A community of 30,000 US Transcriptionist serving Medical Transcription Industry

bully on school bus

Posted: Apr 6, 2013

My daughter is 9 and is in her last year at the local elementary school. Next year she will go to the intermediate school and my plan is for her to ride the bus. There are several girls on my street that go to the intermediate school and two of them visited me yesterday after school when the mom of one of them was running late getting home (since I work from home, they know I don't mind watching the kids for a little bit from time to time).

So the two girls ask me for advice about a boy on their bus who punched another boy in the chest on the bus ride home. It knocked the air out of the boy. The girls saw it, along with another girl. The bully boy is a close friend to this latter girl. The punch was done without the driver seeing it, and the boy who got hit was basically unable to move, just lying down in the bench seat for about 5 minutes in serious pain and unable to breathe. The boy who got punched had tapped the bully on the shoulder to get the boy's attention for the second time, and the bully boy had told him not to touch him again. So the bully thinks it was okay to prove his point by punching the first boy.

The first boy didn't tell on the bully because he was worried he would get in trouble for having touched the bully, but that is the kind of behavior that bullys count on. Our school has a zero tolerance policy and I know the boy who did the punching would be expelled from riding the bus any more. I'm thinking that would suit me just fine because I don't want that boy on my daughter's bus next year.

The girls told me they think the principal should be told, but they don't want to initiate the telling. They don't mind being witnesses and telling the truth if approached. So do I call the principal on Monday? I'm friends with the secretary at the elementary school. She is former PTO president who also knows everyone at the intermediate school where her older children attend. I know if I told her, she would pass along the information to the right people. I don't really want to draw attention to myself so close to my child moving to that school and administration considered me a meddler, but I also don't want the bully to get away with what happened.

Any advice?

;

I'd have called already - think about that poor boy nm

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

yes - call

[ In Reply To ..]
You can always remain anonymous.

I would call too, but don't count on the kid being - sm - SubMT

[ In Reply To ..]
kick off the bus indefinitely. I substitute bus drive....probably only get him kicked off the bus for a week, and suspended from school for a week as well. I have seen lots of stuff on the buses, fighting has not been one of them yet, throwing stuff (paper, bottles, tampons, pens), indecent exposure (he got kicked off the bus for the rest of the year after I pushed the administration...a whole 3 weeks... then luckily moved), kids putting heads and arms out the window, seat hopping, etc. I would report the kid in a heartbeat. That kid could have died, or had his heart stop, etc. This could have turned out really bad, dumb luck it didn't. Call Monday first thing, better yet go to the school and talk to the principal face-to-face, much more effective.

If you dont call, knowing what you know, you are - no better than the bully

[ In Reply To ..]
Someone has to protect that boy! That bully needs help and if everyone overlooks it, he will get worse!

what do I know - fact from gossip - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
One of the tricks of being a good mom is knowing when your own child is lying to you. It gets a lot trickier when the two girls telling you about this incident are known for stirring up drama in the neighborhood, and in fact, blatantly lying about things to create drama for their amusement.

Maybe it did happen exactly like they said, maybe it didn't. But to tell me I'm no better than the bully if I don't say anything is actually quit a bullying event of its own, yes?

are you serious? - so the girls were lying now?

[ In Reply To ..]
If thats the case, why did you even post this? I think you are now second guessing this, or backpeddling.

Whatever. You know what you heard, truth or fiction, you have a duty to tell what you heard and let the school decide what to do.

You care for children for the love of God... You should know what the right thing to do is!

Or, overlook it. Hope you can sleep well at night.

I posted that what I was told by the two girls - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
and asked for advice about how to handle it. In whatever way I choose to handle it, it will be handled in a logical thought out manner. I don't intend to do anything from a knee-jerk position. I believe something happened. I believe the boy did hit the other boy. I don't know that the girls embellished the story or not. I do consider their history of trouble making. I also know that it takes a village to raise a child, so I will be involved in some way.

The only back peddling I'm doing today is trying to find a way to engage the parents of the two girls. After all, they are the ones responsible for the safety of their own children. It strikes me a little odd that no one has suggested involving the parents of the two girls. I will also be talking to my BFF who is a bus driver in the same school system to ask for her advice. It may be that she could handle it without my having to be directly involved.

You can be helpful, or you can choose not to be helpful.

the girls have little to do with this.... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
There are two problems:

1. A bully.
2. A child who was hit by the bully.

The two girls are simply reporting the incident. I have no idea why you are trying to engage them in the responsibility YOU have as an adult.

If you don't want to be directly involved, then don't be, but you will have to take responsibility for your own inaction. Forget about the village bit: If you are aware of something harmful, it is negligent for YOU to not report it to authorities.

"It takes a village" means we embrace responsibility for our community. It is not an excuse for the kind of codependent behavior that enables us to turn our heads and hope someone else does the right thing.

The girls have EVERYTHING to do with it! - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
The girls are the ones that saw it, knew the scenario for the altercation occurring and told the OP. The OP can't give a statement of fact as to what happened when she wasn't even there!!!

I think the OP should go to the girls' parents house, since she knows them, tell them what the girls told her and let those parents decide what to do about it, since the girls are the star witnesses.

no, they do not - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
And if the OP is concerned about the girls stirring up drama, she only feeds the drama by showing up at the girls' homes. This assault is not about the girls. All the OP has to do is call the injured boy's parents.

Or, she could call the princial with the name of the injured boy - and say the following: I was not on the bus; I was told about this episode by girl X and girl Y. Please investigate, and please understand that if a child should be harmed by this bully, I WILL BE COMPELLED to testify against the school.

when you believe a child is being abused... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
What do you do? Give her parents a jingle? lol. You don't have to be a witness. You call the authorities.

She said she didn't know the boys, just the girls - so sure

[ In Reply To ..]
Call the police and says some boy hit another boy on the bus that she wasn't even on. Come on, the girls have to say what THEY saw.

codependent drama - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
this is not about police, for goodness sake. This is about being responsible. It is not for the poster to investigate or mete out punishment. It is for her to report to the proper authorities who can take appropriate action.

what I think - NK

[ In Reply To ..]
I would go to the parents of the girls and verify that they also were told about the incident. I would also find out the name of the boy who was punched and make sure that his parents know that it happened. After verification and discussion and making it clear that you think it should be reported, you can make the determination of your own involvement based on the directly involved parents' decision.

good ideas - nm

[ In Reply To ..]

just had the talk with the two girls' moms - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
One knew and the other didn't. Both girls are being driven to school by their respective moms on Monday. They are still talking about how/who to approach within the school system. And I let my BFF know as she will see the manager of the transportation department who can handle things if the moms don't (or supplement what the moms do).

good for you - NK

[ In Reply To ..]
I think you did the right thing. I hope one of the mothers will contact the parents of the boy who was punched. Having facts such as the boys' names, witnesses' names, etc., will certainly facilitate the investigation.

drama - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
You tell us that the girls stir up drama, but you are the only one making this incident a drama. You call the girls' parents. Now the girls' parents are trying to "figure out" (?) who to contact and how? Then you call your BFF. What fun you must be having.

This is not about the girls. You could have phoned the injured boy's family to advise them of the assault. Now that it's Monday, you can call the school and confidentially make them aware of what you know. Or, you can continue the drama.

here's an idea... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
why doesn't someone report it to the school, and the school can call the parents of the punched boy. A sharp blow to the chest can be fatal to a child. Not quite sure what you're waiting for. It's not your responsibility to enforce anything. It's your responsibility to inform the proper aurthorities. That's why the girls turned to you.

I'm waiting for the school to be open - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't know the home phone number of anyone at that school. This is the weekend and the school is closed. I'm also trying to find a way to have it handled the best way possible, which now I'm thinking should be from the parents of the two girls, although I don't believe they will do anything. So, I still have today to solicit ideas. If all else fails, I could be there when the bus picks up the kids tomorrow morning and ask the bus driver to let the two girls sit close to him. I'm still thinking about how to handle it.

My first reaction to being told the boy was hit in the sternum was the danger of a lung being punctured, so I do understand the seriousness of that kind of blow.

it's called commotio cordis - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm really not sure what ideas you are seeking to solicit.

Again, it's not AT ALL up to you to determine how this is handled, nor is it up to you to determine the medical hazards associated with physical abuse.

The ONLY thing you are responsible for, because you are an adult to whom these children turned, is to make sure you REPORT this episode to the proper authorities.

Having two girls sit close to the bus driver has NO EFFECT whatsoever on the behavior of the physically abusive bully boy, for goodness sake.

Using excuses to avoid getting involved - and to avoid your moral responsibility

[ In Reply To ..]
You aren't looking for ideas -- you are seeking reasons for not getting involved.

Let's call this what is . . . an assault. Does that make your responsibility more clear?

If there had been a gun on that bus, would you be tiptoeing around on Sunday still pondering what to do? No, you would have called the police.

But, here you are, on Sunday, admitting that you were worried about a punctured lung (!), and still not having done anything.

At this point, I suggest that you either file a delayed report with the police or call the principal's office at 8 a.m. on Monday. When you do, you need to call this what it is. Those girls witnessed an assault that apparently incapacitated a child for several minutes. The authorities need to inform the boy's parents and the bus driver.

You don't have the phone number? You are an MT, but you can't find it? That is why I say you are making excuses.

You need to educate yourself about bullying, too. You are doing the usual "don't want to get involved" routine. Those girls have probably been told to report it to an adult immediately, did so, and you don't want to get involved.

If you want your child to ride a safe bus, you need to make it safe, starting right now. This is your responsibility, not some vague "other" person's. Yours.

There may be cameras on the buses. The assault may have been videotaped. By Monday morning, though, the tape may be overwritten due to your delay in reporting this.

You might google and read about the Kitty Genovese episode, the "bystander effect," and "diffusion of responsibility."

Kitty Genovese does not apply to the OP - fyi

[ In Reply To ..]
The OP did not witness what happened on the bus. She was not a bystander. She has information from two possible witnesses. This is hearsay evidence, completely different from the case you brought up.

Exactly! - k

[ In Reply To ..]
She "heard" this from two minor children on a bus that she was not personally on. It is not her responsibility to have the minor children testify to what they saw and it isn't her responsibility to call the police and make a statement on something she was told, she did not see and she does not have full details.

Contacting the two girls' parents is what she should do and let them have their children testify to what happened. She cannot make these CHILDREN testify and she cannot testify to something she did not see.

thank you for your points - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
I feel the same way as your response. People say I have to call the police and I am compelled to testify. The only involvement I had was to listen to what two girls said. On the stand, an attorney would ask me what I saw, which was nothing, and ask if I was present, which I was not. What I heard is hearsay.

Now here is another scenario. What if it did not happen and the parents of the boy doing the hitting claim I am making false allegations. Or even this scenario, what if I involve myself and the parents of the two girls say their children never said that to me. What proof do I even have they said anything to me? I know I would not want to be in my home and have police knock on my door to tell me my neighbor said my child said something, and the neighbor never told me, my child never told me. That's pretty out of touch for the kind of mother I want to be to my child.

I did want suggestions to deal with this situation realistically, intelligently and calmly, not with a militant reaction.

you just don't get it - disheartening

[ In Reply To ..]
nobody has said anything about police. Maybe it didn't happen at all. YOU need to stop playing reality show and do the right thing by SIMPLY calling the school.

you must have missed the post where I said - not a bully fan

[ In Reply To ..]
how I handled it already.

K. Genovese does indeed apply - nm

[ In Reply To ..]

Then prove your point, not a "No Message" - fyi

[ In Reply To ..]
Tell me how it applies.

Similar Messages:

Apr 11, 2013
So on Sunday I talked to the two moms and let my friend know about what I heard the two girls say. I saw one of the girls on Monday and asked her about the boy who had thrown the punch. She said he was not on the bus, but was at school that day (any number of reasons he was not on the bus) and the regular bus driver did not drive on the way home. I didn't ask about whether or not her mom went into the school or reported it. Today I had to go to that school for orientation in an ...

Jan 26, 2012
McDonald's find more profits! Go corporations! http://fox6now.com/2012/01/19/take-part-in-mcteachers-nights-january-23rd-february-23rd/ ...

Jul 03, 2014
Hey, Michelle, you were elected by NO ONE. Stay out of our schools. HA!! link ...

Dec 14, 2012
Details are sketchy but the gunman is dead. They haven't pieced the whole thing together yet, so keep informed. Some news items are saying multiple deaths, others 1 death, and still others just a teacher or principal were dead. ...

May 15, 2012
Last week we learned about President Obama’s first post-college romantic relationships. This week, we’re discovering details of Mitt Romney’s prep-school sadism. While I think we should tread carefully when examining the youthful experiences and mistakes of both presidential candidates, I thought Obama’s romantic past was fair game in Vanity Fair. I think the Washington Post’s well-reported feature on Young Mr. Romney’s entitled cruelty to gay classmates and a ...

Oct 11, 2012
constantly interrupting, cackling, body language intended to intimidate. Ryan handled him well, I think. ...

Oct 08, 2012
The new loaded synonym for “dissent” is “bullying,” which the Left is busy stripping of intrinsic meaning, much as they long ago denuded terms like “racism,” “sexism,” and so forth. “Bullying” now means you’re winning a political contest against liberals. For example, the Huffington Post quickly jumped aboard the suspiciously well-engineered “Mitt Romney is a bully” narrative choo-choo with an articl ...

Jul 10, 2010
Unsure how to deal with this. We have neighbors facing our back yard who have a little girl, probably maybe 7 or 8 years old. Cute as pie, plays nicely, just very nice little girl. On the other side of them is a 10 or 11 year old kid and he is a bully...and boy do I mean a bully. He is constantly picking on her which in turns makes her squeal at this high pitched ear piercing scream (if you know what I mean). He sprays water on her and she keeps yelling at him to st ...

Jan 10, 2013
Too soon to report on motive, but students ended up in the closets and parents are being notified to pick up their kids at the football field. http://www.local12.com/content/breaking_news/story/Two-People-Hurt-in-California-School-Shooting/lL5RWh88Hke4JR3P1YQzCQ.cspx ...

Jan 07, 2014
According to the "Oxford English Dictionary," bully pulpit means "a public office or position of authority that provides its occupant with an outstanding opportunity to speak out on any issue." It was first used by TR, explaining his view of the presidency, in this quotation -- "I suppose my critics will call that preaching, but I have got such a bully pulpit!" The word bully itself was an adjective in the vernacular of the time meaning "first- rate," somewhat equivalent to the recent use ...

Jan 24, 2011
I am currently looking into returning to school like so many other MTs out there. There are programs where you can get an Associates Degree in Healthcare Management (basically medical records), which I am really not interested in because, as I see it, most hospitals are trying to cut down their medical records departments to as slim of staff as possible, plus with the integration of EMR, I just do not see this being a lucrative field. IF, big big IF here, I were to enter into this pr ...

Sep 06, 2011
I made sure that I taught my son to read, add and subtract before he began kindergarten. I talked to the principal at the public school to see if they can accommodate him or if she thought I should look in to public school. She assured me that they wanted my son at thier school and that they would be sure to keep him busy and learning. So far, he has learned nothing. They do not have him reading. They only have him identifying letters, which is something my 2-year-o ...

May 06, 2010
Just got a phone call from my 4th grade daughter's teacher. My daughter is in trouble for selling a Sillybandz to another child for $1. The teacher said it was price gouging and wasn't "fair" (rolleyes) Time to teach some economics. ...

Aug 13, 2010
It is that time again. School is about to begin and we will be sending our children into the classroom to be with educators who we think are safe for our children to be around. Please, please, please, listen to your children. If they feel uneasy about a teacher/situation, listen; and do something about it! At the end of the last school year I posted on this board because I felt and my child felt uncomfortable about changing a shirt in the classroom for a field trip. Almos ...

Dec 14, 2012
<sigh> When will this craziness end!? ...

May 25, 2013
Looking into going back to school, but trying to decide which career choice to make, although only one is probably optional at tihs point as I have to work while going. Anyway, I have filled out my FAFSA for one school and it was sent, but I am not registered as of yet. Now I want to fill out another FAFSA for the other school that I will probably end up going to, but a friend of mine told me I can't fill out more than one FAFSA for different schools. Is this correct? I don't thi ...

Jul 30, 2013
no freaking clue what to go for though! I have 2 classes to get my associates. I don't know where to go from there. Everything I can think of just bores me to tears. I would only have 2 years to get my batchelor's but what on earth could I study? THe only thing I think i would like is Vet tech but that doesn't even pay as much as MT. I have also thought about social work but I just don't think i can do that anymore. Plus there is no $$ in that ei ...

Apr 09, 2014
...

Sep 28, 2015
42 years after graduation and apologized to me for making fun of me in school and asked me to forgive him, which I did. Hadn't thought about him in FOREVER, but evidently it bothered him. ...

Oct 01, 2015
How tragic at least 15 day in a school shooting at a community college in Oregon. When will it stop and how do WE make it stop. These kids just started school the 28th and had their whole lives to look forward to. Now, they some wack job has taken that away from them. How utterly heartbreaking. My prayers and love go to those who have to endure the pain of this tragedy. ...

Jan 25, 2012
Listening to Rush this a.m. He was saying Michele Obama should abandon her attempts at improving nutrition in the schools. He said children refuse to eat the tofu that Michele wants them to eat. What is the point of warping this discussion beyond recognition? I visited my nephew's school and I was appalled at the school lunch. Chicken nuggets and pizza, etc. I have never heard Michelle talk about replacing this junk with tofu. Why not just go ba ...

Oct 22, 2009
A teacher was told by a 15-year-old high school sophomore that he was having homosexual sex with an "older man." At the very least, statutory rape occurred. Fox News reported that the teacher violated a state law requiring that he report the abuse. That former teacher, Kevin Jennings, is President Obama's "safe school czar." It's getting hard to keep track of all of this president's problematic appointments. Clearly, the process for vetting White House employees has broken down. I ...

Nov 20, 2009
I went to a junior high school that had been added on to so many times, there was often no way to get from one side to the other on the same floor without going down one level and back up another. Well, we had this tunnel going to the cafeteria. My girlfriend and I hated the principal so we decided to get even. We brought eggs to school and egged the tunnel going to the cafeteria then took off running to the gym. We were dying laughing. We were about 13 or so. ...

Jan 16, 2011
I am considering returning to school but I have no idea what career to pursue. For anyone in their 40s who has started back, can you give me some insight as to how you decided upon your career, how difficult it is for you in general, are you still working while going? I absolutely stink at math so I am terrified in that aspect but otherwise not really worried about it. Any information, ideas, advice would be greatly, greatly appreciated! ...

Jan 21, 2010
I'm considering doing the virtual school for my son next schoolyear, which will be his 6th grade year. He's struggling this year in 5th grade and I'm worried that he might not be ready for middle school in August. In my state, GA, we have an online public school that sounds very good. I'm just wondering if anyone, from any state, has any experience with this and what your thoughts are on this type of education. I'd love to put him in a private school (I think) but right ...

May 09, 2010
I really want to go back to school but I am a single mom with a mortgage. Has anyone in my situation gone back to school? Does anyone know of any aid or programs to pay for school and help me pay my bills? I think I am living in La La Land thinking I can do this!!! ...

Jun 25, 2010
I have no college education save for a couple algebra classes I took for fun 20 years ago (I always was a bit of dork). At 51 years old, I have been doing MT for about 28 years. Out of high school I started in the kitchen of the local hospital, moved to a nurses' aide, and then moved to the hospital-trained transcription department, so I don't really have previous 'career' training. Are any of you going back to school starting from scratch, so to speak?&n ...

Sep 14, 2012
nm ...

Dec 17, 2012
I haven't told my child about Conn. She is not ready for that tragic reality. If I don't send her this week and wait until after the holidays, I risk jail time for noncompliance of state education laws. But all they will do this week is holiday things and not focus on the usual schedule. And she will hear about these things at school instead of me. She is not exposed to TV or radio, or as yet, any friends who might talk about it. I got an email from the pr ...

Jan 19, 2013
A 5-year-old suspended for terroristic threats with a bubble gun???!!!!!!! How ridiculous is this getting? Then to question the girl for 3 hours without a parent present. Totally ridiculous---and for those on this board that state that this school did the right thing----well, all I can say is get your head screwd on straight. A 5-year-old doesn't even know right from wrong in most instances. If that was your child, how would you feel? Attorney: MCA suspended girl for mention of ' ...