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What is your opinion on this?

Posted: May 12, 2014

Hello all, I'd like some opinions here. I do elderly care. I have a client who is 97 years old. Her mind is quite sharp, but she's in quite a lot of pain due to serious back fractures from falls. She does get around with a walker and all, and she has us, but life is not pretty for her and she has a lot of worries about perhaps someday needing to be placed in a home and such. She doesn't seem depressed, and doesn't talk about herself wishing she wasn't on this earth or anything. Her other physical health is quite good, actually for her age, but at her age, anything can happen quickly or otherwise. My client is very religious and involved in her church as much as she can be. A very well-meaning church friend is due to travel abroad for a couple of months and said to my client: "I'll see you when I get back." My client said: "If I'm still alive." Her friend said to my client: "Please don't die while I'm gone, because I need you as my friend and I need you to keep praying for me." I say it was well meaning, because she was wanting to give my client incentive to carry on when things get rough, but I don't feel that's the right thing to say to a very old person. I think that would be okay to say that to young person who has a health struggle (unless they were terminally ill and in pain), but I don't think it's appropriate to put the burden on a 97-year-old woman, that someone "needs her," and therefore she can't die. Yes, she can, if it's her time. She should not have that worry to carry. I feel my client should be allowed to "die" if that is what's to happen at this point in her life. We all have the right to die with our mind at peace. She even has a DNR, so those are her wishes. My client should not be made to feel responsible for this other woman's prayers. I'm not really looking for a theological or philosophical discussion, just curious about your thoughts.;

It's hard to know... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I see your point. I also see her friend just wanting her to know how loved she is. Probably at 97, this precious lady knows her days are running out. She might not have construed her friend's words as meaning she has to keep hanging on for the friend's sake. Or maybe she did. It's wonderful that she's so mentally sharp! What a blessing. :)

Thanks - I did forget to mention...

[ In Reply To ..]
I forgot to mention that my client is the type of person who blame herself for things that are not her fault---for instance, if I were to get in a car accident on my way to her house, she would feel that if not for me having to go to her house, the accident wouldn't have happened.

I think it's nice they ask for prayers when they need them, but not so good to place a burden. Telling people you need them alive or the other will suffer isn't helpful in this situation. I think the friend even said: "I can't live without you." I was trying to give them private time, so I didn't quite catch everything.

Oh, you can't believe how sharp this woman is. Her son takes care of her finances, but she is on top of all her Rx meds, insurance problems, etc. She's legally blind, so part of my duties are helping her keep her paper files organized, but she does all the brain work.

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