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Rural life and isolation.

Posted: Aug 22, 2014

So here I am, in my 40s, have a pretty darned good life, in good health, have a positive outlook on life, but I have no friends and no way to make any really. I've worked at home since moving to my neck of the woods over a decade ago. I left family and friends many states away in pursuit of a more quiet life and that is what I have gotten. No one from my past ever visits here because it is just too far away and everyone has their own busy lives, and even if they were to visit every now and again, it is still a very lonely place.

I have great neighbors but everyone works and they have their own lives and I am lucky if we see each other for a brief wave and a honk of the horn as our paths cross.

With gas as expensive as it is, and me being so rural (the nearest town is 20 miles away, one way), I don't have any incentive to get out there and even connect with anyone...not that I would know where to start. I do occasoinally go to a gym in the winter months, but there are no connections there to be made, as everyone is plugged into their music and you can tell they want their own private time. I have my husband and very young daughter and they are my world, but it would be so nice to talk to someone else about nothing for a change ;)

I can't believe how excited I am getting at the thought of visiting a therapist next week! I have OCD, kind of bad, and I'm looking for coping strategies. But mainly, I think I'm just looking for someone I can visit with, even if I have to pay them! How sad is that?!

;

You are not alone. I could have written your post. - countrytime

[ In Reply To ..]
My best friend who I spoke with almost daily on the phone and lived 1800 miles apart died a few years back and now have no one to just chat with. I do miss that. We bought a huge house in the country so family would have a place to stay when they visited. Jokes on us! They visited once in almost 9 years. Guess they didn't miss us too much after all. I never realized how much my social life was dependent on my daughter's school until after she graduated and now have no contacts at all. Everyone has their own circle of lifelong school chum friends and family and I literally started over at 47 years of age. Seems that it's very hard to get people to let you into their private lives. Kind of sad really. Have tried with church too but it's the same there too. Join a group but it seems they too have their own little inner circles formed and although they are pleasant enough you know you just don't fit in with them all the way. My neighbors suck. They live in the country because they want to be alone and not bothered. hahaha. Oh well. I have my animals! They think I'm awesome! and I have a baby grandson now too. So aside from no friends I do have a lot. :)

Thank you for sharing your situation too! - Moldy Fungi

[ In Reply To ..]
I'm sorry about your friend. You were very lucky to have each other!

I do have a friend from "back home" who will Skype with me every now and again, but she is such a downer (how awful of me to say this, but she is clinically depressed and refuses to seek help because she doesn't believe she has a problem), and so I don't contact her often. There is only so much "woe is me" one can hear before it starts to drag you down too!

But I digress...We do take our daughter to the local parks every now and again, and they are full of kids for her to interact with, and she does, like it's an all-you-can-eat buffet because she chats up a storm with them and gets a little too in their faces sometimes, trying to hold hands, hug, that sort of thing (she's almost 3 now). But the parents, we have only seen young ladies at the parks, are just kids themselves and I think they think we are her grandparents. :-D

They are busy on their phones, or standing in their own circle of friends, so no interaction there.

I'm told that once our kiddo starts school things will change and we will meet people. But, and again I should be more open minded here, my husband and I can't picture ourselves being friends with parents who are in their teens or 20s, know what I'm saying? Does that make me a dink? It does, doesn't it.
:-D

My pleasure. I might I add....you won't believe this - Countrytime

[ In Reply To ..]
I too have another childhood friend that I didn't mention before but she too is acutely depressed, won't get help and now I don't talk to her anymore!!! The parallel here is kind of strange. Anyway, I was in my 40s when my daughter started school and, yes, there were some youngster parents but there were also some of the "older" ones that were very nice and happy to see me too. There were also some grandparents who took care of the kids as well. I volunteered as a room mom a lot of the time so got to know the kids better who would become friends with mine. It will get better for you and you will find someone you "click" with who doesn't mind driving to the "boonies" to hang out. That's what one of my daughters friends mothers called where I live. haha. Good luck to you. You sound like a nice lady.

some advice - cherisusu

[ In Reply To ..]
Be careful. No friends is better than bad friends.

new friends - cherisusu

[ In Reply To ..]
I want to add that you should be careful about any new friends. If the friendship doesn't work out, you want to make sure you can get away from that person. You want to avoid a "hostage" type situation.

friendship slavery. - be my friend or

[ In Reply To ..]
your life is destroyed.

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