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Do we really need Mother's Day, Father's Day?
Posted: May 10, 2015
Seems like Mother's Day, in particular, is a pretty sad day for lots of mothers whose kids have drifted away, and Father's Day is a pretty sad day for lots of kids whose fathers were missing or perhaps even unknown.
Mothers and fathers all, presumably, have birthdays. And there are other holidays like Christmas (or equivalents) when families exchange expressions of appreciation, etc.
Seems to me that MD and FD have just become reminders of the disintegration of the family for a very large number of the population and, as such, have lost a lot of their meaning and for many have become occasions for sadness rather than joy.
I suggest that we can express our appreciation to our parents perfectly well on their birthdays without invoking the pain caused by these other days. La familia esta muerta.
;
Holiday - Mothers
[ In Reply To ..]I see the point you are trying to make here but there are families that think these two holidays are important. Probably a lot of what has happened too is that every single evening, families used to sit down together at dinnertime and even that is no longer the case many times which is too bad as that was a cohesive daily event for families. Family groups can be so fragmented now; living in other towns, having their own personal issues, work schedules, etc. It all detracts from Mother's Day a lot of the time. With my totally WASP background which reflects back on Puritan values going back more than several hundred years, maybe Mother's Day is important to me. My son is taking me to lunch today before he heads off to an Army base for several weeks, so I just accept what is (although I did expect a hanging flower basket)!
my father is dead but I celebrate my husband during FD - all in how you look at it.
[ In Reply To ..]x
I kind of agree... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]although when my kids were younger, I got some pretty cute Mother's Day gifts. However, on the adult end I think it tend towards guilt, disappointment, etc. My own mother made me feel very bad when I called her one Mother's Day, and I'm sorry to say that I've never really been able to really forget that, so now I just send a card. I've resolved to appreciate any effort my own kids make towards remembering MD and if they don't remember it at all that's fine, too.
It makes me sad and is a hard day... - My mother has been gone
[ In Reply To ..]for 21 years and I miss her like crazy. But, on the other hand, all my kids called me today as well as my adult grandchildren, so it was nice to hear from all of them since everybody is busy with their own life. I do understand your point, though.
Using your logic - xx
[ In Reply To ..]No one should be allowed to sing because there are people who cannot sing and it would make them sad to hear someone else doing something they cannot do.
And no one should be allowed to celebrate or show appreciation for anything because somebody, somewhere might not have that something and knowing that someone else has it would make them sad.
My parents are dead, but I don't begrudge people whose mothers and fathers are still living the opportunity to show appreciation for them because I know I am not the center of the universe, and the world does not revolve around me.
People have a right to celebrate their loved ones without the intrusion of political correctness gone even more overboard than it already has. Leave other people alone to be happy. If you're not happy, it's not their fault.
I agree with every word you said, and would just - add ...
[ In Reply To ..]I agree. I am not the center of the universe, either, and the world does not revolve around me.
I do not experience anticipatory dread around holidays, depression over my dead parents on their birthdays, or go into blackest mourning on the anniversary of the day my fiance died. THEY WOULD NOT WANT IT. I honor their memory with my life as far as I can.
I don't have time to sit around on holidays mourning what was. Nor do I care to do it because it is just thinking about yourself.
Think about others instead. Find a cause and do good for the world.
People need to get over themselves. Expecting holidays to be cancelled because they make you think about loved ones is not healthy.
Everybody mourns differently - "People need to get over themselves"
[ In Reply To ..]Uh, yeah.
Yes, people do mourn differently. - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Nothing wrong with that. Expecting holidays to be cancelled because they remind you of sorrow is a little dysfunctional, though. You cannot expect the world to cater to your moods.
You are responsible for how you choose to deal with life.
For Pete's sake - she was just musing
[ In Reply To ..]"Do we really need MD and FD?" And went on to express her opinion. She didn't demand that they be canceled. Amateur psychologists gone wild on this board.
I appreciate - your opinion.
[ In Reply To ..]I quit going to church on Mother's Day a few years ago b/c it was just too painful to be there. Seems everyone was in tears. I have lost a grandchild, and Mother's Day is the saddest holiday for our family, but I also don't feel it should be canceled as I know tons of people who enjoy showing their love for their mothers, alive or no longer with them, on MD. Hate the idea of slighting them b/c of how I feel? I do understand your feelings, but I also think we cannot avoid EVERY occasion that makes us sad or unhappy or change life to suit our emotions. Pain is part of the journey. I hope to learn from it, whether it is a reminder to cherish the memories or to in some way pay it forward and do something lovely in memory OF my grandson. Life isn't always easy or fair, but its up to us to live our lives and to make every day worth living. (I don't always succeed in that, but I sure try my hardest most of the time.)
It is a difficult day for me - For Sure
[ In Reply To ..]My mother is gone now almost 6 years. I never had children, so the day is painful to me. There are many reasons they are difficult to a lot of people. Of course, there are the constant reminders on TV with the commercials and Mother's Day movies, etc. It is certainly nice to recognize moms and dads, but sometimes I wish it would be toned down a bit.
It was my worst one yet. I lost my son due to an evil - sm
[ In Reply To ..]ex who told a judge a bunch of lies and I never got the chance to tell my side. They do not care what is the best interest of my child!!
Do we need any holidays? - MThead
[ In Reply To ..]Every holiday is probably sad for some people. I think of any holiday as a chance to see and share a meal with people I care about and forget the daily grind for a bit. I say the more the better, let's think up some new holidays! ;). Record your favorite TV shows and fast-forward through all that annoying commercialism. I think we should stop the practice of gift-giving altogether. I'm sorry for anyone who is sad on a holiday or any day, I wish I could make things better for them, but I don't think people who are not sad should give up celebrating anything because there are unhappy people. I lost my mom too and miss her every day, and when my family gets together on mother's day we tell stories about her and laugh and joyfully remember her.
Never mind. I wasn't trying to start a food fight. - Sheesh.
[ In Reply To ..]Kinda tired of the dysfunction and adolescent behavior here.
There is only one childish person here - anonie
[ In Reply To ..]The only childish person here is the one who keeps knocking the people who are suffering and diminishing what they are going through. That is typical of someone who has not suffered in this way but no excuse at all to be plain mean.
The exasperation is not about - xx
[ In Reply To ..]the inability to deal with grief and loss. It is more about the fact that that inability apparently makes it seem reasonable to believe that others should forego happiness and celebrations of events that might bring them joy.
I agree with you for the most part, but I have to say I think there are - sm
[ In Reply To ..]several rather than just one. I attract them with every post I make and that makes me know who it is. How else would they know it was me every single friggin time?
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