A Day in the Life of a Liberal

Posted: Jul 25, 2012

Your day as a liberal begins at the crack of dawn with early morning yoga followed by a quick bite of dried seaweed breakfast before hitting the road to attend your latest "peaceful demonstration." On your way home, you're sure to stop and hug a few trees before jumping back on your 100% smog-free bicycle (complete with the "I break from beached whales" sticker). After a delicious lunch of tofu and egg beaters, you must pause to meditate, worship mother earth, and re-contemplate the effects of hairspray on the depleted ozone layer. The soft jingling of the windchimes outside your recycled-bottle windows remind you it's time to go, and you quickly undress for your PETA anti-fur protest. You pick up your can of lead-free red paint and head out the door carefully avoiding your "Obama is my Homeboy" sign planted on the front, pesticide free, lawn. After a long (chilly) day of paint-throwing, you finally sit down in the comfort of your own home only to realize that the fung shui of the room is off! After re-arranging several "happy planet" pictures, you glance at your potato-powered clock and realize that you're late for your coffee shop concert! You throw on your socks and birkenstocks, hop in your hybrid, and pull away very slowly, taking care not to create any excess gas emissions by going too fast. Your concert goes well- another payday at last! You pocket the $20, and head home making sure to stop by your local organic grocer on the way. A bag of all-natural pita chips and hummus later, you're on your way when all of a sudden, Rush Limbaugh comes on the radio! Outrage quickly arises in your mind as the blasphemer sarcastically discusses the "imminent dangers" of global warming. You disgustedly search through radio stations until you hear an assuring, familiar voice, "That depends on what your definition of 'is' is..." Finally home, you turn on your energy-efficient light bulb and begin preparing a tantalizing dinner of free-range chicken and edamame. You feed your dogs, cats, guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, parakeet, hamster, iguana, ant farm, emu, and ferret (using organic, naturally grown and unprocessed pet food, of course), before stumbling exhaustedly into your solar-power-heated room and collapse onto your recycled cotton bed sheets. Awakened suddenly at 2:30 am to find a masked intruder standing over you, you grope around your nightstand for a weapon to defend yourself only to realize there are none in your house! Barely reaching the phone, you dial 9-1-... And everything goes dark. Guess the police didn't get there in time after all. Too bad you willingly sacrificed your Constitutional right to assured protection. Maybe the Second Amendment really did mean individuals instead of a militia... Hmmm... http://foreverinhell.blogspot.com/2010/12/day-in-life-of-liberal-just-for-you.html;