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Are anybody else's grown children (30 y/o)

Posted: Feb 20, 2011

I have two grown sons and I think the daughter-in-laws have a good deal to do with it, but they are mad at me all the time. One sends me nasty E-mails to which I do not respond at all. The other is more passive-aggressive (such as unfriended me on Facebook and didn't wish me Happy Anniversary, although sent a text TO MY HUSBAND). I try to walk a very tight line because they use my grandchildren as weapons, and I won't get to see them. I never criticize their actions; in fact, I lie even when I think they are being stupid just to keep peace. I praise them and tell them what a good job they are doing and how proud I am of them.

We have allowed them to live with us when they were jobless, bailed them out of a thousand tight spots. Finally decided that that wasn't helping anybody so quit giving so much money and now they are horrible.

I just wondered how these grown people got this way. They were raised "right."

Wondered if it is just the new generation. I would never have behaved this way towards my mother and father (even though sometimes I sure wanted to).

;

wow where to begin - in my 30s

[ In Reply To ..]
"in fact, I lie even when I think they are being stupid just to keep peace" - I think that says a lot. Is that supposed to make you feel better or them? It doesn't sound like you keep the peace very well at all. Whether or not you verbally judge them, I would guess they can pick up on your thoughts through your body language. I know I can always tell when my mom is faking it just to keep the peace.

As for the *new generation*, maybe you didn't treat your parents that way because they didn't treat you the way you're treating your kids. My mom often says that to me and I can remember my grandmother never criticized her openly in front of us or said some of the things my mother has said.

Instead of trying to figure out what's wrong with your kids, you might want to start by looking in the mirror.

What you may not realize.... - Patsy

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is that many people feel the need to be "stroked." They have to be complimented continuously in order to feel good about themselves and, in the case of my DIL, if I don't she makes my life miserable. You don't know this lady at all and you are making a judgement simply because she is the MIL and you prefer to support the DILs because you are in the same age group. Would you rather your Mom tell you the truth and upset you or "fake" it and keep the peace?? You sound like you wouldn't be happy with either choice. Some people cannot be pleased, no matter what.

Maybe our children just need to mature and grow up and learn some manners and respect. It's what my parents taught me and I taught my children the same thing.

I can tell - in my 30s

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that you're the type of person who thinks she's always right and always has to have the last word. You've answered every post as if your viewpoint is the only correct one.

I gave the OP my point of view based on my experience. She can choose to learn from it or ignore it.

FYI, I'd rather my mom keep her *opinions* to herself when it comes to my family and the choices I make. Perhaps if you'd do the same, you'd have a better relationship. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

I did a did a wonderful job keeping my opinions to myself - AARPMom

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right up to the day I asked my daughter to rethink some of the decisions she was making as they were having a deleterious effect on her child. I told her I knew she was going through some things, that I was not asking for details or making judgments based on what I thought I knew...but! I asked her to honestly think about how her choices were effecting her child. Two hours later I was the custodian of a 2 yo child. Since then, I have become the scourge by which my daughter defines evil.

Mothers DO very often keep their thoughts to themselves. Some try to gently ask, not intrusively at all, but out of genuine caring and love. Some misstep along the way and try to make things right. But there will always be daughters you can't do anything right for or say anything right to, and make you feel like crap no matter what.

so again, I'm going back to read my creed...Hope it helps you too.

AARPmom - in my 30s

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Your situation is very different from what I'm referring to. As a mother myself, I realize how easy it is to give unwanted opinions. I also know sometimes it's necessary for the benefit of the child. It sounds like your daughter made some very poor choices and you would have every right to say something.

These aren't the types of choices I have made in my life. The OP struck a nerve in me b/c her post came across (to me) as in she did nothing wrong and that she was even willing to fake it to keep the peace. My mother has done that with me in the past and it's very frustrating. I have caught her in lies, telling my kids that my husband and I are terrible parents because we work too much and don't make time for them. We work because we have to. My husband carts all 3 of our kids to their sporting events even at the same time and helps coach if I'm working. He cooks dinner for them on the nights I work. I get up to make my kids a hot breakfast before school every day even though I work till 11 or later most nights.

After telling my kids that we're terrible parents (my kids have told me she says these things), she smiles at me and pretends to be nice.

My mom left me with my grandmother every night while she went to work. I had cold cereal for breakfast. I had to do chores on the weekends. I wore hand-me-down clothes and played with yard sale toys. I never complained about it before, but to hear my mom criticize me for making sure my kids have a lot of the things I didn't really yanks my chain.

My kids are very well cared for by 2 parents who love them very much. I spend a lot of time with them making sure they know it. I don't need my mom to belittle me to my kids. If I sound bitter, it's because I am.

She threw me and my husband and 3 kids out a week after a fire took our house. She said my dad couldn't take the mess it was causing in her house (a total lie). The mess was all of the donations people dropped off for us. What she couldn't take was the attention we were getting and she was getting none. We hadn't even gotten an insurance check yet and did not have enough in savings to put a security deposit on a place. We ended up calling our agent and getting the check expedited.

My parents see my kids several times a week. Sometimes they don't want to go, but I make them. I know my mom loves me in her own way, but she has a terrible way of showing it. She's told me several times she jealous of the things I have and the family I have. When she's on her medication, she's not as bad, but she doesn't take it all the time because she doesn't think she needs it.

your mom was wrong to tell your children that - AARPMom

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But you can use it as a teaching lesson to your child about tolerance of others and forgiveness. Children see themselves as extensions of their parents. If the parents are terrible, then they can believe they are terrible. I would tell the child the grandmom was wrong for having said that, explaining the grandmom thinks differently about how you and hubby are parenting them, but you love them, want the best, love grandmom too, and will try to be get along and show grandma how good your family is.

For all the things that have happened to us, I have NEVER said anything like that to my granddaughter, now dd. The worse thing I ever said about my missing SIL is that he just isn't a stick-around kind of guy (not dad, guy). When we ran into him - literally - when we went out to eat and she heard him talk about fighting CPS to get his newest son back (surprise! there were half-siblings while he was missing), but not HER, she finally understood what I meant. Now that he has yet another child and signed away his rights to my little one, she accepts that he loves her, but he just isn't the kind of man who will stay around after he has kids.

This is an important lesson for her - don't have kids with someone until you know them very well and he is someone who is committed to making and staying with family. He isn't a bad person. I disagree with sooo much of what he does, but I would never tell this child he was a terrible person. After all, my little one has half-siblings. I can't say those children or her are terrible.

Didn't mean to rant here. I do agree she overstepped with that comment, but if she comes back to apologize about something she says or does, it would be a good lesson for the children to show forgiveness and tolerance. And it goes both ways. If you were to withhold visitation of the gk because of personal issues between the two of you, well, it would be better to find a way to work it out (I'm NOT saying you do this, but it was brought up that some parents withhold visits with the grands to hurt them and it is something that has happened to me, so I know that reality).

thank you AARPMom - in my 30s

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DH and I told my kids grandma shouldn't have said that but that she was just having a bad day and that we all say things we don't mean. My mom and I argue a lot but in the end, I will always love her, just not always love what she does.

I agree that kids should never keep their grandkids from seeing their grandparents. There's so much that kids get from that. My mother used to do that with us kids and her MIL. She lived across the street from us and my mom would tell us we couldn't go over there. She said, of course, grandma was always welcome to walk across the street to us and it was her choice if she didn't (making it sound like grandma didn't want to see us). I asked grandma about it years later and she said she didn't want to make my mom any madder than she already was and take it out on us kids. Grandma always waved to us and would talk to us when we were outside playing, so we knew there was something up.

Perhaps I shouldn't have been so cross with the other poster (Patsy), but she reminded me of my mother as did the OP and it struck a nerve. Just because we're the "new generation" doesn't mean it's always our fault. There are many reasons for these things and there are always 2 sides to every story. I'm sure if my mom told her side to someone, I wouldn't look so good either (although I did once hear part of her side that she told someone else and there were a few lies mixed in with it). In the end, your family chooses you and you just have to make the best of it. I hope some day your daughter realizes what you did for her daughter and can have some kind of a relationship with you and her. Your granddaughter is so lucky to have a mom like you.

AARPMom....sm - Patsy

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You really sound like a wonderful person, someone I would love to hang around. I'm sorry your daughter has issues and she takes them out on you. I know how you feel and I hope the sun always shines in your part of the world. :)

That's not true... - Patsy

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I'm not always right and I never get the last word. I gave my viewpoint. I didn't say you or anyone else had to agree with it. You know nothing about me but, apparently, you have a very lovely glass house.

Patsy - in my 30s

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I'll post this above your last reply, so that you will still have the last word. I hope you enjoy the silence it creates.

I didn't ask for your viewpoint; the OP did. Yet you felt a need to butt in and give me one. You also felt a need to comment on several others. Sometimes opinions are not always welcome, especially when not asked for.

As for my lovely glass house, yes it is. It's far from perfect, but it holds my family together - the laughter, the tears, the fights, the joys -- all of it. What does your house hold?

You gave opinions also.. - Patsy

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Maybe they weren't welcome and they weren't asked for either. My house holds the same as yours. Everyone has opinions. You certainly don't have to agree with them but we all have the right to state them. The younger generation seems to think that's not an option for the older generation. I wish you the best in your life.

Another opinion no one asked for - sm

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This forum is free for any and all to join. No one needs an invitation to participate or share an opinion.

From where I sit, in my 30s seems to think she has all the answers, but clearly has much to learn. She may not be mean and hateful, but she sure has rude down to an art form. Be happy she's not your daughter. I'm sure glad she's not mine.

I think that there are often two sides to every story... - Kendra

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If you would talk to any of my MIL's friend's, I am sure that I am the Wicked Witch of the East who never allows her to babysit (which is true), while I do allow my mom to babysit (also true). I am also sure that when we come to CA, we only visit with my dad (not true) and spend very little time with her and my FIL (also not true). What she fails to tell people is that she plans every aspect of my vacations, down to with whom she thinks we should have dinner and I try to go along until I just can't stand it anymore and tell her that I am going to take the kids and spend time with my father, at which point, she cries and I am a horrible person. She also fails to tell them that the reason she cannot babysit is because she refuses to follow my rules for the children, to the point where I think that their safety is at risk. (She let an 18-month-old run around playing with a fork and refused to not lay a 4-month-old on the couch to nap--he eventually rolled off and hurt himself.) I know that she cares about my children and loves them in her own way, but some of the stuff she did to my husband as a child borders on abuse, in my opinion. She thinks he had a perfectly wonderful childhood and he thinks it was not bad. I have a different opinion and cannot allow her to do these types of things to my children. I certainly have no idea about the OP's situation, but there are two sides to every story. I have tried to sit down and talk to my MIL, but she cries and gets dramatic and refuses to see where I am coming from, so I have given up. Maybe, once the kids are older and can protect themselves and tell me what she does while I am gone, she can watch them, but until then, I have to say no.

Kendra, I have to agree... - Patsy

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your MIL sounds like she would present a danger to your kids. I only wish my DIL would sit down and talk with me. I am an overly cautious grandma. In fact, I am even more cautious than my DIL. Her parents are allowed to take the kids 4-wheeling and have even been involved in accidents with them but are still allowed to keep them where we have NEVER been given the chance at all. Our son has no say in the matter. It is her decision solely. Her way or the highway for ALL involved.

To also add... - Patsy

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I know there are 2 sides to every story but sometimes a story can be corroborated with witnesses and I've had plent of those. My DIL has gotten into arguments with me in public places in our town. She just does not care. Her hatred for me is so strong that she is willing to risk looking foolish or maybe she just doesn't realize she is or doesn't care. Our kids were raised on a ranch and they got hurt a lot growing up. Our daughter was bucked off horses--never hurt bad luckily, broken bones falling off horse trailers, cactuses stuck in their hands, milk cow stepping on their feet, calves kicking them while branding, sprained ankles trying to walk in the creek on slippery rocks, etc. My DIL actually uses these incidents our son will tell her about to say that I didn't watch our kids well enough and, therefore, she doesn't trust me to watch hers. I find this ridiculous and just an excuse to keep us out of their lives. There were 2 incidents involving our granddaughter who was 6 at the time--happened the same day and yet she says she doesn't trust me. Our oldest son was in hospital to have gallbladder surgery. Our DIL has rare instances where she actually tries to be nice but it usually is short-lived. She offered to take me because I hate driving in the big city. I was very appreciative and things went well for awhile. I watched every word I uttered. Leaving the hospital, she and our grandson were ahead and went across the road. Traffic was slow because it was a hospital area but I don't trust any driver where kids are concerned. I grabbed my 6-yo granddaughter's hand because cars were coming and it concerned me. Luckily, my DIL never saw me do it but, if she had, I'm sure she would have berated me, claiming that she was old enough to cross the street herself. She never appreciates anything I do but is always looking to criticize me instead. The same day, she was picking up pics at Sears she had made of the kids. While at the counter, the granddaughter had to use the bathroom. She told her, "You know where it is." I started to go with her and was told, "she knows where it is, you don't need to go." I was concerned and wasn't sure how to handle it because there is always an argument but I just had to risk it...big store, little girl. I said, "I don't mind, I'll go." She says, "You don't need to go with her." All this going on while the lady at the counter was stepping on her jaw. Our granddaughter is very small for her age and at 6, she looked 4. I finally told my DIL, "either you take her or I will. Someone could abduct her." She finished paying for her pics and stormed off with her daughter claiming I have to make a big deal out of everything, it's none of my business, I think I know how to raise my own kids, on and on and on and then barely said anything on the ride home. It's a situation where I'm durned if I do and durned if I don't. But I'm sure if she told the story, it would be entirely different. Such is life.

Patsy, I'm sorry you are having this conflict, but - AARPMom

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it takes two people to argue. If you are constantly in a state of alert, on defense, your DIL can feel it. It's almost like you wear a sign that signs "let's rumble!"

You need to respect that your grandchildren are not your children and even if you disagree with the 6 yo child going to the bathroom alone, you don't have parental rights. You only have grandparent rights. And really, aren't you glad we have laws protecting the relationship between parents and children? Those are considered supreme rights.

You can't make your DIL parent the way you want her to. You seem to have a gift for inflamming the situations...maybe learning to relax some can take down some of the fences. I can't see her being able to relax if she can feel how tense you are.

Be the bigger person, be a good grandmom, not another mom to these grandkids. I really hope you can find a way for the sake of your grandchildren. You are not durned if you do and durned if you don't unless that is your preferred way to live.

Thank you so much AARPMom... - Patsy

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for the wonderful advice but, sad to say, it's not that way at all. I only interfere when I feel the kids are in danger at which point I feel obligated to at least make a comment so there will be no guilt on my part, not to mention grief if something happened. Someone has to look out for them and I know they are not my children to raise but my DIL seems to not really know what to do unless her own mother is around and, in this instance, she wasn't there. I would have never been able to live with myself if I hadn't at least tried to make her realize the seriousness of the situation. I don't really believe it's a gift for inflaming a situation as usually I say nothing. My DIL is a tense person regardless. She even treats my son badly so I don't think it's me at all. I am neither mom nor grandmom to these children because the time I referred to was a rarity. Believe me....my husband and I have tried everything we know to do. We have tried fighting as our son suggested. We have backed off as our son suggested. We have followed her rules as our son suggested. I have told her many times I love her and get no response. We've gotten as "big" as we can get and it does no good. We have thrown in the towel. We live the way our DIL tells us to but it's not preferred, it's her way.

Patsy, gently let me say - AARPMom

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I hope you can redefine your understanding of the word danger. Danger is a 2 yo child spending the night with drug dealers and pimps. If your situation rises to that level, then certainly speak up! But, for the things you are talking about, holding the child's hand crossing the street (I would have too) and her going to the bathroom by herself (I would have appeared calm, smiling, but NOT have corrected my dd or DIL in front of the child or strangers)...these are not things to take issue over. The trust she wants from you is something no longer attainable now. I think too much damage has been done. It isn't a matter of saying that you love her. At this point, it is a matter of showing her your respect for her rights as a parent. It sounds to me that you two are bouncing off each other...each one raising the level with each conflict until you have both lost the war. And you have lost a wonderful opportunity to be the grandmom you see on the other side.

She may not deserve your respect, but she does deserve to be treated that way. As do you, but you cannot control her. You can only control yourself and how you react to her. Try again to be the bigger person. Try it until...don't give up...keep trying.

You just don't understand.... - Patsy

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Danger is letting a child, in this day and age, go anywhere by themselves. I would think any mother would not want to see their child's picture on the back of a milk carton or posted in Walmart. You don't understand...our DIL takes issue with everything we do or don't do. My husband has even bigger issues with her than I do. My husband and myself come from a long line of huggers. When we first met her, my husband gave her a hug. She told our son she thought my husband was a pervert.....for a simple hug!! I have never seen her hug either parent. My husband hasn't felt the same way about her since and wouldn't dare try it again. Our oldest son's first wife had no problems with it, nor does his new fiancee. I know you want to believe that this all stems from me but our entire family takes issue with her in some form or another and my family does not take their cues from me. Our daughter has problems with her because she refuses to put pics of our family on their wall (especially pics of my duaghter's son) but yet has pics of her entire family on the wall, which is her choice but our son does live there as well and he also has a family. Our oldest son has issues with her because when his wife was sick and dying, she refused to bring the kids to see her, saying that she didn't want the kids to see their aunt in "that state." This really hurt our oldest son and his wife who never got to see the kids before she died. I have even heard our DILs own father say "What C wants, C gets." I've seen her treat her own grandma with disrespect making her stand during a hot baseball game while her daughter sat in her grandma's chair. I got up and gave her grandma my chair. She is not looking for trust in me. She is looking to keep us out of our son and grandkid's life. We have already stopped trying.

I do understand - AARPMom

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I am in the unique position of being mom, grandmom, then mom to the child of my adult child. Unless you have walked these shoes, it would be difficult to appreciate my perspective. Honestly, this is the toughest thing I've ever done in my life. I do understand that you have stopped trying, but you are still hurting. That is the part that will keep up walls. Try to let go of the hurt. Keep trying. Best of luck to you {hugs}

AARPMom... - Patsy

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I do understand your perspective as my own mother wore your shoes and I know how tough it was for her. It's impossible to let go of the hurt when the pain continues on a continual basis. It's like saying, "try to forget about the times she has slapped you while she is in the process of knocking your teeth out." Thanks for the hug. I won't consider you an online pervert. :)

My situation... - Kendra

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My MIL tells me she loves me. She does not mean it. She waits for me to say it back and I do not. I do not love her. From my perspective, it is just another way for her to try to control me. She is going to make me tell her that I love her, whether I want to or not. I will not be manipulated. Your DIL might feel this way, as well. I would much rather not have an "I love you" than have a disinginuous one. Again, I am certainly not trying to say that our situations are similar in any way, but just trying to shed some light on where your DIL might be coming from.

I feel that what I can do at this point is to try to get along as best I can. I bribe my children into talking to her on the phone, though I feel that she would really rather not talk to them, once a week. We send her cards. I send her presents on her birthday and call and talk to her myself once a week while my husband is deployed. I hate doing it, but I never had grandparents, so I guess that every person that loves my children is a bonus. I will try to treat my DIL's someday as daughters. I will remind myself that I always wanted a daughter and try to look at it as gaining one. I sure hope that I can love whomever my sons pick to love. Good luck to all on this board!

Your assumptions are wrong.... - Patsy

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concerning my feelings. You may be right about my DIL, however. Instead of me trying to control my DIL, it is the other way around. She has a hard time controlling her own children but yet she wants to control all the adults in her life... her husband, my husband and I and even her own parents cater to her wants. I already know how my DIL feels about me. She has no love for me and I believe it is because of her past issues. What she did in her past is something I have strong religious beliefs about and she knows this. She also knows that this is how our son was raised and he also believes the same way. I think she feels that I couldn't possibly love her because of what she did in the past but that's where she is wrong. I DO love my DIL but I do not love the way she treats me. I believe she constantly finds soemthing to criticize me for so that our son will think I'm a bad person as well. I think her conscience makes her do the things she does but that's between her and God and something I would NEVER EVER judge her for. I don't wait for my DIL to say she loves me because I know she doesn't but I let her know I love her because I do. That is the difference between me and your MIL. I send my DIL birthday cards with money and anniversary cards and even Mother's Day cards, yet I never even get a card or phone call from my son, even on Mother's Day because she will rake him over the coals. If he tries to defend us, she will call him a wussy with a p. I don't understand this extreme hatred for us but I can only guess it is because of the beliefs I hold and have taught my son. If it isn't this, I have no clue as I've asked her what I've done and she can't really come up with an answer. It's usually about the way I interact with the kids. If I don't walk, talk and take a dump like her mother, then I'm a bad person. I feel exactly the way you do. Whomever my sons love, I will also love and my oldest son has always picked mates who seem to adore me. You might say that I probably treat them differently. No, I don't. The difference is mutual respect for each other. My youngest son's wife has never respected me for reasons of her own. I hope your DILs will automatically love you. It doesn't always work out that way....no matter how hard you try and it will make your life miserable. It's a coin toss for sure so good luck with that because you don't get to pick their mates.

I didn't assume anything. I said that this is... - Kendra

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maybe how she feels. I also said that I don't know about your situation. I was only stating how I feel and giving, perhaps, another viewpoint to your situation. Does my MIL love me? Absolutely not. Would she tell someone she does if it makes her look good and me look bad? Yes. Again, no assumptions here about you at all. I am simply stating how I see things in my situation, which may, or may not, be similar to yours.

Thank you for your view point... - Patsy

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it just sounded like you think you know how I really feel about my DIL simply because you have no feelings for your MIL. And...maybe you have every right to feel the way you do. I don't know your situation either. It does sound like your MIL may be a person who shouldn't be trusted with your kids but I am nothing like that. I'm truly sorry your MIL doesn't love you. I love my DIL because my son loves her and she's the mother of my grandchildren. I look at them and see both her and my son. There's no way I could hate her but I do hate her crappy, sarcastic, selfish attitude.

I guess that my point was... - Kendra

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that whether or not you really feel as if you love your DIL, she may not feel that you do. It is my experience that these situations are rarely the fault of one person and usually hinge in part, at least, on both people. I understand that I am very territorial and not always the easiest person to get along with, so it is unlikely that the problems between my MIL and I are completely her fault, although I sure like to think that they are. There is a very good chance that your DIL can tell that you don't like her and it is very difficult to believe that someone who does not like you does loves you. I know that my MIL and I have very different perceptions of the same events and it is likely that your DIL and you do, too. Again, I wish you luck! :D

As I've said before... - Patsy

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I do love my DIL...I just do not like her hateful behavior--no one would. My mother taught me to love the person and not the way they act. You continue to state that my DIL "can tell I don't like her." If she is judging this by the way she is treated, then I do love her as I've never treated her bad to this day. If I'm judging this by the way I'm treated, then I know for a fact she hates me. Yes, we are all different and see things differently but some of us are still able to be civil to each other and try to get along. I knew at 16 years of age that my mother and my MIL were 2 different people with different thoughts, opinions and behaviors. I was able to deal with that fact. I didn't think my MIL had to cater to my every whim and keep me happy and she didn't have to agree with every word I uttered. I realize that each person can perceive events in slightly different ways but the bottom line is if something happened, it happened. For instance, my husband was in the hospital 4 years ago having a big toe amputated. I was very stressed about it. He had been sick for several months before he finally had it removed. While he was in the hospital, I stressed so much I lost a lot of weight and made myself sick. During this time, my DIL decided to deal me a lot of grief. She never would let me watch the kids but at this point in time, her mother had to take off to another town to tend to other grandkids so my DIL wanted me to help her out which, normally, I would have been delirously happy to do as I've never had this chance. She waited till I was stressed and sick to allow this to happen. I was not able to care for my grandkids as I had gotten pretty weak myself and told her I just couldn't do it. She told me to F off. Our son must have told her something because she wrote me a 4-page letter of apology and stuck it in the windshield of our car while I was at the hospital. Two weeks later, she was back to being her old self and hasn't changed a lick, except maybe gotten worse. I still have the letter because one day she is going to deny it ever happened. She will say or do something really hateful and then deny she ever did it. I guess that's those "different perceptions" coming into play. I've asked her many times what I've done wrong and she is never able to pinpoint anything really bad. All she ever complains about is I don't do things like her mother. I've never done or said anything to her to have to apologize for, yet she continually tells me I need to "change." I don't understand what needs "changing" since I don't curse her and never have. I am polite and treat her with respect. I've never said anything to hurt her feelings. I compliment her constantly. Turning down her invitation to keep the kids was not something I feel the need to apologize for. I was not physically able at the time to care for those kids. Despite this, I do love her and wish she would grow up and especially grow a heart. Good luck to you also!!

I think I get it now. - Kendra

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nm

I have a wonderful MIL, and if I had made a suggestion - of letting my 6-year-old wonder

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through a store to the bathroom, there is no telling what she would have said or done. She would get upset about my boys who are older than that walking into a bathroom together without me that I was standing in front of, not angry, just worried.

It sounds like she is missing some of the natural motherly instinct.

She didn't want children.... - Patsy

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our son talked her into it because he adores children and he does dote on them. He's a joy to watch with them, such a wonderful father. He wouldn't have even considered allowing them to go to the bathroom alone at that age but his wife is a different story. I know she loves them now that she has them but I have to agree about the natural motherly instinct. It seems to be missing in her but, on the other hand, she goes off on me for the smallest thing. For instance, I was sitting on the swing set with the oldest granddaughter, she was 5 at the time, and she was swinging and fell off the swing. She landed on her knees and didn't even break the skin but she went running into the house screaming at the top of her lungs. My DIL immediately accused me of not watching her. I'm sure she has fallen off the swing hundreds of times. Then, just the other day, she came to a basketball game and had a black eye. Of course, I asked what happened and the DIL said her brother had thrown something and accidentally hit her in the face. My granddaughter was going on about it and I was sympathizing with her and her mother told her to quit acting like a baby. If something happens to the kids and I'm anywhere in the vicinity, I'm to blame and irresponsible to boot but if I'm nowhere around and they get hurt and they're in the care of her, our son, or her parents, it's....oh accidents happen. Go figure.

wow - that's really severe - .

[ In Reply To ..]
sounds like you have lots to work out.

I am an almost (next month) 30-year-old DIL, - so I will give you my

[ In Reply To ..]
experience. I absolutely love my MIL, but I have had to learn how to deal with comments and other types of things. I got married very young, so for me, my MIL is like another parent to me. She told me on one occasion when she had said something out of line that she thought of me as her own and treated me as her own. I actually started to notice she did, and to me that was a huge compliment. I also know that she loves my children as much as any person besides myself could, and the my kids feel the same way about her. All that being said, there have been times where things have been said and did not go over very well. It is usually something to do with the kids, and there have been times that she has called me to apologize because my FIL has told her she shouldn't talk to me that way. So, for me, I refuse not to get along with someone who loves my family so much.

My SIL is a whole different story. They do not get along hardly at all. It is usually pretty tense when they are around, and her husband does take up for her in anyway. I can actually see both sides, but I just wish my SIL could see the MIL I have came to know.

You have done something to tick them off. I know you list the good things, but I also know there is something else there, and you have to figure out what it is that you have done. Start by asking your husband to give you an honest answer if he can think of anything you might have said. We are not a bad generation. We are just a generation of women who have been brought up to be independent. We have been taught that we don't have to take anything from anybody.

I will give you an example of how minute this could be. One that I cannot forget, and I know it sounds stupid is my MIL giving me some clothes my kids had left at their house. She tells me if I am just going to leave them in my car to not bother taking them (I have a habit of doing this). Well, that one flew all over me. My kids clothes, my car, I can do whatever I want with them.

You sound like.... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
a very mature, well-adjusted, sensible and caring young lady. I agree...your kid's clothes, your car...you may do what you wish with them. Your MIL misspoke but she does seem to care for you. It is not so with my DIL. This is one of my "minute" instances. My 7-year-old granddaughter gives her other grandmother hugs and I never get one because she is the grandmother who gets to babysit and lives right next door and has practically raised her simply because I was not allowed and that is simply due to the fact that my DIL has never liked me. I made the grave mistake of telling my DIL how much this hurts me. Instead of talking to her daughter and explaining how this would hurt my feelings, she flew off the handle and took it out on me. She told me she didn't care if the kids EVER gave me a hug. She said I make issues out of little things. She said, "Boo hoo, poor poor Patsy." My DIL is a very cruel person. My son has to talk to his children and try to raise them to be kind and caring. It's very difficult when he has no help from his wife. I fear my grandchildren will grow up to be as hateful as their mother. Sad....

I think children know the good and the bad, and if - your son is trying to show

[ In Reply To ..]
them stability and love, they will always respect him for that.

When I say I got married young, it was really young, and I also became a mother at the same time. I think that is why I am not as much like the women my age. The ones my age have very young children, and I have one going into high school. I have actually been in shock sometimes with friends and family at how they don't get along with their in-laws. Some of the times I know both, and they are both good people. For some reason, with this new independence we have now, it's like we have lost some of our maternal instinct. I know that it is okay for my husband to help me, but there is a certain bond I want to keep with my kids.

Kind of sounds like you DIL might need some help, though. I agree with the phrase below, and the best thing you can do for her is pray for her.

I pray you are right.... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
our son is a good man and I hope his children will be also even though I know I am missing out on so much in their lives. I think you are right. I believe the younger a person marries, the more mature they become because they have to. I also married at a very young age and had our first child young. I married at 16, turned 17 two weeks later and had our daughter a week before my 18th birthday. I got along with my in-laws and respected them for the simple fact they gave me a wonderful husband and we had a beautiful family together. My husband and I both made an effort to get along with each other's parents and we certainly showed them respect. I actually feel bad for my DIL, even though she has treated me terribly. She has a past that troubles her and she takes it out on me. I guess you could say, she uses me as scapegoat...at least this is what I have come to believe. When our son first met her in 1995, he told us things about her and said he cared for her and thought he could help her with her problems. He confided in us and asked us to never tell her what he had told us. To this day, she does not know that we know about her past. I'm only human and there is only so much a person can take but, even when she is cussing me, I can't bring myself to put her in her place, even though at times our son has had enough and will tell me to tell her that we know. I just can't hurt her. I can't bring myself to be as cruel to her as she is to me. I do a lot of praying.

Hateful grown children...sm - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
You are living our life. I have a DIL who treats us the same way and our son thinks we should just deal with it. She has told me to shut up, to F off and has told me that I'm no grandma and don't come close. Her parents get all the perks and I and my husband get nothing. She also uses our beautiful grandkids as weapons--a 10-year-old boy and 7 and 3-year-old girls. We have never gotten to babysit. We rarely get to spend holidays with them even though my youngest son lives the closest to us, about 9 miles. I constantly praise my DIL while she forever humilites me and treats me with utter disrespect. I have never treated her bad. I respect her because she is my son's wife and I too walk a tight line. We don't get invited to the birthday parties. We have to find out from strangers when our grandson plays ball. We have never bailed them out because our son has a very good job and our DIL owns a cell phone store. I've even asked what we've done and the DIl tells me "nothing, you just haven't done anything great yet." I would have never treated my parents or in-laws this way. I feel your pain. It's been 10 long years and I've cried a lake of tears. Our son doesn't want to be a weekend dad so, apparently, we just have to deal with it. I thought we were the only ones who were going through this. I can't believe your story so closely resembles ours. I'm so sorry for you!!

Thank you Patsy. I just needed a kindred spirit - to know that sometimes

[ In Reply To ..]
it just is what it is and there is nothing I have done or haven't done. I am going to try to move on and find outlets elsewhere, maybe a book club or a Bible study, and also to focus on raising the 15 year-old daughter still at home to be a thoughtful and valuable, lovable daughter-in-law herself someday. I just wanted to know that there are others on the planet going through the same trial. I had a tenuous relationship with the first daughter-in-law and have tried very hard with the next two to no avail. Also have several friends with daughters with children and they don't have a clue what it is like to have SONS with children. A lot of times, you just don't get the same grandma privileges as the maternal grandma. Anyways, thanks. Next time, you post and I will commisurate with you. Just thought that when kids were grown, parenting would be easier than this. The stress keeps me awake at night and has my blood sugar running high.

You're welcome and... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
I fully understand, if no one else does. I do know there are instances where nothing you can do or say will be the right thing. All we can do is our best and hope for the best and pray. This is the only DIL I have had problems with and I truly believe it's because she hates herself, not really me, but I don't know how to help her. Even our son has no clue what to do. And, yes, I do understand that the maternal grandma gets the privileges...even though I did my best not to deprive my MIL of time with her grandkids. I know your stress and sympathize.

I treat my MIL nicely, though she has not been - sm -

[ In Reply To ..]
the nicest of people. She has always been very jealous of my relationship with my parents, more specifically my mom. We were very close. She died unexpectantly a few years ago, and as mean as this is to say my MIL probably danced a little jig. She is all sweetness to me now since her "competition" is dead basically. My dad has moved on, remarried and I see him maybe 2 x a year (see the in-laws about every 4-8 weeks), though he did marry a very nice lady, at least he got lucky there and she is great with my kids and they love visiting with her and my dad. I have tried to get closer to my MIL but learned the hard way recently I have to watch what I say as recently she has started to repeat everything I tell her in some confidence and venting to my DH. This has caused some huge fights at this end with him. My fault as I have to remember her loyalty is to her son and not to me. So kind of slams the door there. I have not called her in 2 weeks as I am still pissed off about what she did a couple weeks ago. Maybe it is payback,or just old age (76) who knows. They were never allowed to babysit either, DH's wishes as they were not the best parents and he did not want our kids exposed to what he grew up with. My mom did babysit some but not a lot (DH really loved my mom), we are talking once or twice a year, but that still upset the in-laws of course, though DH did tell his mom pointblank she'd never babysit because he did not want her too (and why). Mean? I don't know, yes and no, he had his reasons and did not want to string her along, cruel to be kind? They still get to see the kids a lot, much more than my dad as they live closer, but we do more things with my dad as he is more active (same age as MIL) and the kids enjoy his company more. --- So maybe your son's childhood was not as great as you think and he told her stories and she is being loyal to him, according to my DH his childhood was hell, though his mom denies it all. Who is right? Who knows, I am sure he does speak the truth to some extent, and she has selectly blocked it, or just plain does not want to remember what a bad person her husband was to their kids (verbal and physical abuse). He is 81 now so not much of a threat these days but that is not the point, memories never fade. If you really want to know then schedule a sit down with both of them and say you want to clear the air and start fresh if possible. It may help, then again it might not change a thing, but don't expect things to be super overnight. Good luck.

First of all..... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
I have to say, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I know how hard it is to lose a mother. I think your MIL sounds like my DIL. My DIL is jealous of the fact that our son loves us so much. He did have a good upbringing and we taught him to have respect and kindness and compassion for people. He knows that his wife has problems...just doesn't know what to do about it as she has threatened to divorce him many times. He also has to walk the line. I think it's sad when families can't get along and hurt each other's feelings, sometimes intentionally. I know we have tried very hard with our DIL and it does no good. I've asked her what I've done. I want her to let me know so I can basically "check myself" and she has nothing to tell me. I would love to have a relationship with this DIL. Our oldest son's wife died a few years ago and she loved me to death....even called me "Mom." We got along great. Now, my oldest son has a new fiancee and she also loves me to death. It's very strange. I think I'm a good person and don't understand why I'm treated so badly by my youngest son's wife. I have an idea why she has bad feelings for me but it's not anything I can do anything about. Anyway, you sound like a wonderful young lady and I wish you the best in your life.

It's like with dogs - Palmyra

[ In Reply To ..]
Certain people don't respond to kindness. They are like bad dogs who need an alpha dog to put them in their place. Don't give them false praise and don't suck up to them so that they'll like you. That ship has sailed anyway since they're resentful about not getting any more financial handouts. Be aloof but pleasant. Let them come to you. They will eventually. Focus on the grandkids--even if you're not allowed to see them you can maintain contact through cards, email, etc. Make a good life for yourself that doesn't revolve around your adult kids. They have their own lives and you should have yours.

Yeah I am thinking if you are too nice and - accommodating, they

[ In Reply To ..]
just see you as weak and not worthy of respect. Sure doesn't make anybody like you. I have figured that part out :)

something to share with you - AARPMom

[ In Reply To ..]
My grown kids, oy, what can I say. Since my daughter left her child with me, she has refused to have any contact. All this changed my relationship with my son. Now his neice is his sister since the adoption and I legally changed my last name to what the little one wanted to grow up with...well, he doesn\'t know head from tails so I see him at the holidays.

Here is something I keep close by. I hope it helps you, too:

An old man once said ...There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don\'t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

Really wonderful words and advice... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
thank you for sharing them!! What an admirable task you have undertaken. You certainly have my respect.

Agree with Patsy. Very good - motto to live by.

[ In Reply To ..]
nm

bad kids - Lil

[ In Reply To ..]
I don't get it either. I was a stay at home mom for first 15 years. Life was perfect. My 25-yo son moved out and is going good. My daughters 24 and 22 are still here and struggling.

Last time my son came to visit he ate a cookie that my daughter bought (she hates him). There ensued running, chasing, Spitting, not to mention spitting cookies. So now he won't visit when she's home

but I missed him so invited him to dinner - went all out. Marinated a beef tenderloin to roast, roasted potatoes and delicious veggies- fresh asparagus and broccoli. He told me yesterday he could come. He didn't have school - I didn't have much work since it's a nat'l holiday. He called at 4. Not coming - big project for school.

My girls are still living here and got into a fight about buying a new blow dryer - two died last week. I don't use so didn't offer. They got into an actual physical altercation where they knocked two pictures of the wall. Then my younger daughter told the older one she hopes she crashes her car and dies on the way to work. Then of course it started snowing like crazy. Then my older daughter misplaced her keys and is running around cussing. I kept my noise cancelling headphones on. Not my problem where she lost her keys. She just drove the car 2 hours ago! Then as she's cussing and screaming my son calls to bail on dinner . . . her yelling in the background. She finally leaves and I'm never so happy to see someone go - but now I'm feeling bad because it's snowing gangbusters and her car is little - oy vay! and I'm remembering the curse her sister put on her.

Where did these kids come from. Where did they get this spitting and hitting from. We had a charmed life - - - things got a little tough the last 10 years but we were never in want of anything. Their parents were always there for them.

Yes - you said it too. They were raised right? I'm sorry - I can't help you either, but it helped to vent.

Don't know if it's the daughters-in-law but I wouldn't look there for the blame. My husband is a lot tougher on his own mom than I'd ever be. None of my kids are married yet, so I don't have that situation either.

I think it's horrible they sent your husband an anniversary card and not you.

I wish I knew what to tell but I heard the rules are all changed when grandchildren come into play - the unconditional love and all.

thanks for allowing me to vent too - maybe it helps to know you're not the only one. I did for me.

You can't blame an entire generation for the actions - of 4 individuals - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
You have to be strong. This is not a generational issue, this is an issue where 4 people -- your 2 sons and their wives -- feel entitled and are pitching a hissy fit.

The advice you already received on creating your own life that doesn't revolve around them is excellent. You need to do this. Of course you love your grandkids, but you can love them and also get involved in local issues, hang out with friends or other relatives, join some groups, etc.

In dealing with your sons and their wives, you need to stand up for yourself. There is no need to lie to them in response to a "stupid" thing they said. Most of the time you can just ignore it or say something noncommittal. I have relatives who say the dumbest things, rumors they picked up on the Internet and stuff, and a neutral "Oh, really? I didn't know that" response works well.

Change your email address and don't give them the new one. Ignore their shenanigans on Facebook. Make them realize that texting your husband is ALSO texting you: For example, with the anniversary text, you could have texted back "Thank you for wishing us a Happy Anniversary!" and left it at that.

If they get mad and say something like "You won't lend me money so you can't see the grandkids this week," then tell them that's fine and move on. After they see that their old tactic of using the grandkids doesn't work anymore, they might stop it. If they don't, then talk to your son alone and calmly tell him you don't feel using the kids as weapons is appropriate. It really isn't fair to the kids, and on that issue it's probably worth saying something.

this thread has made me weepy - AARPMom

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm really wishing some of you ladies lived near me so I could adopt you too.

That would be nice... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
I miss my mother. She always had a good answer for every problem and a way of working them out.

A family I know - SM

[ In Reply To ..]
A family very close to my own family is a very good example of disrespect for a good mother. The daughter is my age and considers me one of her best friends. I, however, do not feel the same way. I met her when we were 13, but never respected the way she treated her parents, who were the kindest, most wonderful people I have ever known. Her mother and my mom were best friends. Her mom and dad were good Christian parents who were the salt of the earth. The daughter has a big mouth and disrespected her mother, screaming at her and making her cry when her mother was in her 90s. Believe me, it's not always the parent's fault. She could not have asked for more wonderful parents. Her mother was like a second mom to me. Everyone who knows this girl talks about her mouth and her need to control everyone. Her dear mother passed away June 20, 2009.

I wish you the best.

WOW, in reading your post I would swear that it was (sm) - SillyMT

[ In Reply To ..]
me that had posted it except I have 2 daughters who treat me pretty much like this. I sit here and work 5-7 days a week for 12-14 hours a day and when I do see them or talk to them I am made to feel like I am the last person on this earth that they want to talk to. My youngest daugher is not quite as bad as the oldest. My youngest has 2 children and has become more understanding as to what moms and wives have to deal with, etc., but when my 2 daughters are together and I am around them, I honestly feel that if I were to die tomorrow that it would not matter to either of them. They exclude me from conversations and yet when I ask them about something that they are discussing right in front of me I am made to feel like an idiot for not knowing, they have that "biotchy" attitude towards me when we are all together, just within a few seconds of being around them and well, it is just miserable. They include my husband in every conversation, everything that they do, treat him like a king, buys him nice things for his birthday, gets him cards for father's day, etc., and yet, nothing for me most of the time. It hurts so much that I end up crying my eyes out after the visits are over and really just going away with that feeling that if I were to disappear no one would care. My husband has even noticed it and "threatens" that he is going to say something to them but he has no backbone and hates conflict, plus I have told him to just leave it alone. I have given up on talking to my girls about this because it is useless and all I can hope for is that they grow out of it. They were not like this when they were teenagers, they were respectful and loving, they are now in their mid-20s and I hope that it is just "adjustment," or growing or a phase or something because I will tell you this, my heart cannot take much more.

Good luck to you and I hope that things get better for you.

I realize your post was.... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
was directed to the OP but I have some thoughts on your post and, even though I may get hammered by "30 and knows everything," I'm going to respond. I can relate to some of what you say. In my case, it is not my children who are hateful to me, but my DIL. My children do seem to have a better relationship with their dad and I attribute this to the fact that, when they were growing up, I was the "bad" parent. In other words, I was the one who had to teach, discipline and dole out punishments. Most of our arguments centered around this very fact. My husband had the fun, handed out the cash--even when we didn't have it to hand, and basically was Mr. Good Guy. He never told them no. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a wonderful father and he would give a lung to any of his children but he has no backbone when it comes to telling them what they need to hear. He was going to let our daughter go to Texas with a friend when she was 15 and she didn't want to tell me where she was going to be staying or even give me a number where she could be reached, so I wouldn't let her go. She was upset with me for months but not her dad because he had no problem with it. Being the baby in his family and being born to his parents late in life, he got to do anything he wanted--no consequences. Now, our children are respectful to me but it is our DIL who is mean and nasty and he just can't bring himself to put a stop to her nastiness. He just will not support me at all when she's ragging on me. I know she's not his daughter but he was never able to tell his own children no and I know this is why he won't say anything to her. He does a lot of complaining about her behavior but just will not speak up, no matter what she says to me or even him. I understand where you are coming from about the birthday cards, etc. I'm kind of in the same boat but it's only with our youngest son who's married to the girl who is so mean. Our other 2 children remember me on birthdays and Mother's Day but he's not allowed to call or even send a card. If he does, she rakes him over the coals. Apparently, she doesn't think I'm deserving because I refuse to march to her tune so my own son can't do the right thing. He has to keep her happy and making my life miserable is what keeps her happy. My husband can't even bring himself to mention to our son how this hurts me and if I say anything, our DIL finds a way to make me pay. My heart has been broken for 10 years. I don't know if it will ever heal. I'm sorry for you. I think sometimes our grown children need a good spanking and our husbands need counseling.

ok - I'm the one hammering -- sure - in my 30s

[ In Reply To ..]
You count the number of times I've posted and then check yours. You've argued with just about everyone on here. You continue to insist that you have no part in your problem. An attitude like that will likely not involve you in the solution, either.

I wouldn't call my posts arguments.... - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
they're more opinion and comments than anything...and they are not rude as your's were. Talk about attitude... ;)

just read this thread and - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
You are coming across as very passive aggressive, Patsy. If this is how you come across "in print", then one can only imagine how it comes across to your DIL. That saying "me thinks the lady doth protest too much" would seem to fit here as well. The more you profess your love for this woman, the more hollow it sounds. You state that as if it were some sort of badge of honor that sets you above her on a pedestal.

As for the incident of letting the young girl go to the restroom unattended, there was certainly a better, less provocative way to handle that. All you had to do was say "You know what, I need to go to the bathroom too so show me where it is Susie." You wouldn't have had to say anything to the DIL at all. You brought that on yourself.

And frankly, your son needs to grow a pair.

Well you don't know me - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
and you don't know my DIL. Sometimes it's easier for a person to speak their mind in print. I know many people in our small town who know who the aggressive one is and they know it's my DIL and not me. In fact, you do have the passive part right. Most people tell me they wouldn't put up with all the things I do. So many have seen her at her worst so it doesn't really matter what you presume to think you know. I, at least, am professing my love for her...something she has never done for me. And you don't know the situation so it's really kind of silly of you to make suggestions to "fix" it. I and my oldest son's fiancee had already hit the bathroom so your suggestion wouldn't have worked. I think I know how to handle a situation when I need to. I've been handling my affairs now for over 41 years.

Yes, my son should grow a pair but he knows what she's capable of as well. Her parents have the money to hire a lawyer and she would take him to the cleaners and like he said, he doesn't want to be a weekend dad. Me thinks you like to keep the pot boiling...but 30-year-old's are like that.

you don't know me either - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
Why are you assuming I am in my 30s? I never said that at all. I am probably at least as old as you are if not older, haven't seen 30 in a while.

Boil away, you are doing that all by yourself.

You are a baiter just like my DIL...LOL - Patsy

[ In Reply To ..]
go fish somewhere else. I refuse to bite.

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See link for Amy Poehler and Seth from SNL discussing birth control. ...

Feb 18, 2012
Most people are worried when they're kids are "out of control." Okay, that's a concern. What about when they are walking around tryiing to be perfect for parents' with ridiculous expectations? A note below sparked the thought. A kid who is doing competitive gymnastics (a horror in my mind), plus horseback riding, dancing, singing in a chorus, on and on is not being a kid. When would there be time for THAT? Gymnastics, in my opinion, is a horror. Little perfec ...

Mar 11, 2011
talk about making you sick at your stomach.... ...

Oct 29, 2010
My boyfriend has 5 children. He was married to his former wife for 14 years. They have been divorced for 1 year now; separated for 3, and have 5 children together ranging from almost 13 years old to 5 years old. He had custody of them in the beginning because she abandoned them (left the state with another man)....then she was somehow able to get custody back. Anyway that really isn't the issue. The youngest (5-year-old) has been potty trained since he was 3. He rea ...

Oct 19, 2010
I need some input about something that my 3 y/o grandson has been saying. He has been saying that the "shadow man" comes out of his roof and says bad things to him. He tells him to go away and he does and he goes back to sleep. That is only at his house. He does not seem scared, he says "he makes me mad". On the anniversary of my father's death, I took him with me to place flowers at the grave. He was talking to the air, having a conversation with "a man ...

Aug 04, 2010
It seems that my ex is just up and quitting his military job instead of retiring after 17 years of being in because he would prefer not to give me (the ex-wife) half of his retirement. He has no plan for his future. He and his new wife have just decided that this is the thing for him to do. No job and no insurance. Pray that I will be able to supply the insurance they need on my own. Thank you so much. ...

Apr 04, 2011
Anybody with a minute, would appreciate your prayers. My son has been fighting for custody of his children from their meth-addicted mother. She is now homeless, and he is getting the children full-time instead of joint custody. His current wife just up and tells him she wants a divorce; doesn't want to raise his children by his other marriage. He works a week out of town and then is home a week. He is scheduled to leave for work tomorrow. My husband and I ...

Jun 04, 2013
My dad taught me to read and helped me with all my homework. What's wrong with having a father play that role? My parents both worked--I graduated early with honors. ...

Oct 07, 2015
I have posted before about babysitting 4 children a few nights a week. Upon hire, I was told I would get paid $35 a night (5 hours). I have logged in 4 nights. I have only gotten paid $75 so far - and that was after I pretty much had to beg for it. I really enjoy the kids, they are great and I have a lot of fun. How do I address this issue? My daughter (21 YO) helped me type up a babysitting log in my Excel program, keeping track of dates, charges and pay.&nb ...

Nov 23, 2015
Why? How can people stand to sit there and listen to their kid scream constantly, intermittently every few seconds, nonstop, for over an hour, let alone 10-15-20 minutes or so? This one next door will scream at him in return "STOP" and he keeps it up, then she screams again, he keeps it up, and so on. This goes on the better part of a day sometimes. This baby is about 2 years old, dysfunctional family where the mother and father both scream ...

Mar 20, 2010
http://www.azcentral.com/arizonarepublic/news/articles/2010/03/20/20100320arizona-kids-lose-health-coverage.html ...

Oct 21, 2011
Hi all, I need some advice/guidance on adopted children. BACKGROUND: I am the mother of 3 children, 14,19(step son), and 4 m.o. Approximately 15 years ago I was told I would not be able to have biological children from 3 different specialist. Around the same time my younger sister was pregnant but kept it hiddden from the family until she was 6 wks away from delivery. After he was born, she decided that she wanted her old fun carefree life style back and left him w ...

Aug 29, 2012
What age do you believe is appropriate for a child to attend a family funeral? ...

Dec 18, 2012
I am extremely close with some little girls, ages 8 and 10 and their family also. I could not love these children more. Long story short, they moved away out of state and in the last few days their father was arrested for domestic abuse against the mother. He drew the children into the fight, called the mother bad names in front of the children and even told the 10 year old girl if she stayed around her mother then she would be the same and even said the b… word to the child. The mother tonigh ...

Dec 21, 2012
I know the whole, "better to give than receive" and "Children should know the real meaning of Christmas" etc., I was just wondering with the prices of items today how much does a personal typically spend on their children for Christmas? My husband always complains and says I spend too much on ours and I tried to cut back this year, but still ended up spending around $1500 on two children, ages 9 and 12 and really it looks like they are having a very small Christmas. I am not complain ...

Jan 17, 2013
link ...

Jan 26, 2013
Diana West: Love this woman's columns. Her eyes are wide open to what goes on in D.C. Not one of the 23 executive orders that President Obama signed -- flanked by schoolchildren whom none of us want to see murdered and before an audience that included relatives of murdered schoolchildren -- would have prevented the massacre at Sandy Hook. Did the main idea of the sentence above come through -- that the president's latest orders would not have stopped the heavily armed ...

Jul 01, 2013
This weekend at a fireworks celebration in our town someone donated drinks to the children. You know those little flavored plastic bottles, maybe 6 inches tall. Some had a plastic cap that you pullled and it unraveled and came off, some had tin foil. One child was heard to say "Hey there must have been some paper in my drink". He evidently swallowed something. Another person looked at the container and it had clearly printed an expiration date of 2009 on it and when inspected s ...

Aug 10, 2013
*See comment below article. This is an old article but it rings true to today's speeches by many people. Save the children: Tax the rich Print Email to a Friend by: JARVIS TYNER march 10 2011 Almost 25 percent of U.S. children are now living in poverty - the largest number since the Great Depression. Since the current economic crisis began, child poverty has grown by two million to some 16 million youngsters nationally. According to the Childre ...

Nov 05, 2013
Seattle Children’s Hospital ranks No. 11 on the U.S. News & World Report best pediatric hospital list. When Obamacare rolled out, the hospital found itself with just two out of seven insurance companies on Washington’s exchange. Seattle Children’s is the only pediatric hospital in King County, and offers keys services, such as cancer care, which are not available anywhere else in the region. So if you sign up for Obamacare, good luck surviving. Fortunately, that represents ...