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Need Advice - What would you do?
Posted: Jan 19, 2010
I need advice on what you would do in my situation. I'm so upset about it and my husband says not to do anything and basically dismissing it. I'll try to make this as short as possible. My family has been best friends with another family for about ten years. They're just like family. We do everything together. This past weekend their 16 year old daughter stayed over because she had a track meet and the rest of the family was going away for the long weekend. While she was here, my daughter invited over a boy in her class that she's good friends with (sort of boyfriend). Anyway, he's best friends with my daughter's friend's boyfried (the girl who stayed over). The boys both came over for a couple of hours on Sunday. When my friend found out about it, she blew up. It was really bad and it's continuing now. I think she is completely overreacting by some of things she's saying and doing. She made her daughter quit track, took away her cell phone and told her that our families were no longer friends. I don't know what to do. I had no idea that letting the boys come over for a few hours was a big deal. I was advised not to call her until she cools off. I guess my daughter's friend has it really bad right now. Her parents are livid and are making her life miserable. A lot of screaming, swearing, etc. I feel so bad for her.
Like I said, my husband isn't worried about this at all and in fact he says if they want to be that way then we don't need friends like them. She's my best friend and I'm just at my wits end what to do next. I was thinking of an I'm Sorry card or maybe an email. I just don't think talking to her on the phone right now is the best thing until she can hopefully cools down.
;
Why should you apologize? - Ann
[ In Reply To ..]You didn't do anything. It sounds like your friend is a nutcase, and you are better off without a "friend" like that. Normal people don't go off the deep end like that and hand out punishments way out of proporation to the "crime." Normal people don't write off a decade-long friendship over a tiny incident like this.
I think your husband is right; you don't need "friends" like that. If they valued the relationship as you do, they would have discussed their concerns with you calmly and like grownups. They've essentially thrown a tantrum. They sound scary to me.
Even if this blows over and they resume the relationship, who's to say something else won't set them off, something else completely innocent. You'd be walking on eggshells all the time. It's not worth it. Save your sanity and broaden your circle of friends. There are lots of nice people out there who don't behave like two-year-olds.
be firm but not aggressive, tell her they were supevised, tell her to take a good look at - the conflict she is causing over nothing.
[ In Reply To ..]..
If she is truly your best friend she will be ready to talk soon (sm) - Ella MT
[ In Reply To ..]She is out of line. She could have talked to you after the fact if she found out the boys visited and she had a problem with it, to ask you not to do that in the future. I think the punishment for her daughter is extremely harsh. Probably the punishment is because the daughter knew she wouldn't want her visiting with the boy. I understand some amount of punishment for disobedience but making her quit track? Families no longer friends? Is she menopausal or what?? Lol. Sorry but this is ridiculous on her part. When you get a chance to talk to her I would say that you had no idea this would upset her and that you certainly wouldn't have done it if you had known. But you really don't owe her an apology. Good grief!
Is there more to this story? - Fingers
[ In Reply To ..]You said the girl was 16 years old. She is around boys every day. Was this a particular boy she had been specifically told not to associate with? Is there something else going on to bring on this behavior? Because I really don't get this. Furthermore, who is she to tell you not to have boys over? Does she not let her daughter go anywhere because there might be a boy there? It sounds like the problem is all her and if you do patch things up, I would not let her dictate who you have over when her daughter is there. It sounds like there are some real trust issues with her daughter, which should not become your problem. Either that, or she is just a nut-case as suggested.
That is just crazy... - blondie
[ In Reply To ..]I would try to talk with her eventually I think. I would give her time to cool off. I don't see what the big deal was. I mean, it isn't like the boys spent the night. They came over for a visit and you were there to supervise. That poor child.
MOM NEEDS TO LIGHTEN UP!!! - old mt
[ In Reply To ..]I would definitely reevaluate that relationship. I think there must be more to the story - she really had a meltdown for nothing - something else must be going on at home you don't know about (or with the daughter). Give it time - if she's really a friend she'll be back.
Is it possible you knew parents did not like - this boy?
[ In Reply To ..]?
Did she happen to mention - travelinMT
[ In Reply To ..]that her daughter wasn't to be with this boy or her daughter wasn't allowed to date until age ???. It just seems that if you were such close friends she would have mentioned something to you prior to this incident. I know I always talked to my close friends about my kids and who I did and didn't like them hanging out with and why. So it seems something causing a reaction to this extreme would have been mentioned before this weekend. At most, given the extreme reaction of the girl's parents. I don't think it just came out of left field with no clue. I am sure the girl knew something but probably just never thought it would be mentioned to her parents. I would approch my "friend" with the question "Was there something I didn't know about going on with your daughter and so and so?" If she still acts furious then like everyone else said...she wasn't a good friend in the first place. She can't expect you to be a mind reader and as long as the girls were supervised while the boys were there...without a prior reason, she has gone overboard and if that is the case I feel sorry for her daughter.
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