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Need advice please...sis-in-law/neighbor

Posted: Dec 4, 2013

Ok I need advice on an issue I have with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law. They live next door and constantly need favors of some sort or another in the form of will you pick up my kid from preschool, can we borrow 40$, can you loan us the money to pay our light bill that is cut off, can I borrow a few eggs and can you bring them over, can I borrow sugar, can u watch my kids while I go to town, can u pick me up such and such while you are in town in which case when you get back they don't have money for what you picked up for them. Now it's can I borrow your vehicle. Her husband needs to take the SUV to work and they only have one vehicle and want me to take on the responsiblity of getting their child to preschool and home. It goes on and on and on. I have to stop this insanity. I am thinking of telling my husband to talk to his brother and explain to him that I am out of favors. It is not my responsibiity to take kids to school or pick them up or loan out my car or other things they may think of. What do you say or do to get the point across without hurting feelings??

;

You answered your own question already. - and it's really quite simple. SM

[ In Reply To ..]
"It is not my responsibiity to take kids to school or pick them up or loan out my car or other things they may think of."

1. We don't have any extra eggs.
2. We don't have $40 to spare.
3. I don't have time to watch your kids, I have things to do.
4. and so on...

Grow a pair and speak up.

People can only take advantage of you - if you let them.

[ In Reply To ..]
You and your husband both need to say no to every request. The in-laws are chronic moochers and takers and will not respond to subtle hints or polite requests. You need to stop worrying about hurt feelings because they don't care about your feelings. They are using you, and when you finally refuse to be used any more, they will try to guilt you into relenting. You must be strong and continue to say no or they will bleed you dry of money and time and energy. Just tell them no; do not try to explain. When you offer an excuse or a reason, you just given them something to argue about and an opening for a rebuttal. Just tell them no. Then stop talking, unless you need to keep saying "no." "No" is your only response. They will eventually get the message. Good luck to you.

As said above, it is very simple, just say NO - sm - XXX

[ In Reply To ..]
There is no way to not "hurt feelings". They will act affronted, hurt, pissed off, etc., as you are not doing what they want. As Dear Abby or Anne Landers once wrote, no one can take advantage of you unless you let them (which is said above too). Once you actually stand up for yourself and say, "No I cannot pick you up bread.", "No I cannot pick up Jimmy from daycare ('I am working'--if you have to give a reason but as said above, it is best not to give a reason).", "No I cannot lend you $40, ---I am broke--", Turn it around on her, "can you lend me some money or eggs, or sugar, or flour" You will see how fast she says no to you without blinking an eye. Try it tomorrow and see what happens out of curiosity. As for the daycare, her dear old hubby can take the kid to and from daycare on his way to and from work, that is what most people do, is it not? IF he cannot, then she can do it and drive her DH to work and pick him up and the kid too, there are ways they can manage it with one car, neither of them want to be inconvenienced obviously and are lazy to boot. Put your foot down now, presume it has been going on for a while and you are finally sick of it, so do something about it now.....just think of what a nice Christmas you will have once you stand up for yourself.

About loaning out your car, that is probably the most - idiotic thing I could think to do

[ In Reply To ..]
Let me just bottom line this: You do know if someone else drives your car and wrecks/kills another, whatever you are totally responsible for anything that involves your car? I don't care about you having insurance, other having insurance or even if your granny has insurance, that is a terrible thing to ever do.

Do NOT let them borrow your vehicle - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
My husband once let a down-on-his-luck friend borrow his truck during a lunch break at work. Not only did the guy not make it back in time, he stranded my husband at work at quitting time. Later he found out that the guy had gotten drunk, HIT something with the truck, and then left the scene. Despite the fact that we notified the police about the incident, we never found out what he hit.

Husband learned a very hard lesson, but so did the guy. Husband drove over to the guy's house and parked his damaged truck in the driveway behind the guy's wife's vehicle. He told the guy, "I'm not leaving until my truck is fixed, and you're going to fix it." It took the guy almost all night long, but he finally repaired the damage.

Now I know to NEVER let anyone drive my car. If someone asks, I drive them myself or simply say no.

Regarding all their other requests, I agree with the other posters. Your SIL and BIL have used up all their favors from you. It's over.

the moochers - barbie

[ In Reply To ..]
If they are poor they can go on Welfare or get foodstamps. If they don't get food stamps they should file and you can make sure they do. Go to your local Job and Family Services Center and apply. If you have very little money in the bank they say they only have 100 dollars or less or even zero in the bank. Never lend your car out, they will manipulate it so that they can use your car. They feel entitled because of your husband. I hope your husband has the balls to let him know they cannot mooch any more. Why are they living next to you? Can you move the hell away from them? My son also borrowed money from me, I only had 3,000 dollars for emergency. He found out about it because I told his wife I would help them fix their brakes. That started the painful please, I need 200 dollars, I need 400 dollars, I need 250 dollars and on and on. Then it became, I need your car I have to go to work and his wife had to go to another job babysitting. They borrowed money for GAS all the time because the babysitter didn't give her enough money for gas to get her there and back home. They used my car for 6 months. (when I was laid off and couldn't find a job). Anyway, I never got my money back and probably never will. If I was working and making big bucks, even little bucks, I would gladly help him and not care if he paid me back. Oh ya, when he gave me back my car the gas gauge stopped working (like his other car) cause he doesn't put gas in the tank, he drives it on fumes and runs out of gas a lot. He finally bought his own car but they barely make the car payment every month and I am terrified he is going to come here (cause he knows where I live) and beg me to use my car again. Oh ya, they lie through their teeth, they will take care of the car, they will pay you back next week, they will give you an extra 20 dollars when they pay you back. But they never do. They may mean well and really do need help, but they need to be taught how to take care of themselves or move out of there. I wish I could move back to Florida, but I couldn't afford living there and had to move back here and that's when the _____ hit the fan and now I'm totally broke.

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