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So ticked! Just read on Facebook grown daughter

Posted: Jan 21, 2010

got fined $685.00, for what I have yet to find out. She drinks too much and she smokes marijuana. i have tried repeatedly to talk with her about the effects of heavy drinking on the body but she is not listening. I told hubs I was hoping she would be stopped while buzzed and have her car impounded and have the license revoked for awhile. She has a really good job and makes excellent money but yet she wants to get caught in public doing something illegal. Maybe if she has to keep paying fines such as this something will get through her hard head of not continuing on. She is very frugal with her money and I know this has really gotten to her. She sent email saying she would call me tomorrow. I can hardly wait to ask her why the fine.

;

Ticked - KP

[ In Reply To ..]
It is a game on facebook, not a real fine.

I thought might be a real fine as - Linda

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someone said something about it being done in public illegally. I really would not mind if that was true, would perhaps teach her a lesson she really needs.

I thought might be a real fine.... - catherine

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Geez linda...you are spying on your adult daughter on face book? Sounds like you don't talk much in real life so you have lowered yourself to spying on her? Clearly you have some differences of opinion but you said she is an adult...thus able to make her own choices and unfortunately will have to live with the consequences. Do you think it would improve your relationship with her if she knew you were spying on her on line? I am thinking...PROBABLY not. If my mother did this to me (we have issues as well)...I would be so angry I would probably not ever ever ever talk to her again. JUST my opinion as the daughter of an "unreasonable" mother...but I would be angry to be spied on.

Looking at facebook - is spying??

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't publish things I don't want others to know.

If daughter wanted confidentiality, she could keep that info to herself.

Honestly.

If she didn't want Mom to know - Happy MT Robin

[ In Reply To ..]
then she'd either have her status set to private, or she would have Mom as a friend.

I have facebook. The only people who can see what I post are friends or friends of friends. Sounds like Mom and daughter are facebook friends. So, if Daughter doesn't want Mom to know stuff, she darn well shouldn't post it on facebook.

Spying- you gotta be kidding- her idea, not mine - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
She sat this up for me because she wanted to, I never post anything and I have been there now about 6 months. She also put my picture on there. I hardly ever even look at anything there. Told my DIL the other day I saw pictures of them when I called up "my" facebook and how did that happen. You see, I just do not know how it works nor care how it works and if daughter had not wanted me there, she surely would not have done it for me. She came to my home, used my computer and told me I should be on there. I know that she is grown but I would hate to see her catch hepatitis C and/or pancreatitis from all the excessive drinking and I think any mother who is worth their salt would feel exactly like I do.

Update- KP you were right about the fine - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
Daughter called this morning and I asked her about it, sure enough that was exactly what it was. BTW, she even asked if I wanted to answer those questions that you can get fined for, she would forward to me. My answer was who else would know. I just want to say, any child or inlaw to me never has an issue with my getting in their business, far from it. I told DD when she first put herself on Facebook and then wanted me to be on there also to be careful about what she posted because being so truthful has gotten people fired, in trouble, and other things.

i'M SO TICKED - catherine

[ In Reply To ..]
So sorry, I did not mean to start a fire storm here...I just think that at some point you have to cut those apron strings! An adult child has the right to privacy...and you think it is okay that you read her facebook page and then went on another forum to talk about it! I disagree. We all worry about our kids, no matter the age, but I just think this is inappropriate. There are moms and grand moms who can talk about nothing but their kids and their grands and I feel really sorry for those folks. Maybe a hobby would be appropriate...or get a dog or something. I think that an adult has the right to privacy...and you have to admit that discussing their perceived transgressions on another forum is not private..and I think that is wrong...and linda, no disrespect but I would have very serious issues about my mom "getting in my business" as you put it. It would be one thing to talk to me...but to discuss my life and my short comings on another forum? Good god. Just kill me now. Maybe you live in a small town where everyone knows everyone else's business so this is the norm for you...I live in a large city and I think that as an adult I am entitled to privacy..if my mother discussed my excessive alcohol use, possible cancer and hepatitis C or "fines" on line with other people I would not appreciate it one bit. If your daughter is okay with this...then god bless both of you...I would die if my mother behaved in this manner.

Do you understand I was on MY page? - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
I have no idea how to get from 1 page to the other. Did you not read where I asked daughter-in-law how did she get on my page? Perhaps you are not understanding. I called up facebook and my page came up, it was not changed. I guess if she had wanted me "out of her business" like you state, then surely to God she would not have put me on there in the first place. Oh, since I have spoken about this now I guess you know not only her true name but my name and everything about my family. My town is well over 5 million at the present time and I do not talk on facebook about her, you or anyone else. Go back to "your" business now.

hepatitis C is viral, a bloodborne pathogen - - -- not from drinking

[ In Reply To ..]
.

My mistake, that was alcoholic hepatitis - Linda

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which can be deadly, just got my hepatitis mixed up.

On FB any comments the DD places on her page - sm - XXX

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will show up on the Mom's page as long as the mom is a "friend" which in this case she obviously is. It is an option that most people use, and keeps you in touch with someone's latest thought-- like a very informal blog basically is what it is. The mom is not say she logged into her daughter's account to check it out, boy, you need to understand how FB works. So if the DD did not want mom to know she should have not posted it for the world to see. For her sake I hope she does not let others view her page unless a friend (and don't have anyone from work as a friend), if her employer caught wind of it she will most likely be fired. Just dumb. ---I love FB but I never post anything I would deem inappropriate or something I may regret later. ---So again the mom was NOT spying.

You are right about the friends part because - Linda

[ In Reply To ..]
knowing what has happened to people who post things such as explicit pictures, drinking or the like and their being fired, my daughter told me she only has her friends on her Facebook. Thanks for having my back. I am not into spying and never put anything on about me or others, just not that into it.

Agree with the Mom, read why please. - Sick of FB

[ In Reply To ..]
If you are invited by family, daughter, son, sister, etc., even if limited to family and friends, when you sign in you will see what family & friends posted that day as "what they're doing" etc., it's just there for all to see. I have seen things I hate seeing about my family members, i.e., foul language, sexual escapades,religious rants, relationships on and off, people "pis..ed" off at each other and pictures by the tons of family members in unflatering positions. I also have been "tagged" in photos of myself which I did not give permission to be posted. I have seen pics of my beautiful granddaughter who could be taken by some pervert. There are rules on there, but some people use it as a soapbox to profess their bible misconceptions, personal stuff that should not be in a public forum and the list goes on. I have become so sick of it that I closed my account. I am not the "pinata" at anyone's party and I get more grief than good out of that site. I don't think Linda was spying. Anyone in their right mind would be upset seeing this about their family member when they clicked on. No flaming please, if you like FB that's your business, I don't like it and that's my business.

Play to her vanity - Addictive Personality

[ In Reply To ..]
My entire family suffer from addictive personality in one form or another, but primarily alcohol.

The thing that made me not even want to get involved in heavy drinking (or anything other than a GOOD glass of wine occasionally with a meal out) was seeing pictures of women who were 40 who looked 60, all because of the devastating effects alcohol has on the body. I may be in the minority here, but I firmly believe alcohol is the WORST drug out there, except for perhaps heroin. The alcohol-related deaths each year, deaths caused by drunk driving, etc., are statistically mortifying.

But I was young and naive...what really made me NEVER want to drink was VANITY. Who wants to look 60 when they're 40???

Try appealing to that side of her and see how it goes.

I agree that alcohol - (sm)

[ In Reply To ..]
is much worse than some of the illegal substances out there, but wanted to add one more to heroin . . . methamphetamine. OMG the PBS and other programs I have watched on that, it is just pitiful and very sad for all involved, but the aging factor (mug shots from arrest early on and then just a short time later, looking like 20+ years later, the so-called "meth mouth," and thoughtless and uncaring behavior regarding anyone or anything else, including their own children is just as bad if not worse than heroin. Not to mention having to condemn the homes where it is found folks were cooking it up there (and the ill effects described by children living in the homes at the time of the cooking). It may well be the worst one out there, although I don't recall seeing anything about blacking out and not remembering, or DUI meth driving accidents (although I am sure that it happens).

Fine on FB - Vicki

[ In Reply To ..]
We were posting "fines" on FB. It was a survey and if you did somehing you were "fined" a certain amount. There is a list of things to be fined for. It was all in fun- I am wondering if this is what you read? When you were done taking the survey you were to post "My fine is $___.__". Maybe you misinterpreted?

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