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Advice
Posted: Mar 22, 2011
Hi all,
I just needed a little advice. My sister called me last night and asked me to watch my 2yo niece while she and her husband and her 13yo daughter went on a cruise in June. I told her that I couldnt because the 3 days that she wants me to watch her are days that I work. Keep in mind, I have a 13yo, a 4yo, and a 16mo myself which I work at home with and it is difficult. I just dont think that people get how hard it is even though Im at home. Anyway, so I told her and she sounded kind of upset that I wouldnt keep her and I feel terrible because Im the type who hardly ever tells people no. Anyway, should I have just said yes because she is my niece? Anyway, I feel that maybe it wasnt the right thing but I think it was. Hope not to confusing, just wanted to know what you would do in that situation. Thanks for listening!
;
You should have said yes - sm
[ In Reply To ..]For three days you could make it work.
You should hope she is the forgiving type if/when you ever need to call on her for anything.
Different opinion - Alice
[ In Reply To ..]Does your sister have a job? If so, if this opportunity ever presents itself again, ask her if, in return, she could take 3 days off work to watch one or both of your younger children to give you a breather.
Some more advice.. - MT
[ In Reply To ..]Learn that "no" is a complete sentence, period!!!
stick to your no - mt
[ In Reply To ..]You work. You are not required to take on another job (even for a family member) simply because you do not have to commute to your job.
You need to make this one stick so it doesn't come up again, unless you want to go into the daycare business instead.
You're an auntie - not a nanny
[ In Reply To ..]I said no, not again, after my brother and SIL showed up 4 hours later than promised on a school night (for me; college finals!) and my SIL got PO'd and said she would never let me watch my nephew again. Guess what... fast forward 2 years and she needed a babysitter. Sorry, but I don't feel bad, not even a little. I'm not an aunt to be used and abused. I love my nephews and would, and have, done anything and everything for them, but their parents' convenience and social life is far from my #1 priority.
Amen, "mt"! - Rita, CMT
[ In Reply To ..]Perhaps what you did was actually the best thing for your little niece? If they can't get excellent care for her, then they should nix the cruise.
You should do whatever you need to do... - Kendra
[ In Reply To ..]I would have said yes, but I already have a 2-year-old and am used to working around his schedule and taking care of him while working. :D
I would have said yes unless your sister has a -sm - ECMT
[ In Reply To ..]habit of dumping her kids on you, or is in deep debt and should not be going on a vacation let alone a cruise. Yes, things would be hectic and hard to work during that time but your 13-y/o I hope would be a help at least after school, and the 4-yo could play with the 2-yo some. ---------If you had said yes and then something came up and you needed her help she'd be more inclined to help, now though I doubt it unless she is a very forgiving person and that does not sound like that is the case. ----I would also be curious to see what people would have responded had your sister been asking so she could go to a funeral of a friend who lived in another state or such (and not a vacation cruise), would all these no's have been the same??? (and you being crucified for being selfish in not helping out your bereaved sister?)--always interesting to put a different slant on things.
re: those who think "YES" - working for peanuts
[ In Reply To ..]If you don't think it will work out for you, and you already said no, then no it is.
Why in the world people think that it's just so easy and that because we work at home or are family we are obligated to take on extra work is beyond me.
So she's mad! She'll get over it! Good grief... When people have kids they need to be there 100% of the time. You don't get a vaycay from parenthood and if you take a vaycay, THEN WORK IT OUT yourself!
It is just as big of an imposition as asking someone to dog sit or house sit.
I dog sat ONCE. My sister brought over her very large (thought it was a wolf) dog because he had a special diet, needed meds... He freaked out when he was here, tore up my patio, was aggressive toward us, had a seizure and DIED... Sis GRILLED me about the care I provided! Said "I" ruined her trip... I figure, she should have stayed at home and taken care of her dog herself if he was so delicate!!
I was traumatized, but you think she gave a hoot?
My husband and I go on trips and make sure that the dogs are kenneled, cats are either kenneled or safe with automatic feeders and litter cleaners, mail is held for us, house is secure. We don't impose OUR obligations on family EVER. Our kids go everywhere with us PERIOD.
Stick to your guns. There's nothing wrong with saying NO once in a while.
Yeah, thats right, I said WE DON'T IMPOSE OUR OBLIGATIONS on anyone else... Rant on. I'm right. People should take care of their own stuff PERIOD.
Sure there are special circumstances, but a cruise doesn't fall into that category as far as I'm concerned.
Thanks everyone - OP
[ In Reply To ..]I just wanted to thank everyone for their opinion. I really appreciate both sides. She actually wasnt mad at all and just booked the cruise for her to go. Dont get me wrong I love my niece to pieces and I had her this weekend for sis anniversary and I had here for a little while today just because we had lunch and she cried to go with me...anyway, she is just going to take her with her and to Kendra...I wish I had the ability to work around mine. I work through dinner time and up until bed time which is a chore and I cant change my hours bec my company says there is no work in the morn. Anyway, sorry for the long post...just wanted to thank everyone..you guys are great!
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