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Feeling sad about this

Posted: Dec 11, 2014

I know a lot of people, myself included, who at various times in our lives have made the comment they wish Christmas was over. I am sad to say this year is the first year I have no "Christmas feeling" whatsoever, and I don't want to acknowledge it at all. I am struggling both financially and emotionally picking up a few gifts for just a handful of people, just because I know they are buying for me. I have been through the worst 18 months of my life, and it has taken a tremendous toll. I have had migraine headaches now almost every day for a month. I went to my doctor Tuesday, who sent me for an emergency eye examination, which was normal. I get the aura before the migraine with the zig-zag lines and lights, and then the debilitating headache. Tuesday morning I had three of these episodes. In speaking with my doctor, who I love and respect, I broke down and told her how I feel. I went to a church service Sunday evening where we sang Christmas songs, and still nothing. Please don't read into this that I feel sorry for myself. I am tring to bounce back from everything that has happended, but it just does not seem possible. Am I alone, or has anyone felt this way?;

Sounds like a similar story to mine - Lin

[ In Reply To ..]
I also was having/have the aura like you with the zig-zagging, first going to ophthamologist only to learn it is a brain thing. Went to neurologist, brain MRI, carotid, nothing found. I do not have migraines with it. I have cancelled Christmas officicallly last year. It was a great day! I am not doing again this year, not depressed but just tired of having to do so much and tiresome. I have had people offer to put up my decorations, nope do not want, told my daughter do not buy for me, not buying for others. Last year the day before Christmas broke down, went to the drugstore and bought 2 bottles of men's cologne for hubby. Lady said are you finishing up and I said starting and finishing in the same day. I have no decorations up and don't care at all. For several years we had a Christmas dinner for some relatives and I had to buy 6 females, 7 with my daughter, gifts. I ran out of ideas. Did not just buy 1 gift but several each year, quit having those. I took my ex-housekeeper and her kids a couple of months back on a small trip and told them then Merry Christmas. I did buy my daughter a cup, myself also just because I thought they were cute. Have no tree up, loaned out decorations to ex-housekeeper who said she did not have any. I had the spirit for many, many years and this year will spend that day doing what I signed on to do and that is to work. I just grew tired of having to do most everything and quit.

i know how you feel - Anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm also struggling financially and when I say struggling I mean going into my son's piggy bank for money to buy a few grocery items or do laundry. It's ridiculous. I work a FT job that I paid good money to train for and I'm making minimum wage. I hate the company I work for and I've been looking for a different job. My supervisor found out I was looking for a new job and took my favorite account away and didn't even have the nerve to call and tell me.

I'm also dealing with chronic pain from an injury and it's taken it's toll. I've been in pain management for over a year now and I'm on 2 narcotics to live a halfway normal life. I'm a single parent raising a special needs kid and I'm sinking. It's so depressing and pointless.

So yeah I feel your pain too. (hugs)

Definitely not alone. There are a lot of hurting people in this - world. See msg

[ In Reply To ..]
There are quite a few on here if you really pay attention to the posts. I know people very near and dear to me who probably wont have a Christmas this year and unfortunately, I cant do much about it because I am not close enough to help out and I don't have much money myself. I will barely have one.

My kids are all grown up, but I still have grandkids to buy for. I don't make as big of a deal out of Christmas as I use to because my kids are all grown up now and it's just me and my husband and we have enough family members that I don't have to have it at my house because everyone cooks or either has plans to go somewhere; my kids have a life of their own now.

I do put up my Christmas tree faithfully every single year and decorate. I don't always feel "in the Christmas mood" and the last couple of Christmas' have seemed a little off, but I enjoy the season of Christmas, the thought of Christmas and I celebrate the fact that Jesus died on the cross for my sins if I don't celebrate anything else, I celebrate his birthday.

My husband's family always has a big bash and my family lives further away so he expects me to go with him to his family gatherings if I don't go home and I'm not extremely comfortable with them (they aren't the nicest bunch of people). So Christmas isn't what it use to be for me either since the kids are all grown up and everyone is so spread apart doing their own thing. I would like to go home this year, but not sure I will be have the money after shopping for my grandkids & paying to send the packages. So, probably will have a small dinner here at home and see what excuse I can come up with to avoid going with my husband to his family's. It sounds bad that I would rather stay home alone than to go and deal with them.

Anyway, maybe you should talk to your doctor about the stress you are under. Possibly your headaches are coming from that? Stress can cause all sorts of problems. It's gotten so bad that I can tell now when my blood pressure is up and there once was a time when I didn't even know I had high blood pressure.

It lost its appeal to me a while back. I just - got tired of all the hype and - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
commercialism. Buy this, shop here, do this, be there, do that. It was too much even when I had a good job and could afford it. But then it was time that was in short supply. No wonder so many marriages break up, and so much domestic violence occurs during the holidays. It's all too much, too often, in my opinion. The music is annoying, and doubly so when it starts getting piped into the stores right after Halloween!

The gift-buying thing has become so forced, and such a burden on everyone. All the TV commercials get on my last nerve as well. The ones I hate most are where the family comes out and finds they have a brand-new car with a big red ribbon on it. Give me a BREAK! Who, exactly, gets a freaking CAR for Christmas!? Surely not anyone I've ever known, that's for sure.

When you add feeling ill, or having emotional things going on during the holidays, that adds to the stress. I honestly think that when you've got all that extra stuff happening in your life right now, what better time than now to just take a year off from all the Christmas craziness. I'm sure if you explained that you've had a rough 18 months, and need the holidays as down-time instead of amped-up time, shopping and partying, people will understand.

I've got some family stuff going on right now with a dying loved one, and it's hard around the holidays because you get flooded with a lot of memories from better days. Instead of letting those memories make me feel sad, I try to remember them happily, and tell myself over and over again I should be grateful that at least I had those good times in the past.

Don't forget that all the "perfect" Christmases you see on TV and in the movies are fantasy. They're some advertiser's idea of "what Christmas should look like." Make the holidays whatever you want them to be - something that benefits you rather than something that drains you. I had one nice Christmas day, a week after major surgery, where it was "perfect" for me because I spent the day in my quiet, cozy apartment reading a book and enjoying the rain outside, especially knowing I didn't have to go out in it.

Another year I treated myself to a day of skiing on Christmas Eve, and since my family lives a long ways away and they weren't planning anything that year, I stayed over in a motel in the mountains. I went for a long walk through the ski town and window-shopped, then bought a nice roast chicken dinner and opened my presents while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" on TV.

Another memorable Christmas was a year when I, as well as most of my friends, had just broken up with our boyfriends or husbands. Someone came up with the idea of a "Bah, Humbug!" Christmas Eve pot-luck dinner for all of us, and a good rented movie. That was one of the funniest and best Christmas Eves I think I ever spent.

Another year I visited one of my sisters and her husband and went hiking in the mountains near her house, and on still another year when it was a nice day and I was alone, I took my mountain bike to the coast and went for a long ride up a logging road into the redwoods. And still other times, when I just didn't have the "holiday spirit" that year, the "perfect" Christmas involved just sleeping in 'til noon, and eating popcorn and watching TV the rest of the day, while I wrote I couple of long letters I hadn't had time to write before.

Sometimes instead of trying to please everyone else, to the point of making oneself sick, or having a migraine (I used to get them too), sometimes the best holiday is the one where you indulge YOURSELF instead of everyone else. Or, sometimes it can be one where you help out a stranger. One time on Christmas Eve, some guy's car had broken down on a hill, and it was a long walk to the gas station to get help. (This was before cell phones.) I had a tow-rope in my pickup truck, so I towed his car up the hill to the gas station so he could get the problem fixed before they closed for the evening. That made both of us happy!

Feeling sad- - I feel the same

[ In Reply To ..]
way, wish I could just find a hole to hide in. I have the same problem with the aura of migraine. Excedrin migraine or any of the generic also work if I take it as soon as I see the lights and then do not go into the headache, usually takes about 15 minutes.

Feeling Sad - Nocarformeeither

[ In Reply To ..]
I loved the comment about the car in the driveway with the big red bow...who does that??...I am finding that it is really okay to consider your happiness and comfort level and not try to meet expectations. My family's dysfunction has risen to the top since my dad passed away a year ago..and my sister and I are no longer being the mouthpiece and fixers for our mom to our other siblings. Talk about having to retrain people...they don't like it one bit and my mom is not comfortable with this new way but it has made my life easier. I am still fighting the guilt of avoiding certain family members at this time of year but this time of year has turned into just something to get through. Can't wait for January 1!

To all of you Scrooges above, Merry Christmas - see message

[ In Reply To ..]
I wish you all a Merry Christmas. I wish you good health. I wish you happiness. I wish you peace.

Every emotion stated in this thread is very understandable, and more people feel this way than you may think. I did in the past too. You may be trying to live up to someone else's expectations, or even your own expectations, and can't seem to do it. IT'S OKAY!!! Don't worry about it. Don't stress about it.

Forgive me if this is a bad idea, but I might suggest you try something new and different for Christmas, outside the box. Don't worry about the gifts, decorations, or cooking, or lack of it. What would make you comfortable? To feel at peace? To not feel guilty? Try a new kind of celebration. Cook something new. Watch Christmas movies on TV. Read a new Christmas novel. Volunteer somewhere for the less fortunate than you. You could also look through old Christmas videos or albums, of pictures in happier times, maybe when you were a kid. As one poster stated, there are some who will not be around for many more years at Christmas that you may remember fondly. Some are already gone, and I like to look at photos, and go back to when they were here. Christmas is too commercial these days. Make it different.

When I pray on Christmas, I pray for people like you, here on this board and elsewhere, who are not so happy, not so healthy, and not so fortunate. I pray that some simple activity, or none at all, will bring you a little happiness and peace. It probably will not come from money, gifts, or activities, but from within.

Are you serious. I posted but do not fit into - the categories you list

[ In Reply To ..]
You don't have to pray for me. I am one happy person. Just because I decided to quit Christmas you think something is wrong with me (us) we need a pray? I have so much to do and don't sit around with a pity party. Why you think your way I have no idea. Comfortable is my not doing a dang thing. I cannot believe you think there is an issue just because some are fed up with the season.

To the Op, read the title of your post - and you do not understand?

[ In Reply To ..]
You claim you are "one happy person." Look at the title of your post, "FEELING SAD ABOUT THIS." Feeling sad. This is probably why you got the response you did. Any reasonable person would have felt sorry for you. Perhaps that was what you wanted in the first place, and then bite like a dog when you get it.

Did not say I was the OP, I said I - posted, assuming anyone?

[ In Reply To ..]
NM

Assuming it was all about YOU? - no msg

[ In Reply To ..]
s

No one said all about anyone, just I was not - the OP and the going to pray for you

[ In Reply To ..]
does not apply to everyone just because they do not want to be put out with all the hoopla.

Excuse me? - I am the OP

[ In Reply To ..]
I did not even reply after I posted my original post. Don't jump before you know who you are addressing. I said in my post I am not feeling sorry for myself. Not that I owe you or anyone an explanation, but I have lost my entire family in the past 18 months. I happen to be a Christian who believes in Christ and his gift of salvation. Pity is not what I wanted. I live alone and needed to talk to someone. So sorry for coming here, once again.

You are totally assuming and you are so - wrong

[ In Reply To ..]
I have health, wealth, happiness, comfort, food, nice big new home, good life, good husband. Don't assume that people not wanting to celebrate have issues. To assume is wrong- you are here.

the post said - and I quote

[ In Reply To ..]
"I pray that some simple activity, or none at all, will bring you a little happiness and peace. It probably will not come from money, gifts, or activities, but from within."

How can anyone have a problem with that? It did not say that YOU were ill, poor, unhappy, etc., but that "people elsewhere" may be. Geesh. Get over yourself.

Now THAT'S the Christmas Spirit - Nocarformeeither

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

And you are praying for someone who is not - unhappy and who does have

[ In Reply To ..]
peace and is content. Go do some good for people who need your help, not ones who just are tired of the rat race.

All I can say is WOW. - Just wow

[ In Reply To ..]
Wow....

Fa la la la la la la la la - Nocarformeeither

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Must have gotten family issues all cleared out - so Christmas songs being sung now

[ In Reply To ..]
NM

Did I suddenly get transported back to - Junior High School?

[ In Reply To ..]
I too say WOW!

Just what I was thinking - s/m

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Some of the people on here bring down the curve for the whole country. There is either a lack of intelligence, extreme childishness, or just plain nastiness. It's probably a combination of all three. In any event, it's creepy.

I am the OP - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
And I said nothing about being tired of the rat race. I said I was sad because I could not feel what I want so desperately to feel now because of emotional pain. God in Heaven,the people who claim to be happy and bash others for not being able to feel something come on here and argue.

You pray for people and call them - ?

[ In Reply To ..]
Scrooges at the same time? Do you realize how that sounds? Thanks, but I'll do my own praying.

TO: "you pray for people and call them.." Thank you for pointing that out. - Her post was a little unsettling.

[ In Reply To ..]
It certainly didn't seem to come from a genuine place.

Being sad or unhappy at Xmas doesn't make - that person a "Scrooge".

[ In Reply To ..]
A Scrooge is someone who intentionally tries his best to make everyone else's Christmas miserable.

Thank You - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
Being in pain has absolutely nothing to do with deliberately tring to be mean to anyone. Christmas can be fun, happy, and for some a real blast. The reality of it is that this time of year can be painful for so many. I would think the true "Christmas spirit" would bring out a little compassion and understanding for people.

I opted out of - Xmas

[ In Reply To ..]
and all other "holidays" many years ago and haven't missed any of them one bit. I celebrate every day by being kind and generous to others, friends, strangers (and myself) within reason with no help at all from Madison Avenue, the pope or whatever religion it was that co-opted Saturnalia or the winter solstice and called it Jesus' birthday. Dec 25 comes and goes just like any other day. I wish everyone could enjoy the (mostly) happy peaceful feeling I have all year.

the pope says pets go to heaven - Whew!

[ In Reply To ..]
thank God

And based on what I see from people here on - SM

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this board they should outnumber humans in heaven.

LOL! at SM you have a point. I honestly dont think pets know - any better, but humans do.

[ In Reply To ..]

Actually, I think they understand more than - OP

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we give them credit for. My best friend recently also went through a terrible time for months. During that time she adopted a cat from the shelter where we volunteer. She has said on many occasions that Marlee is just what she prayed for. Every time my friend was particularly sad and crying, Marlee would come to her and sit on her chest with her little head pressed against my friend's neck. They have that wonderful way of just understanding and not harshly criticizing and judging, which is what we see time after time on this board. God bless the animals, each and every one.

To the OP, I will pray for you - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I am so sorry for all you have been through lately. Of course you do not feel as joyous as you normally would during the holidays. The pain of losing loved ones never really completely goes away, but I hope in time you may find some comfort, and even smiles, in the memory of them. Of course other people feel like this, many times. It is possible to "bounce back." You are certainly not alone. Just allow yourself the time it deserves, even if it is during the holidays. Grieving is a natural normal process, so just allow it to happen, and accept in yourself, not feeling sorry for yourself, but just a normal emotion.

I still wish you a Merry Christmas, and the peace you seek.

Thank you for your kindness - OP

[ In Reply To ..]
I have always believed we should give ourselves time to grieve. There is no sin in feeling sad about things beyond our control. There was the loss of a pet in this timeframe as well, and that hits me as hard as anything. I wish you a Merry Christmas as well. Again, thank you.

Its not that I don't have Christmas spirit, though - that is part of it.

[ In Reply To ..]
Its that my family makes me feel obligated to go to family get togethers when all I want is a quiet Christmas at home. We don't really have a lot of money to spend on gifts and people are not thankful to receive them anyway. It makes me so mad to get a gift for someone with my last 10 bucks or whatever just for them to snicker later about how much it didn't cost. GRR!

I quit stressing about Christmas - And did this:

[ In Reply To ..]
My husband and I have a very modest income and don't have the money for Xmas gifts (including to each other). So my family and I made a deal: Turns out we were all stressed about Christmas expenditures and mutually agreed to not buy each other presents. You cannot imagine how the stress melted away! We still get together for a Christmas dinner, go see the Christmas lights, go to Christmas plays, exchange Christmas cards, decorate (modestly) and listen to Christmas music. No frantic shopping trips, fighting the crowds and parking space. No depleted bank accounts and inflated credit cards. All of the joy and none of the stress! Now, I would never go back.

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