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Mother's Day coming up, but estranged from my daughter.

Posted: May 11, 2012

This will be hard this year facing Mother's Day. My mother just recently died and now my daughter will not talk to me. This is the first time this has happened -- I don't mean about daughter not talking. I just mean that I will be alone for Mother's Day. It really hurts to have children ignore you on what is supposed to be your day. Sometimes I wonder why did I even have children??? This is not how I typically think towards my loved ones, but lately for some reason, they are ignoring me. Maybe I have been too generous with them or too caring -- would that be possible. I do believe that your kids will take advantage of you sometimes and not show any appreciation either. Right now I am in this predicament and not sure how to handle this. I am tired of giving and giving with little or no return from them. Yes, I am angry too.

Well thanks for letting me spout off. I am not really asking for any answers to this, just want to vent my feelings.

;

Mother's Day - Norrie

[ In Reply To ..]
I am so sorry about the loss of your mother. It is a hard thing to get through, and sometimes after a major loss like this a person's emotions are really close to the surface. Hopefully, things with your daughter will resolve. But try not to think about being "alone" on Mother's Day. The sentiment behind Mother's Day is nice, but it's known as a "Hallmark holiday" in our family--even by my mother. I still work part-time for a florist, and Mother's Day is like Christmas to florists. It's all for show, so please don't buy into it being "your day." You deserve respect from your daughter *every* day, so resist the urge to emotionally blackmail her (even in your own mind) on Mother's Day. Maybe that old saying, "May you have children just like you" will have meaning for her later on in life.

Sorry for your loss - Another mother

[ In Reply To ..]
I am so very, very sorry you are going through such a sad time with your loss and then your daughter is emotionally not there for you. What age is your daughter? I have 2 daughters and 2 sons, and my oldest son and I hardly speak to one another, and it breaks my heart. One of my daughters is very outgoing, sensitive and does not hesitate to tell me she loves me, but I have another daughter who is the exact opposite. At times, I feel that I am here just for her and I babysit for her 2 little ones, which I love, and work full time. I had a blue period today and felt very left out and unappreciated, but my youngest daughter is beginning to find out how hard it was for me to raise all 4 of them because she was left after an 11-year relationship with the father of her 2 children, so now she knows how I felt. I would never wish this on her, but sometimes our own children can come around, like your daughter, when they realize you are the only mother they have and suddenly it hits them just how important you really area. Your daughter will do the same. All the best, another understanding mom:)

Thank you so much for your sweet and thoughtful messages. - Suzy Q

[ In Reply To ..]
Well my daughter is almost 34-years-old and has 4 of her own children. She has a good husband, but it is very stressful for her most of the time. They both work and her husband spends money "like water goind down the drain" is how she puts it. I spent time with them trying to help out both doing housework and financially. Since she did not seem to appreciate what I did, I just left and said no more.

I hope you are right that someday she will appreciate me, but right now it does not look good for us.

My mother was 81 when she died from many chronic conditions and dementia. She was very difficult to be with at the end and so maybe that was God's way of easing our loss. I really felt like I had lost her many years before she actually died.

To all mothers out there, have a great day. But I tend to agree with message by above poster that it is Hallmark's Day and all those who sell flowers and candy, etc. Why do we only pick one day out of the year to celebrate our mothers -- we should do this every day all year long.

I thought I was the only one in this boat. - L&L

[ In Reply To ..]
My mom has been dead for years, which I have accepted. My daughter has not spoken to me in five years, I've never seen my grandchildren, and I'm afraid to die without making up with her...not for my sake, but for hers.

How many mothers have problems like that with their daughters. I'm willing to admit it's mostly my fault, but still...there must be some kind of bond.

How very sad L&L. - Suzy Q

[ In Reply To ..]
Yes you really need to reach out to her, even though it is very hard. Like you said, do you want to die having never seen your grandchildren and never made contact with your daughter. My daughter hurt me very badly. I went to help her and she just spit in my face (not literally, but that is how I felt at the time). But she is suffering from mental illness, so I try to keep that in mind.

You do not say what happened or why your daughter will not talk to you. All you can do is apologize and try to meet her halfway. Does she live close by or far away? Maybe you could make a trip to see her and your grandchildren. Believe me I know it is not easy, but somebody has to make the first move. Being raised as a Christian, I believe that forgiveness is the key to many relationships. Why hold onto bad feelings and hold a grudge towards someone you really love deep inside.

I am encouraging you to make the first move. You will be very happy and feel much better too.

Good luck. Please let me know what happens, good or bad.

Actually, - L&L

[ In Reply To ..]
I am on good terms with her dad, the ex. She is in California, we are in the midwest. I bought a ticket to visit her last October and asked the ex to see if she would talk to me. He said she would not. I am still thinking about going out there for a month or two just to see if I can see the kids on the playground. Don't know her husband at all, met him only once. I made a big mistake when she moved out there and responded very bad when she got upset. I wish I could take it all back, but at least I know she's happy now with a good life. I know how I felt about my mother. What goes around comes around.

This is not easy. - Suzy Q

[ In Reply To ..]
I am sure it must have been hard to watch your daughter leave and not knowing when you might see her again. Well hopefully when you visit for a month, she might be more open to you. All you can do is try.

I hope things go well for you. Your daughter will come around, she can't stay angry forever.

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