mother-in-law concerns

Posted: May 20, 2013

Long story long...sorry..... Mother-in-law is here visiting. Her second husband died about 2 years ago. She came to visit then, lives about 2000 miles from us. Went on and on about going back, selling her manufactured home, moving here to be with her only child, my husband, and her 12-year-old only grandchild, our daughter...After she got home she began searching the want ads for male friends.. Found 3 or 4, dated, some ok, some not.. through one of them found a man that has some money, 73 yo.. works still full time as much as possible. Has moved him in with her now.. No longer wants to move here, obviously.. MIL has mentioned that this man is a horder, she now has wall to wall furniture in her home, junk piled up outside. He has 2 other homes, not in their direct area but in their state..they go visit from time to time. He also has a 5th wheel that they travel in for his work and live in while he works. MIL has no assessts other than her manufactured home, which is in a trailer park, the land it is on she pays rent for, not her own, and that is about 500 a month for the space rental. She has through the years divorced my husband's father, met a man, married, and disappeared for 7 months, only to call my husband once this man began beating her and he drove to her rescue 1400 miles away, got a Uhaul and moved her closer. That was second husband, third husband just died a few years ago.. Sooooo.. while here this time she says that nothing has changed, my husband is still getting her "home" when she passes.. it is in both of their names, value maybe 10,000. BUT.. she wants this new man to be able to live there as long as he can afford the "rent" on the space and have a home then once he is ready to leave then my husband can have "what I left him". I said that was not going to happen, that once she did pass we would sell her place to the park she is living in or sell it out right. We have no desire to maintain a home 2000 miles from us or try to rent it out. This is all that my husband will ever get from his mom, this is all she has. My fear is we may not know when she passes unless this man calls us. MIL has signed up with some company to leave her body to science once she dies. If she did not have a lengthy sickness and passed at night, say at home, this company is to be called. They have 3 hours to pick up the body, no viewing, no funeral, nada.. Its all over. Husband would never get there in time to see or say goodbye. We aren't happy with this but it is what she has done. My concern is that if this were to occur this man has no reason to call us and tell us of her passing as he would be made to move out. There is a member of the late husband's family near them and I am thinking I should call this person, I feel they would be called if she passed, and ask to be kept in the "loop." I am afraid that this man will pack up his stuff and take all of her things too, furniture wise, personal things, etc..They are not married and do not plan on being married. I told hubby of this and he said once again family comes behind everyone else in her book. I said he needs to speak with her before she leaves but I dont think he will for fear of some tension and her still visiting. He said he would just sign over his part and tell her to be done with us altogether and do whatever she felt was right. sorry to ramble, its a bur in my butt.... Any thoughts?;