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Telling my family

Posted: Dec 4, 2009

I've had a lesion growing on my arm since September and I took it to the doc, and it turns out is a basal cell carcinoma with elements of squamous cell, not yet biopsy proven. Now, my background here is that my mother always felt I was a hypochondriac - her favorite saying was "you have more aches and pains than any other six kids!" so I'm always confused emotionally when it comes to health issues. I don't want to be melodramatic, since, as MTs, we all know that this is the most easily cured cancer of all, while at the same time I would like the support (and maybe the attention?) of my family. I will be having it excised right after Christmas. My husband knows, and my 20 year old son, who lives with us, and I'm not telling my 18 year old daughter until after her finals. I don't even know how much importance to attach to it or how to approach telling about it to my sibs and my other growth children. Any thoughts, ideas?

;

Mine not as severe as yours but yet you would - like support, I know

[ In Reply To ..]
I have hair issue, lack of that is because of taking Synthroid for years and years. I have wigs that I have worn and now have taken to using clipins that hide the bald spots I have. I tried to talk with my aunt about this. She says she does not see. One time I took my wig off while visiting and tried to show her only for her to once again say she did not see what I was talking about. Would never wear a wig if I did not have to, am not good with it. I just quit. If you cannot count on family, who can you count on? You have your closest family members, would not worry if hubs and children behind you. My hubby is 100 percent with me.

NYMT - webby

[ In Reply To ..]
Tell them directly, honestly and today.
There are never "convinient times" to delivery news. Life has a way of marching on. I don't believe you'll be doing your daughter any favors. She might misinterpret this (you don't think she can handle it...) It's not to a point where you're telling them you've only got 12 ours to live.

Be optimistic, honest and share your own fears and concerns. Ask that they continue to support you and that when you get updates on your status you will share with them right away. Also, ask that they talk to you about any concerns or questions they have.

Don't worry about your mon's opinion. That's irrelevent at this juncture.

Be healthy! God Speed.

I have had skin cancer, basal cell carcinoma, now for about 20 years - have skin cancer

[ In Reply To ..]
and have had surgery to remove a tumor in my shoulder. I had to have 17 stitches afterwards. I get things cut out and freezed off all the time. It comes and goes. Sometimes I can go for long periods of time and nothing and then I have to go in and get the cancer taken out. It is scary at first, but if you stay on top of it, you really will be okay. I think not letting your family see your fears if helpful, especially your children. I would cry on your husband's shoulder, but be strong for your kids, and if your mother is not very supportive, keep it low profile with her so you don't have to hear anything negative from her. You can live with this just fine. Like I said, stay on top of it, know what to look for (the precancer areas) and then go to the doctor before they turn into cancer. God bless you. Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you!! Always give your worries to the One who can help you, our Lord.

Wait until biopsy is final - Fingers

[ In Reply To ..]
I think it is rather cruel to frighten your family if you do not know what you are dealing. Your husband, yes, if you would like his support, but not kids and other family members. It would seem like you might be "crying wolf" as your mother suggested because this is definitely a serious matter.

I have had cancers removed and so has my husband. Actually, we never told our kids until a couple of years later when discussing family history and their seeing a doctor, and we told them that, yes, it could be something serious. They wondered why we did not tell them at the time but we wanted to be sure one way or the other. It was going to be something - or it was going to be gone. It was gone and we forgot about it.

Your almost forgetting to tell the kids about the cancer - L

[ In Reply To ..]
In my later years I have been diagnosed with some things that supposedly are hereditary, such as thyroid disease, polycystic kidney disease and now an eye disease. The first 2 I have no idea who had in my family. I went back to the oldest living member on my mother's side and asked if they knew anyone with these 2. I was told when diagnosed with the thyroid problem if I had a daughter to tell her, usually affects females. Most of family deceased and now doctors ask me and I am left to wonder. Knowing this, I have definitely made my children aware already because I definitely would hate years later maybe after I am gone for them to sit wondering if should the same syndrome crop up again. I knew where the eye disease came from as that parent was still alive and I knew about their problem and now I have same.

To NYMT - mb

[ In Reply To ..]
I would wait until finals are over. If is a stressful time and she does not need added stress. I always waited until by college girls were right in front of me to deliver any news like that. How is your daughter doing. Did she settle into college, did she move to a different dorm?. GOOD LUCK

To mb - NYMT

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for remembering! She decided to stay where she was, and pretty much has nothing to do with her roommate. I guess it's no big surprise, the roommate hooked up with the boy across the hall and she spends most of her time there, so that works. It's been a struggle. I don't know if I mentioned the broken arm. But that's all done, and hopefully the next semester will go better.
And thanks for the backup about waiting till after finals. That's only two weeks, and still two weeks before the surgery.

To NY MT - mb

[ In Reply To ..]
Thanks for the update about your daughter. I remembered what you were going through because I have a college age daughter and she had a lot of difficulties her first year in college. Not with her school work more with trying to fit in with friends, boyfriend break up.(She dated the guy next door in the dorm, not a good idea). We never thought she would stick it out but in May she will be graduating. Good luck with your surgery and give us an update.

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