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Mother advice please!!

Posted: Apr 27, 2011

I moved away from my hometown about 4 years ago now. I live about 17 hours away from all my family. I made a plan to fly back home and visit all my family for Easter weekend. My mom and I got in a bit of an argument about a week before. She hung up the phone on me (really angrily) because I told her to call me after she was finished watching her TV show because she was ignoring me, so I called her right back and told her not to hang up on me. I wasn't rude about it, just stating the simple fact that I wont be disrespected like that by anyone, including my own mother. I don't care who the heck you are, if you hang up the phone on me, I am going to tell you not to hang up on me. Stupid fight. Anyway, I sent her an email last week, asking her if she was still mad about things and telling her I would be out for the weekend and she ended up sending me a really nasty email back. Umm, okay. Well I went back home this weekend and had a great time. I didn't get to see my mom, and I come to find out that she decided to go on a road trip the day I got out there and returned home late at night before the morning I was supposed to leave.

I was really hurt by that, and I don't know how to deal with it. I haven't talked to her since she sent me the nasty email and I don't know if I should let her come around and email me first or what I should do.

She has literally alienated herself from almost her whole family - her dad, her mom, her sister. If they say something to upset her (and it can be the most trivial thing in the world) she automatically hates them and wants nothing to do with them anymore. She hasn't spoken to her sister (who she used to be best friends with), her mother or her father for 7+ years now. The only people in her family she talks to are me, my brother and my uncle (her brother) and even her brother walks on eggshells around her so as not to say the wrong thing to her.

I guess I just want some advice. Do I let it go and reach out to her after being snubbed like that? Or do I just wait for her to apologize to me (which could be never).

;

experience in this arena - right fighter

[ In Reply To ..]
My mom and I had a stupid fight also, 7 years ago. Have not spoken yet.

IT IS NOT WORTH IT! Do whatever you can to mend this. Do not be stubborn, just let it go, even if you feel you were disrespected! Will it really matter when you are putting your mother in the ground if she had a bad day and hung up on you?

I agree that she was wrong, but it still does not matter. Now you both lose!

Mothers - It can be hard...

[ In Reply To ..]
I had a very tumultuous relationship with my mom. We never saw eye to eye until I was about 50 years old. Then, it seemed I relaxed a lot more. I realized I deserved to be respected to have made it that long with the situations I dealt with in my life, and finally, so did she. Unfortunately, when I was 52, she suddenly passed away, and so I have been left feeling guilty and unable to get past the fact I never got to know her, nor she, me, for that matter, as adults.

It's hard for me to say to love her and try to just keep your side of the fence mended, and let her know you want her in your life, but as equals, now. But believe me, It is a lot easier to let go and love your mom than it is to deal with these emotions after she is gone, and we can go so suddenly. Blink, blink. One moment she was here, the next she wasn't.

Besides, I have come to realize that some of the things I put her through, were pretty hellish, even if I did not think I was wrong at the time. I didn't realize it until I had children of my own.

Moms (and dads) aren't around 4-ever - dmz

[ In Reply To ..]
Swallow your pride and make amends if you can. The day may come when you have children and are in the same position - respect is not a right, it's something you earn. Hope you 2 can work it out.

There's a good chance that she felt disrespected by.. - Kendra

[ In Reply To ..]
your comment about calling back when her show was over, then you felt disrespected when she hung up and on and on and on. I am with everybody else--is this stupid fight really worth it? My brother and father have not talked in over 2 years and it kills me. Is my father hard to get along with? Absolutely. Is my brother every inch his son? Absolutely. You might be a little more like your mother than you'd like to admit.

Offering This - A Daughter

[ In Reply To ..]
I can only offer that you shouldn't take it personally, because she obviously does this to everyone (at least her family members, not sure how she is with friends.)

She just sounds like a brat, actually, so all you can do is not expect blood from a stone. You'll just wear yourself out. Just be polite if/when she calls and leave it at that. No expectations of a wonderful relationship. It doesn't sound like she's capable, or doesn't want to be capable, but you're not going to change her.

Now, if she had only snubbed you, the advice would be different, but she just sort of does this and you aren't going to change her spots.

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