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I am at a complete loss as to how to handle this situation. My mother and sister have done this before and I pretty much just let it go, but they have done it again. I have an 11-yo daughter who loves to see her grandma and her aunt. My sister has 2 smaller children that my daughter also loves to see and play with. My sister seems bent on telling my daughter things I did before she was born. Nothing God awful- like when my much older child was younger, I would go out once a week with my girlfriends. I was a single parent and needed the break. Instead my sister actually tells my daughter I went out and got drunk all the time with my friends. This is so not true. My sister does not drink AT ALL. Anything involving a drink means you're an alcoholic to her. She managed to bring up something else the other day and my daughter told me about it. I was surprised my daughter told me any of it because she knows I get angry and I don't want her seeing my mom and my sister if they are going to include my daughter in this crap. Unfortunately when I won't let my daughter see them she feels like SHE is being grounded, and I see her point. So mostly my daughter just doesn't tell me what's going on when she visits. My mother pulled this with my older child years ago - like asking him what was going on in mommy's life if I wouldn't answer her questions - prying him for the answers I wouldn't give her. Somehow they seem to think it is alright to bad mouth me to my kids or practcally making them choose sides. I think this is seriously crossing the line and trying to pit the kids against me is harmful to the kids. I just don't know how to handle this. I don't want my daughter feeling like she can't tell me things, but also don't want her feeling like she is being punished if she does. My sister is one of those that thinks everything she does is right. She took child development courses in college. Her kids are 4 and 1. I could read a flight manual, but it won't make me a pilot. I know in the end raising kids is going to be a big shock to her. My oldest is now almost 21, in college and on the dean's list. I'm very proud of how he turned out, but raising him had its moments. My sister is also of course my mother's favorite. So anything my sister does my mom won't say a thing. If she did, my sister would cut her off. My mother is a strange person to begin with. Even my lovely sister says mom has a personality "quirk" that she goes after people's weakness, even her own family. Her sister won't even speak to her and that's been going on for 17 years. (I call it a character flaw!) Any advice here? I've talked until I am blue in the face and threatened as well. Nothing stops. How do I either get them to quit or find a way to end visits with them without making my daughter feel like a traitor??? I want her to have an extended family and have a family that loves her, but this is ridiculous!
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