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Question for divorced women

Posted: Jan 1, 2011

Has anyone who has gotten divorced received spousal support? If so, what were circumstances? Did hubby make a lot more money than you? Were you working full or part time? Did you have schooling beyond high school? How many years were you married? Anybody get a settlement in divorce where hubby was required to pay/cover your health insurance? Circumstances here too? Were you in a job that offered health insurance? Was he the person who always carried the insurance while married? What state were you divorced in? Thanks anyone & everyone, just trying to get a little info on what I might be in store for... or not.

;

First of all - dmz

[ In Reply To ..]
Depends on what state you are in, I think....All those items you mentioned should be worked out between you and your soon to be ex b4 you hit the courtroom - get a mediator - it really helps....agree on terms b4 hand and you can save yourself a bundle of heartache and headache. Been there and done that 27 years ago. Talking to each other is the key - in my own mind, I think if there are no kids involved and both parties were working, there should be no spousal support involved...gotta look at both sides of the coin - if the woman makes more than the man, should she provide him with spousal support? Be realistic in your expectations and don't go for the jugular because of a divorce. It really won't make you any happier in the long run, no matter what you might be looking for now. JMO.

Divorce :( - PT

[ In Reply To ..]
I feel for you. I've been there. My husband had the insurance, so I was left without any. I still don't have any, but I hope to go full-time soon. Best of luck in your situation. It's not pleasant.

My Alimony Story - The Analog Kid

[ In Reply To ..]
I live in California, where you are entitled to alimony depending on length of time married, and salaries of the parties. I am an IC so he carried the benefits. My ex decided he was going to make my life difficult, so he didn't pay a farthing in alimony OR child support. He moved in with his girlfriend and told her he was having everything from his paycheck deducted for my expenses, so he couldn't help her. Yes, she believed him...

So, I went 9 months with nothing, not even health insurance, because he carried that, and he even cancelled the kids' policies. What a putz.

He wanted to hurry up with the divorce and marry his girlfriend, but I held it up as he owed me money per the courts. His girlfriend called telling me off, how they should be together but I steal all his money. I told her to find the cancelled check stubs showing the windfall of money I was getting, and oh by the way, didn't she know he had been fired 6 months before? I guess he left for "work" every day? Who knows. Shame on her for being such an idiot.

Anyway, she goes through his checkbook, receipts, etc and finds no money to me or the kids, and no job to boot. I informed her that I was happy to divorce him with the financial settlement in limbo,(oh, and we lost the house, too)so that when they got married I could use her income as a basis for my support. After talking with an atty, it was mind rattling how fast she got him back in court to iron out a settlement and monthly support amount to me, along with insurance for the kids only. The court gave him 24 hours to pay me back the arrears, and he had to call his mommy to wire the money to me so he wouldn't have to go to jail. He also had to get a job so he could pay his support. It all worked out in the end, with the support I was able to get us a decent place to live, and insurance for the kids. And, she married him anyway! Ha Ha Ha. She is miserable now, she stupidly put him on the deed to her house(which he took several loans out against), had a kid with him, and he of couse stopped working and she is stuck supporting him as it would cost too much to divorce him. Good luck to you, this will be a long drawn out process, but you will have peace of mind. I just laugh when the kids tell me my ex's latest exploits. I got off easy!!!

First of all, I do not know of ANY state where - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
a divorced woman's child support or alimony can be based on the income of the ex-spouse's new wife.

My sister married a divorced man with a child and his ex-wife saw dollar signs because my sister had a bachelor's in nursing and made good money. The ex thought she could take my sister's husband back to court and get more in child support based on my sister's wages and she found out she could not.

I just felt it was a bit misleading to insinuate that a divorced woman can take anything from the new wife of her ex-husband.

But if the ex is remarried and for some reason- sm - ECMT

[ In Reply To ..]
cannot make his child support payments, and the wife works, the payments will be taken from her. You are right that it cannot be increased due to the wife, but the wife is legally on the hook for making the payments if her husband cannot. This happened to a woman I worked with, she was PO'd to so the least, her deadbeat husband quit/lost his job (and had a child with another woman at some point before they married) and she had to pay the child support until he finally got another job. Her DH was a peach, ended up giving her gonorrhrea while she was pregnant with their 2nd child....said he did not have sex with anyone else, just got a BJ from someone and caught it that way (How dumb did he think she was....pretty dumb apparently as she stayed with him), luckily the baby was okay.

I don't know where you live but that is not true here. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
When I married my husband we asked his lawyer if for whatever reason he didn't/couldn't make his CS payments would I be held liable for them...the answer was a resounding no. It's the same as when an ex remarries, her new husband's income doesn't matter as to how much CS she will receive.

My mom got spousal support... - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
She divorced my dad after 32 years of marriage. After she cheated on him and moved to a different state with her boyfriend, she took a long "medical" leave of absence from her work, due to all of the "stress" that the divorce put on her--I guess that cheating and leaving your long-time spouse is too hard for some people to swallow. She eventually quit her $75K/year job, thus the spousal support. Although in California, a woman is not eligible for spousal support if she is cohabiting with another man, the judge was going through a nasty divorce herself and decided to ignore the law. My dad also had to pay for 5 years of medical and dental insurance, as well as pay her out for all of the possessions that she left behind, whether he actually wanted them or not. Pretty rotten deal for my dad, so I'm guessing that you will do pretty well, if you are in CA.

Funny how a lot of women dislike men..until it's time to bleed them dry! - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Grow up ladies, get your own insurance, get a job and stop depending on a man for EVERYTHING. Men usually get the worst end of the deal in a divorce. The wife suddenly can't work (read as never wanted to in the first place, would rather stay home and spend his money)and will use the kids (if there are any) as an excuse. I'm all for men having a stash somewhere that the wife doesn't know about. And no, I'm not a man, I'm a wife who works, carries my own insurance and has her own cash stashed somewhere!

Speaking of stashing cash... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
If you think divorce is a possibility, you should start putting aside a little stash of your own while the money is still "joint" money. $20 here, $50 there - more or less as you are able. Literally hide cash somewhere .. not in any kind of bank or account, but like in a sock stuffed in a slipper stuffed in a shoe box, somewhere only you know and won't be looked at or even bothered with when the split and divvying up comes around, and don't tell ANYONE. However much or little you have stashed away will be there for you when you get out.

Right or wrong, stealing or just taking what's yours while you can, I don't care what people think about it. I did it when I knew divorce was coming and it is the first piece of advice I always give someone in the same situation - advice that is usually appreciated and followed.

My mom did that, too.. - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
stashed away around $20K that never got divvied up in the divorce. She did it by not paying the mortgage on the house or the car payments. My dad found out when he got the foreclosure notice on the house, right after she left. He had to pay it up to get it right, even though she also emptied all of the joint the bank accounts on the day she left. I wonder if she is proud of what she did? Right or wrong does matter in my world.

my mom too - mt2

[ In Reply To ..]
My mom started putting money away after my dad cheated on her when they had been married 17 years. She stayed with him as she did not work outside the home and had 4 kids to take care of. They worked it out but she continued to stash a little cash away. On their 50th anniversary, she presented him with a month long trip to Europe. He was very surprised and said "where did you get the money to pay for that?" She told him. He thought it had all been forgiven and forgotten. Forgiven? Yes. Forgotten? Never. They had a great time and are almost to 60 years of marriage.

bleeding husband dry - yeah right - s/m

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't think that most women's goal is to be able to sit at home doing nothing but spend their ex-husband's money. That's a bunch of bull. Certainly is not the case in my situation. As a matter of fact, I work M-F earning decent $, take care of 2 kids 100% of the time, cuz he doesn't, take care of anything, household duties, etc. No, I don't have insurance any more, but I used to. He feels his only responsibility as a husband/father is to work. As long as he does that and he makes most of the money, then he can to whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Apparently he feels that we have a lot of extra money which entitles him to sit in the bar for hours and hours on end every week and gamble away thousands of dollars...some of which was my money as well. So, if he has all this extra money to gamble and drink away, and he has already gambled and drunk away so much, including my money, he should have extra cash to provide s little extra support instead of being a drunk sitting in the bar. 99% of the time that he leaves this house and says he's "going to the store" or some other excuse for leaving, he ends up in the bar for hours on end. He no longer has a debit/ATM card because he would gamble away hundreds of dollars at a time and not tell me. I would discover this when the bank statement came. So if anyone is bleeding anyone dry, it's him. He spends a heck of a lot more money than me.

So don't go accusing every woman of wanting to "bleed" their husband dry because you certainly don't know anybody's situation who is asking for information.

I'm with you. I've never had to depend on a man for anything - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
and I never will. And I'm raising my daughter the same way. When I was divorcing my husband, that butthead had the audacity to try to get spousal support out of me!!!!! He claimed that I had never wanted him to work because I wanted a "house-husband." My ex has no self respect and no conscience. Once he realized he wasn't going to win spousal support, he went after custody of our 8yo daughter (our son was a teenager who refused to live with his father). He just wanted the divorce to be as painful as possible for me. So rather than subject my daughter to interviews with the judge and lawyers, etc. I told him I wouldn't ask for child support if he would give me custody and just go away and leave us alone. He agreed and he's kept his word.

Some women are all about feminism, but then think nothing of trying to bleed a man dry in a divorce. Those kind of women make all women look like scheming, gold-digging witches.

Not me, no thank you! I'm not even sure I will ever marry again. My first and probably one marriage soured me. I don't want to have to take care of another man and I know they are not all the same, but I just like my life being mine, my money being mine, my stuff being my stuff.

The only way I could ever be happily married is if we - both had our own separate houses! nm

[ In Reply To ..]

Agree with that 100% - n/m

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:(

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