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Question for single moms/divorced women out there

Posted: Jul 27, 2011

Hey Everyone out there. Got a question for single moms/divorced women out there. I am needing to kick the hubby to the curb. Ever since he turned 30, my husband has decided that he is 18-21 again......drinking, going out all night to the bars, being hung over the next day, just being a loser. I'm sick of it, I'm done with it, I don't even love him anymore, so how do I get out and make a clean break when there are children involved? They are young (5 and 4). Sometimes I think it is better just to sit and be miserable but at least we are a "family" to my children. He does travel a lot for work, so my children think it is normal if he is gone. There is no fighting in front of them, because I can't even stand to look at him, let alone talk to him. Should I just keep being miserable or start over? And, how did you gals do it? How did you start over? How did you explain it to your children if you have children?

;

start over now but only after - TennWalker

[ In Reply To ..]
having a sit down with him. A good husband doesn't do the things he is doing. What you gave is pretty one sided so I could only comment about the synopsized question. Personally if I wanted to be divorced, I would rather be divorced when the kids were younger rather than when they are older, unless they are way older in their mid to late teens. I'll leave others to answer the how question

Start over! - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My daughter was only 1-1/2 years old when I served the ex with divorce papers. Just because you don't fight in front of your children doesn't mean they can't sense something is wrong. There certainly can be more harm done to your children if you stay in a miserable marriage and are miserable yourself. You children will become miserable! Don't let the fact that you have children stop you from living your life. Of course your children are number one in your life, so if you chose to leave, please have the most civil divorce you can. Don't do any name calling or use your children against your ex. I left my ex (who sounds a lot like your hubby) but I told him I was leaving and what I wanted to do with our child. He was pissed but once I served him with divorce papers and it was a reality he calmed down. We agreed on custody, I gave him the house and only took a few things and have started over. I rented my own place, got a new job and here I am 2 years later HAPPY! And my child is happy! Don't be miserable!

Hardest step is telling yourself it's okay. - HB

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't have any children, but I came from a pretty conservative background. Leaving was a very difficult decision, but it was at the best possible point: no house, no kids, and still fairly early. I also have several friends who decided to leave while their children were still young. I'm glad they did, because I also know people who are still in toxic relationships, and that has been far more detrimental to the children involved.

Kickhimout - MTtoo

[ In Reply To ..]
I would do everything I possibly could to try and make the marriage work. Having been through it, there are so many problems you're going to have to face. Regardless of whether the kids are used to him working out of town, divorce is so devastating to them. Have you sat down with him and told him what you're getting ready to do?

If there's any hope at all of salvaging the marriage, try your best. If you've already done that, try to make the split as amicable as possible for the sake of those children and remain on friendly terms afterward, putting them first in everything you do.

It will be easier on them if they don't have to leave their home and if their lives are disrupted as little as possible. Spend lots of time with them after the split. Good luck to you.

Kick him out... - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
My state requires a parenting course focusing on the effects of divorce on children. We even have some schools here with a club called the Banana Split, meant for kids going thru a divorce. Getting them some therpy wouldn't be too hard, but living in that tense, frozen zone really isn't much of a family. Please don't have stay for the kids and have the kids think that his problems and the marital problems are their fault. Wish you luck! Have you tried to get him to go to couple counseling. If he won't go, maybe you should find someone to see on your own to help you navigate what you will need to do for yourself and the kids if you decide to divorce. IMO

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