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Maybe it's me, but some people
Posted: Jul 14, 2011
So I am going to pick up my son and his friend from football camp and he says to wait that there is a lady that wants to talk to me. So along comes this lady who just reeks of money asking me if it was okay for her to take my son's friend with her and her grandson (my son is NOT invited) to the country club swimming and could I call his mother. I told her I did not have my phone, but the friend could call his mom and ask. She then proceeds to ask me to wait there while they try and reach the mother. With the window open, I said that this was incredibly rude of them just loud enough for her to hear me. I think if they wanted to make a plan that excluded my son, they should have gone home and made it. I do realize that everyone cannot be invited to everything, but to patently exclude a kid like that is flat out mean. He did not care because he has his own crew he plays baseball with every day at the park and he has a baseball game tonight, but I told him it was the point of it that really bothered me. Some people!! I guess having money does not make you classy by any means. Am I getting too huffy about this??
;
You might take an example from yours son - and just let it go.
[ In Reply To ..]Parents usually are the ones that get worked up over stuff that kids couldn't care less about. Not trying to be rude, just keeping it real.
Sorry...don't agree with this at all. - Also a Mom
[ In Reply To ..]I don't think this is a good point of "just letting it go." This happens a lot, and it is rude, it is disrespectful. My youngest is kind of challenged socially, not autistic, but just quiet, shy, has trouble fitting in. My middle son, however, always is the center of attention. He's got the gift of attracting people. You can imagine how hard this is for his little brother. They are only 11 months apart.
We are constantly getting phone calls for middle son to come to sleep over, party, games, hang out, etc. (They are both in high school.) Hardly anyone calls for my youngest, and believe me this hurts his feelings. His older brother is quite aware of this because we have pointed out that this is rude. So, I began to hear, "Hey, you know I have a brother, right? I think you're being rude here." And guess what? People would say, Oh, sorry, we just didn't think.
People sometimes are rude out of ignorance. They just don't stop and think about how things appear to be. So mentioning it is not out of line. I the OP case, I would have definitely mentioned this to the mother: "I think this is rather hurtful to my son to be excluded this way."
And actually, my youngest son picks and chooses his social activities well enough. He doesn't always want to go to stuff with his brother - He just doesn't want to be left out because people forget he is there.
"Oh, sorry, we just didn't think." - MTtoo
[ In Reply To ..]A very common problem.
re: it is you - sm
[ In Reply To ..]OMG! Reeked of money? had the audacity to ask you to wait while they contacted the parents? wow... Instead of being RUDE yourself (loud enough for her to hear...) if this concerned you so much you could have politely excused yourself and gone on your merry way, OR asked her to include your son! That simple! Maybe her son only invited the other friend at that point, maybe he didn't even know your son that well. Whatever, it is obvious that you are rude and judgmental and critical. Your son has a "crew"? Like a work-crew? You seem to have issues with status. Kids, thank goodness, are not judgemental and essentially get along with each other despite the parents. I hope you get over yourself for his sake.
First of all.... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I have no issues with status, I don't need to, we are doing just fine ourselves. My point is that one might think that someone dressed so elegantly would also have appropriate social graces to match. I also do not need to ask for my son to be taken someplace and I realize he does not have to be invited to everything. By the way, the grandson lives 3 houses up from me and was at the big end of year pool party at my house because I invited the whole "crew" from the "hood" haha...As I do not exclude other children!! His "crew" consists of about 15 boys from our neighborhood who play sports and go to school with each. I am sorry the word offended you. By the way, my oldest son is getting his masters degree, my middle son is a 3-sport athelete and on the high honor role at his middle school and I have a beautiful baby daughter, so thankfully they apparently have not been impacted by their classless, ignorant mother. Why don't you get over yourself nasty pants. I didn't post in a mean spirit. You answered my question, some are rude!
re: no issues indeed - sm
[ In Reply To ..]And yet you defend your actions. I stand by what i said. Do you also believe that a person dressed "raggedy" is a homeless person, or could they be doing yard work? Dressed so elegantly? maybe she had somewhere special to be.
that's an awful big "crew" you son hangs with in the hood. Its amazing you can handle that many kids at your place! God Bless your patience.
Everyone is different though. I know moms and dads who can only handle a few kids at a time and there's nothing wrong with that. Because you can handle the whole crew is great, but whatever. to each their own.
I'm glad to know that your children haven't been impacted by their "classless ignorant mother" (your words) lol! At this point I simply bow out and will agree to disagree for fear of your further examples of why you are such a class act and not rude at all.
That you didn't speak up and let her control - anon
[ In Reply To ..]the entire situation is quite unbelievable. Passively aggressively speaking your mind within ear shot instead of straight to her is childish. Assuming her economic status and making judgements based on absolutely nothing is immature. Hopefully your son will have some better examples of how to stand up for himself and communicate with others.
Emily Post wrote about this once - lackingsocialskills
[ In Reply To ..]and clearly stated the person inviting one person should not talk about it in front of the person not being invited. Of course as always, though, commented on how one does not respond to rudeness by being rude. Her solution? I don't remember. I think I lost interest after I realized I was the in rudeness responder category...
I agree with - sm
[ In Reply To ..]the other posters. It sounds like you have an issue with people who have money. Your statement "who just reeks of money" stated just that. That shows jealousy. And to judge what another person wears is just in bad taste.
And the comment made just loud enough for her to hear you is in itself rude. You just don't do that. I learned a long time ago that if you can't say something to someone's face then don't say anything at all and keep your comments to yourself. That reminded me of when my grandmother was sitting in a restaurant and she called some lady fatso, just loud enough to make sure they heard her. Your statement is true...some people are just plain rude.
If your son didn't care then let it go. His happiness is the most important thing and luckily he has not picked up these judgmental traits. If he was happy doing what he does then you should be happy too.
Yes, you are getting too huffy about this.
And I think the next time you see this lady you should apologize for your rude comment about her and tell her how childish it was.
I posted my apology to those I offended, but - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I do still stand by my original post that it was ridiculously rude of her and I should have said something directly to her, not mumbled under my breath. There is no apology in her future, that's for sure!!
I didn't think your post was offensive to anyone here - sm
[ In Reply To ..]I just thought the lady was not rude, but I did think you talking loud enough to make sure she heard you without actually talking to her in person was definitely rude.
But as they say...whatever floats your boat.
If this lady had invited your son to join the friend - and grandson to go to the
[ In Reply To ..]country-club swimming pool, would you have felt comfortable allowing your son to go with this woman? I can understand why your feelings would be hurt that your son was so openly uninvited, but if your son "did not care," maybe he really didn't want to go, anyway.
Again, it was the point of it..... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]No, my son would not have been allowed to go because I do not know her, but the whole making plans that excluded him while asking me to wait was very, very rude. It showed no consideration for his feelings or for my time. He has plenty to do with his friends, but what if he really wanted to be included, but was just dismissed like that, he would have been really hurt. That is why I was so mad. A grown woman should have thought about that (money or no money) before starting that conversation in front of my son. If it were me, what I would have done was let us go home and just picked the friend up from his house and gone on my merry way rather than make a point of it to exclude my son! Why do people not seem to understand this??
Thank you for all the responses and emails... - sm
[ In Reply To ..]A part of me realizes that I had my fighting boots on yesterday, but I have always raised my children to treat others the way they want to be treated and they really try to live up that. If I see them not doing so, I always call them on it. I could not let that pass and not let my son know that I felt it was rude. He really did not care one way or the other, but I would never want him to behave in the same manner. As far as her reeking of money, I agree that was an immature comment, but I was pretty steamed about the whole thing. I do live in a great neighborhood where there are many boys ranging from 9 to 15 and they all play together well. We have many football, baseball and basketball games, as well as campfires and the like with all the families. I know all the parents and we also socialize. I guess my point is that I am very lucky in my life all around and to let someone irritate me so much is silly. I should probably said something right there rather than under my breath and moved on. Oh well, live and learn. I apologize to those I offended and I hope everyone has a great day, gets great notes, makes their lines and can knock off early for the weekend!!!
hurting your child - btdt
[ In Reply To ..]Sounds like you've cooled off a little. We've all been in situations where we think our kids are being hurt and as the others said, most of the time the kids could care less. Regardless, the mama bear comes out to protect her kids from hurt, be it physical or emotional.
I agree that it was rude of the woman to ask that of you, not considering your time or your son's feelings. I think in the future if that happens, I would tell the other parent that you don't have the authority to release this child to his/her care and that you really don't have time to wait for them to check.
I've also been the person others refer to as having money because of my appearance. I'm no pageant winner, but I do tend to dress nice with nails, hair and makeup done, so people sometimes assume that about me. It's okay, though. At least I know someone else has noticed the trouble I've gone to make myself look good.
I hope you have a good weekend. Kick back and relax!
If you had your phone.... - anon
[ In Reply To ..]"So along comes this lady who just reeks of money asking me if it was okay for her to take my son's friend with her and her grandson (my son is NOT invited) to the country club swimming and could I call his mother. I told her I did not have my phone, "
If you had your phone, would you have called this kids mother? I don't understand how the answer to her question wasn't - You need to find his mom and call her yourself to invite him. Have a nice day.
Wasn't the issue that you didn't know this woman, and that you admit you wouldn't even let your kid go to the CC swimming pool (where there are lots of wealthy people) because you didn't know her?
This all flabbers my gaster.
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