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loaned my sister money, now she's mad at me
Posted: Jul 6, 2012
yeah, i'm an idiot. feel like such a fool. my oldest sister needed $500, car insurance emergency, on 06/08/2012. i dropped everything, ran to the bank, and withdrew 5 crisp $100 bills. she emphatically promised me that i would be repaid in full on 06/22. of course, being a complete dope, i didn't have her sign a contract confirming these details.
a week later, she tells me things had gotten worse for her and she wouldn't be able to pay me on time. being understanding, i said she could break the payments up into 2 installments of $250 over the course of a month. she thanked me and was grateful for my patience.
so, last week, she has me come to her house (yeah, i know) and pays me $100. i took it, was disappointed by the amount, but said little. two days ago, she calls me and says she'll be over with another $100. i informed her that i really only wanted to be repaid the remaining balance in one lump sum, not dribs and drabs. she got upset with me, stating, "what am i supposed to do?, put the money in an envelope in a drawer and give it to you when i get the full amount?" i said, "yes, of course," and she says, "we'll talk about it later!"
my question: am i being foolish for rejecting partial payments?, or should i accept the repayment on her new terms? i feel that i want the money back in the way in which it was given, not in small portions. am i being silly and unreasonable? she's treating me like just another hounding creditor, which i am not. i feel i am being pleasant and rational, but now she's all mad and junk.
i know you're not supposed to loan money that you can't afford to just give away because it ruins relationships. it seems that every time i happen upon some cash, she always needs a portion of it, but never this large of an amount. on the bright side, she has made it real, real easy for me to say "no" the next time she needs help, so that would be worth the price of a painfully bad lesson learned. she knows i'm sick and really strugglng. she sucks whale bubbles.
thanks for letting me rant, now join me in calling myself a fool.
;
repayment - oldone
[ In Reply To ..]You are not "silly" for wanting payment in a lump sum; however, since this does not seem to be possible from your sister...at least if you accept partial payment, you are getting something! I feel for you. You are not a fool either, you seem compassionate. You and your sister need to talk. (Good luck on that though if she owes you.) No you do not need to lend to her again. Hoping for you to get it all back. T.
Loaning money - Alice
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with oldone. You are not silly or unreasonable to want full payment, but it doesn't look promising for you to get it. If she offers to pay you back in small amounts, take it. Make sure she does pay you back in full and then consider a new policy of never again loaning her money.
I once loaned a friend $400 to pay her rent. This was 30 years ago and that $400 was a full month's rent for her. I did tell her that it was a loan and that I wanted to be paid back, but I didn't mention payback to her again. After that, she avoided me and our friendship slipped away. I think she was embarrassed or something. But, this was a great learning experience for me. It never happened again.
Loaning MOney - greyhound mom
[ In Reply To ..]I would take whatever she gives you. Just be sure to keep a record of it. Give her a receipt and keep a copy for yourself.
Good luck
The only way you are going to get that money back - Not a Bank
[ In Reply To ..]is on your sister's terms. She will never be able to accumulate the full amount, and whatever she does accumulate will just be too tempting to spend on something else. Take the smaller payments, then never loan money again. It changes the nature of the relationship and almost never ends well.
Been there done that - Miss Blunt
[ In Reply To ..]I loaned my sister $1600 a long long time ago as she was in a bind and needed the cash. It left my account near zero, but she was my sister and needed my help. I think it's the compassion in us to want to help family if or when we can.
Now, I'm going to say a few things. I'm sure I'll get ragged on for saying this, but here goes. I'm going to just be blunt. I disagree with you on a few things. First, why did you feel the need to tell us "I dropped everything, ran to the bank with withdrew 5 crisp $100 bills"? Maybe it sounds more dramatic than I went to the bank and withdrew the cash for her. Cash is cash. Doesn't matter how "crisp" the bills are. You are a nice person for taking care of this right away to help her out. I did the same thing.
I don't know your situation with your sis, but I would never think to have my sister "sign a contract". She said she'd pay me back and she's my sister and I said okay. Word of mouth from family is good enough (in my opinion that is).
I learned over time she could not pay me back the payment schedule I had set for her. But she's my sister. She was going through some tough times and I gave her a break.
When you loaned her the money did you tell her you would only accept money from her if it was one big lump? If not you should not fault her for paying you back in smaller amounts when she can. We all don't have that kind of money sitting around. Why should you expect your money back the same way you gave it to her. Those are your expectations. Did you tell her this?
What's the big deal if she can only pay you back in smaller amounts, let her pay you back in smaller amounts. I think you are being unreasonable and unfair to her. Yes, its' your money you loaned her. You have the right to be paid back, but unless you set up ahead of time and told her how you expect to be paid back you do not have the right to dictate how you will be paid back. So what if she pays you back $100 a month for five months or $500 five months later. If she has the money let her pay you back when she can. Cut her a little slack. My sister paid me back in $20, $40, and $60 increments. Sure it took a while to pay me back, but she did her best to get it back to me.
I don't blame your sister for being mad. Unless you told her ahead of time the exact terms in which she was to pay you back you should not dictate how she pays you back, just that she does pay you back.
I learned the hard way not to loan money again to relatives. Your not a fool for loaning your sister the money. Sometimes I felt that way when there were a couple months I didn't get anything back, but we are never fools to help family if we can. But I think you are unreasonable to expect her to pay you back the same exact way you loaned it to her. She's your sister. Take whatever she can give you when she can give it to you. Loaning money to family does put a strain on the relationship.
I agree with you - MT
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with your assessment of this situation. At least the sister is trying to pay back the money, and not totally skipping out of her obligation. She told her sister she would pay it back and she is doing just that. I know what it is to have hard times and not have enough money to make it from one paycheck to the next. I raised 4 children and sometimes I didn't have enough money to pay for toilet paper! I made the mistake of borrowing some money from my father one time because I was really not able to buy food. He made me sign an agreement. I tried so hard to pay him back, and finally had to tell him to give me more time. He said no way, and told me if I didn't pay him back the $300 he would take me to court. A friend of his found out about this and lent me the money to pay him back. That very Christmas my Dad gave me an envelope with our agreement stamped paid in full, and that was the Christmas present to my family, including children, that we received from him and nothing else. It was a way of making me feel so totally awful, and he did just that. By punishing me, he also punished my children, who were very young at the time. This was how my Dad felt about things like that, and he even said he was disowning my children, and would never again consider them his grandchildren. This is a very unusual circumstance, but I would never, ever have one of my siblings sign an agreement, unless there were really difficult circumstances.
I agree with Ms. Blunt. Take the money she - gives you. Your post SM
[ In Reply To ..]sounds a little like you are trying to convince us you are a "better" person than your sister. It's nice that you were able to help her, but don't you think if the situation was reversed she would do the same for you? IMO you are making way too much out of this.
Everything you said is well and good, except, they DID - wannie
[ In Reply To ..]set a certain date ahead of time for the money to be paid back in full (re-read the 1st paragraph). On the other hand, it's her sister; so, I do agree, cut her a little slack. Take what she has to repay as along as she continues repaying.
Be happy and relieved you're getting paid back at all - Bothlenderandborrower
[ In Reply To ..]The OP's post reminds me that where so many things in life fall apart is in the follow-through. The old saying about not lending what you can't afford to lose is valid, but I would add as well that if you can't do something graciously, don't do it. I would rather say no tactfully and gently than lend someone money or do them a favor begrudgingly. How horrible to make someone feel bad and humiliated when they are in a tough spot. I have been on both sides of the coin. When my brother needed a loan I was happy to be able to lend him the money. I never said a word to him about it but breathed a huge mental sigh of relief when he paid me back. He later told me that I was the only person who hadn't made him feel ashamed about needing money. I believe that *how* you do something is as important as actually doing it. Be glad you have a sister who is doing her best to meet her obligation to you (in this day and age that's a rarity).
Agree with bothlenderandborrower. - Suzy Q
[ In Reply To ..]You posters who lended money to family and were paid back are lucky indeed. More often than not, people do not pay you back anything. I have not loaned money to many family members as most of them have more money than I do. I have helped my daughter out many times, but probably that does not count.
With my family, they are very tight with money and most would not ever help you by loaning money -- my sister, her husband, mother and father. I envy some of the above posters, as they sound very caring and close to their siblings. It seems that people with less money to spend are the most generous with their family. My sister is married to a man whose family is from Hawaii and they have property and extensive savings accounts. I would never think of asking to borrow money from her or her husband -- of course there is no need to.
I think Mrs Blunt gave some good advice and both lenderandborrower did too.
Just be glad that your sister is making an honest attemept to pay you back.
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