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Advice on do it yourself divorce.

Posted: Jun 18, 2015

I've decided to file for divorce on my own since I can't afford an attorney (it's completely ridiculous how much an attorney wants to handle a divorce!). I went the .gov website for my state and completed the required online education videos required when representing yourself in court. I then also downloaded and completed the provided packet of divorce papers. I then went to a notary public at my bank and had my signature notarized on all the pertinent documents (hopefully I didn't miss any pages!). Now I'm ready to go to the courthouse. That's where I have my questions. Do I just walk into the court clerk's office and say "I want to file these divorce papers"? And do they just take the papers and my money and then what? I wait? What happens next? What if I didn't fill something out correctly or filled it out incompletely? Will they call me?

I need to get this done. I've been procrastinating for a while because I'm nervous about the whole process and because I wanted my ex to participate in the process to make it all go smoother. I want it to be liking ripping of a band-aid, quick and painless, but I have a bad feeling it won't be. My ex says he'll agree to my terms which are completely fair. I want custody of my daughter. My ex is an alcoholic and he knows the court will never give him custody even if he wanted custody which he doesn't. I'm not going to ask for child support as I'll never get a dime from him and I have supported my family financially for more than 10 years. I'm giving him the house and he is giving me half of the equity (which isn't much). I want my car and mine and my daughter's personal possessions and that is it. Even though he says he agrees to all that, he couldn't find the time to come with me to the notary for us BOTH to sign the papers. Instead, I'm now going to have to have him served. He says he'll still agree to everything in court in front of the judge, but then he keeps making these little power plays like saying he can't come with me to the notary or to the courthouse to file the papers.

Any advice is appreciated!

;

I do believe - that all you need

[ In Reply To ..]
to do is all that you have done so far. You do go in, ask to file the papers. He will be served his copy for his signature. You will have to pay for the serving fee. I am not sure how much that is. Just be aware that he can, at any time, contest the terms and that will make it much more difficult and an attorney would then be needed to help sort things out. He must agree to everything, including custody, division of marital property, etc. If he signs the paperwork, it should be relatively short and painless. You will be given a time period in which you both have time to reflect and decide this is what you both want. it is usually six months to a year, depending on what state you are in. Mind you, if you live in a no-fault state, it does not matter what you agreed to as far as division of property... it will then be 50/50, no matter what. These things can get complicated pretty quickly, so you are right to be guarded about his excuses as to why he will not sign the papers. He may be leaving himself open for contesting things as it gets further to completion. I wish you all the best.

DIVORCE - MUZZY

[ In Reply To ..]
After you file the papers with the clerk's office you get a court date - the clerk's office can probably tell you where to go to do that. I went and sat in court just to observe before my court date, just so I would know what was going to happen. You show up with the papers the ex has signed, tell the judge the little blurb about "marriage destroyed, etc," which should be part of your packet, then judge grants divorce. You then have to file the final decree at the clerk's office. I got a compliment from the judge about my typed paperwork, signed, my little blurb, etc. Good luck.

As an aside... - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
I did the same as you many years ago. The one thing I was not aware of was that in order to change your name back to your maiden name, that request must be in the paperwork you originally file. I didn't know that and ended up having to file for that separately at an additional cost. Just a heads up, in case you're wanting to change you name back.
Best of luck to you!

Name change - sm

[ In Reply To ..]
This was also true in 1980, when I was divorced. I asked the judge, kind of as an afterthought, "May I begin using my maiden name immediately?" He responded that it wasn't in the paperwork, but he amended the documents to include the name change right on the spot. He told me that, if I hadn't mentioned it, I would have to file for it as a separate legal matter. Whew.

The name change document was included in - Pat

[ In Reply To ..]
the packet I downloaded from the state website, so I know that I filed it.

Thanks to everyone for the advice! I just really hope everything goes smooth. I'm a worry wart by nature, so I tend to play the "what if" game and really get myself worked up!

Just keep your fingers crossed for me!

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