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Need advice
Posted: Jul 22, 2011
I'll try not to make this too long, but I have an 18-year-old, soon to be 19-year-old son who just told me a couple months ago that he is gay. I was shocked, but not totally, as I had suspicions before because he never really showed much interest in girls. Anyway, I told him I love him no matter what and that did not matter to me. it took me a couple months to get over the heartache of it, though. His dad doesn't know yet, nor his younger brother, as I told him I would not tell anyone till he is ready. The thing is, he really doesn't want anyone else to know, and now I feel like I have all this on my shoulders and have no one to talk to about it.
My son graduated this year and has been planning on going to college, which we always thought would be right in the same area where we live. Well, now he has met a male on an art forum on-line, who is his same age, who he feels very strongly about and lives across the country from us. Now my son wants to go to NM to go to college so he can be with this person. We are in Ohio. He has a car which he bought from his grandmother (my mother), but he doesn't have his license yet. He should be ready in the next couple weeks to get his license. His male friend wants to fly here to Ohio and drive with my son back to New Mexico. This scares the crap out of me and I really don't feel he is ready for such a drastic move. On top of that, my husband doesn't even know he is gay yet and will never understand why this boy is coming to take our son to NM, etc. etc.
I honestly don't think my husband can handle this information, and I just don't know what to do. I've tried talking my son out of it, telling him I don't think he is ready for that quite yet, but he really wants to do this. I am heartbroken at the thought of him being so far away. Obviously I am an MT who is not making much money these days, and I won't be able to afford to go visit him very often, if at all, and I can't stand the thought of that.
Sorry so long, but I think that about sums it up. Any advice?
;
My advice would be.. sm - Another Mom
[ In Reply To ..]to tell your son that if he is old enough and mature enough to think that he can move to NM to be with someone he met, he is old enough to tell his dad and rest of the family he is gay and what his motives are for moving to NM.
I think it is incredibly unfair of your son to tell you this info, say not to share it with anyone and then gets to leave while you try to explain to people without really explaining to people (people meaning your family) what's going on with him.
Personally, I would never keep anything like that from my husband. I've always told him and my children that if I know something, their dad is going to know it too, because, just like you said, I cannot shoulder things by myself and shouldn't have to.
Again, if he is old enough to make this kind of decision and commitment to this person (leaving his life and moving across the country), then he should be old enough to face your immediate family and tell them what he is doing. I know you said your husband isn't going to be able to handle it, but really this is about your son and not your husband.
This is the same advice I would give to any mother who's child is willing to give up everything for someone they met online (I assume they haven't met in person yet) and want the mother to keep a secret from the rest of the family. You are being put in an unfair position; he needs to own up to who he is...
Good luck to you and your entire family.
Thank you - Heartbroken Mom
[ In Reply To ..]I agree he needs to come out with this to at least his dad. I don't know how much more I can take, I really need to talk to someone else about this.
I completely agree with Another Mom's advice. sm - a mom
[ In Reply To ..]I would encourage him to be open with his father and the entire family. It really isn't fair to ask you to carry the burden while he leaves for college. He should be proud of who he is, gay or not, and I hope the rest of the family comes around to accepting him and loving him as they always have. The secret is too much for you to handle on your own. You'll need support too.
and it isn't just the support you need now, but - one more mom
[ In Reply To ..]any support you might (probably will) need later if/when the new relationship goes sour and your son wants to move back home.
My son did the same thing, met his to-be roommate from an online site, had his dad drive him to a meeting point to meet the new roomie with their mom, and then the kids drove to another state where they would be going to college. The romance ended quickly and they were stuck with either other in tight quarters. At the end of the year, my son came back home (having drained his dad of lots of cash), and I was the one who provided my son with the support he needed to re-establish himself back in his home town.
This was all without the complication of issues of sexual preference. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you with that thrown into the mix.
It would be better if your son was honest about the situation. Facing the difficult is part of the growing up process.
Thanks for sharing that - Heartbroken mom
[ In Reply To ..]I'm going to talk to my son this weekend about telling his dad. I can't take this anymore. It's really going to be kind of a double whammy with the sexual preference and the across the country trip. I can handle his being gay, but this across the country scares the crap out of me. I keep imagining if something were to happen and he needed us, but we can't get to him because he's in NM. And we are really not in a financial situation where we can just take off on a plane anytime we want, or have lots of cash to help him out. My son has always been quiet, shy, and never done anything out of the ordinary, then all the sudden this. God help me!
A couple of things - I live in New Mexico
[ In Reply To ..]Where in NM is he going to school? The 2 state colleges are good sized towns, with Univ. of NM in Albuq which is a town of 3/4 million, so he shouldn't have any problems even if the roommate/boyfriend situation goes belly up. Housing won't be an issue.
As far as support goes, look for a local PFlag group - it's Parents, Families and Friends of lesbians and Gays. They could give you a lot of support and information about dealing with the news and helping your husband to deal with it.
http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2
This would be my worry - overly cautious
[ In Reply To ..]You say he has met this guy on the internet and now wants to move half-way across the country with him? That would be one of my biggest fears, he does not really know anything about this person and he is going to move in with him when he has not even met him in person yet? Just because he is a guy does not mean he can protect himself if this guy turns out to be a wierdo. That would be my biggest concern right now and that would be why I would try to convince him that this is probably not the smartest move. It sounds like he is using it as a way not to have to come out to the rest of the family but it could end up with very bad results. I think I would sit him down one on one, even if you have to take him to lunch or dinner to get him by himself, and tell him that you are not going to keep his secret if he is going to move across the country and not be here to come out in person. Tell him it is very selfish of him to expect you to bear the burden on your shoulders while he moves merrily on his way.
That is my biggest fear of him - Heartbroken Mom
[ In Reply To ..]going to NM, and if I could actually tell him "no, you're not going" I would. But I don't feel it's my right to do that. But I also can't stand the thought of him doing this and it really scares me.
He has been accepted at - Heartbroken mom
[ In Reply To ..]Southwest University of Visual Arts in Albuquerque. I have looked up PFLAG and will probably contact them this week.
If you suspected your son is gay, is it possible - that your husband is
[ In Reply To ..]suspicious too, and neither one of you wanted to be the first to broach the subject? I agree with one of the posters. Give your son room to speak for himself and explain for himself because this situation isn't about you; it's about him. His excitement to move across country with a big love, where he knows no one, where he can start a new life--an authentic life--is understandable; but he should take all his baggage with him, not just the luggage he wants to carry.
Some of our renown, genius artists and musicians were gay men. Your son is in good company.
The nicest, best-educated, funniest, most interesting, - most baggage-free men I know are all gay.
[ In Reply To ..]I agree with the above - your son will be in good company.
New Mexico is a beautiful state, too. Just think, if your son lives there, you'll have a good excuse to go there to visit! Santa Fe, especially, is an artists' and art-appreciaters' paradise. All of NM is a photographers' and outdoor enthusiasts' paradise. It's also an excellent jumping-off-point, or hub, from which to make lots of other fabulous day-trips by car.
What sex one chooses to love is really such a small detail when you add it into an entire life. Be proud of your son for looking into who he truly is, who he truly loves, and what he truly wants to do in life. He hasn't chosen an easy road by coming out, but he's been true to himself, and honest with you. If he hasn't told his dad yet, he probably knows how he'll feel about it, but cares about him enough to not want to "disappoint" him. Agree with the above poster, get in touch with PFLAG, they can probably be very helpful in helping you to continue to love, understand, and support your son.
Thank you all so, so much - Heartbroken mom
[ In Reply To ..]I was at first very hesitant to post something like this on here, but you have all made me see things in a different light. I love my son so much and support him as much as possible. I have looked up PFLAG and it has helped a lot just to read about it. The biggest obstacle we (my son and I)have to face is my husband. It was so hard for him to come out to me, let alone his dad. I will be there for him every step of the way. I hope and pray that my husband can be as accepting as I am.
We are both so proud of him already, as he has earned a scholarship to a local art college. He is very talented. The only problem is that all of the art colleges are private schools and very expensive. He actually earned a scholarship to a local art college for $32,000, but that is towards a 4-year degree which is $100,000 total.
I know in my heart that he will find happiness, but it is just so scary being a parent in this situation and having to worry about his well being. I have read that teens in his situation are 50% more likely to commit suicide than average teens.
Thank you for the advice, Love you all!
I am so thankful for this forum and at times like now I wish I could reach out and give each of you a hug.
God bless all of you!
Its important to note - maggie
[ In Reply To ..]that when they say teens are more likely to commit suicide in this situation, it is teens who do not feel they can 'come out' to their parents, who feel that their church condemns them, feel they are 'deviants' because of people like DeeDee, etc. Your son already has your acceptance, and that is no small thing. I do not think you need to worry about him in that sense at all.
You can add... - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]sickest to your list of the attributes of homosexual men. I feel so bad for this woman's husband. Her support for her son's deadly behavior seems so cavalier. Apparently the father understands or he wouldn't be so upset. Mothers have a tendency to support their children, no matter how deadly a behavior. Father's want their sons to follow in their footsteps and being a homosexual won't accomplish that goal. So sad...
Obviously you want someone to respond to your - nonsense...sm
[ In Reply To ..]As far as I am concerned, you are the sick one and I really feel sorry for your sons. Keep that crap to yourself. She did not post to hear some nut gay basher spew her BS. She came here for some support. By the way, what would you do if your son was gay, send him to the hospital? Get your head examined!!!
The sickness... - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]in this society is homosexuality. Just because there are those who embrace perversion, doesn't mean we all do. Dont' feel sorry for my sons. They are both married with children. I made sure they understood what this behavior was and the dangers of it. Most parents are so afraid of losing their children's love, they would rather see them sick and dying than tell them the truth. I'm sure this mother got enough support but someone needs to be honest and truthful. I don't mind being that person if it can save a young person from tragedy. My sons learned that would be a very bad decision. Like I said, being homosexual is a choice. If either of my sons made that choice, I would be heartbroken and, yes, I would try to get them help...not accept their deathstyle. Get your head examined. Homosexual men are still the highest risk for AIDS and other STDs. That's certainly nothing to be proud of. I can understand why his father was crying.
you are so ignorant it is amazing - anon
[ In Reply To ..]Homosexuality is NOT a choice, and it is NOT an illness. I feel sorry for your sons, not because of their sexual orientation but because they are probably being raised to be bigots like yourself. And do your research- gay men are NOT the highest risk for getting AIDS or STDs. Young women are. HIV is the leading cause of death nationally for African American women between the ages of 25 and 34. Apparently you have chosen to remain ignorant.
Great line, I gotta remember that! - Maggie
[ In Reply To ..]"but he should take all his baggage with him, not just the luggage he wants to carry. "
If your husband brought it up..... - overly cautious
[ In Reply To ..]I think now is the time for your son to tell him. Your son is going to have to deal with this sooner or later and he might as well do it while he is home instead of doing it long distance or leaving you to do it for him. Throughout his life, unfortunately he is going to have to learn to deal with people that do not accept his lifestyle. He needs to learn to stand his ground and say "This is who I am and be proud of the person he is". He will never achieve that level of acceptance of himself and who "he" is until he can stand up and say it. I think now is the time to put YOUR foot down and say enough is enough the time is now to bring this all out in the open. Can you imagine him coming home for Christmas with all of this blowing up while he is gone and not able stand his ground and say accept me for who I am? He will never want to walk in your front door again if it is swept under the rug and never dealt with between him and his father. I still say I worry about him taking off with someone he has met on the internet. Going away to college and meeting your assigned roommate is different than hooking up with someone who over the internet can tell you anything. At least a roommate from college the college has his school records which would include where he is really from and what trouble if any he has had in his past.
I know he is 18 and legally you can't stop him but think back, how grown up and mature were you at 18? He still needs some guidance, not dominance but guidance.
Homosexuality... - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]is NOTHING to be proud of. This is a plague in our country. It's killing our young people, especially our sons. I gave my sons life because I loved them and told them the truth. This is a disease, not a lifestyle. More like a deathstyle. So thankful my sons could see the horrific nature of such a terrible behavior.
Oh DeeDee - Not a choice
[ In Reply To ..]You need to educate yourself. Perhaps take a look around at your local dentist, teachers, doctors, policemen, grocery store checkers, favorite tv personality, favorite evangelist, and realize that any of them can be (and believe me some are) gay.
You are speaking out of fear. Like I said, educate yourself.
No need to educate myself... - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]I believe in God and I can't believe in God and also believe that a person is born this way because He says different. It's a choice. I'm not afraid of anything but I think all parents should be afraid of the diseases that this behavior causes. If you're not, you're not much of a parent. I have educated myself. It's called reading the Bible. ; )
Oh DeeDee - Not a Choice
[ In Reply To ..]No point in arguing you. You know what you know. Not even going to get into the bible with you. But I have one question: Where in the bible does it say it is okay to be mean spirited and hateful? BTW, you are definitely in the minority here. Thank goodness.
Remember you will be judged by God the way you judge others. - You should invest in grace, not hate.
[ In Reply To ..]We are not under The Law now but are in the dispensation of Grace, but you probably prefer the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil to the Tree of Life, anyway. If you look at the progression of civilization in the Bible, you will see it is God's plan to bring about a mature society, capable of love towards all. You need to have your heart cleansed of unforgiveness rather than retreat into bitter judgment of others to try to make you feel better about yourself.
Yes, my husband is suspicious - Heartbroken mom
[ In Reply To ..]He actually last night became very upset, stating he thought my son is gay. He was actually crying. I didn't have the strength to confirm it at that point. I'm thinking maybe I should get my son out of the house first, like over at his grandparents, before I tell my husband this is true. I really don't know how to handle this and I'm sick to my stomach over it.
Gosh, no wonder the son wants to go. My advice would be to - helpl him pack.
[ In Reply To ..]He went from being "our" son to "my" son when your sobbing husband even though he was gay. No wonder your son wants to leave.
I don't mean this as offensive. But this isn't your son waiting too long for you to save up to buy him an X-Box. This is who your son is, and he cannot relax, casually flirt, hold hands, have a one night stand, fall in love, or even look for love where he is now. If your husband's reaction is this just suspecting, I'm sure your son envisions the loss of his family and support if the truth were to come out.
Let your son go, and let him be the one to tell his father when the time is right. Your son trusted you, and I think it would be a betrayal of that trust for you to tell your husband, and considering your husband's likely response, your son will be left with nobody.
Whatever...you can't say what you would do... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]Until you have walked in THEIR shoes. A few years ago, I found out that a very close female relative in my own family was leaving her husband of years to move in with her next door neighbor, who, oh yeah, was a woman. It is absolutely devastating and can knock you right off your feet. I never saw it coming and I physically grieved for a long time. It was like the person that I had known for all those years was gone and now I had to get to know this entirely new person. Say whatever you will to me, but I have been there, not with a child, but with another relative and I know how it affects families.
Of course there will be tears. - mt
[ In Reply To ..]In my mind, it's like a death of what YOU had in your thoughts and hopes for your son and his life. There is a grieving process and then acceptance (hopefully). I think any parent wouldn't be shocked, even if you suspect it. I think you have to give your husband some slack and let him have his time of anger and sadness. Somehow, I think everything is harder for dads.
Homosexual son - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]I find it hard to believe all the acceptance for a behavior that will eventually cause disease and early death for your son. I may get harrassed for my opinion but the truth is always hard to take. Our children (and we have two sons) were taught from an early age that this behavior was immoral and deadly. As an MT, I have typed the reports dealing with those who have disease from this behavior and eventually all who engage in it (male or female) will ultimately become diseased. It's not anything I would ever encourage or support. I feel so sorry for you. I would be devastated and frightened, certainly not supportive. It doesn't mean you don't love your son but good grief...My husband would want to die literally. Losing a child is the worst thing that can happen to a parent and homosexuality (especially in a son) will mean loss. AIDS is not the only disease that ensues from this behavior. I'm not accusing you of not putting in the training but this was something we talked about frequently and my sons knew better than to experiment with this. I don't want to hear the "born this way" theory. It's hogwash. I do feel for you though. To me, it would be like the death of a son and the pain it would cause my husband would be devastating as well. I put in the effort when they were little. We live in a world that is too accepting of a behavior that kills our sons, all in the name of "love." If you truly love your children, you will teach them the truth.
and there it is - Not a choice
[ In Reply To ..]Well...there it finally is. I've been waiting. I am so amazed and pleased by the compassion for Heartbroken on this board but I knew the misguided would get a say as well. No one in their right mind would choose to be gay and face the ridicule, prejudice and difficult road being gay can place on a person. The day my first child, a son, was born, I knew what unconditional love was and even realized that if he grew up to be gay, I could never not love and support him. We encourage and support our children to live their best life and be the best they can be. This is a selfish response on DeeDee's part because she is not even thinking about the anguish this son has felt coming to the realization that he is gay. It sounds like he has an amazing mom and I'm sure an amazing dad. He's sounds like a very talented young man, the scholarship speaks to that. He is no less amazing because he is gay.
I hope he follows his scholarship and avoids the temptation to move to NM. He is going to meet so many people just like him at his current school and make be comfortable for the first time truly being around a diverse group of people. Even if he were straight and met a girl online and decided to switch to her school your gut would be to say absolutely not and he needs to understand that this is such a bad idea.
Heartbroken, don't be. You have a talented child and you will get through this. I imagine this is the most difficult time right now---coming out to everyone. He is very lucky to have you and I hope he uses his scholarship. This are difficult to come by for sure in the art school arena. I have a niece at CalArts in Valencia and there are crazy talented kids there with a very bright future. Sorry to ramble...best wishes..I know you/he will persevere!
And who do you think... - DeeDee
[ In Reply To ..]your kidding? People choose bad behaviors all the time and mostly because of the "all accepting crowd." Being amazing does not include being a pervert. Homosexuality is not something a parent should be proud of and if they have any sense at all, they should be scared to death for a child who would choose this path. No parent should want this for their child. It means no grandchildren and usually disease and/or death.
WOW....sm - StraightButNotNarrow
[ In Reply To ..]The next time you have tea with Jerry Falwell, remember this: Judge not lest ye be judged.
I have gays in my family and I love them the same as the straight ones.
I would rather have my son/daughter be truthful to themselves and happy and gay than be lying to themselves and married and miserable.
Being gay is not a crime. You would not support your sons if they were gay, but how would you feel if they were wife beaters, child molesters, drug dealers, or rapists? or had 5 baby mamas? Um, which is the lesser of two evils, so to speak.
You taught your sons that being gay is "wrong" and that is your parenting right, however, you will never know if your sons are truly straight just b/c you taught them that and they are married. How many gay men were married and "straight" for years b/c of fear of coming out to their families? You taught your children to not be gay, but are you not a hypocrite b/c you did not teach them compassion and not to judge others? I am not judging you, just asking a question.
Unless your name is God, you cannot say what is right or wrong. BTW, I type records all day long too and the straight teenagers are the ones with "all the diseases." Geez!
Amen! - SheaintGod
[ In Reply To ..]Thank you for your post. I am a Christian woman and I am assuming that DeeDee considers herself one as well. I know there are things that are said in the bible about homosexuality, but ultimately we are not the judge. There is one true Judge. It is people like the poster above (DeeDee) that give Christians a bad name because they put such pathetic comments out there. To say "your son is gay, so he will eventually die" is crazy and an old mentality. I personally don't care what they do as long as they are well rounded citizens in society, which I have to say most of the gays around here put heterosexual couples to shame. They are successful, clean, and don't have the cops heading over to their house for domestic assults usually with children involved. To the original poster, hang in there and please do not listen to the people that are clearly uneducated about homosexuality. As a Christian, I am not the judge of people and their lifestyle. Please educate yourself DeeDee
Tea with Jerry? - Quiet conversation
[ In Reply To ..]He's dead. Lol.
LOL...my bad, was it "disease"??? nm - SBNN
[ In Reply To ..]n/m
Jerry - Quiet Conversation
[ In Reply To ..]He was found in his office in the church. He died of a heart attack, I assume.
You seem to think - anon
[ In Reply To ..]that your children are perfectly safe from any STDs or any other kind of harm just because they are not gay (or at least they are deeply closeted if they are- they would HAVE to be with you as a parent) but you don't seem to realize that heterosexual activity is no safer, and there are alot of other things out there like drugs and alcohol and you seem to be in this little fairyland of thinking because you stopped your sons from being gay that you have nothing to worry about. Well you never know. I personally would be worried about what kind of bigoted, judgmental people i was raising but that's just me- obviously that is what you embrace so why would that bother you. You need to just stop putting in your nasty comments, they are not wanted or helpful in any way.
Gay son - ogd
[ In Reply To ..]I too have a gay son. He is now 20 and has known since he was 10. He lives with his gma and father. I have told him not to tell them at all until he is in a place in his life to tell them all to go to h*** if they don't like it. Dad will disown him! I, for one, would not have chose this life for him - it will be hard, but I have told both of my children there is nothing they could do to make me not love them. Being gay is a small part of who he is. I don't go around announcing I am straight. My daughter is biracial. I don't go around calling her a black girl. She is just a little girl to me just like all the rest of her little friends. A wise person in the small town I live in gave me advice once. He owns a large beauty salon. Two of his three sons that he has custody of (quite a feat in a small town). He said if you make it a big deal then everyone else will too! I have NEVER had any racial or homophobic comments made to either of my kids. My son has straight and gay friends. His straight friends have known him since high school. I have gay friends on Facebook. None of us treat anyone any differently. We console each other in bad times and celebrate each other's triumphs. If he is a good person, compassionate, caring and celebrates each other's differences, he will be fine. There is so much more to him than being gay. Look for a gay/lesbian support group! There on tons on Facebook. Have him get involved in some groups to meet liike minded people. My son is also agnostic, but said something one day about not liking the way Christians behave. I told him not liking them was just as bad as them not liking him. not long after he said something very telling, he said he would never expect anyone to give up their beliefs! I thought that kind of acceptance was a true example of how people shoud accept and treat one another. Pack him up and let him go. He needs to find himself. Take him back with open arms if it fails and encourage him not to give up (as the Facebook page says "It gets better!" And it does!
First of all - maggie
[ In Reply To ..]I think he wants to go away to school because he wants to be able to be himself and discover just who he is and it is difficult to do that without some distance from your family, especially if you are keeping a secret from them. I would talk to your son about why he doesn't want people to know. If it is because you think his dad cant handle it, well you dont really know that- you would be surprised at how people come around and deal with things you would not have thought they could. If there is real concern perhaps you could tell him when your son is not around, with your son's permission. As far as him going off to college with this young man he met, would you feel as scared and against it if it was a girl he was interested in? Is it the going away to college that worries you, or the being gay that worries you? You said his friend wants to fly to Ohio to get him and drive back to New Mexico. Well, if you have talked about this as a family and come to terms with the issue (or even if not, i guess) you could easily invite this boy into your home and get to know him and perhaps getting to know him a bit will put your mind at ease. I think your son probably knows that to really break free and be himself he needs to get some distance- i know that was important for me when I first left home. And is going away to college really such a drastic move? Look at how many kids do it all the time. And you can probably scrounge up enough to bring him home for visits- if you buy tickets in advance they are not so expensive. I think you need to just take a deep breath, contact PFLAG like was suggested, and just trust that your son can be totally happy and fufilled, and all the more so with his family's acceptance. I wish you all the best of luck and hope that you can find peace in your heart with this situation.
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I need advice on what you would do in my situation. I'm so upset about it and my husband says not to do anything and basically dismissing it. I'll try to make this as short as possible. My family has been best friends with another family for about ten years. They're just like family. We do everything together. This past weekend their 16 year old daughter stayed over because she had a track meet and the rest of the family was going away for the lo ...
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I wanted to see if anyone has some advice on what to do on a situation I am having with my ex-husband's girlfriend. This past Monday morning my apartment complex called me and told me that they received a fax the evening before that I wanted to be treated for bedbugs! I told them that I didn't send a fax and didn't have bedbugs, and asked her what number the fax came from. She wouldn't tell me. She then asked me why I didn't leave my phone number on the fax only my addre ...
Need Advice Please....Feb 10, 2010
Ok, here goes.... My husband drives a truck. When he comes in his dad (who is divorced and lives with his mother who is in her 80s and I guess you would say has no life) comes over. Well, no problem there except he don't know when to leave. LOL He comes around 10 or 11 am and stays until 10 or 11 pm. Then the next day he is back again unless he is working and then he comes after work. I don't mind him coming to visit every day when my husband is in ...
MIL AdviceOct 25, 2010
Our family was planning a trip to Disney World this summer and then I decided that maybe we should go to California (where we are from) and go to Disneyland, that way grandparents can come. Since then, my MIL has taken it upon herself to plan out ourentire vacation, starting with trying to make our motel reservations on the drive there and ending with making them on the way back. If she were just being nice, it would be completely different, but really, she is just being controlling. ...
Need Some AdviceJul 18, 2011
I am having some issues with my boyfriend. He has not been working for a while now and I have been paying rent/bills/groceries all on my own. No big deal, it has to be done, but what I am having a problem with is his bi-weekly "allowance". He needs his own money to spend, and I understand that, but no matter how much money I tell him I am going to give him, it is never enough. He is never happy with what I give him (usually a couple hundred dollars). I never sp ...
Need AdviceApr 05, 2011
I need some advice about my sister-in-law. We are going to her house next week for three days. Well, she wanted my husband to help her buy some power tools and teach her how to use them and put up a trellis. So that was the plan for Friday. I was okay with that – didn’t feel too left out. Now she has made other plans for Saturday that I don't want to do. How do I politely tell her I’m not into spend ...
A Little Advice Here PleaseAug 18, 2016
Just got on line to check bank account held jointly with fiance. I see a charge on a credit card that I don't recognize (plus a service fee charge). Questioned him about it a couple of days ago and got vague answer (s). Today, I called the 1-800 number and asked what kind of businesses they billed for. I was told a wide array of different things. One of which could be porn videos. Not happy at all as I do NOT want this in my house. Why can ...
Advice, PleaseSep 02, 2016
Asking advice here. My mom is in a nursing home. They provide great, compassionate care, and there's a waiting list to get in. I'm grateful that she's in a place we can afford, and it's only 3 miles from my home. When the need arose, I got her a wheelchair, which Medicare is still paying for. It was a brand-new chair that was fitted to her petite frame, and she was able to propel herself with her feet. About 6 weeks ago, I noticed that the chair in h ...
How Do You: Advice PleaseJun 13, 2010
I am separated from my husband and soon divorcing which is actually a very good thing for my son and me. We were under a lot of stress, pressure and difficulties with living in his house. But my son grew up with his kids and he has not told them anything about us never coming back. I tried to get him to go to counseling, and despite many of my friends warnings even went to our pastor which just made things worse, b/c my husband works under this guy as a pastor too. ...
Cat Advice?Jul 25, 2012
Cat people, should I take in a neighbor's cat? In a nutshell: We thought this "stray" was hanging around our yard last year. I talked to her and she let me pet her. Nasty winter weather came. We couldn't take her in because we have an old blind cat who tries to fight her off sometimes. So I went door to door with her picture, looking for her home so we wouldn't have to take her to a shelter. Bingo. She "lives" a couple houses away. The woman there was very nice, has a sec ...
Advice PleaseNov 17, 2012
Hi all, I have been offered a position in the front office of a medical facility. I am probably going to take it. While my problem will not weigh into my not taking it, I need some advice on how to handle something. Way back when I worked in a large office, there was ALWAYS something going on where they wanted everyone to chip in financially for something. Somebody is having a baby, somebody's somebody is having a baby, somebody is having a birthday, somebody is retiring ...
Advice On New JobAug 11, 2016
Well, I went to a job fair yesterday, had to go back and my daughter went with me and we both got jobs! Problem with mine is it's only seasonal till Feb. Of course, if the job continues and I've done well through the training and the actual job till Feb., I could possibly still have a job. Better pay right off the bat and $1.00 for EVERY HOUR worked till Feb. bonus in Feb.!!! I need my high school diploma or transcripts and can't find them anywhere! My transcripts are with m ...
Advice About DadNov 01, 2013
I need some opinions about whether or not to try to contact my father who I have not seen in about 30 years. My dad left when I was nine and moved out of state. I think I saw him one time not long after that. The last time I even spoke to him on the phone was right before I graduated high school. He had wrote me letters and sent cards for a few years after he left asking me to come visit, which I never agreed to do. We didn't have a very close relationship even when we lived in the ...
Need Some Advice Jan 13, 2014
I would appreciate any advice on how to sell Hummel figurines, etc. My stepfather wants to start clearing out a lot of things in preparation for the future, and in the event I would move in with him at some point. My mother died four years ago, and during her lifetime she bought a lot of this sort of thing, along with the colored glass in yellow, green and blue. I have never sold anything on eBay, and don't know how to go about getting a decent price for these items. ...
Advice PleaseJun 21, 2014
I don't know if I need advice or just want to vent. My husband and I enjoy having close friends over, going out to dinner with them, doing get togethers and other such things. Out of 4 couples, 2 of the couples are so dysfunctional that it makes me crazy. No alcohol is involved here, so we can't even blame that. I don't claim to know what goes on behind closed doors, but when we're all together, it's the women who fly off the handle at their husbands for the stupi ...
Need Cat AdviceJan 27, 2015
My cat is hiding underneath my neighbor's shrubs and will not come home. He is afraid I will keep him inside so he doesn't trust me anymore. He stayed out all night last night and I finally saw him this morning. I tried coaxing him, bribing him with food, and he just ran away to find a safer hiding spot. He got into a cat fight on Friday and got a small puncture wound. I kept him in on Sunday to keep an eye on the wound and he was not happy about it. That's why he doesn' ...
Need Some Advice PleaseJan 30, 2015
I have a problem with my ear. When my pneumonia started, one day I had what I thought was the starting of an earache. Then that went away and I ended up sick just with the pneumonia. Okay it has been 28 days since my first day in the hospital. My ear has been stopped up since then and I have tried Claritin, Auralgan and Cortisporin Otic drops. Nothing is working. What could be wrong with it? I never have problems popping my ears after a cold or getting water in them. I didn't g ...
Need AdviceMar 17, 2017
Need some advice. Here's what happened (by the way, I'm a 25-year MT veteran, which is why I'm posting here). I was unwell at work about 3 weeks ago, and it was determined that I should be admitted. Treatment lasted 8 days, and I feel great now! My doctor said I should apply for FMLA (famliy medical leave) since I took off more time than my employer's policy allows and may have further absences in the future. My doctor completed the form and signed ...
Hi, Need Some AdviceMar 30, 2017
I had a severe dental infection and was given clindamycin. I was hesitant to take it, but did so with a probiotic. Now I am starting to have diarrhea. Does anyone have any advice on treating this OTC? I'm recently retired and have no insurance at present. Thanks in advance. ...
Advice For A New E-Bay Seller?Feb 28, 2012
I have created an exceptional product that I want to list on e-Bay to make some extra money. Are there any experienced e-Bay sellers here who can give me some advice/tips/suggestions? Thanks! ...
Any Advice For Sleeping Better?Mar 28, 2011
Never been a great sleeper, but now I sleep about 1 hour at a time. I try to sleep about 6-1/2 to 7 hours, but am exhausted. Fall asleep fairly quickly, but can't stay asleep. Don't think am apneic. Tried Lunesta without much help. Tried Benadryl, again not much help. So tired. Makes typing misery to be so sleepy. ...
Help - Need Advice. Kittens To Come Mar 25, 2011
From my message below you know we have a stray cat. Today for the first day I held my hand out and she sniffed at the tip of my outstretched fingers. Think she is finally starting to warm up. Doesn't run away when we walk out. Well guess what....she's going to have kittens. At least we are 99.8% she is. She was thin when we started to feed a few weeks ago and now she's got a pouch when walking towards us you can see the sides bulging. Ever ...
Advice To The GirlsNov 03, 2009
Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. What do you do if you boyfriend walks out? You shut the door. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. Go for the younger man - you might as well, they never mature anyway. Men are all the same - they just have different faces so we can tell them apart. Best way to get a man to do something is to suggest he is too old for it. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. T ...
Need Personal AdviceMar 11, 2011
Need advice. My son is 40 and has 2 children ages 12 and 14. He is getting divorced but that's not the main issue. For the past 20 years he has been sporadic in sending christmas cards/gifts, birthday and mother's day cards/gifts. His wife would often cover for him but only some of the time. I don't believe I have ever had a card, phone call or gift for mother's day. The last few years I have gotten nothing on any of the aforementioned "sp ...
Need Hubby AdviceNov 30, 2009
I really need some help here and this is the only place to get it fast. My husband and I are separated. I caught him having "affair" at work, he was paying for some lady at work's car repairs, and sabotaged my daughter's attempt to work in this lady's department, along with lots and lots of lies and secrets and covering up. Short story, when confronted, he moved out and filed for divorce (and, of course is blaming me for the whole thing, saying I kicked him out - ...