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Need to tell my grown children about medical issues

Posted: Oct 29, 2009

I have always considered myself in excellent health especially with all the health issues I type on each and every day with people younger or near my age. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism in the late 80s and the doctor asked me about anyone in my family who had it, usually he said runs in the females and told me to let any daughters I might have the information. I went back to an older aunt and she could think of no one in the family with this. I since have been diagnosed with a kidney disease, another one that is hereditary but where it came from I have no idea. Most in my family deceased and no one to ask about. To add to this now I have been diagnosed with an eye disorder, again from a family member. I do know where this came from as my father suffered from same. I plan on informing my grown daughter and let her inform my son or DIL as DIL probably will retain a little better and wonder about how to go about it. The kidney disease can kill, the eye disease can blind. I do not want them to be so upset but informed in case something should happen to me and I am not around to let them know as has happened in my history and lack of information in knowing where these possibly came from. Can anyone give me some points on how to break this news or anything? I tried to go over to my daughter's home last Sunday to tell her then but she was too busy. I have invited her over to dinner this Saturday night and plan on telling her then, just do not want any breakdowns if I can help it.

;

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through ... - Victoria

[ In Reply To ..]
Our children can handle things better than we realize, I believe, most of the times. Last year I found a breast lump, something that I have gone through for the last 6-7 years, did not think anything of it, another "benign" condition I told myself. I went for a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, the ultrasound tech left the room, brought the radiologist into the room and they scanned for another 30 minutes, whispering amongst themselves, pointing to the screen. The radiologist informed me that it was, in his opinion, 98% certainty that it was cancer. From that point on what he said to me was as if I were standing outside of my body watching him talk to someone else, I have no idea what else he said.

To make a long story shorter, I have 2 daughters, both in their mid-20s and telling them was the hardest thing that I have ever done. My husband and I called them home for dinner one night, sat them down and explained to them exactly what I had been told and what was going to happen next. I expected both to breakdown and really not sure what else, instead they were extremely supportive, insisting on a second opinion, reassuring me that WE could get through this and beat it and that they would do whatever I needed for them to do. The 3 of us were already extremely close but since this has all happened we have become closer, they both help me as much as they possibly can, call me daily, do research and have become involved with the Susan G. Komen Foundation.

Be honest and open with your daughter, don't hide anything from her, invite her to visit your doctors with you so that she can get more of an idea of what you are having to go through and I believe, in a way, it is reassuring for them to be a part of what is going on. I have no idea what the prognosis is for your conditions but if it is good then reassure her with that.

Our kids can be more amazing than even we, as parents, give them credit for a lot of the times.

I wish you the best of luck and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Yeah, this is a toughie... - anita8jp

[ In Reply To ..]
If possible, gather together as many family members as you can, including your older aunt, so everyone can hear the same info. at the same time and you and your aunt won't have to repeat yourself ad nauseum.

Everyone can commiserate and comfort each other at the same time too.

Anyone under-age with some maturity (aka "sense") should also be included.

On general principle--and to further help those who are less responsible family members (aka those who won't 'retain' the info. or decide they're too busy to listen to you), I would prepare a "family health history" letter/sheet for all so they can have it as a solid reference. You can list websites and blogs as a starting point for them to explore the issues later on their own.

Also, consider starting a "family health journal" or recordng the info. down in the "family Bible" which everyone can access or at least knows where it is in your house, esp. if something suddenly happens to you.

Good luck.

Just wanting to add my support here, too. - linda

[ In Reply To ..]
Great posts already with some good info. Also, if possible, research getting easier than ever thanks to the internet, if you are interested. Death certificates won't tell the whole story, but often have surprises in them. Just remember not all sites document submissions. Good luck to you.

From a child's perspective...sm - Stella-JRG

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm in my early 40's but still my parents' daughter. When my dad was diagnosed with cancer in summer of 2008, my sister and I wanted to know everything. Initially, it was hard hearing the news, but we picked ourselves up and did whatever we could to help both of them until Dad's passing this winter. I also kept my teenagers informed of everything. Sometimes my husband had to tell them if the news was bad because I was too emotional. It was hard for them, too, because we're a close family, but they were great.

Here's a hug for you, too...

Tell your kids that you were searching y'all family history - yochana

[ In Reply To ..]
and you wanted to just let them know that y'all had the following traits. Then tell them grandma had this, dad had that, etc. Then inform them of what you now have and tell them just to have the necessary yearly checkups in case they inherit anything and it can be caught in the early stages. I know that glaucoma runs in my mother's family so I have this information in order to keep a close watchout.

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