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trying to keep my cool, need advice
Posted: Aug 1, 2013
I feel the need to preface my dilemma with the following introduction, because I don't want the haters and trolls to get on me about the slight strangeness of the circumstances.
I have this very young friend, a 14-year-old girl who goes to school with my son. To others it may (but to me it does not) seem strange that I am describing this relationship as a friendship, as I am much, much older than her, but it is. She thinks she's a thug, I don't. She thinks she's tough and rowdy, I see through it. Her parents know of our friendship, which is really only on the phone and an occasional ride home from school last year, and I have met them and they understand this.
She called me tonight very upset. A boy (he's 15) she had previously "dated" posted pictures of his erect penis on her FB page, the caption stating "this is what you want." She was mortified and did not know what to do. She told her mom she wanted to press charges, but mom said she didn't want to get involved. She gave me the boy's phone number (which I refrained from using yet), and I feel strongly compelled to help her. I want to call the local police during the daytime hours (not 911) and speak to an officer, provide him with the details and let him take it from there. Isn't this distribution of pornography to a child?
My first reaction was to call him and tear him a new one, and then have her re-post the pictures so everyone could see them, saying, "Hey, get your microscope and tweezers and see what Ronnie's got." I apologize, I know that is outlandish. She states she doesn't want to get into trouble. So far, I have kept myself calm and done nothing.
In summary, friends, what would you do? ---M
;
Well... - Des
[ In Reply To ..]I don't think it would be a good idea for her to re-post his pics. I think THAT could be child porno, even if he posted them first on her Facebook page, and if word gets out that you suggested it to her, you could be in a lot of trouble.
I fully agree with you about going to the police. When children are involved, it's better to be safe than sorry. This little pervert might not stop at pictures, and he needs to be shown that this girl DOES have a protector, even if it's not her own mother.
Well, my feelings on one aspect of that problem - would be...(sm) - MTBankAccount
[ In Reply To ..]That it would be a mistake on both your part and the girl's part to re-post the pics of his... ummm...."member" on her FB page, or anywhere. It lowers her to his level, and once she posts it, then her name and the pics are out there in Cyberspace forever. So for at least that aspect of the problem, I'd tell her to "hide" the pic on her page, and consider blocking him, since he doesn't sound like much of a boyfriend to begin with.
Dilemna - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Well, since he is underage as well, kids do stupid things. I would probably just report it to Facebook and they will close his account. If they don't close it, she can block him and cease contact with him. I don't think I personally would go to the police about it, but that's just me.
Facebook - Jen
[ In Reply To ..]Well, not sure why the mother would say she didn't want to get involved, but if you do go to the police, I can't imagine them not needing to speak with the girl's parents, so you would be inadvertently involving her.
My kids have Facebook and they are a little younger than this girl. I have their passwords and I check their Facebook very often and I also see inappropriate things posted by their friends at times. Nothing to THAT extent, but things I deem inappropriate for my kids. When I see something like that I just block the kid and I tell my child that I blocked them, don't unblock them and if they see their friend they can tell him/her that their mom blocked them, that I don't like the stuff they post.
I have an extra kid that isn't mine, but stays with us A LOT, since he is my kids' best friend and I couldn't imagine going and reporting something that his mom didn't want reported. I would just advise him to report the person on Facebook and block the person and if the kid went above and beyond to harass then probably talk to his parents and explain that I think the police should be involved.
echoing the others in not re-posting the pics - she needs to block him and report to FB
[ In Reply To ..]The other potential problem I see happening here is the young thug saying that she got a piece of him, or rather, he got a piece of her, when that really didn't happen (at least I hope that didn't happen). Rumors are vicious at that age and the truth doesn't matter at all.
If he's doing this kind of garbage at 15, though, what will he be doing when he's 18 or 21 and in college? The potential is there for much, much worse. I don't understand why the mom doesn't want to get involved - how do you not get involved when someone is posting garbage like that on your kid's FB page? That's just weird.
You also need to have a chat with her about FB and internet privacy in general. Kids these days don't realize the implications of what they post on the internet following them around for-freaking-ever. Some of the kids I know around the same age have hundreds of "friends" on their FB page. I know I never knew that many people in high school total, much less considered them "friends."
I would have a serious talk with her about who she allows access to her page and make sure her privacy controls are set as high as she is willing to go.
I don't think you can get involved insofar as calling the police since you are not her legal guardian. She can go to the police herself, though, if she feels strongly about it enough and recognizes that this will, indeed involve her mother who may end up pissed at her.
The other thing she should do is go to her school guidance counselor and report this. It may be that the boy has done other things to other girls. The school authorities need to know about it, though.
She definitely needs to block him from any internet contact with her whatsoever and have that picture removed from her wall when all of the reporting is done.
dealing with perverts - sm
[ In Reply To ..]You said this was your friend, or someone who looks up to you. In that case, I would give her advice to ignore him, block him, and he will go away. Other than that, I would stay out of it. She sounds troubled and you don't want her wedged to deeply in your life.
Don't have advice, but it sounds like - you are her surrogate mom.
[ In Reply To ..]I think what you're calling a friendship is really this girl who has a mother that is not helpful (she doesn't even care that this boy posted his penis on her Facebook page!!!!!!!), and you are taking the place of a mother figure in her life.
It's good for a kid to have a responsible, older friend/ - surrogate parent to look up to.
[ In Reply To ..]I had such a friend from the age of 14 until currently (64) and I feel that benefited me immensely, because although I often didn't listen to my own mom, I DID listen to my friend. So I think this girl is lucky to have you in her life.
-MTBankAccount
Go get him - Siouxzq
[ In Reply To ..]That needs to be stopped immediately! It is pornography, and it needs to be reported to the police. No wonder our young kids have no morals anymore--they have no boundaries as far as what they are able to do and are no longer to discern what is right from what is wrong. And posting your privates on Facebook is wrong!
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