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anyone here in 30s and without kids?
Posted: Oct 2, 2010
Sometimes I feel i'm the only one over 35 without children. Most of my friends have them and almost everyone in my extended family. I have never been in the position financially to have them, and I figure it wouldn't be fair. I grew up in poverty and as an only child, and I do not want to lay that burden on someone else. My husband and I might still adopt, or if we suddenly become rich and healthy in the next year or two produce one (lol). Just wondering if anyone else is in their 30s and without kids. Do you find it hard to fill up your days? My friends are always focused on their kids activities. I have hobbies, church, school and animals, but sometimes I feel a discontent. I am hormonal right now though! (lol)
;
My sister is 30, single, no kids - momof3
[ In Reply To ..]She's been in and out of relationships but hasn't found the one yet. She works full-time, just got a nice promotion and finally got out on her own. She lived at home up until about 3 years ago and then she lived with my brother and his family until she was able to save up enough to move out on her own.
As for kids, she borrows mine and our brother's, but mostly she's glad to be free of the responsibility. I honestly don't know if she'll ever have kids. I think a lot of people have kids because it's what society expects.
I love my kids but there are days when I envy my sister. If you didn't want kids, don't let anyone else make you feel bad because of it. Just make sure you set up your elder care. Seriously. Enjoy your life your way.
If you do want kids, then go for it. If I'd have waited until I could afford them to have them, I never would have. Life's too short for regrets. Go for what you want!
having kids - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I get in these moods because i'm at the point where I need to do it now, or its not going to happen. Mostly, I feel I am missing out, or I worry about when I'm old I will have no one to take care of me (lol!). I'm not sure these are the appropriate reasons to go forward with such a huge responsibility though.
I'm in my 50s and child-free by choice. I realized sm - NO REGRETS
[ In Reply To ..]a few years ago that I just didn't want to give up my freedom and financial health just b/c there was an expectation out there that I "should". BTW, do you really think your kids will watch out for you when you grow old?? Boy I don't.
Anyway, unless you feel a strong compulsion to have a child, I sure would not do it for the reasons you listed. Best wishes to you - I am living proof you can be plenty happy without them.
I'm one of 5 siblings, and NONE of us ever had kids. - None of us ever missed having them. -s/m-
[ In Reply To ..]In my current financial state, I'm especially glad I don't have mouths to feed. It's hard enough with pets.
Oddly, most of my friends don't have kids, either. ("Birds of a feather" ?)
;D
Me too!!!! - Happy MT Robin
[ In Reply To ..]I always sort of felt bad that my mom never had any grandkids to play with before she died because she LOVED little kids and they loved her. I never felt bad enough about it to have a kid, though. I like them, as long as I know I can give them back.
OP, I'm 47 and I'm the second to youngest in my family of 5 and none of us are parents.
Having children should be a very carefully thought out choice. If you just absolutely know in your bones that you NEED to be a parent, I say go for it. I never had that, though, and some days I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being.
I can totally respect your reasoning for not having kids. It's hard enough to do everything that needs to be done for them, let alone when you're struggling financially.
I agree with you - I just turned 50 and never had kids - see message
[ In Reply To ..]We sound so much alike. I always felt bad that my mom never had grandkids when she was alive, and she would say that to me a lot. I tried more things than anyone can ever imagine to have kids. It just never worked out. I've spent many many months crying in my younger years. It was such a heart breaker to not be able to get pregnant even with the help of drugs, doctors, and any other item that was out on the market. Just guess the "powers to be" thought I was never worthy of having children.
I'm now 50 and I have such mixed feelings. I long for a relationship with children of my own (no adoption is not an option at this point in my life).
With that said, I do have to say there are more times than not I am glad I don't have kids. My sister adopted. Her first son is (and I say with sadness) horrible. I can't tell you how much grief he has given my sister and her husband. Not going into detail but he is just a nasty little booger. My sister and her husband, bless them, do the best they can (he's 21 now and mentally handicapped). I do realize he has a handicap, but he also knows when he is doing something wrong because they will tell him not to do it and he will smile and turn around and do it. Then laughs. He's not extremely handicapped as he hold a job, votes, and other things. Every year they go on vacation he is a complete "brat" and hence they spend most of the time yelling at him. Anyway...I look at him and say "Thank god I don't have kids!". Then there are the bratty neighborhood kids and some of the other horrible kids that I always think to myself I'm glad I don't have kids. But all of my friends have kids and they are good kids and I do envy them.
But like you I always think when planning to have children it should definitely be well thought out. Children are not toys that you play with then throw off to the side when you are tired of them. It's a lifelong committment that will never go away and you need to be prepared. I also have friends who have now become parents to their grandkids. Not something they wanted, but their kids turned out to be losers and they said it is the responsible thing to do.
However, in this day and age with the economy I am glad I do not have kids. Some of my friends envy me. Funny how life works out.
you don't need children to feel complete - Carol
[ In Reply To ..]You and your husbnad should seek out other couples without children. None of my friends have children. We go dancing on the weekends, ski trips to the mountains in the winter, Las Vegas for two days. Join a tennis group. You can spend hours on a tennis court. They have tennis parties all the time. There are tons of things to keep you busy without children. Life is what you make it. You were just meant to do other things besides raise children. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get on with life. Seek out other people without children. There are plenty of them out there!
I'm with you - No Kids
[ In Reply To ..]I am single and have several friends, but nobody has time. It used to be because they were raising their own kids, now because of grandchildren. I know what you mean. You can fill your time with other things, that's true. However, on Mother's Day it doesn't cut it. I found the older I got the more I felt the void. There, of course, are perks to it as well. I have seen some of my friends go through some terrible times with their children.
YES... - SassyPants
[ In Reply To ..]I will be 35 this month and hubby will be 30.
I have no kids, neither does he. We both have been worked up and down, and KNOW we will need outside help getting pregnant.
It is very hard. Every month when I get my period, hubby knows to stay away. I say "bad day" and he just knows.
I would love to go ahead with IVF or adoption, but it is very expensive, insurance does not cover it, and for gosh darn sure I do not make enough doing MT to even attempt it.
I went to school for MT so I could stay home, be a mommy, make money for myself and family, but I have none of the above.
What a waste of school and time and money. Should have put that tuition towards the baby fund if I knew I'd be child free and broke.
I will not even insult anyone of you out there struggling with infertility with one of the 1000s of stupid things people say about it either. It makes me so angry so I will not say it to you. I'd rather have people say NOTHING than the myriad of things to say just for something to say.
You are not alone, but I know it sure does feel like it. I have found support on various fertility forums as well.
Baby dust to us all...
All of you mothers who do have children, be very thankful you do b/c I would trade you in a second than live with this.
being without kids - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I definitely feel that void in my life. It is a longing. I do realize my friends are frazzled and some have problem children, but still, its undeniable there is a need within me. I know I would be a good mom because i'm affectionate, caring, loving...it has gotten so bad I treat my husband like my baby (he's not complaining though lol!).
At the same time, I do not think I would be the best mom I can be if I had to worry about things like bills, mortgage, work, not having a career. I grew up in that environment and it created a buzz of anxiety within me. I had a single mother who did it all herself and she had a very short fuse (understandably).
My hubby does not make much and I would be a worried mother and that takes away from what a child needs.
Feeling the void - Kittymama
[ In Reply To ..]I am in my mid 40s now w/o kids. I remember feeling that void when I was in my early to mid 30s. I felt such an emptiness like a hole inside me only a baby would fill, spent so much time crying. But I felt it was selfish to ask a child to complete me, to put that on another human being. I think it was hormones. Now years later, I have no regrets, no longer feel that hole in my gut. I shower my cats with love, go out with friends, hobbies. Like someone above said, life is what you make it.
Anyone willing to admit they wish they had never had kids? - Mulligan
[ In Reply To ..]nm
no, but - truffle
[ In Reply To ..]I wish I had waited about 5 more years before I had them. I had one at 23, 25, and 28. I started trying for a baby right after I finished college but I think things would have been much easier and less stressful if I had worked for a while, saved some money and planned more.
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