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OPINION NEEDED ON BRIDAL REGISTRY

Posted: Mar 22, 2011

My 25 yo daughter is getting married in June. She is a very fussy person. She takes after her grandmother. She knows what she likes and does not like and she won't settle for anything else. Very Type A personality. Total opposite of me. Anyway she has registered at Bed Bath and Beyond and Kohls. ( A lot of practical items that ranges from $4.00 to 100.00). Her future mother-in-law keeps buying her stuff ever since she has become engaged that just is not my daughter's taste. I told her m-law how she is and do not waste your money unless you know of a specific thing she wants, but she does not listen. Getting back to the registry. Her m-law went into BBB and bought over $300.00 worth of stuff that is not on the registry but it will show up if someone buys something. For example my daughter registered for Fiesta dishes, her mom-law bought a pattern she the mom-in-law likes better.(Her mom-in-law is very showy and who can top who personality). DD made a comment not knowing that she was the one that bought a whole set of silverware worth $100.00that the siliverware will have to go back because my grandma gave me a set for an engagement present and is giving me a sterling silver set that has been in the family. Mom in law freaked out saying I guess I will just give you money. Then she said why did you just accept it and give it away. Is my daughter wrong for speaking up. There was 100 items mom-in-law could have chosen. Also what is you opinion if someone buys something that was on the registry but at another store. A different aunt in law wants her to take $200.00 of baking stuff off the registry because she bought it elsewhere. My daughter as fussy as she is says how do I know it is the stuff I wanted and I should not even know she bought it. The mom-in-law will come to the shower with at least 20 items and my daughter said she will be totally embarrassed. I am getting her one bedspread that I know she likes that was 200.00 and not stuff that will never be used. Sorry so long.

;

I see three problems here - You, the bride and mom-in-law

[ In Reply To ..]
If this is a sign of things to come in that marriage. Lot's of luck to all of you! Sounds like a bridezilla here, sorry. Mom, you need to stay out of it too. This is for your adult(?) daughter to handle.

re: 3 prob - jimi

[ In Reply To ..]
Agree! I just want to say; I HATE gift registries! If I am invited to an occasion that calls for a gift, I am going to chose whatever I feel is nice and fitting.

IMO registries = "let me just tell you what to get me" So impersonal. Why not just ask for cash?

I'd let daughter work out her own stuff. She's the one that's going to have to make her way in the other family and being petty isn't going to make a good impression...

Your daughter sounds like a piece of work. Plan on - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
a divorce in the future if the Princess doesn't get EXACTLY what she wants when she wants it. It's not being fussy...it's being a pain in the a$$ and b!tchy. Good luck to you future son-in-law.

my opinion... - registries are tacky

[ In Reply To ..]
What happened to the idea of giving a gift because you WANTED to give a gift and (gasp!) thought the person might enjoy it. Maybe MIL thinks future DIL and son (there are after all 2 people in a couple) will enjoy the gifts. Maybe she's trying to be showy. Whatever the reasoning, can't you or your daughter give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that maybe, just maybe, she's selecting gifts that she thinks will bring the couple enjoyment? What is so wrong about graciously accepting the gifts and then keeping them for a bit or forever because who knows, maybe they'll grow on daughter and son-in-law, or quietly returning them for store credit or shipping them off to charity?

Be an adult and tell your daughter to be one as well; smile and accept gifts with grace; write thank-you notes. Let her know it would be good to be the bigger person here if her future MILs intentions are misguided or malicious. Beginning any kind of battle with a future in-law is not going to make for a pleasant marriage.

Registry or not, everyone gets gifts in this - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
situation that are not on the registry and that they don't like/need/want, etc. Tell her to say thank you and then take them back. She should not make "comments" about gifts she does not like, all that does is promote hard feelings. You stated you had told the mother-in-law how she is, if she keeps buying the stuff that is on her. Your daughter, on the other hand, needs to learn to be gracious and say thank you no matter what. Maybe the mother-in-law is giving something she knows her son may like/want. Where is he in this picture anyway???

bridal registries - mb

[ In Reply To ..]
I do value your opinions and for the most part I do stay out of it. I told my daughter to vent to us but remember that is fiance's mother and have some respect. Luckily her future-in-laws do not live in our state. She is like Marie on Everyone loves Raymond but does not cook and makes $90,000 a year. This mother-in-law has some issues of her own. If she gives her sons presents and they don't like them they cannot return them because she starts crying. So her son-in-law just gave 20 shirts to good will. Either they were too small or too big.She came into my DD and her son's house they just bought and started spraying it with febreeze and my daughter went into an asthma attack. I would never spray someone elses house. She wants to buy them a kitchen table. She said you don't have to pick it out I will and just have it delivered. Her son did set her straight with that one. My daughter is not a bridezilla as much asyou think. She knows mom-in-law won't like it if she returns it and will look for it in her home and she feels it is a waste of money. She actually wanted to get married in a park to save us some money but the mother-in-law refused to pay half if that was the case. We have 60 guests to their 150. To give you some more input on the mother in law my other daughter is the maid of honor and the shower is going to be buffet in a hall in our town because the bridal party have little money. The mom-in-law saud lets have a sit down dinner and I will pay for it. The maid of honor told her thank you but we already booked the venue.

one more thing - op

[ In Reply To ..]
To clarify one more thing. My daughter knows she will gets duplicates or things off the registry that she will accept and decide what to do with them. She and the fiance picked the stuff on the registry together. He had more of an input than she did. She really did not want to register because she thinks it is tacky also but mother-in-law begged them to do so. I personally think on-line registry is tacky where you as the bride or family can see what was purchased and stuff that was not on the registry gets registered anyway. I try to buy something so they will be suprised.

one word... - elope!

[ In Reply To ..]
Maybe a little close-but-far immediate-family-only vacation - parents and siblings? Worked out well for me and my husband - going on 8 years - and didn't begin our married lives together and destroy our family's finances with a mountain of debt associated with throwing a wedding.

Apparently, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Your daughter is definitely a chip off the old block!

Get some counseling! - This marriage is doomed!

[ In Reply To ..]
x

This thread makes me so glad - my daughter eloped

[ In Reply To ..]
What a fun Vegas weekend we had!

I'm the poster who said "one word... elope!" - and it was a great time in Vegas

[ In Reply To ..]
Seriously! Wouldn't trade it for anything. Didn't want to have a registry but had one because friends of the family (who I barely knew) "didn't know what to get for us." Guess what - it felt incredibly uncomfortable to receive gifts from them! Very grateful that they were kind enough to want to send hubby and I wedding gifts, and the ones they sent were absolutely beautiful. They are the ones that I take out every year on special occasions and remember who sent them and the day itself, not the hand mixer I thought would someday create the world's best mashed potatoes.

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