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Need advice please....

Posted: Feb 10, 2010

Ok, here goes....

My husband drives a truck. When he comes in his dad (who is divorced and lives with his mother who is in her 80s and I guess you would say has no life) comes over. Well, no problem there except he don't know when to leave. LOL He comes around 10 or 11 am and stays until 10 or 11 pm. Then the next day he is back again unless he is working and then he comes after work. I don't mind him coming to visit every day when my husband is in if he wants to BUT I like for people to visit and then leave within a reasonable amount of time. Am I being mean about this? I haven't really sat my husband down and discussed it. Sometimes my husband gets irritated with him and somtimes he doesn't, and I don't want to seem mean. What is your take on this? Am I overreacting or what?

Secondly, and this is the frosting on the cake, and you are not gonna believe it. When my husband leaves back out, my dad, who is divorced, lives alone and basically has no life, comes over EVERY day and stays for hours upon hours too. I am not lying. This is true. LOL I go into my office to work and leave him sitting in there and he still doesn't get the hint and doesn't leave. I feel like I have no space and no privacy, which I don't. I don't know if I am being mean or overreacting or what. Put yourselves in my shoes and tell me how you would react? Also his dad and my dad can be annoying. They are the type of people you are fine to be around for a little while but that is it. This is every day. Either his dad or mine, according to whether my husband is home which one it is.

What to do, what to do. Am I just mean or would this bother anyone else?

;

Something I had to do... - WorkingMT

[ In Reply To ..]
I know we have all experienced this working at home. People assume because your "at home" that you are there with free time to visit and have phone calls, go to lunch etc. I tried being polite and told my family to just pretend I was not there, like I was invisible and did not exist and to handle things as if I was not there. This worked for the most part for those who lived with me but the constant phone calls and people stopping over continued. What I had to do, and I feel awful about lying, but I finally just told them all that I took a job outside of home and I could not give out my work number. Well it worked. They assume I'm at a "real" job all day. I just don't understand why people do not see our jobs as being real because we do it at home. Best wishes. I wish I had better advice than lying to people but it's all I had and worked for me LOL

here is my thoughts - dadless

[ In Reply To ..]
I think that you dad is lonely and has nothing else to do. I feel very sad about this.

My dad disowned me when I was 20-ish because he got remarried and she did not like me or my sisters. That was 20 years ago. I passed him 1 day in the store and he never even looked me in the eyes.

If I lived close by you, I would ask you to have your dad come and sit at my house. I would find so much comfort just knowing that he would rather be at my house than alone at his own.

I know that you said it is annoying, but man o' man, what I wouldn't give for some of that annoyance. Have you thought about giving him some little projects to keep him occupied while you work? I would ask him to caulk the tub or find some other small projects that make him feel like he has some value and that you appreciate him and enjoy him.

I just think you are so blessed! What a gift to have people that care about you and your husband and want to be there to share in your lives.

Maybe you could suggest to the father in law that he give you one day when your husband is home so that you can have "hubby and wife" time.

I hope you can find a solution that works for you!

here are my thoughts: Since your dad and your - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
dad-in-law, both have no life, why don't you send them both together out for a beer. Maybe they become good friends and let you work in peace!

Enjoy as much as you can and as long as possible but set healthy boundaries... - dadless2

[ In Reply To ..]
Time is short with our parents so enjoy them while you have them, but set some healthy boundaries. Like others have said, give them some household chores or get them together or gently explain that you have to work, preferably all of the above!! But then tell them you and hubby need some couple-time, just a quiet dinner for the two of you, etc. Communication is the key here and I'm sure it will all work out!

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