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How many of you live far away from your family?

Posted: Nov 22, 2010

I live in a state that I hate (Montana). I was born and raised here and all my family is here. I did live in California and Arizona for a while but came back to Montana because of my family. I am now a single mom and my ex is not in our life at all. I have an amazing family who helps me out so much. But I hate living here. I hate the long, cold, awful winters. I am not a hunter, fisher, hiker so there isn't much to do here for me. I am torn about what I want to do. I own a home here but am broke. I can make more money and buy a cheaper house down south. I am only living here because of my family and not wanting to take my daughter away from them. My dad told me not to live my life for them but to live my life for me. But the thought of taking my child away from them is horrible. Sorry for rambling. Just want to know how many of you live far away from your family and if you regret it and how you do it.

Thanks

;

How old is your daughter? - Just me

[ In Reply To ..]
Extended family is very important to a kid, especially when they're young. But when she reaches her teen years, she might welcome moving away to a new environment--just like you do. If she's young it might be best to wait until she's 12 or 13. And this is just my opinion. I don't have kids, but I remember moving as a kid when I was real little and it was kind of traumatizing.

Honestly, I think you'll regret it. - I did.

[ In Reply To ..]
As much as you hate the long cold winters, nothing beats having family nearby when you're a single mom. I took my kids and followed my now ex-husband to live in Kentucky, closer to his parents, but two states away from all of my family (mom, dad, sister, brother, etc. all live near each other).

Kentucky was beautiful and the people were so warm and friendly, but I never considered it "home." I always felt like I was just visiting. I was already in a troubled marriage and moved to save the marriage and when my marriage started to fall apart anyway, I found myself feeling very alone. I'm not a really outgoing person. I had friends, but not really close friends, ya know? I ended up have a total mental breakdown. Had a my first (and so far only) panic attack. I cried nonstop for two weeks straight, couldn't sleep, did nothing but pace, and felt this overwhelming sense of dread. It was horrible! And all I kept thinking is I need my mom. My mom was calling me telling me to come home every other day because she wanted to so desperately to help me.

Finally, once school was out for the summear, I packed up the car and the kids and went home and it was the best decision I ever made. I am not a single mom, own my own home, and I have the greatest support system ever.

That's my story and yours could be different. But I think we should never forget the importance of our families and how much strength we can pull from them.

Good luck to you and Happy Thanksgiving!

RE: family - moira

[ In Reply To ..]
If I were as miserable as you sound, I'd move! How happy can your daughter be if you're this miserable? If your family has always been there for you, I'm sure they will help you make arrangements for her to visit!

I lived in the thick of nowhere in Montana once. It's beautiful and clean, but you're right,about nothing being there. I also stayed for family, but at about 32, I had enough and headed for the bright lights of Austin. My kids were 12 and 14 and "hated me" for a time. Moved them away from their 2 friends! haha!

It was the best thing I ever did for us.

You'll never know if you don't untuck your tail from between your legs and give life a try. If you don't try you'll forever wonder and live in regret.

Start living!

When you have children, you stop living your life just for you. - I did

[ In Reply To ..]
You have to consider their feelings and what's best for them and for the family as a whole. I am little taken back at how cavalier you are when talking about taking your kids away from their friends and them hating you.

Personally, I feel that when you have a child you need to become less selfish. Even if I hated where I'm living right now (which I do not), I would never dream about tearing my children away from the friends, their school, and their grandparents and cousins simply on a whim because I want an adventure. My kids are happy and well adjusted and I couldn't live with myself if I messed that up.

Re: When you have children... - barbieinvt

[ In Reply To ..]
You sound like a wonderful mother who puts her kids first. Hard to understand the attitude ''my kids hated me for making them leave their friends ... ha, ha, ha''. Moving is hard enough for adults, let alone kids who have no control or say-so in the matter. I would never uproot my children.

re: I did and barbie - Moira

[ In Reply To ..]
Sorry it took so long for me to respond, my kids and I were enjoying the long holiday.

First off, I am a wonderful mom. The reasons I moved my kids was because I knew there were going to be no jobs, no schools close by and didn't want then to hang out at the local burger barn every Friday and Saturday night for the rest of their lives. Yeah, at that particular moment in time it was hard on them. NOW, if you ask them if they would ever leave the big city where we have concerts, many colleges, JOBS, museums, stores open later than 6 p.m. and on and on and on, they'd tell you NO FLIPPIN WAY.

Cavalier attitude?? WHATEVER! I don't believe it was an easy decision in any way, shape or form, but it was an option that was presented that would give us a better life! You mean to tell me that as a mom, struggling financially and in a middle of no where town,(as I was) if given the chance to move away from family to better your life and especially the lives or your kids, you'd pass? THAT to me would be selfish and foolish.

Friends, like family, can always come to visit. One of my son's friends has come to visit and is now planning on coming down because he sees there are more opportunities for work and school here!

I am the parent. No big choice is without worries. It is my choice to make the big decisions regarding quality of life for the betterment of my children. I made a choice and it turned out to be the best thing for US.

re: Moira - me2

[ In Reply To ..]
I did the same thing. I know the kind of town, if you could call it that, you got away from. Rolls up the streets at sundown and the local kids play in the fields on the tractors smoking, drinking and getting pregnant then stuck in the town working on the farms or local grocery store or diner forever and ever.

I also moved to a big city when my kids were going to start high school. They were also hurt, but they finished school in the big city, went on to college in the same city and really don't like going "back home" because like you say, there isn't anything there!

I absolutely did right and good by my kids.

MT - mh

[ In Reply To ..]
I had the opposite problem. Fifteen years ago, my husband, kids and I moved away from our extended families to live in Montana. (I can relate about those 9-month-long winters.) The kids were small and were excited to move. We thought we'd be visiting back and forth all the time, but in the end found it was too expensive. As the kids got older (my oldest then in jr high), we found that the "nothing to do" was taking its toll - I worked in a hospital up there and found the teen pregnancy rate alarming. So, after all those years of being cold and bored, we all decided as a group to move back. I have never regretted the years we lived in Montana - it was our adventure.

I guess my advice would be to ask your daughter what she wants to do. You might find that she wants to go on an adventure and live in another state... or you might find she doesn't want to leave her friends and family.

My two cents - I'm on the other end of the US to my family - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I can't tell you how awful it is to be away from family. I miss them so much. When I lived close to them I always dreamed of living away. Now here it is 30 years later and the aching never goes away. I really regret not being closer. I missed out on so much time with them. Now my dad in his 80, my aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, best friends from school, all of them are back there and I'm not. It hits me like a lead balloon each holiday. Birthdays, and even just hearing all of them doing things together. There's no way I can move back because my life is here, but I also don't have any friends or family where I am. I feel like an orphan sometimes. Sure it may be pretty here and things to do, but it will never take the place of being near family. I think whereever you end up you just need to find something that makes you happy.

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