and how did you deal with it? I am taking ibuprofen but it is not very effective. Thanks in advance! ...
If The Shoe Was On The Other Foot Mar 20, 2010
What would you have said if Rep. Boehner (and/or other top officials in the republican party) called the Mary Landrieu into a closed door meeting and gave her $300 million to not vote for the bill. Or if they called Rep. Kucinich in behind closed doors and offered him a deal to not vote for the health bill. Or any of the other people that were going to vote for the bill came out of closed door meetings and were given money (sweetheart deals) for their states, and then they changed their vote t ...
Foot And Leg CrampsApr 27, 2013
Does anyone else get foot cramps? They wake me up in the middle of the night and can last for 15 minutes, and are 8/10 on the pain scale, easily. No idea of the cause. Not on any medication. ...
Cellulitis Of FootMar 10, 2015
Early Friday morning (day after a blizzard) I swept off the cement steps outside my apartment. They did not appear icy. It turns out they were. I fell down all 4 steps and since Friday have had bad swelling of the foot and ankle. There is also an abrasion on the top of my foot where the cement steps tore away skin. Sunday my friend talked me into going for x-rays. There is no break, but the doctor diagnosed cellulitis. Since Sunday evening I have been on Keflex 500 mg 3 times a day for 1 ...
Need USB Foot PedalOct 19, 2015
I need to obtain an USB foot pedal and a headset. New or a good used one. Does anyone know the best place to obtain this ASAP? ...
Right Foot Pointing OutwardNov 30, 2011
After about 26 years transcribing, the front of my right foot point outward, apparently from spending so many trillion hours using a foot pedal. Does anyone else experience this? Do you find it has caused knee or hip problems? Thanks. ...
Ankle/foot SwellingAug 10, 2011
For the 2nd time in 2 weeks I have had extreme foot and ankle swellling. Funny enough it has happened exactly a week from the first episode. I used to swell just a little bit from working but by the next morning, it would have subsided. Not these past 2 times. Last week, I went to the doctor and got some Lasix and even after taking 1/2-1 tablet per day of this, my feet are still swollen 3+. It is very uncomfortable and unnerving. Should I go back to the doctor or put my f ...
Sore Ball Of FootSep 28, 2012
The foot I use on the foot pedal is slightly swollen and the ball of the foot is so sore I'm limping. It helps to wear shoes with padding. I do have periphera neuropathy from spinal stenosis which I think causes me to hold my toes in a different position because I can't feel the floor with the front part of my foot. The big toe curls to try to feel the floor. Not sure if this is the cause or what this is. Anyone else have this? ...
Foot Swelling, Any Ideas?Mar 14, 2013
I have recently noticed left foot swelling, more so than right although a little on the right sometimes. I also feel like I am having swelling in my trunk area, not necessarily my abdominal area but the trunk. I am not using added/excessive salt. Just wondering if anyone had any ideas on the cause of this. ...
It Is Being Reported That A 10-foot Tsunami Wave Has Just Been Seen Off (sm)Mar 13, 2011
of the coast of Japan. It is being reported on CNN and Fox news. ...
Larger Muscle On Top Of Foot From Work? SmNov 19, 2015
The muscle on top of my right foot is enlarged. I had thought for years that it was from years of doing transcription. I transcribed 15 years and have been doing another type of job for two years, but the muscle is still enlarged. I am now starting to worry about leiomyosarcomas and crazy things like that. It would be reassuring if other transcriptionists have noticed the same muscle enlargement in their "work foot." ?? ...
Romneyhood Lie Number [insert Number]..smAug 07, 2012
It seems Romney wants the people to believe that a democrat is actually "gutting" welfare. Really? He does realize Obama is a democrat? LOL. Regardless, the uninformed neo-con/right-wing/or whoever is paying him more this week speaker seemingly will try anything... And what does Clinton have to say about this? http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/08/07/bill-clinton-mitt-romney-welfare-reform_n_1754150.html ...
DNC Erects 4 Mile 8 Foot Tall Fence Around PhillyJul 25, 2016
To the Democratic National Committee elites, keeping average Americans away from their convention is a good idea, while protecting the southern border from intruding terrorists, rapists and murderers is a bad one. The DNC has erected a four-mile fence around its convention site at Philadelphia’s Wells Fargo Center. (Isn’t it ironic they’re doing so much to protect a site named after a bank?). The fence, which appears to be about 8 feet tall, is intended to keep out any individuals wi ...
Walmart To Foot Bill For Food Stamp Spending SpreeOct 15, 2013
fiasco sparked by computer glitch - because they were supposed to stick to $50 limit per customer. Translation, Walmart will not foot the bill. Their customers and stock holders will. When I first saw the videos on this story, I thought somebody posted Mohammed in a bad light on You Tube again. ...
Bad Taste In MouthFeb 16, 2012
my brother has a reaaalllly bad taste in his mouth for over 3 yrs now, had a kidney removed from cancer, all his teeth removed, a cyst removed from his tongue and Nothing has worked. he has even been to the Mayo clinic - I'm wondering if anyone in the medical field has ever heard of this. ...
Is It Ever Ok To Tap A Child In The Mouth?Jul 19, 2015
My 5 year old daughter was being an all around menace: goofing off at the table, mouthing off, etc. She was not listening and laughing at my husband as he was trying to talk to her. He then tapped her on the mouth. Is this okay? I am a bit confused on the matter as I was never struck as a child. Please, I am asking for advice and not opening up the chance for negativity or people who want to bash me as a parent. Thank you ...
Once Again, BO's Big Mouth Opens UpNov 25, 2015
One of the Russian pilots says he never got the warning. Air traffic control apparently shows the jet in Turkish airspace only for seconds. All the facts are not known at this time and yet BO tries to flex his weak, tiny, little boy muscle and blames Russia. ...
Out Of The Mouth Of Glenn BeckApr 09, 2010
"I could give a flying crap about the political process." "We're an entertainment company." ...
For Those Who Were Frothing At The Mouth Yesterday - Sep 10, 2013
LOL ...
11 Extremely Vulgar Comments That Came Out Of Hillary's MouthOct 09, 2016
http://ijr.com/wildfire/2016/10/710446-11-extremely-vulgar-comments-that-came-out-of-the-mouth-of-hillary-clinton/ ...
It's Still OpenJan 29, 2013
Office Established by Obama with Intent of Closing Gitmo . . . Closes http://www.nationalreview.com/corner/339044/office-established-obama-intent-closing-gitmo-closes-patrick-brennan ...
OK, I Am Going To Open Myself To All Kinds...smSep 09, 2012
of attacks, probably from both sides, but I have to say that I disagree with the Democrats amending the party platform. I am not anti-God, Christian, Muslim, Jew, etc., nor am I anti-atheist or any other religion or nonreligion. I am for separation of church and state, complete separation. Somewhere along the line influential people who believed their religion was best put God on our currency and added it to the POA. This is not what our forefathers intended and I think it was ...