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Am not caring for Mother's Day, do not feel

Posted: May 8, 2015

I feel like have spent my life doing for my kids. Raised mostly without their father's contributing as to their upkeep, divorced from 1 father, no income from him ever, the father of my 2nd child gave me a big whopping $25.00 per week and when my daughter was grown he still was behind several thousand dollars. Around this Mother's Day I keep hearing about how great this mother is and this one and I will not hear from 1 child, the oldest am sure and the other is too involved in their life to realize what day Sunday is. I gave so many years and seem to not have the love and respect that I would love to have. This morning all over the channels about mother and the kids who adore them and thinking about how many out there who are in the same situation as I find myself. Although I miss my mother terribly and would love to personally wish her a Happy Mother's Day, I doubt seriously my children would miss me if I were not around. ;

Mother's Day - Thought

[ In Reply To ..]
You know, you try your best to raise your kids in tough circumstances. Don't blame yourself. One day they will realize that you were important to their lives. You know this, so don't get the blues over Mother's Day. Take yourself for brunch even for a treat. Hang in there ... There is an old saying ".. pull yourself up by your boot straps and go on." You have to.

Just knowing the kids are out on their own and - surviving means you did a good job.

[ In Reply To ..]
.

Not exactly in your position, this is more - anecdotal

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Convo in car yesterday, my 10-year-old and a friend of my 10-year-old, female 10-year-old. We were passing by McD's. Sign up for a free McCafe on Mother's Day. We got to talking about freebies here and there. The little girl looked at me and said, When is it kid's day?" I said, oh my, in our house that's every day, or it seems like it. They don't even realize. At least she's not mine.

I feel your pain, but at least you had them in your life - anonie

[ In Reply To ..]
My son was actually stolen from me. His father deliberately married a woman to have a new mother like his mother did when she divorced his real father. Well, he was after me all the time in court over stupid stuff which he always won. I had no chance in that system and no attorneys would go to that county in our state.

At any rate, he and I have been estranged for years at various times. His father and wife ruined my relationship with him. I am not kidding one bit.

I doubt he would miss me if I died either. HE IS MY ONLY CHILD.

At least you had your children with you. I missed out on lots of things not having custody. That too was rigged.

No not sour grapes. Telling the God's truth. I just always figured God would fix it and He didn't so that has ruined my faith in Him.

God is not responsible for fixing things like that. - sm

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Can't imagine why anyone would think that or blame him. It isn't his job.

Excuse me - anonie

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Where did you get that idea? I do not recall in all my years of going to church and Sunday school ever hearing anything like that.

You love to suck the hope out of everything by those remarks. Imagine if it were you. You had done everything humanly possible and still the liar got your son and now you see the devastation he did to him just so he owned him and manipulated and decided his life. You have no idea what lengths a person like this goes to to have what HE WANTS and does not care a thing about anyone but himself.

I think you are awful to proclaim this.

delete - sm

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x

I could ask - sm

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I could ask where you got the idea that God is a magic bean, too. What on earth church did you attend that taught this?

And why would you now DEFEND God after saying in your first post that YOU LOST FAITH IN HIM because he didn't save you from this???

Don't turn this into - a religious thing

[ In Reply To ..]
this is not the time or place for that. A person who believes in the miracles of God can and does lose faith when they pray for a miracle that does not happen. That does not mean that they do not believe in God any longer. We cannot see the future as God can. If he did not grant this miracle that was requested, there was no doubt a reason why not that will not be explained. It is not for us to know those things yet. But religion has nothing to do with this, so don't start turning it into an I believe or I don't believe thing and start imposing your personal beliefs on anybody. Keep em to yourself.

I'm sorry. I had a similar situation, but I got mine back (sm) - Blessed

[ In Reply To ..]
by kidnapping them. He took them to another state and told the courts I abandoned them and since his lawyer was the brother of the Attorney General of that state, I didn't have a chance. So I had to kidnap them back. Now he's dead. I'm sorry my kids didn't have their father, but he brought that on himself - because of his B wife.

sort of similar boat - me

[ In Reply To ..]
My ex pulled many tricks in court also & managed to get my kids eventually. I was always the "bad" parent. Sure, I made mistakes, we all do. I did manage to salvage a relationship with my kids & never completely lost them. They didn't always like me very much, but they knew I was around... somewhere. They could always count on THAT. I wasn't about to just roll over & die. If your son becomes a father himself, he may then realize what it is to be a parent & look you up. Maybe all isn't lost. Assuming he's an adult now, it's really up to him to make up his own mind. Try to relax, see what happens. In the meantime, live your own life, make sure he knows where you are should he decide to make contact, then wait. Try not to get lost in the bitterness. It will only eat you up inside.

Why make yourself miserable? - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Why make yourself miserable over what the greeting card, florist, fast food, and retail sales industries have decreed is the way kids have to show love?

Look at what you are doing. You are setting yourself up for disappointment. You have the expectation that your kids must do certain things on this day of the year. If not, you define them as not loving.

You also assume that the commercialization you see means that kids get freebies for their moms, make breakfast, send flowers, etc., and in your mind you see everybody else doing all this, when in fact they aren't and it doesn't mean what Hallmark and McDonald's say it means.

You are, in effect, demanding that your kids buy stuff to prove their love.

You know, you raised those kids to be what they are. You are also responsible for your own happiness. You are the only one who can make you miserable. You do it, not your kids.

Saying that your child is wrapped up in her own life ... has no time for you ... blah blah ... is whiney and demanding. Everyone has a life. You cannot expect them to cater to you forever.

I would not lay this guilt trip on them because it is destructive to all of you. Mostly to you. Masochism is unnecessary and unattractive. It will drive your kids away ... and probably already has.

Instead of focusing on imaginary slights and injuries, you might try two things. First, think about the mothers whose children are dead, disabled, impaired, or were aborted because a parent forced it. How do you think they feel today? Second, YOU call or visit your kids on Sunday to thank THEM for choosing you to be their mother.

I think that if you take the initiative to engage in a loving, guilt-free relationship, maybe your kids will surprise you. If not, you still won't be miserable.

Why make yourself miserable? You sound - worse off than me

[ In Reply To ..]
All the things you are saying, where does that come from? I never said catering to me. I said love and respect. Seems like you have some experience in this regard. Want to let us know how your kids treat you?

If your kids aren't in jail, and haven't robbed or - murdered anyone, then be happy for

[ In Reply To ..]
that. You raised them, trained them to be productive adults, and that's all you can do. Just because they don't observe what is obviously a Day of Capitalistic Gain in this country doesn't mean they don't love you or care.

My middle child just called me and said his wife's (sm) - Really - it's okay. But still feel kinda 2nd

[ In Reply To ..]
kids who have lived with her ex most of their lives and young adults/late teens now are coming for the weekend. My son and his wife have to drive them back on Sunday, so he asked if they could come here Monday or Tuesday instead. Of course I said okay. I have never tried guilting them into anything because my mother used to do that and as a result I always feel guilty for everything and I hate it. So yes, it really is okay, but why does my nose feel a little bent out of joint? I raised them (3) by myself - worthless ex was out of the picture for a long time.

above cut off - should say 2nd best. - Me

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

Hallmark holiday - Nik

[ In Reply To ..]
What started out many years ago as a simple sweet idea has turned (as it seems everything in this country does) into another way to extract money from consumers. The guilt/hurt feelings are just the extra little bit of sad. Mothers who don't get anything feel bad. Mothers who get something compare themselves with mothers who get more and feel bad. Women with infertility issues feel bad. Some adoptive mothers will hurt. Women with no children can go either way. The kids themselves...only the very young will feel no guilt. It used to be kids made homemade things for their moms and the day was commented upon in church. The end.

Mother's Day is just another "Hallmark Holiday" - anyway. Ignore. Go have some fun.

[ In Reply To ..]
Ditto for Valentine's Day & Father's Day.

Are all your kids boys? If so sons hardly ever sm - me

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dote on their mothers, especially after they marry. They tend to get swept up in the wife's family.

Nope, 1 of each - NM

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NM

several thousand. thats cute. mine is behind $21500 - x

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Happy Mother's Day!

My first Mother's Day - marge

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I spent my first Mother's Day on a trip with friends to try to "cheer me up". Our first son died less than 2 weeks before my first Mother's Day. :( I HATE the stupid holiday.

So sorry for your loss - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
All holidays are nice in moderation, but they are all commercially driven money makers. I knew a man years ago who was going through a painful separation and divorce from his wife. He had 2 small boys, and he was hurting terribly. He actually went to Canada by himself to avoid the Christmas season here. No one has to be reminded of a holiday every 5 seconds.

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