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Love life

Posted: Feb 25, 2010

Adult subject. Please be forewarned, I am seeking genuine opinions in this matter. I am not seeking to instigate a riot.

My husband is a lousy lover. We have been married for 13+ years and I guess it will never change. I have guided, instructed, suggested, taken over, recommended... with no results. He mostly lays there like a slug and (I guess) WANTs me to take over, but it ends up being a CHORE and there is no positive end result for me.

I have been avoiding any encounters for six months now, 'cause I've given up on believing our intimate time can be pleasurable for me on any level. I mean, his idea of foreplay or stoking the fire is coming to bed naked and saying something along the lines of "hey hey hey baby"... This to me is like jumping into an ancient vehicle and expecting it to ride like the wind without any warming up!

Anyway, it seems that his feelings are getting really hurt. He keeps asking why I'm avoiding intimacy and even though I HAVE talked to him about it, he seriously thinks our love life is great. I'm glad he's satisfied, but I am not. I'd like real, from the heart suggestions. I love him sooo much and really want improvement in this area.

;

that sucks - same story

[ In Reply To ..]
I have a similar issue. It sucks. I don't have any answers. My hubby just is not interested, and when he is, it is over before you know it and, as you say, "No positive end result for me."

We have only been married 5 years and I guess it has always been this way, but this time (2nd marriage), I chose stability over sex and therefore, I guess I chose this.

I would just keep bringing it up to him that his approach is not to your liking and that you need him to take control. Make him understand what you are saying, even if you have to say it a million times. Ask him what it would take to make it different. If he says he is happy the way it is, say your not and that needs to change.

Sorry, I cant even follow my own advice so I am not much help.

lover - TEEGEE

[ In Reply To ..]
Unless you are psychologically damaged by this, I'd suggest "taking matters into your own hands". If he's happy, and you've been married for 13 years, and I agree it's probably not going to change, why deprive yourself of something you're apparenting itching for!

I wonder if other aspects of your relationship are fulfilling. If so, count your lucky stars.

My partner won't even put his hands or lips on me. He is NOT an openly affectionate man at all. He says he loves me, acts like he loves me, but there is no physical intimacy between us and has not been for a very long time.

Our relationship is such that even without that, we're happy. On the rare moments it does happen, its like the honeymoon all over again.

I suspect it might be a male medical thing, have brought that up, but WOW, that really got him upset! Since I've already mentioned that, the rest is up to him. In the meantime, ~ here's wishin! It's not so bad.

Try not to make the focus of your intimacy on the physical part of your relationship. Focus on what he does do good!

What you should do (don't go in msg if prudish) - CaliDeb

[ In Reply To ..]
Get a little vibrator.
A. Learn how to use it best on yourself.
B. Try to show him how to use it on you/with you.
C. If B fails go back to A.
D. If B works, may choose to do both A & B.

They come in all shapes and sizes... this is not a yucky porn thing, they have probably saved many a woman's marriage.

My first husband turned out to be a horrible man and I learned how to use this. Now I have a great honey and wonderful love life but I still do A and B!

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