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Feeling like a bad mother - can't afford preschool

Posted: Dec 30, 2013

I have a 4-year-old who I would love to put in preschool, but I cannot afford it. I'm on my state's waiting list for childcare assistance as well as the waiting list for Head Start. I've been told I will be on the list for probably 2 years, by which time she will be in kindergarten. I can't even afford half days or just one day a week. I feel like a terrible mother because I can't afford preschool and she is going to be behind when she goes to kindergarten. She loves learning and interacting with other kids and it kills me that I cannot do better for her. I truly hate that I became an MT because this job has put me in the poor house. I'm totally stuck with this job until she is in school full-time as I cannot even get a job outside of the house because that would mean I would have to put her in childcare that I cannot afford. How many of you did not put your children in preschool?

;

You're not a bad mom.. - COmt

[ In Reply To ..]
First of all, you're not a bad mom because you can't afford preschool. Have you ever considered doing in-home daycare yourself? I did that for several years when my oldest was an only child.. before I became an MT. It's hard work, but it's also very rewarding to know that you'd be providing a safe, fun environment for a child or children.. the kind of environment you would want for your on child.

Years ago no one put children - in preschool

[ In Reply To ..]
it's kind of a new thing.

She'll do just fine without having gone. She's not too far away from kinder anyway. She'll catch up in no time at all!

When you look back and she's in high school you'll realize that it didn't matter at all if she did/didn't go to preschool.

As the mom of a recent high school graduate, please don't worry so much. I stressed/obsessed on problems my son had in school, etc., and in the end he did fine. The worry is a waste of energy. Save that energy for time with your daughter.

*Get lots of books, activity books, work on writing her name, etc.

*Organize some play dates.

*Find a church that has care for children while the adults are in church services. It's free and she'll get experience with a group of children.

You are not a bad mom!

holding children back is more common today - new old mom

[ In Reply To ..]
I have a child whose birthday is a week after school starts, so she started when she was 4, turning 5 a week later. She had an awful year. The teacher hated her and one other kid. My kid constantly tormented the teacher for not being easy on her. THAT year was more traumatic than any other year we have had since. That teacher had things to prove as it was her retirement year.

I asked to have her repeat kindergarten and she has gotten wonderful teachers since then, even another teacher who had my child during her retirement year.

No one told me it was okay to wait until she was ready. I was like you in thinking I needed to get her in so she would not be behind, but once there, I found out most all of them were older anyway. Since I held her back, she is one of the oldest kids in her grades. It has worked out wonderfully. She makes the A/B honor roll every grading period.

In our state, children don't have to go to school until they are 7, and many of those children were never in a preschool when they presented to the public school.

I would just tell you to relax, everything is going to work out fine. The other posts are right in saying it is not going to matter later in life. In fact, she will be able to tell the other kids that she has great memories of being able to hang out with you without the pressures that school adds to life.

Preschool talk - see msg

[ In Reply To ..]
Back in the day (1950s), preschool was called nursery school, and it was just 2 days a week, 3 hours a day. It was designed to help children socialize away from mom (back when moms raised their own kids) and fingerpaint, color, and all the "fun" things 3 and 4 year olds are supposed to do.

I think this "teaching" stuff at 3-4 years old in a structured environment is dumb. Let them be kids. You can play number games, counting games, sing the alphabet, read to her--it all counts as learning...and let her have fun with you. It's more important she have YOU as long as possible.

Preschool is now designed to have a place to bring your kids since moms and dads work all day, and they do teach now, but it's really not necessary. They say that kids who are placed in a structured educational situation early on are no better off knowledge-wise in terms of their peers by the time they reach 3rd grade.

Just enjoy your child and allow her to enjoy you! Her feeling of connection to you is far more important than anything else. It will go a long way in keeping your kid off of drugs, out of trouble, etc., later on.

Check your local library - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
and see what kind of kids programs they have that you can take her to or attend with her.

Check out churches in your area that offer preschool... - ZvilleMT

[ In Reply To ..]
They may offer a "scholarship" to attend. I was in the same boat when my daughter went to preschool. I asked about any kind of assistance and all I had to do was fill out a paper with income information and she basically went to preschool for free (I chose to send her an extra optional day, so I paid $40 a month).

Please don't think you're a bad mom for not sending her to preschool - you can get the same results by spending some time each day teaching her things yourself - reading, shapes, colors, etc. You can even join a play group in your area or see if the library in your town has a reading group for young kids - those will also give her a chance to socialize with other kids her age. As a former teacher, I can tell you that while preschool is good, it's not the be all end all :)

Missing preschool is not going to make her behind--sm - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
When children start kindergarten there are a range of abilities and it is often as a result of the individual child's development. The most important thing you can do for your child to prepare her for school is to read to her, the more the better. I second checking out the local library for story time. Also, check out audio books, many narrated by Jim Weiss are exceptional.

You can give her developmentally appropriate things to do at home. Make sure she has scissors and can practice cutting with them. Drawing and holding a pencil are good things for her to get used to. Of course, play dough is wonderful. Make macaroni necklaces together or string fruit loops for a necklace. Have her help you cook and have fun together. The biggest thing you can do with a child that age to help their future is to let them know they are loved, interact with them and make them feel safe.

If you want to work on more academic stuff, Handwriting without Tears has a good pre-writing program. Of course, cheaper is to put shaving cream or boxed pudding in a pan and make the letters in that with your fingers. For phonics, the book Phonics Pathways is cheap and easy to use.

I would let go of the guilt over not being able to provide preschool. There are going to be many, many things over the years that you wish you could give your children but the money will not be there and that happens with many, many types of jobs. Dont let that hold you back from appreciating the good things you are able to do.

I think it's most important to keep her stimulated - socially and intellectually.

[ In Reply To ..]
You don't have to send her to preschool to do it. My parents taught me how to read. What they didn't do was socialize me, and that was a struggle for me growing up. I think as long as you teach AND socialize your kids, they will be fine without preschool.

Take her concerts, recitals, art galleries - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
There is nothing like a really good concert to inspire a child. There is a strong connection between music and math, dancing and reading. Our local nature park has tons of activities for kids of all ages. Take her skating and other sports events, if only to watch. There are still 4-H programs in the rural areas.

Being an actual Mother - IS being a good mother

[ In Reply To ..]
Being there for your daughter speaks more volumes than any educational program. By having her by your side, day by day, interacting, stimulating, etc., is being a true mother. This other stuff about pushing them into programs is not what being a mother is all about.

Academics is important, of course, but it's important to remember that the closeness and bond is more important at this tender age. Shipping them off into a structured environment is NOT being an attentive parent. DO keep her stimulated with basic fun, as well as fun ways to learn counting, alphabet, etc.

Children who are overly-structured in academics do not thrive well, and in fact, many of them "burn out" by high school by overbearing, over-critical parents who insist their kid "succeed" in academics.

Just relax! The kid is only 3 or 4. Her brain is open to all sorts of stuff, including the notion that you might think shipping her off to school is more important than spending time with her.

Preschool - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My son I didn't do preschool because his birthday came when he basically just turned 4 as the school year would begin and I felt he was too young. I just bought some books and taught him at home and he was actually ahead of the other kids when he started kindergarten. My daughter, I did put in preschool and it was a fun experience. I live in Georgia though and there was no waiting list and pre-K was free.

Just a thought though, I'm not sure if you attend church, but if you find a large church in your area, they most always have tons of programs for all ages of kids and they are free. We don't regularly attend church, but I did find a church recently for my kids to interact with others and they have music programs, sports teams, cheerleading, art classes, etc. My kids love it there and it is all absolutely free, other than paying for uniforms or whatever they may need for whatever activity they are pursuing.

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