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Teenagers rules with company

Posted: Nov 11, 2011

I am curious to what some rules are for your teenagers in regards to having company over mostly of the opposite sex. I have a 14-yof and a 15-yof who will be 16 in January. Both of them are good Christian girls (I assume), pledge virginity, and wear purity rings. They have recently gotten boyfriends so the high school and older boys is new to us. In addition, we lived in the country and just moved in town so now it seems to be a constant issue with company from neighborhood friends to school friends to boyfriends and it is a little too much traffic for me especially as they all seem to "hang out" until 8 or 9 at night so that includes me feeding them snacks, supper, and drinks and I am on a very tight budget myself; otherwise, I would not mind feeding them. I've always said I'd rather them be in my home than on the streets so they have a safe place to hang away from influences but where do you draw the line? They are not allowed to single date until 16 but have gone on a few group outings. How many nights a week do you allow your teens to hang out with bf/gf? Grades are good. Chores are good. How much is too much? I remember dating in high school and my bf was only allowed to see me one night during the week and that was only if we attended church together on Weds but I think that is a little harsh. Do you allow opposite sex in their bedrooms with the door open watching tv? I keep getting the "well thats what we do at their house" so not sure where to go with these decisions. I've always been a cover your skin type of person even for a male meaning wearing a shirt, however, the older bf (16) doesn't always wear a shirt at his home with my daughter there and that I am not comfortable with that. I am a crazy unrealistic mom? Do you limit company to one or two nights a week on school nights? Any thoughts, ideas, discussions?

;

Teenagers - anon

[ In Reply To ..]
I am a single mom and have been for most of the last 20 years. I have a 20yom and 11yof. I was raised super strict - for instance we were only allowed 15 minute phone calls. I'm not that strict by any means, but I am probably stricter than other parents in my kids' neighorhood and school. I don't allow hang outs more than once during the week until 6 pm. That's dinner time and then homework time, etc. The only other time I let them get together is for a function. Weekends are different. I don't allow them to wear less that modest clothing. I don't allow them back in their rooms with the opposite sex. I don't allow makeup or "goth dressing" (with my older one). He could wear black, but no nail polish, earrings, etc. I may seem too strict, I don't know, but I believe they should be taught and display "respectable behavior". Now in saying all this, I can say with pride that my oldest manages his own scholarships and saves his money for upcoming special projects at college. I never have to assist him with any of this. He holds open doors and says please and thank you. So does my 11 yo daughter. I feel that by giving them more direction and some rules on these things has taught so far at least my oldest one to be a responsible adult. My younger one grumbles some times, but I have told her that's fine. She doesn't have to like the rules but she has to obey them. With my youngest, I definitely feel like I did with the oldest. My job is to get them thru the teenage years and high school without any major problems that could affect them so that they can go onto college and create a good life for themselves. I don't think rules are selfish in this sense. I hope this helps.

Just my humble opinion and - I'm not a parent

[ In Reply To ..]
I was in your kids' situation somewhat as a teen and had a younger brother. The rules were different between us (4 yrs apart). I was an honor student, played sports, and was involved in 4-H, Hi-Y, etc. I wasn't allowed to have friends over during the school wk(and would have never asked my mom to for them if I did), but I did what every other kid in my neighborhood did...Went the window after hours or sneaked my friends in. We weren't doing anything but watching movies or shooting pool. That was many yrs ago & I live in a very small, rural area. That said, I also have 2 nieces and throw a fit when they are wearing clothes that are too suggestive (and I'm pretty liberal, so).

I have 20- and 16-year-old girls - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
So they're older than yours, but I usually kept it to one to two weeknights at first. With my older daughter, her grades weren't always where they should be, so she got limited often to weekends only, or maybe one school night a week. My younger daughter always keeps A's and B's, but it just happens that her BF likes to blow off his school work so his mom limits him to only one school night a week and sometimes limits his weekends too, so thus far I haven't had to worry about setting a stricter limit for her. To me, it depends on how much I can trust my kid. If I feel that they're communicating with me and staying on the right track, I might be more lenient.

As far as the "kid traffic" at your house and the food and drink situation, that's another issue. When money used to be tight, I would limit what their friends had access to. In that case, you just have to do what you have to do. If they're eating and drinking you out of house and home you have to put your foot down. I remember at one point saying that the only drink kids could have at my house was water from the tap! That being said, when times are better I tend to be a spoiler...so you just do what you can.

Just be careful - mom of 3

[ In Reply To ..]
Just be careful to not be too controlling. I think you have to let them have some freedom to make decisions on their own or when they get to college they may go a little overboard with their sudden freedom and mom not looking over their shoulder all the time. I believe if you teach your children why certain behaviors or actions will be detrimental to their future they will listen. Sometimes kids just want to know that you trust them to make good decisions. Communication is so important and vital to a good relationship. My mother had so many restrictions and rules that my teenage years were miserable.

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