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Rebellious teenagers.

Posted: Feb 23, 2012

Help out there!!!! We are desperately in need of advice on how to handle aggressive and non-compliiant teenagers. I am just the grandmother, but when I come here to visit, it is very upsetting to me to watch my daughter constantly at odds with her children -- thankfully only 2 are of the teenage years. The oldest one is sure strutting his stuff. I try to remind my daughter that she acted that way too when she was a teenager, not that it does her or me any good. For one thing, I know it is a personality clash, with her and her oldest son being of the same stubborn, bull-headed personality. Someone has to give in, but of course children should obey their parents, but let's face the facts, they don't always.

Her husband seems to be the peacemaker in the family. He has a more compromising personality and is much more flexible in his approach to problems. Thank goodness for that. They are a Christian family and go to church and Bilble classes every Sunday. That is probablyl irrelevant to the problem, as teenagers come in all kinds of families, non-Christian and Christian (oh really, as if non-Christian familieis are not plaqued with family issues too).

So, any ideas of how to handle wild and rebellious teenagers. Thanks for your help.

;

Wow does this sound familiar - jh

[ In Reply To ..]
I raised 2 boys on my own. The oldest is a carbon copy of me,fat headed pain in the butt..what can I say, I admit it..But I used a technique I picked up as a police officer...Take all their crap out of their room..All your legally required to supply is a bed and blanket,,meals, and clean clothes.. No video games, TV, or computer..If that doesnt work, then take the door off the hinges..Nothing like no privacy for a teenager..It is not an easy thing to do but it does work..My oldest son is now a police officer and the youngest is a 3.7 GPA college student at a major university..

single mom here too - btdt

[ In Reply To ..]
I did the same thing, only I left the door on the hinge (he had a very nosey 5-year-old sister at the time).

It does work and I won't hesistate to use it on my soon-to-be-teenage daughter if she starts to wander. Boys are so much easier than girls as long as you can keep them away from the dangerous crowd. Stay in their back pocket 24/7 and they'll thank you for it later.

Thank you for your inspiring post. - Suzy Q

[ In Reply To ..]
You don't know how grateful we are to see your post here. Honestly, I think that is the only way to get kids to respond at that age -- take away their privileges.

It must work, cuz your boys certainly turned out right and you can be proud knowing you raised such responsible fine young gentleman, who are helping their community too.

More people need to listen to your advice.

I actually disagree. Would need to know the - specific problems you're

[ In Reply To ..]
are having. Sometimes you can go overboard and cause the rebellion to be much worse. You can't let them run all over you, but you can tread a fine medium. I have a teenager now and sometimes don't know what to do, but I do things a bit differently than my parents do. My parents were quite strict, watched me like a hawk, but I still found my way. I was pregnant at 15. These personalities are pretty much genetic. You have to learn what works for each individual child. I'm not that old still. I knew very few people in high school kids who hadn't had sex, done drugs, drank. I'm talking about a lot of the "good" kids.

So, I'm not sure if you are talking about big issues or just little petty stuff. Sometimes we get really caught up in the little petty stuff.

I agree with I Actually Disagree - Out the other side

[ In Reply To ..]
Granted, I got lucky, and did not have a lot of rebellion to deal with. The worst was pot smoking in my son's room, at which point I kicked him and his friend out of the house and told them in no uncertain terms that was not allowed on our property. My son gave it up shortly after that because it was giving him panic attacks (not sure if this was physical, or anxiety of knowing that I knew). There's always a fine line between reacting to rebellion and causing rebellion. Again, as above, so much depends on how big the rebellion is presenting itself. I find a wide-open line of communication is the most valuable, though it may be too late for this parent and children. That kind of has to start very early.

Sorry, this was a little disjointed.

You are right too. - Suzy Q

[ In Reply To ..]
It does depend a lot on each individual situation on how you handle this. I was lucky too with my daughter and we were able to talk about lots of things. I told her that I did not approve of her drinking alcohol at age 14-16, however she went against what I said. That was probably the worst problem we had.

I think communication plays a very important role in your relationship with teenagers. In my generation, most of the troubled kids I knew back in the 1960 to 1970 time-frame came from either abusive homes or very strict and rigid parents. I think being too rigid is also bad parenting and can have just the opposite effect of what you are trying for. I know of 2 different families where the parents raised their kids with no communication and no understanding of how their kids felt. Most of these "kids" are now about 50-65 age group. They are mostly alcoholics, drug abusers and are basically dysfunctional in all their relationships with spouses, children, etc.

I am not trying to make generalizations, but it just seems like raising kids this way produces bad results. For one I was married to a man who had a bad attitude toward life in general. He ended up drinking himself to death, dying young at 56. I am sure everyone can think of at least one person who went through life not caring what happened and staying pretty much in a alcohol or drug=induced state -- kind of sad.

So this is not an easy job raising children to be good productive people who respect others and their property.

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