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Disappointed, but feeling silly about it

Posted: Nov 16, 2012

Okay, this is going to sound REALLY stupid and childish and I hope after a long week you get a laugh from this. I can't tell my dear sweet hubbie because he meant good, but I have to tell someone. He did the grocery shopping today. He comes home and I see a container of mint ice cream (I gag thinking of it, but its his favorite), so I'm so excited he bought ice cream. Been in the mood for a bowl of ice cream. I keep emptying the bags putting food away, but no other kind. That's all he bought. He knows how much I love ice cream and been talking about wanting to get some this week. The last time we had ice cream I bought him the mint kind and I had chocolate. I never eat mint ice cream and once told him I didn't like it and it makes me gag thinking about it, but NO, NOTHING! NO ICE CREAM I LIKE!!!! I am so disappointed I'm sitting here feeling like I'm going to cry, but as I'm writing this I'm making myself laugh because it sounds so childish.

Thought maybe I'm having a PMS attack, but I'm at the end of my cycle now. So...I need replies to make me feel better about why I won't be having ice cream. Okay, sorry, but this just sucks. :-) :-(

;

How could he??? - Gray

[ In Reply To ..]
I would be reacting exactly the same way, so don't feel bad. I love ice cream too, but in my case, mint happens to be my favorite, along with one of my daughters. Hubbie, other daughter and son do not like mint, so if we get mint, they get something else. Fortunately, I also like most of the kinds my husband does (except cookies and cream, but I will eat it in a pinch).

Okay, actually I would not react the same way you did, I would be totally childish and throw a fit. It is like a couple weeks ago hubbie told me that he got me chocolate because he thought I could use some after a long hard week, I found Kit Kats, which he really likes and I don't. When he got home from his overnighter I ripped him a new one about how he really didn't get it for me because I don't even like it. He probably felt kind of like you do today, judging by the look on his face, as he told me that my chocolate was in the pantry. Boy did I feel mean and stupid.

Anyhow, do you live close enough to a store to go get some ice cream that you like? We live out in the country, so if my husband doesn't bring it home on his way home from work, forget it.

I hope you get your ice cream soon :)

Thanks for the reply - Ms. PMS

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm here still upset over this. But then mad at myself because its such a silly thing. I must be going through post PMS :-) It has me so upset I have a headache (yes over ice cream). I think the thing is not the ice cream itself, I could have any sweet thing I want. It's the fact that since he likes it he thinks I like it, when in fact every single time we've had ice cream I've always had rocky road, chocolate, vanilla, regular chocolate chip, oreo, strawberry, ANYTHING except mint. Why he didn't realize this I don't know. To me mint ice cream is just awful. I told him once why not just eat Pepto Bismol flavored ice cream :-) Okay, I feel so stupid about it, it's also cold outside, so not in the mood for cold ice cream right now. But I can't want until he tells me in his excited way that he surprised me with some ice cream. :-)

Anyway...after a short time here I feel better. I will just make myslef a big batch of rice pudding (something he gags at) :-)

Stores are not far from here, but once we get home we don't like to go out again unless we absolutely have to.

Forgot to say your "how could he" made me smile - Thanks - Ms. PMS (nm)

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

I would have returned his to the store and exchanged it - for chocolate!!!

[ In Reply To ..]
Bet he would learn not to forget you again!

The conclusion of the "great ice cream saga" - Ms. PMS

[ In Reply To ..]
The look on his face when I told him I didn't like mint ice cream :-) He did feel bad. I smiled and said that's okay.

He said he will go out tomorrow and buy me the kind of ice cream I like.

Okay, now I feel better. I have no idea why this upset me so much. I mean, really? over ice cream? Something I can jump in the car and go get myself? I was just really bothered by that. I seriously think it has to be hormones.

Awwww, it wasnt about the ice cream - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
I loved your post and could totally sympathize with your situation.

It wasn't really about the silly ice cream. I think it was how it left you feeling so neglected in his choosing something you thought he knew you didn't like. You weren't being silly at all, I'd have felt the exact same way, like my husband had completely discounted *my* feelings/likes and thought only of himself.

It reminded me of watching, I think it was Oprah, about 15 years ago. She had celebs and their best friends and spouses on. One couple was Valerie Bertinelli and Eddie Van Halen and the little gal from Murphy Brown, who was her best friend. She and Eddie had been married for at least 10 years when this aired. One of the questions asked was "How does your wife take her coffee?" I'll be danged if Eddie didn't have a clue, after all those years of marriage, how Valerie liked her coffee. She looked totally embarrased. Of course, her best friend knew IMMEDIATELY. I likened your ice cream story to this situation. It wasn't about the coffee, it was about his total oblivion to a simple little everyday event, having coffee.

I'm glad your ice cream situation was sorted out, and I totally understand your reaction wasn't really a silly overreaction to the mint ice cream, but rather that you felt your feelings were ignored.

Have a great weekend...and enjoy that ice cream he picks up for you :-)

end of cycle, honey, you DO need chocolate. - A hug from the hub works wonders, too. feel better

[ In Reply To ..]
.

"I smiled and said that's okay" but it wasnt - why do women do that?

[ In Reply To ..]
you don't have to slam doors or cry buckets but if he felt bad did he apologize? If yes, thank's honey, my feeling were hurt. how sweet of you to pick up some for me tomorrow, I really appreciate it. "that's okay"??? that is how it keeps happening (not you specificially).

Disappointed - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
What you're upset about is that he didn't even think of you, only of himself. You on the other hand probably always think of him and the other people in your family, it second nature to a woman. A man on the other hand is egocentric and through socialization and natural instincts thinks of himself first and his needs. It's not his consciousness to think of others first. It's a DNA imprint. The Alpha Male. If you wait for him to put you first, you might as well wait until Hell freezes over. So, what to do? Raise his consciousness, tell him how you feel about it - he is not a mind reader. You may feel silly because it's ice cream, but it goes much deeper than that, it's the concept of not being thought of, of not being considered, because that's why you're so upset about it, because he didn't even think about you. And every woman out there knows, you would have thought of him and when you bought your chocolate, you wouldn't even have to think about getting him his mint, it would have been automatic. That's the way women are wired, DNA again. So just ask him why he didn't get you some chocolate when he got his mint? Not accusingly, just like - Hey honey, when you bought your mint, why didn't you get me some chocolate? Then take look at his face, it will go completely blank as he searches for an appropriate answer where the isn't one. He'll probably answer with "I don't know" or "I didn't think of it" (both honest answers), then just reply "Well, next time think of me, okay". Say it like it's no big deal, then smile and walk away. Or he may answer with something like - "You didn't say you wanted any" - the answer to deflect blame to you and save himself. In this case, just say "Oh", smile and walk away. But, the next time you shop, don't buy anything that is specifically for him like his deodorant, razor blades, any stuff he likes, then when he asks you didn't buy this stuff, answer with his answer - "Gee honey, you didn't say you wanted any" looking directly at him, then smile and walk away. This may be all he needs to learn his lesson. If not, well you might have to do some more "training".

I was with you until the end - that is childish and passive/aggressive - just saying

[ In Reply To ..]
n

My Input - Old MT

[ In Reply To ..]
You people are pretty funny. So, you told him ONCE you didn't like mint, and you all have a fit because your man forgot. They're not mind-readers, and besides, men like directions.

Would he have had a hissy-fit if you forgot his mint and got your favorite flavor?

Just put it on the darn list and stop being so ridiculous.

Those of you who get off on doing the guilt trip thing need to set the person free so they can actually find someone who appreciates them.

A hissy fit over forgetting something? Good grief, you all are still lucky they stick around.

Thanks old MT - Ms. PMS - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Got to say you just said what my mother would have said if she were here. Can't way why it bothered me so much. I mean really, its just ice cream but it did. Maybe the let down of excitement for getting ice cream and then to find something I don't like.

I didn't want to give him a guilt trip. I knew he didn't do it on purpose, trying to figure out why it bothered me so much.

He did truly feel bad and said he thought we always had a bowl down south. I smiled through the whole time and told him it was okay, the next time we're out we'll get some.

Seriously think it was a hormone thing. I usually don't get upset. DH is probably one of the fewest husbands ever to think of me all the time. It had to be hormones. Maybe I'm starting menopause, who knows. But he is going out today and will get me something I like.

I told him not a big deal. Besides, I ate the rest of his bag of chocolates in revenge. :-)

You Sound Perfectly Reasonable - Old MT

[ In Reply To ..]
Glad you aren't "one of those" with the guilt trip. Maybe it is hormonal, you're feeling extra sensitive.

We ALLLLLL make mistakes. I was addressing some of the other comments made here.

The day I'm perfect, will be the day I expect my husband to be perfect. He actually tells his friends that he loves coming home to me. I know he's not just saying that, because I know I'm okay to come home to. ;) I ask myself: Would I Want to Come Home to Me?

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